One of our fondest memories of the Old Blogosphere (yes, His Majesty is susceptible to the occasional attack of nostalgia) was LC & IB Charles Austin of “Sine Qua Non”’s incomparable Fisking series, “the Scourge of Richard Cohen” (here’s an example to illustrate the excellence of the series).

Charles is still around, but he discontinued the series, sadly. Perhaps this nonsense of Cohen’s will serve to bring about a comeback (link via LC & IB Jay of Stop the ACLU).

The greatest mistake Israel could make at the moment is to forget that Israel itself is a mistake. It is an honest mistake, a well-intentioned mistake, a mistake for which no one is culpable, but the idea of creating a nation of European Jews in an area of Arab Muslims (and some Christians) has produced a century of warfare and terrorism of the sort we are seeing now.

Dear Richard: Go ask your Rebbe if you can have your foreskin back, because you’re a bloody embarrassment. An embarrassment to all of mankind, that’s true, but if you had your mistakenly snipped prepuce sewn back on, at least you wouldn’t be embarrassing Jews anymore with your self-hatred and complete and utter ignorance of history. In a column titled “Hunker Down With History”, no less. The jokes just write themselves.

We weren’t aware that aliyah was limited to European Jews, but obviously Richard does know something that we don’t (other than his shoe size, that is).

Also, and more importantly, we weren’t aware that it was the creation of the State of Israel (or, rather, the “re-creation”) that is the reason for the enmity between the “Religion of Peace (our Imperial Ass)” and Jews. Not to mention Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Animists… Everybody who isn’t a muslim, in other words. All a new thing, thanks to Israel. “Die Juden sind unser Unglück” (”The Jews are our Misfortune”).

Everything else that happened between the days of the Prophet of Pederasty (bees pee upon him) and 1948 is irrelevant, just a bit of mutual misunderstandings, and every call to jihad against the “infidels” in the Koran is just a bit of colorful metaphor.

The Iran Hostage Crisis? All because of Israel.

Khobar towers? All because of Israel.

9/11? All because of Israel.

Bali? All because of Israel.

Beslan? All because of Israel.

Madrid? All because of Israel.

London 7/7? All because of Israel.

“Die Juden sind unser Unglück”

We weren’t aware that Richard Cohen was that much in agreement with the editorial line of “Der Stürmer” and, in all honesty, we don’t think that he is.

He’s just dumb. Very, very dumb.

Israel fights Hezbollah in the north and Hamas in the south, but its most formidable enemy is history itself.

No. Its most formidable enemies are Idiotarians such as Richard Cohen who never miss an opportunity to blame the victim in order to deflect blame from the perpetrator.

This is why the Israeli-Arab war, now transformed into the Israeli-Muslim war (Iran is not an Arab state), persists and widens.

“Transformed?”

NEWSFLASH: Richard Cohen declares Muslim hatred of and warfare against Joos a New Thing™, historians die laughing.

It is why the conflict mutates and festers.

“Die Juden sind unser Unglück”

It is why Israel is now fighting an organization, Hezbollah, that did not exist 30 years ago…

“Aryan Nations” also didn’t exist 30 years ago, which means that Naziism and anti-Semitism is a New Thing™ (and it’s presumably all Israel’s fault as well. Unless it’s Bush’s fault, that is).

The Wisdom of Cohen™.

…and why Hezbollah is being supported by a nation, Iran, that was once a tacit ally of Israel’s.

What is a “tacit ally?” Somebody who is your ally because they don’t openly attack you? Just like Nazi Germany was our “tacit ally” from 1939 to 1941? Are we talking about the period before or after Iran was taken over by frothing, screeching, Mad Mullahs?

Richard Cohen doesn’t say. But then again, he IS The Cohen™, so obviously there’s no need to go into detail.

The underlying, subterranean hatred of the Jewish state in the Islamic world just keeps bubbling to the surface. The leaders of Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan and some other Arab countries may condemn Hezbollah, but I doubt the proverbial man in their street shares that view.

And all of the polls we’ve seen tend to prove you right, although we’ve yet to see one specifically asking the question “do you support Hezbollah?” We’re just extrapolating from polls showing massive approval of Osama bin Laden and terrorism in general, not to mention the fairly recent poll of the paleosimians, it was referred to as a “democratic election”, that resulted in a fellow terrorist organization being the elected government of the Terrortories. So what to do about it? Why, blame Israel, of course!

There is no point in condemning Hezbollah. Zealots are not amenable to reason. And there’s not much point, either, in condemning Hamas. It is a fetid, anti-Semitic outfit whose organizing principle is hatred of Israel.

A proud tradition in that part of the world, whether the Joos have a state or not.

There is, though, a point in cautioning Israel to exercise restraint — not for the sake of its enemies but for itself.

Because if the Israelis don’t show restraint in dealing with enemies whose stated goal is their total annihilation, they’ll be totally annihilated! If they don’t allow the Muslims to continue murdering Israelis with relative impunity, they’ll murder Israelis! The best defense is NO defense! Just bend over, Israel, pull down your knickers and take it up the Khyber, because if you DON’T, they’ll RAPE you!

No wonder Richard is making a living writing for the Washington Compost. It’s doubtful that he could make a living doing anything else.

Whatever happens, Israel must not use its military might to win back what it has already chosen to lose: the buffer zone in southern Lebanon and the Gaza Strip itself.

Much better to leave the “buffer zone” (read: “Terrorist staging areas”) in the hands of terrorists bombarding Israeli cities night and day. Because if they don’t leave the terrorists in control of their artillery bases, the terrorists will bomb them from the territories they no longer hold!

Richard Cohen also fails to note (along with the fact that day follows night, among others) that Israel “chose” to retreat from said territories as a show of good will, as a chance for the terrorists to prove that they could, indeed, live peacefully next to Jooos. It was a test. A test which the Muslims, predictably, failed miserably. And now that they have, once again, proven that they cannot be trusted with scissors since they just can’t resist running around with them, it’s time to take the scissors away from them again.

Hard-line critics of Ariel Sharon, the now-comatose Israeli leader who initiated the pullout from Gaza, always said this would happen: Gaza would become a terrorist haven.

And guess what? We were right. Again. It gets boring after a while, you know, being right all the time. But it beats being wrong all the time.

They said that the moderate Palestinian Authority would not be able to control the militants and that Gaza would be used to fire rockets into Israel and to launch terrorist raids. This is precisely what has happened.

Indeed.

What continues to baffle us is how you, in spite of this obvious fact staring you in your intellectually challenged face, still insist that the logical response to this isn’t to take the terrortories back from them. It would baffle us even more if we were suffering under the illusion that you’re capable of rational thought.

It is also true, as some critics warned, that Israel’s withdrawal from southern Lebanon was seen by its enemies — and claimed by Hezbollah — as a defeat for the mighty Jewish state.

So the logical response is to give their enemies more encouragement?

Hezbollah took credit for this, as well it should. Its persistent attacks bled Israel. In the end, Israel got out and the United Nations promised it a secure border. The Lebanese army would see to that. (And the check is in the mail.)

And, as usual, both the UN and the Lebanese proved that their word is as useless as teats on a bull. Or a Richard Cohen column, if you prefer.

So now that you’re done proving that all of us critics were absolutely right in our predictions, what do you suggest that we do about it?

All that the critics warned has come true. But worse than what is happening now would be a retaking of those territories.

“Leaving the territories was a huge mistake since it only encouraged the deranged Muslim child-murderers on to even worse atrocities, which is exactly why the worst mistake would be to take them back!”

&&^%%&(*>NO CARRIER

That would put Israel smack back to where it was, subjugating a restless, angry population and having the world look on as it committed the inevitable sins of an occupying power.

So which is worse: Having the civilian population of your cities under continous rocket bombardment from Gaza and Southern Lebanon or having Richard Cohen and the fwench criticize you for the “sin” of defending yourself?

“Whether ’tis considered nobler to suffer in passivity the Kassams and Katyushas of outraged koranimals, or by opposing to end them?”

Boggles the mind, it does.

The smart choice is to pull back to defensible — but hardly impervious — borders. That includes getting out of most of the West Bank — and waiting (and hoping) that history will get distracted and move on to something else. This will take some time, and in the meantime terrorism and rocket attacks will continue.

Damn. We think that Richard Cohen’s mind just collapsed on itself, creating a Singularity of Stupid™.

“Just sit back in your shell-shocked cities while the rockets continue to rain down while you piously hope for the Islamofascists to lose interest. It’ll take some time, sure, but it’ll be worth it.”

So far, it has taken 1,300 years and we’re still counting. But hey, Richard Cohen is certain that it’ll all go away if only those pesky Jooos quit enraging the Muslims by fighting back. Which is an awfully easy thing to say for some bleeding heart fuckhead NOT living in Nahariyah, Haifa or Sderot. How about YOU take your sorry ass over there and preach your Holy Writ of passive acceptance of the Holocaust, Richard? Why don’t YOU enroll YOUR kids in Israeli schools and kindergartens, telling them as you send them off in the morning that they have to remember, when their classmates are shredded and they find themselves covered in their blood and intestines, that it’s all going to go away, that the very WORST thing to do would be to stop the bombardment?

Why don’t you?

Easy: It’s because even you aren’t stupid enough to realize that it’s an utterly idiotic and suicidal suggestion. But hey, as long as it’s somebody else’s children being murdered, it’s all good. Right, Richard?

You festering, fetid boil on the sweaty nutsack of humanity.

In his forthcoming book, “The War of the World,” the admirably readable British historian Niall Ferguson devotes considerable space to the horrific history of the Jews in 19th- and 20th-century Europe. Never mind the Holocaust. In 1905 there were pogroms in 660 different places in Russia, and more than 800 Jews were killed — all this in a period of less than two weeks. This was the reality of life for many of Europe’s Jews.

Wait. Didn’t you just tell us that it’s all because of the creation of Israel?

But since you won’t talk about the Holocaust, we will: There’s a splendid example of what happens when you just accept your fate, hunker down and “wait for it to all go away.” 6 million dead. 6 million murdered. “The Cohen Doctrine” in action.

Little wonder so many of them emigrated to the United States, Canada, Argentina or South Africa. Little wonder others embraced the dream of Zionism and went to Palestine, first a colony of Turkey and later of Britain. They were in effect running for their lives. Most of those who remained — 97.5 percent of Poland’s Jews, for instance — were murdered in the Holocaust.

And your suggestion to the Jooos of Israel is that they just keep on running.

How very brave, how very enlightened, how very nuanced of you.

Another gifted British historian, Tony Judt, wraps up his recent book “Postwar” with an epilogue on how the sine qua non of the modern civilized state is recognition of the Holocaust. Much of the Islamic world, notably Iran under its Holocaust-denying president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, stands outside that circle, refusing to make even a little space for the Jews of Europe and, later, those from the Islamic world. They see Israel not as a mistake but as a crime. Until they change their view, the longest war of the 20th century will persist deep into the 21st. It is best for Israel to hunker down.

They do, indeed, see the very existence of Israel as a “crime.”

What remains unanswered is how on Earth you can take that, along with all of the other evidence to the contrary that you’ve acknowledged awareness of, and arrive at the conclusion that “hunkering down” is going to make it all go away. Since Israel’s existence itself is one of the reasons for the genocidal hatred among koranimals, how can “hunkering down” possibly hope to make it go away? No matter how “hunkered down” Israel is, won’t they still be around, Ricky?

Unless you’re really saying that Israel ought to just go away altogether in order to make the Islamofascists happy.

Which you probably aren’t.

You’re just stupid. Very, very stupid.

The Epitome of Dumb™, as it were.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 18th, 2006 at 12:52 pm and is filed under Idiotarians, Journaljizzm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.