(Tip of the Crown to the Imperial Chief of Naval Ops and LC Joe Dromedary)

He just couldn’t stand it anymore, could he?

No longer content to slither in the shadow of History’s Greatest Monster, Billy the Klintoon has now decided to challenge Jimmeh Peanut for the title of “Backstabbing Buttmunch of All Time”:

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Former US president Bill Clinton sharply criticised George W. Bush for the Iraq War and the handling of Hurricane Katrina, and voiced alarm at the swelling US budget deficit.

Surprisingly, he forgot to blame Bush for cancer, obesity, declining fertility in the EU and the cancellation of “Friends.” Maybe he was pushed for time.

Breaking with tradition under which US presidents mute criticisms of their successors,

Awww, come on! Jimmeh “Yikes! A Killer RABBIT!” Cahduh broke that tradition a long time ago. At least give the doddering old dickhead credit for that, will you?

…Clinton said the Bush administration had decided to invade Iraq “virtually alone…

Another NewSpeak™ term: “Virtually alone”, meaning “not exactly alone since there were forty plus other nations around backing it up, not to mention pretty much unanimous consent from every intelligence agency on the planet, but we’re not about to let facts interfere with a good Talking Point.”

…and before UN inspections were completed,

…a process that was expected to take anywhere between 5 and 500 years to complete based on projection of the data at hand which has since proven that the UN Smurfs were too busy sitting around getting whacked out of their trees while scooping up bribes from Saddam’s ongoing smuggling operations.

…with no real urgency,

This coming from the criminally negligent former Fellatee-in-Chief who was too busy doing absolutely nothing to pick up Osama bin Liner when he was offered to him on a silver platter. The same pathetic excuse for a human being whose 8 years of “lack of real urgency” gave us 3,000 dead and three smoking craters.

Pardon us while we go change all the fuses in our Irony Meters.

…no evidence that there were weapons of mass destruction.”

No evidence other than the pesky fact that every intelligence agency on the planet agreed that there were, that is. No evidence other than the fact that they were there at some point and, since Saddam had failed to account for their destruction, this might lead people equipped with a basic minimum of neurons to conclude that they were still around. Unless of course one believes that they’d been exchanged for rusty dinars by the Iraqi WMD Fairy. Oh, and no evidence other than the fact that they keep turning up all over Iraq. Even Klintoon might have heard of that if it wasn’t for the noise of liberals huffing, puffing and panting as they run around in the field, goalposts firmly strapped to their aching backs.

The Iraq war diverted US attention from the war on terrorism “and undermined the support that we might have had,” Bush [sic] said in an interview with an ABC’s “This Week” programme.

We’ll be gracious and assume that that one managed to somehow slip by the Eleventeen Layers of Rigorously Fact Checking Editors™ that the Lame Stream Media are forever bragging about. We’ll be even more gracious in refusing to deal with the ancient and thoroughly flogged to death meme about how Iraq somehow had absolutely nothing to do with terrorism or our war on it. Some things are simply not worth it.

Please, for the love of all that’s beautiful, would you America-hating, seditious shitweasels PLEASE come up with a new Talking Point from time to time like, say, once every three years? His Majesty is getting sick and bloody tired of chewing on the same old leathery morsels that were torn to bits and pieces right about the time the dust from 9/11 settled. They’ve been debunked so many times and in so many places that it’s practically impossible NOT to bump into a solid rebuttal on the ‘Net, even if you’re not even looking, ferchrissakes.

It’s getting boring, that’s all we’re saying, and we’re quite frankly surprised that nobody has yet built a database of definitive rebuttals and hooked it up to an automated news ‘bot. Set up one of those, hook it into a blog and you’re set. You can refute Loony Liberals 24/7 without ever having to power on the computer, because you can rest assured that they’re not going to come up with an original thought this side of The Rapture at which point nobody sane will be around to listen to their spew anyway.

Clinton said there had been a “heroic but so far unsuccessful” effort to put together an constitution that would be universally supported in Iraq.

Which is Bush’s fault how, exactly? Besides, what’s the big hairy deal? It’s not like we can get universal support for the Constitution of the United States right here at home anymore, but we suppose that the ACLU, activist judges legislating from the bench and pretty much every Loony Libtard in existence is Bush’s fault as well.

The US strategy of trying to develop the Iraqi military and police so that they can cope without US support “I think is the best strategy. The problem is we may not have, in the short run, enough troops to do that,” said Clinton.

Where would be be without Noted Military Strategist Willy Blowjob Klintoon? Besides, the Iraqis don’t seem to agree. Neither do Michael Moore-on and St. Cindy’s “Freedom Fighters” who are getting increasingly desperate. So desperate, in fact, that they (the Loony Left’s Heroic “Freedom Fighters”) have taken to booby trapping the corpses of children they’ve murdered so that they can take out the parents as well.

On Hurricane Katrina, Clinton faulted the authorities’ failure to evacuate New Orleans ahead of the storm’s strike on August 29.

People with cars were able to heed the evacuation order, but many of those who were poor, disabled or elderly were left behind.

“If we really wanted to do it right, we would have had lots of buses lined up to take them out,” Clinton.

And indeed they did. Problem was that the whiny, corrupt, incompetent clown mayor of Nawlins, Ray “Cue Ball” Nagin, couldn’t seem to get himself to issue the order to actually use the hundreds of buses that then turned into yellow submarines instead. The only bus that made it out of Nawlins was the one that a bright teenager decided to commandeer and load up with as many fellow citizens as he could fit in it. That teenager was, of course, promptly threatened by the Ditzy Dhimmicrats of Lowzyanna with charges of “looting”.

He agreed that some responsibility for this lay with the local and state authorities, but pointed the finger, without naming him, at the former director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).

And we interrupt this Fisking to send our most sincere thanks to George W. Bush for providing his enemies with this talking point when he sent Mr. Brown off to the sacrifice in order to appease the unappeasable. Moron. Dimwit.

FEMA boss Michael Brown quit in response to criticism of his handling of the Katrina disaster. He was viewed as a political appointee with no experience of disaster management or dealing with government officials.

…in spite of the fact that he had previously dealt successfully with no less than 164 federally declared disasters and emergencies.

Yes, we’re well aware that we, His Imperial Majesty Darth Misha I, are known far and wide for our overly lenient and forgiving nature but [and quit laughing, dammit!], even with that in mind, we don’t feel that we’re going out on a limb when we suggest that 164 out of 165 is a pretty good track record for somebody with “no experience”, not to mention that whether or not he actually did anything wrong this last time is still very much up for debate.

“When James Lee Witt ran FEMA, because he had been both a local official and a federal official, he was always there early, and we always thought about that,” Clinton said, referring to FEMA’s head during his 1993-2001 presidency.

“But both of us came out of environments with a disproportionate number of poor people.”

Cue pictures of Lee Witt and Willie von Slickmeister sitting barefoot on the rickety front porch of their corrugated iron shack childhood homes, eating corn and picking the banjo. And if you believe that, Michael Moore would like to talk to you about his next “documentary”.

On the US budget, Clinton warned that the federal deficit may be coming untenable, driven by foreign wars, the post-hurricane recovery programme and tax cuts that benefitted just the richest one percent of the US population, himself included.

Wow. His Imperial Majesty wasn’t aware that he belonged to the richest one percent of the US population, but apparently he does.

Looking at the pathetic balance on the Imperial Treasury Account, we can only conclude that the other 99% are in deep, deep shit.

“What Americans need to understand is that … every single day of the year, our government goes into the market and borrows money from other countries to finance Iraq, Afghanistan, Katrina, and our tax cuts,” he said.

“We have never done this before. Never in the history of our republic have we ever financed a conflict, military conflict, by borrowing money from somewhere else.”

What would we do without Noted History Expert William Blowjob Klintoon?

We had an Imperial Hunch that this might be utter bullshit too, but we decided that we’d better check it out and guess what? We’ve been operating with a federal deficit during every single war we’ve ever been involved in or, at the very least, every single war that we could find the relevant data for.

Now, His Majesty may not be as blindingly brilliant as Billy Blowjob, but it seems to us that this would necessitate some borrowing on the part of the government. We also seem to recollect something about “Victory Bonds” and such, but obviously those haven’t got anything to do with actual borrowing. The Noted Scholar Billy Buttbrain says so, after all.

Clinton added: “We depend on Japan, China, the United Kingdom, Saudi Arabia, and Korea primarily to basically loan us money every day of the year to cover my tax cut and these conflicts and Katrina. I don’t think it makes any sense.”

You would have been much more convincing if you’d just cut out the last four words of that last sentence.

Because you don’t.

And you never did.

Thatisall.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 18th, 2005 at 11:02 pm and is filed under Idiotarians, Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.