It’s 2006 or later and you’re looking at 2005. What the flip is going ON? Has the Rott died?

No, we haven’t.

So get your tail over there!

(Via LC & IB Tim Blair, thanks to LC TomP)

A new shocking documentary by American filmmaker Mark Levin uses the anti-Semitic tract, the “Protocols of the Elders of Zion”, to uncover a new type of anti-Semitism that has surfaced since the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers.

Released in France in November, “Les Protocoles de la rumeur” draws its inspiration from the words of an Egyptian cab driver in New York, who told Levin that the Jews had been warned not to go to work at the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001.

“It’s all written in the book,” he said, referring to “the Protocols of the Elders of Zion”. A notorious forgery created 100 years ago, the book was supposed to be a Jewish masterplan to rule the world. Long ago discredited as a fake, “the Protocols” had great influence on Hitler.

…as well as pretty much the entire Muslim part of the world. But we repeat ourself.

To illustrate just how much the laughably and provably fake “Protocols” maintain their grip on the “minds” of protozoan bags of bovine excrement, here’s what one viewer had to say:

Dorith Bensala, a member of the audience, thought the film lacked objectivity. “The cameraman is Jewish, all the Jews in the film are good Jews. The others are portrayed as baddies. The main goal of the film is to say that the Jews do not control the world, that the Protocols of Zion are wrong. The film is totally prejudiced.”

“It claims that there isn’t a Vast Joooish KKKonspiracy that controls everything that happens in the world right down to the regularity of my bowel movements and it claims that the Protocols of Zion are FAKE??? How can anybody take something as biased as that seriously?”

The question is, to His Majesty’s mind, rather one of why in the Name of Be’elzebub’s Left Testicle anybody in the world, ANYBODY AT ALL, bother to even dignify raving rotbrains like that with a quote?

Reason #1,443,765 why His Majesty considers it a complete waste of time to try to engage the loons in debate.

(Via LC & IB Jeff G.)

The U.S. government has called on NATO members to prepare for a possible attack on Iran’s nuclear facilities, the German daily Der Spiegel reported Saturday.

NATO officials said the United States is seriously weighing the possibility of military action against Iran.

And from the Jerusalem Post:

The United States government reportedly began coordinating with NATO its plans for a possible military attack against Iran.

The German daily Der Spiegel collected various reports from the German media indicating that the North Atlantic Treaty Organization are examining the prospects of such a strike.

According to the report, CIA chief Porter Gus, in his last visit to Turkey on December 12, requested Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan to provide military bases to the United States in 2006 from where they would be able to launch an assault.

The German news agency DDP also noted that countries neighboring Iran, such as Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Oman, and Pakistan were also updated regarding to supposed plan. American sources sent to those countries apparently mentioned an aerial attack as a possibility, but did not provide a time frame for the operation.

Although Der Spiegel could not say that these plans were concrete, they did note that according to a January 2005 New Yorker report American forces had entered Iran in 2005 in order to mark possible targets for an aerial assault.

Ahhh… I love this kind of game.

So it all comes down to a leak (intentional, no doubt) to Der Spiegel which is high on innuendo and low on actual useful facts. Yep, it’s a plant alright.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t planning an attack, since it should be pretty damn obvious to anybody with a functioning brain that negotiations aren’t working one little bit and time is running out — FAST. If we don’t, the Israelis will do it alone, because they have no choice.

What it does mean is that we’ve reached the point where we find it useful to signal our intent to the Turbaned Tumblefucks of Tehran, which again means that the unproductive diplomacy dance is going out of style fast and our leaders are acknowledging that fact at long last. Acknowledging it openly, that is, since I’m sure that they’ve been aware of it for quite some time.

How will Mahmoud Ahmadinnerplate react to this? Time will tell. The ball is definitely in their court now, and the immediate future will decide if things start going BOOM in Iran.

Welcome to Phase II.

And Happy New Year Too!

Patrick, The Kombustible Kafir™, brings us the interview of the German ex-hostage Splodeydoper Semen Receptacle™, Susanne Osthoff.

Get on over and give a fellow kafir some love, would ya’?

F.E.T.E.

This is certainly enlightening:

A poll carried out in the Palestinian Authority shows 65% support for Al Qaeda terror attacks on the United States and European countries - the biggest donors to the PA.

The poll comes at a time when US and European funding of the Palestinian Authority is at an all-time high.

Your tax dollars at work.

Of course, considering that most people seem to have forgotten the paleswinian subhumans dancing in the streets after 9/11, we shouldn’t be too surprised to learn that our Best of All Possible Administrations is pumping money into filthy savages calling for more of the same.

With elections due to be held next month and the Hamas terror group gaining significantly in municipal elections and polls, the survey further illustrates the desire of a majority of PA Arabs to establish an Islamic state, similar to Iran. A whopping 79.9% of Palestinians would like the PA to follow Shari’a - Islamic religious law. Included in the figure are 11.3% of the respondents, who would like to see Shari’a supplemented by the laws of a PA Legislature.

But hey. They’re just a small minority who have hijacked the noble teachings of the “Religion of Peace”, right?

Let’s keep the Roadmap to Auschwitz Peace on track.

Let’s give these animals a state!

And those are just the top reasons.

When, or rather if the paleoswinians ever start acting in good faith, then we can talk.

Until then, they can all die as far as I’m concerned. After all, that’s what they themselves wish for all the Jews, so why should I even pretend to give two good shits about what happens to them?

Their only redeeming feature at this point is that watching them die provides for excellent entertainment.

Rough? Cold?

Tell that to these people, trying to revive an infant that the “poor oppressed paleswinians” murdered:

…because I’m beyond giving a shit.

Meir Kahane Chai!

Thanks to LC Jalapeno, we bring you this rip-roaringly hilarious new version of a well-known song.

(click or right-click and “Save As”. The latter method might be a better idea if you want to save it for posterity.)

Yes, we know that we’re quite behind the times on this one, but in case you haven’t already read about it or bought it, here are His Majesty’s thoughts on Peter Schweizer’s “Do As I Say (Not As I Do) : Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy.”

(Full disclosure: Yes, the kind folks at DoubleDay DID provide yours truly with a copy free of charge, but if you think that that has tainted my opinion of the book in any way, you obviously don’t know me very well. If anything, providing me with a copy for review is an act of bravery on the part of the publisher, because I will be honest.)

We guess the title really says it all, but let’s give you a brief outline of what the book is all about.

Concentrating on nine prominent liberals, Peter Schweizer sets out to illustrate the complete disconnect between what they claim to be and want others to be and what they actually DO when they think that nobody’s looking.

Some might feel that 9 is too small a number, it’s not like there’s a shortage of worthy targets after all, but it works really well and it encourages the reader to do the same for other much-admired (by liberals) figures.

He also goes about it in a highly systematic fashion. First, he explores the public statements of his “target” and then he shifts gears and enters phase two, where he explores how little their public personas have to do with the actual liberal behind the mask. The effect is devastating. Mr. Schweizer completely demolishes the myths that the bloviators have built around themselves, and he does so with plenty of documentation.

Did you know that Mickey the Moore-on owns or has owned stocks in Halliburton, for instance? Did you know that they are just one defense contractor in which he’s invested money? Did you know that Noam Chomsky, who has been preaching about the Evil Military-Industrial Complex for decades and made a name for himself that way, has been on the payroll of the Pentagon for ages?

You will know this and so much more once you’re done reading this book.

Throughout, Mr. Schweizer maintains a fair yet highly entertaining tone and, once again, doesn’t make a claim he can’t back up with proof.

If you want a handy reference work on liberal hypocrisy that is as funny to read as it is educational, this book is it. As far as entertainment value goes, the bit where Mr. Schweizer engages in correspondence with Noam Chomsky and the latter mistakes him for an idealistic lefty criticizing him for not being True to the Sacred Ideology is simply priceless, and that’s just one part.

I absolutely loved this book and my only regret is that I didn’t have the time to read it sooner.

I give it five out of five ClueBats™ as well as the Imperial Gotcha! Award with Pants ‘Round the Ankles™.

Oh, and if you’re not already rushing out to buy it (or clicking on the cover below to order it online), Mickey the Michigan Manatee has already threatened to sue. Talk about a ringing endorsement!

LC & IB Radioactive Chief brings us a heartwarming story about a poor, oppressed U.S. citizen declaring jihad on Home Depot and setting it ablaze with his car.

The FBI immediately and categorically denied that it had anything to do with terrorism, claiming that it was just a parallel parking maneuver gone slightly wrong.

LC & IB Jason has more graphs that will make your heart smile.

If that won’t get you in a holiday mood, nothing will.

(Pic shamelessly stolen borrowed from Guy K.)

Let the games begin!

F.E.T.E.

(Hat tip to Sir George, Imperial Font of Knowledge & Hillbilly Knight of the Realm, Extraordinaire™)

If anyone tries to convince you that the Mutt-fucker of Mecca™ wasn’t a sick, twisted pedophile, just whip out your ClueBat™ with this interview nailed to it with rusty railroad spikes. You’ll rarely, if ever, see the *spit* Lamestream Midiots™ *spit* reporting on the continued practice of legal (under Religion of Pieces™ “sharia”) child rape, as advocated by the original 7th Century Savage Sadist™.

Let’s take a peek at a REAL women’s rights advocate, Ghada Jamshir, taking said ClueBat™ and beating an Arab journaljizmer severely about the head and neck with it, shall we?

Interviewer: “Some people say that Ghada Jamshir is a Sunni, and that this is why she is leading the battle against [mut’ah] marriages, which are authorized by religious law among the Shi’ites.”

Ghada Jamshir: “Authorized by religious law?!”

Interviewer: “Among the Shiites, yes.”

Ghada Jamshir: “Does the Islamic Shari’a authorize mut’ah marriages? Does the Islamic Shari’a authorize mut’ah according to the following classification: ‘Pleasure from sexual contact with her thighs.’ They have: ‘Pleasure from sexual touching,’ ‘pleasure from sexual contact with her breasts.’ ‘Pleasure from a little girl.’ Do you know what ‘pleasure from a little girl’ means? It means that they derive sexual pleasure from a girl aged two, three, or four.”

Interviewer: “Let’s not go into details…” (“Lalalalalalalalalala, I can’t hear you!”—B.)

Ghada Jamshir: “Let me tell you what ‘pleasure from sexual contact with her thighs’ means…”

Interviewer: “Don’t give me the details…” (“Lalalalalalala…. I can’t heeeear you!”—B.)

Ghada Jamshir: “This is a violation of children’s rights! This constitutes sexual assault of the girl. What does ‘pleasure from sexual contact with her thighs’ mean? It means deriving sexual pleasure from an infant. How old is an infant? One year, a year and a half, a few months?

“Is it conceivable for a grown man to have sex with an infant girl? And you people tell me that the Islamic Shari’a authorizes this? Forget about the mut’ah. Let’s talk about misyar. What do misyar marriages mean? You said that I’m a Sunni and that’s why I’m attacking the Shiites. No!”

You really MUST go read the rest. We’d have loved to have seen the veins in the foreheads of the goat-molesters throughout the MidEast exploding as Madame Jamshir was shoving that ClueBat™ up the Mad Mullahs’ shredding sphincters, sideways and giving it a twist, just for good measure. (If the broadcast ever made it past the religious police censors, that is.)

Remember, though, that no one culture is any better than any other culture. *cough*bullshit*cough*

F.E.T.E.

Yep. It’s a bit late, and they didn’t mention that milbloggers contradict almost everything the BBC spins about Iraq, but at least they’ve finally acknowledged voices from the front.

…Or Maybe It’s Just the Imperial Broker Spreading Some Yuletide Cheer.

Look what we found in our stocking. A graph displaying New York Slimes stock nosediving all through ‘05:

The red line is the Dow added for comparison

It’s time to sing:

Layoffs and pay cuts at liberal smear rags,
NYT stock being more worthless than thumb tacks,
Socialist hacks holding their pants up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

(Via LC & IB Bill Quick)

Two would-be suicide bombers have blown themselves up while strapping on explosives in an Afghan town bordering Pakistan, police said.

No one else was hurt in the blast near the market in Spin Boldak, Afghan border force commander Abdul Raziq told Reuters.

“They were hiding explosives under their clothes when they went off,” he said, adding that police suspected the bombers had intended to target troops from the US-led force in Afghanistan.

In other words, no loss of life.

No raisins for you two morons either, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Al-Roto-Reuters then go on to put on a bit of “positive” spin by talking about attacks that didn’t end prematurely with the syphilitic goat offspring blowing themselves up. Poor Roto-Reuters, always trying to find a silver lining when their allies fuck up.

(Thanks to LC Princess Natasha)

The more we hear about the Religion of Piss and their Moongod Followers of the Prophet of Pederasty, the more we long to saw their heads off and piss on their remains:

MULTAN, Pakistan - Nazir Ahmed appears calm and unrepentant as he recounts how he slit the throats of his three young daughters and their 25-year old stepsister to salvage his family’s “honor” — a crime that shocked Pakistan.

Shocked them right after they learned that it hadn’t escaped the attention of people who aren’t bipedal simulacrums of human beings, that is.

The 40-year old laborer, speaking to The Associated Press in police detention as he was being shifted to prison, confessed to just one regret — that he didn’t murder the stepsister’s alleged lover too.

Hundreds of girls and women are murdered by male relatives each year in this conservative Islamic nation, and rights groups said Wednesday such “honor killings” will only stop when authorities get serious about punishing perpetrators.

Which will happen around the 32nd of Never, since our own elected officials are tripping over their own mini-sized dicks reassuring us that Islam is a “Religion of Peace”.

The independent Human Rights Commission of Pakistan said that in more than half of such cases that make it to court, most end with cash settlements paid by relatives to the victims’ families, although under a law passed last year, the minimum penalty is 10 years, the maximum death by hanging.

Of course, under the “peaceful” religion of Islam, the law is whatever the most loudmouthed imam around decides that it is.

Ahmed’s killing spree — witnessed by his wife Rehmat Bibi as she cradled their 3 month-old baby son — happened Friday night at their home in the cotton-growing village of Gago Mandi in eastern Punjab province.

It is the latest of more than 260 such honor killings documented by the rights commission, mostly from media reports, during the first 11 months of 2005.

Bibi recounted how she was woken by a shriek as Ahmed put his hand to the mouth of his stepdaughter Muqadas and cut her throat with a machete. Bibi looked helplessly on from the corner of the room as he then killed the three girls — Bano, 8, Sumaira, 7, and Humaira, 4 — pausing between the slayings to brandish the bloodstained knife at his wife, warning her not to intervene or raise alarm.

And President Dickless, in between tonguebathing the rectums of Islamofascist “clerics”, keeps assuring us that Islam is a “Religion of Peace?”

If anybody slit the throat of a child around His Imperial Majesty, he would not only kill the son of a syphilitic goat bastard that did it, he’d kill every single worthless imitation of a human being that had ever as much as said a nice word about the pig. And I’d enjoy the killing too.

But keep sucking excrement out of the sphincters of your muslim masters, Dubya, if you stopped doing it we might get the silly idea that you were a leader of men, after all.

Just remember to swallow.

Liberals really ought to leave the Reynolds Wrap on the turkey rather than wrapping it around their little pointed skulls (link thanks to LC IT).

IT took 21 years longer than expected, but the future has finally arrived.

And we don’t like it. Not one bit.

If there’s one thing that WE don’t like it’s when somebody else starts using the Royal “we.” Unless they’re speaking for all of their personalities, of course, which might well be the case with this Moonbat.

We are fighting a war with no end to create a peace with no defined victory.

Er, peace is the definition you’re looking for. You know, the peace you yourself mentioned. Oddly enough, when peace ensues war will end. You’re welcome.

We occupy a foreign land that doesn’t want us,

Strangely enough, foreign lands tend to feel that way about occupations. We suppose we’ll have to ask foreign tin pot dictatorships if they’d mind us invading them and occupying them in the future. Oh, right after we get done writing letters of apology to Germany and Japan, of course.

while at home our civil liberties are discounted.

It’s true. Every day, thousands of innocents are disappeared into government death camps. If they’re lucky and aren’t assassinated outright by evil Neocon death squads, that is.

We are told that it’s better not to know what our government is doing in our name, for security purposes.

Considering that our “patriotic” media can’t keep their yaps shut for five seconds straight if an opportunity to inform our enemies of our countermeasures presents itself, this seems pretty sensible to us.

Meanwhile, our government is becoming omnipresent, spying on us whenever it deems it necessary.

Those damn, pesky black helicopters making marks in your lawn every night.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

…partisanship is “unbiased”. Leaking national secrets is “patriotism”. Surrender is “resolve.”

Did we get them all?

Give us more, O Emperor! »« AIIIEEEE! My EYES!

We’re sure you remember the post about “Holiday Claus” from the Dick List that we linked to earlier, but for some reason we never thought of adding them to the Dept. of Entertainment and Satire.

Too much eggnog. That’s our excuse and we’re sticking to it!

Well, they’re there now, so consider the omission corrected.