We were contacted by August J. Pollak, a leftist of some notoriety, inquiring very politely whether we’d participate in a survey of his.

His Mishaness’ initial reaction was “scuze us?”, combined with a finger hovering over the delete key but, frankly, the way the email was worded and the question of the survey being as ludicrously bizarre as it is, we just couldn’t help ourself.

Not to mention that the whole idea of yours truly, of all people, being asked to what extremes he’d go in his support of Dubya, no matter what, was more than just a little bit amusing. Heaven knows that His Darthiness is among the most unquestioningly uncritical supporters of President Bush alive in the world today.

Or not, as the case may be. Mheh.

Anyway, you ask a silly question, you get a silly answer. And His Rottieness gets something to make fun of. It’s all good.

But enough of our babbling, let’s give the word to Mr. Pollak so’s to make sure that we’re not leaving anything out or putting words in his mouth. And our sincere thanks to him for going to the trouble of mailing us in the first place.

[UPDATED AT BOTTOM]

Dear conservative writer/blogger/pundit-

As I’m sure you are aware, there is a growing view from those on the left, myself included, that President Bush has abused Presidential power and could very well be breaking the law in his actions, and defense, of such things as torture, detention, and surveillance of American citizens. You have been sent this letter because it was indicated that you support the President and his position on some, if not all, of these matters.

Well, as far as those issues are concerned, you’re unlikely to find us not in support of his actions. Except for the fact that we’re a bit miffed in that he doesn’t seem to be willing to go far enough, but that’s just an example of how lovable we are and how little patience we have with terrorists intent on doing harm to us, our family and our fellow citizens. We’re funny that way.

So far, however, we have yet to see anything that would count as “abuse”, much less as an “illegal” act, which would make your question all the more relevant. So, just to make this crystal clear: When we say that we support his actions so far with regards to interrogation, detention and intelligence gathering pursuant to the Patriot Act and the powers vested in the Presidency, we say this categorically denying that any “illegalities” or “abuse” has occurred.

So don’t come crying that we’re supportive of crime or abuse. If you have proof of either, we can discuss that on a case-by-case basis. But so far you have zilch, nada, bupkes.

To emphasize my frustration at the seemingly-limitless extent many conservatives have supported Mr. Bush,

…the one to whom His Limitlessness likes to refer as “Vicente Fox’s cabana boy”, “Pres. Linguini-spine”, “Pres. Shrimpya” etc. etc.

I recently drew a political cartoon humorously questioning the reaction people would have if the President performed an act that was seemingly inexcusable: specifically, killing a kitten with a hammer.

Well, if you can’t find an actual inexcusable act, you can always make one up, right?

However, while the cartoon was satirical in nature, I realized that in all honesty, I have no idea if this would be true.

We’re certainly glad that you’ve at least come to that realization. Baby steps.

In fact, I and most others have no idea just how truly the average conservative thinker supports the President. If there is to be legitimate debate in this country, should the question not honestly be asked- would you, a conservative who supports the President and all his actions, still support him if he went as far as to kill a kitten with a hammer for no apparent reason? What if he killed several?

Absolutely. As a matter of fact, it’s about time that the national discourse is taken to a more somber and serious level by asking that most pressing of questions: “Is it OK for the President to hammer kittens for no good reason at all?”

For months, nay years we’ve lain awake at night, wondering why on Earth nobody had yet had the guts to quit dicking around with less important issues of the day such as national security and focus like a laser beam upon that Question to End All Questions.

Therefore, I felt that this premise could be used as a template for an actual, concrete representation of the limit to which all Americans would oppose the unchecked actions of the Executive. Hence my humble request for your participation in the 2006 George W. Bush Dead Kitten Survey.

The survey will take a mere moment of your time, and consists of the following scenario:

Do go on. We’re all a-twitter with anticipation.

I would like for you to imagine the President of the United States, George W. Bush, killing kittens one-by-one with a hammer. When doing so, please keep in mind the following conditions of this hypothetical scenario:

Only one at a time? OK, it’s your hypothetical scenario after all. Go ahead.

1. The kitten will be killed by President George W. Bush. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which President Bush will sit at his desk in the Oval Office, place a small kitten on the desk, and kill it by beating it with a hammer until it is dead, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the kitten.

No acid? Not even a wood chipper? Awww… Come on. And what about the desk? Do you have any idea how expensive those are?

2. The hammer will be a standard carpenter’s hammer, of steel construction with a rubber handle grip. It is not a sledgehammer or any form of giant hammer that will guarantee the death of the kitten in a single blow.

We wouldn’t want to spoil the fun, after all. How about a jeweler’s hammer?

3. You are to assume that for every kitten death you accept, you will be willing to watch the actual act performed by the President.

“Assume?” I insist! And it’d better be taped as well in case I missed one.

It will not be done privately or in any intimate conditions to which the act may be deemed “more humane” or “less graphic.” Assume you will watch the full act of the President terminating the life of the kitten by one or possibly a series of blows with a hammer. You may determine the distance at which you are watching depending on your estimate of how messy the act may be and how much you may enjoy kitten parts being sprayed on you, if at all.

Can I sit on the desk? Or hold the kitten? Provided that you can guarantee that the President doesn’t hit my fingers with that nasty hammer, of course.

4. You are not to assume the kitten needs to die, is already dying, or has a reason to require being killed with a hammer by the President. In fact, assume that the kitten is perfectly healthy and of normal temperament, and would be perfectly suitable living a full life in any normal American household had it not been selected by the President to die.

Just like all of the innocent, perfectly harmless, tortured inmates of Gitmo, I assume? Or all of those perfectly normally tempered, healthy, wholesome Americans who’ve been on the phone with known terrorist organizations abroad? Look, I’m willing to stretch quite a bit and I’m not at all averse to suspending my disbelief, I wouldn’t love “24″ so much if that were the case (I mean, there’s no WAY that Jack Bauer’s hand could be cut by a mere knife like the one Habib Marwan had), but I thought you were looking to establish some sort of parallel here.

Alright then. Perfectly harmless, innocent kitten about to be brained on the Oval Office desk with a carpenter’s hammer. Got it.

Furthermore, no acknowledged benefit shall be suggested by death of the kitten nor any practical use be made of its remains. When the President has declared his satisfaction with his repeated blows to the kitten and a medical advisor concurs it is without question dead, an aide shall squeegee the remains of the kitten off the desk into a bag which shall then be incinerated.

No acknowledged benefit? Does my heartless amusement count as an acknowledged benefit?

6. At no point will you be given a reason for the President doing all of this.

He’s the President. He’s got a hammer. There’s a kitten sitting on his desk. What more reason does a man need?

The only statement that will be offered by the White House regarding the killing of kitten will be that the President was well within his authority. While you may personally surmise a legitimate reason, the President himself will give no reason for killing a kitten with a hammer other than his desire to do so.

Which is good enough for me. I have NO TIME to listen to his reasons anyway. Just do it. Do it NOW.

7. For the sake of this experiment, assume the President is not insane, nor of any unsound mind or condition suggesting a rationale for his actions above.

Bored doesn’t count, right?

Assume the President has decided that it is not only within his authority, but a necessity in his capacity as Commander-In-Chief, that he begin to murder kittens one by one with a hammer on the top of his desk.

I still say that it’d be a better way to utilize his time if we were to bundle them together and use a bigger hammer. There are one heck of a lot of kittens out there and we only have one President.

Given the terms of the scenario described above, this Survey presents the following three questions:

1. Were the event detailed above to occur, would you still support the Presidency of George W. Bush?

Given the complete and utter lack of relevance to anything the President has ever actually done or is likely to do, should I even bother answering? Of course I wouldn’t. Not because of the kitties, but if I said “yes”, the Imperial Rebbe would track me down like a rabid dog, chop me to pieces, turn me into shish-kebob and feed Frisky, Piper and Nardo with me. Unless he got really angry. If it wasn’t for that…

2. If the answer to Question #1 is yes, is there a number of kittens President Bush would kill with a hammer that would change your mind?

3. If the answer to Question #2 is yes, what would that number be?

I guess I won’t have to answer those two then.

I would venture at this point you’re assuming I’m mocking you. I assure you I am not.

If only I could say the same.

This is a legitimate survey using a hypothetical situation that, albeit gruesome and bizarre, is no less hypothetical than other surveys asking one’s opinions of a politician selling you a used car, or enjoying a drink with you at a bar- both actual survey questions used during the 2004 U.S. Presidential election. I am not asking all this rhetorically, and I am honestly accumulating all responses in the hope that all of you whom I have written will legitimately respond.

That in mind, please understand that like any other legitimate survey, responses that violate the accepted guidelines of a response must be invalidated. While I expect some responses that violate these guidelines- likely in the form of verbal abuse- they may not be incorporated in the final statistical results, although they may be posted in a full account of all received data.

Feel free to invalidate them. Just don’t use “verbal abuse” as an excuse. Trust me, you haven’t the ability to even imagine what verbal abuse from yours truly would look like. Not to mention that I find it hard to see any reason for verbal abuse here.

I’ve merely responded with a level of seriousness equal to the seriousness of the question.

Again, I thank you for your participation in this survey. In a time when the political climate is as divided as ever, I am hopeful that a honest consensus can be reached among the most left-leaning of Bush opponents and the most right-leaning of Bush supporters: that regardless of our stances on torture, wiretapping, and the extend of Executive power, maybe, just maybe, we draw the line at killing kittens with hammers.

Mheh.

Well, it’s been fun.

Don’t be a stranger, y’hear?

Darth Misha I

UPDATE: Wow, that was quick. I had originally intended to just cut ‘n paste my post here and send it back via email, but apparently Mr. Pollak is really serious about wanting replies, because he picked up on this post before I could get my lazy butt around to sending it. Of course, should he desire to post my reply in its entirety at his own site, I hereby give him permission to do so and thank him for his copyright considerations in his reply. On the other hand, this post isn’t going anywhere, so if he’d rather save the bandwidth and keep current with any updates here… It’s up to you, Mr. Pollak, you have my permission if you want it.

Now, as to your doubts regarding the sincerity of my reply: First off, I think I made it pretty clear what I thought about the seriousness of your question and that I replied accordingly. Your hypothesis is so far off the wall as to defy description and, furthermore and more importantly, it bears absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to events past, present or even, I dare say, future.

However:

As his full post suggests, Mr. Misha does not approve of the survey and apparently addresses the criteria of the kitten-killing scenario with sarcasm:

You seem to know sarcasm when you see it, yet you then go on to say:

throughout his response it appears he was going to approve of the President’s actions (ex. “He’s the President. He’s got a hammer. There’s a kitten sitting on his desk. What more reason does a man need?”)

So which is it going to be? Am I being sarcastic or am I not? Really, it can’t be all that hard to see. Or maybe it is:

While the sincerity of the response is questionable, as Mr. Misha’s post repeatedly noted his overwhelming support for President Bush’s torture and wiretapping stances, as well as expressed an almost excitedly-high interest in the act of Mr. Bush killing a kitten with a hammer,

Alright. You’re having me on, right? OK, I fell for it. Nice job. Surely you’re not that dense.

Though maybe you are, or maybe you just need to calm down and take your meds (no offense. Lots of people need their meds on a regular basis, no shame in that). I’m referring, of course, to your hyper-ventilating response here:

Also, one of his commentors threatened to kill me.

Dued, you need to chill. Really. What Mr. Pollak is referring to in case you’re too lazy to follow the link, is a reply to a comment written by LC Motaki in which she brilliantly demonstrates the absurdity of Mr. Pollak’s hypothesis by simple word substitution, a remarkably effective method that I’ve used many a time. LC Motaki’s comment is, and I quote:

How about a “Dead Liberal Survey?”

1. The liberal will be killed by [insert name]. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which [insert name] will sit at his desk, place a small or large liberal on the desk, and kill it by beating it with a hammer until it is dead, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the liberal.

…to which Lord Spatula, in his inimitable manner, replied:

Me!!! Meeeee!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

Note the hysterically laughing smiley at the end.

Mr. Pollak: Your response not only illustrates LC Motaki’s point exceedingly well. Your reaction is, to say the very least, exactly what one would expect to an absurd “survey question” like that, should one ever see the light of day. Outrage. Now, my reaction was more one of amusement than one of outrage, but that’s because I simply could not for the life of me imagine that anybody could write something as silly as that and be serious about it. Also, you’d do well to note that LC Motaki, though obviously not exactly in awe of your person, was referring to a “generic liberal” and not you personally. Either you misunderstood her or you have an opinion of yourself even more inflated than my own opinion of my not-so-humble self, which is saying quite a bit.

Finally, I don’t much think that you have anything to fear from Lord Spatula. He wasn’t referring to you, he was referring to the generic liberal in LC Motaki’s example and, more importantly: “Hyperbole.” Look it up.

Would I consider President Bush fit for office if he suddenly and out of the blue developed a strange fascination with hammering kittens to death for no reason whatsoever? No, I wouldn’t. At the very least I’d insist that he undergo a full psychiatric evaluation and treatment as deemed necessary before I’d even consider letting him walk around with the nuclear football again.

Is such a scenario ever going to play out?

No.

So what’s your point?

Really?

Provided that you have one, that is.

63 Responses to ““Dead Kitten Survey?””
  1. Deathknyte Comment by Deathknyte UNITED STATES

    Oh, come on, you HAVE to let the rest of us send in answers.

    It would be fun.

  2. caveman82952 Comment by caveman82952 UNITED STATES

    How in the hell do these basket cases stay out of jail? This guy is a prime candidate for a laughing academy! Maybe some nice happy pills to help him feel better? I got one for you, Bozo…how would you feel and would you still support a senator that left a woman to drown without attempting to rescue her? In an accident caused by his drunk driving? Or are kittens worth more in your eyes? Hey Bozo, go back to Nutzonia, one way……in a rubber space ship! :cuckoo: :cuckoo: :cuckoo:

  3. Unregistered Comment by L.C.Mamapajamas UNITED STATES

    Unless “This is the most preposterously feeble-minded excuse for a ’survey’I've ever seen” is one of the answer options, I don’t see the point of all that crap.

    :cuckoo: :lol:

  4. Unregistered Comment by Recovering Liberal UNITED STATES

    Such foolishness!

    Perhaps the gentleman would like to participate in a survey of mine. It is based on the question to a Liberal reaction to the hypothetical fellatio of Osama bin Laden by Mr. Kerry. Would they still support him (Kerry, not bin Laden)? What if he did it more than once? How many times would turn them off?

    You get the idea.

    Whatta asshole :mad:

  5. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper UNITED STATES

    That survey needs an enema. :poop:

  6. Unregistered Comment by Estella, MotS UNITED STATES

    Wow. These liberal-types apparently have no life and no grasp on reality.

  7. caveman82952 Comment by caveman82952 UNITED STATES

    Perhaps the gentleman would like to participate in a survey of mine. It is based on the question to a Liberal reaction to the hypothetical fellatio of Osama bin Laden by Mr. Kerry. Would they still support him (Kerry, not bin Laden)? What if he did it more than once? How many times would turn them off?

    Truly a low blow, recovering liberal…..now why am I laughing so much? That hitting below the belt…terrible stuff. Besides, Monica WAS better looking; hell, a camel would be better looking. Not that I’d walk a mile for it…..

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  8. Unregistered Comment by LC Joseph Dromedary CANADA

    Alright….who is this…..really? Is it you E-Man? Nothing better to do on a Saturday night?

    Maybe it’s Iowahawk? Been sitting in his 65 Mustang in the garage with the engine running again?

    I think it’s time to retire to bedlam.

    :cuckoo:

  9. Unregistered Comment by Motaki UNITED STATES

    1. The kitten will be killed by President George W. Bush. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which President Bush will sit at his desk in the Oval Office, place a small kitten on the desk, and kill it by beating it with a hammer until it is dead, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the kitten.

    Frickin’ sick bastard. How about a “Dead Liberal Survey?”

    1. The liberal will be killed by [insert name]. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which [insert name] will sit at his desk, place a small or large liberal on the desk, and kill it by beating it with a hammer until it is dead, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the liberal.

    ‘Nuff said.

  10. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant UNITED STATES

    1. The liberal will be killed by [insert name].

    Me!!! Meeeee!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

  11. jaybear Comment by jaybear UNITED STATES

    I wanna play!!…..

    Did anyone else find it disturbing about how much detail this fruitpie went into about killing kittens? Even going so far as describing the type of hammer to use…..makes one wonder if there are any missing cats in his utopian neighborhood

  12. Unregistered Comment by Don Miguel UNITED STATES

    7. For the sake of this experiment, assume the President is not insane, nor of any unsound mind or condition suggesting a rationale for his actions above.

    What a loaded statement! The only insanity I see is the imbecile that came up with this so-called survey. This guy needs to get a hit and make it to first base in the game called reality. So far it appears he got hit in the head by the first pitch.

  13. caveman82952 Comment by caveman82952 UNITED STATES

    Did anyone else find it disturbing about how much detail this fruitpie went into about killing kittens?

    I did Jaybear. Part of my vociferous response. One sick fuck in my book. I happen to like little kittens and puppies and would cheerfully take my Louisville Slugger to somebody doing something like that.

  14. Blackiswhite Comment by Blackiswhite UNITED STATES

    I try not to be a “Me too” type, but I gotta go with DK on this: PLEEAASSSE LET US OFFEND ANSWER THE MOONBAT.

  15. Blackiswhite Comment by Blackiswhite UNITED STATES

    Whoa! I followed the link above to the moonbat’s site. He is seriously speaking as if you were the one providing the satire, sire. He also seems to think he is the only liberal in the world. He states for his readers that one the {Misha’s} commentors threatened to kill him, and linked to Spat’s reply. Someone is seriously off of their meds.

  16. jaybear Comment by jaybear UNITED STATES

    I happen to like little kittens and puppies and would cheerfully take my Louisville Slugger to somebody doing something like that.

    I like ‘em too Caveman, although I’m very allergic to cats….not to the point of killing them though. We looked after our new neighbors cat over Christmas, they went back to N.C. to visit family. I wandered over there to check on things and caught him with a big rat that he had just killed, he was dragging it into the house through the pet door. Well, after I got the rat away from him and disposed of it…I had to give him a big scratch on the head and an extra ration of Kitty Chow for a job well done….paid for that contact all night with a bad case of itchy eyes and stuffed up nose. One great cat in my book, but I think I’ll keep my distance.

  17. Agent Orange Comment by Agent Orange MALAYSIA

    A stray cat once ate two of my guinea pigs. I’ve hated them ever since.

    Actually, I hated them long before, but that was the first time I had a good excuse reason to. :lol:

  18. Unregistered Comment by L.C.Mamapajamas UNITED STATES

    I, too, followed the links to the Fruitcakes’ response to LC & IB Rusty, and his response to Dr. Shackleford’s reply:

    Thank you for your response. I feel there may have been some confusion, and so in fairness I am following-up with clarification to allow you an opportunity to alter your answers, if at all.

    And there’s where I smell a huge rat, not just a fruitcake.

    Somehow, I know… just KNOW… that the “clarification” to all this is going to be whining about how many children have been killed.

    After all, that’s been their gripe all along, hasn’t it? Why change playbooks now?

  19. caveman82952 Comment by caveman82952 UNITED STATES

    Damn, you ain’t kiddin’, Blackiswhite….this due has slipped his cams big time. And I thought my meds were strong… Just reading the way he puts this. I’m still trying to decide if he is psychotic or simply neurotic. The first a menace, the second a pain in the ass. Loved the way he flatters himself with an alleged death threat. What rot! Guess that depends on your take on reality. I don’t know what his is, but he can keep it. God, what a fruitloop! Should be making paper airplanes or baskets someplace.

  20. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant UNITED STATES

    He states for his readers that one the {Misha’s} commentors threatened to kill him, and linked to Spat’s reply. Someone is seriously off of their meds.

    This presumes that the assclown was ever on meds to begin with.

    But on the off-chance he’s still reading…

    Pollak, you dumb son-of-a-bitch, no one’s threatened to kill you. Yet, anyway.

    But you should probably keep your distance - at least, from me. Get in my face with your bullshit and my restraint is not guaranteed, y’know?

    Just sayin’, is all.

  21. Unregistered Comment by RhiGirl UNITED STATES

    1. The kitten will be killed by President George W. Bush. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which President Bush will sit at his desk in the Oval Office, place a small kitten on the desk, and kill it by beating it with a hammer until it is dead, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the kitten.

    But what if the kitten runs away? Assuming that it’s just going to be Bush and the kitten in the Oval Office, it’s silly to think that the kitten will just sit there docilely and let itself get hammered to death. I thought animals don’t do that?

  22. MCPO Airdale Comment by MCPO Airdale UNITED STATES

    As Bugs would say, “What a maroon. . . what an ultra maroon!”. :whatever:

  23. jaybear Comment by jaybear UNITED STATES

    Or to use another quote from the Great Wabbit: “What a Ta-ra-ra Goon-de-yay

  24. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog UNITED STATES

    I just went wading in his cesspool of a blog too. What a maroon!
    And what is with the whole dead kitten thing?

  25. Redhead Infidel Comment by Redhead Infidel UNITED STATES

    I feel a few brain cells shy just for reading that crap - and that’s 5 minutes I’ll never get back.

    Sounds like that guy has way too much time on his hands. How many normal people sit around imagining a kittens death in such graphic detail? He’s even made up pseudo-legalese just to make sure it’s as extra-boring as possible.

    It must be unbearbly painful to be as stupid as whats-his-name (I’m too bored to scroll up to check his name, and it was useless information that escaped me) and it’s a cryin’ shame that he had to advertise his uselessness by emailing outside his tiny sphere of influence. :cuckoo:

  26. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper UNITED STATES

    23. jaybear

    Another Bugsyism!

  27. Unregistered Trackback by Stop The ACLU UNITED STATES

    Sunday Funnies…

    Gary Varvel—The Indianapolis Star-News
    Found thanks to Barking Moonbat who also shows us the Playstation for grown-ups!
    Anti Idiotarian Rottweiller watches President Bush Kill Kitties With A Hammer!
    Blue Star Chronicle has the cartoon of the day
    P…..

  28. Guido Cabrone Comment by Guido Cabrone UNITED STATES

    You seem to know sarcasm when you see it, yet you then go on to say:

    You know how it is, Boss. He/(she/it?) musta got distracted by a bright shiny thing… :cuckoo:

    It’s a common problem for liberals. Especially when it comes to surveys and ballots. :lol:

  29. Michael Comment by Michael UNITED STATES

    That “survey” if you can call it that was 100% pure :poop: . I have never seen so many loaded questions in my lifetime. My advice for him is to get an education, learn how to conduct studies and surveys without having to resort to your “hypothetical” situtation which would never happen in REAL LIFE!

  30. Unregistered Comment by LC Liz GLOR UNITED STATES

    yet another shining example of why we call them the looney left.

  31. juandos Comment by juandos UNITED STATES

    Well it seems that August J. Pollak’s problem is painfully obvious:

  32. juandos Comment by juandos UNITED STATES

    Damn! The pic disappeared… :mad:

  33. Unregistered Pingback by Inoperable Terran » “You cheat at kitten poker” UNITED STATES

    […] Misha participates in a very strange survey. Posted by Ian S. in […]

  34. SoCalOilMan Comment by SoCalOilMan UNITED STATES

    I wish to thank Mr. Pollack for pointing out this looming threat to our National Security. I have always been suspicious of my two cat’s intentions and loyalty.

    Upon reading this survey I realized the necessity of incarcerating both cats in the house and listening in on their telphone and internet correspondences. If I dectect that either of the little ingrates are contacting know terrorists, I, personally, will turn them over the the President to be hammered. :satansmoking:

  35. L.C. Mope Comment by L.C. Mope UNITED STATES

    Proposed Proclaimation:

    From this day henceforth, and forever, throughout the land “2006 George W. Bush Dead Kitten Survey” should be, By Imperial Proclaimation be known as: “The Pussy Question”.

    Can I get a second?

  36. Unregistered Comment by Elephant Man UNITED STATES

    Alright….who is this…..really? Is it you E-Man? Nothing better to do on a Saturday night?

    No, it wasn’t me. The “survey” is inherently flawed for this reason.

    Every liberal worth his salt knows that we Conservatives are under the effects of Karl Rove’s Mind Control Apparatus! (Manufactured by Halliburton)

    Here’s a photograph of Vice President Cheney taking the prototype for a test spin back in the 90’s. An anonymous source at Halliburton claims that he induced Clinton to make his nationally telivised “I did not have sex with that woman” speech as a prank:

    Mr. Pollack didn’t even ask his survey subjects to wear tinfoil hats to negate the influence of Rove’s diabolical device!

    I have to conclude his “survey” has about as much credibility as an AOL online poll.:lol:

  37. Unregistered Comment by Elephant Man UNITED STATES

    Er, that’s supposed to be “Mr. Pollak”.

    PIMF

    Need more :coffee:

  38. Guido Cabrone Comment by Guido Cabrone UNITED STATES

    I have to conclude his “survey” has about as much credibility as an AOL online poll. :lol:

    EMan, yer giving this post coital drip’s survey an EXCESSIVELY inflated value.

    That comment was an insult to every AOHell poll ever taken!

    I leave it to his unjust terribleness to decide if you should be forced to read DemonCrapFilled Underwear for 30 seconds as punishment for this heinous crime.

  39. Mike M Comment by Mike M UNITED STATES

    In a variation of this “Dead Kitten” survey, I’d like to pose the following:

    In the following circumstances which prominent politician is most likely to be responsible,

    * Drowned kittens

    * Hanged and burned black kittens

    * Electrocuted kittens found with wires still trailing from their genitalia

    * Sexually molested kittens

    * Kittens abandoned for 444 days

    * Dead kittens found among the debris in a destroyed aspirin factory

  40. Unregistered Comment by Stuck on...uh UNITED STATES

    Squeeze me; help me frame this in a way that I can understand… YOU (Pollack) create this “Ass Moron” survey so that you and your accomplices cronies can demonstrate that “Bush Supporters” are either 1.) Psycho or 2.) Disapproving of Bush on real political concerns such as, “abuse of Presidential power, breaking the law by the use of torture, detention, and surveillance of American citizens,” as stated as the premise for this exercise in insanity:

    Dear conservative writer/blogger/pundit-
    As I’m sure you are aware, there is a growing view from those on the left, myself included, that President Bush has abused Presidential power and could very well be breaking the law in his actions, and defense, of such things as torture, detention, and surveillance of American citizens. You have been sent this letter because it was indicated that you support the President and his position on some, if not all, of these matters.

    with the results being gleaned from a survey about killing kittens… and you wonder why we address you with sarcasm and contempt, which by the way you are too stupid to realize as such

  41. sig94 Comment by sig94 UNITED STATES

    Like ringing handbells and chimes to play holiday music, kittens should be selected on the basis of tonal qualities, not cuteness. The President could cut a Christmas Kitty CD with all our favorites:

    Crack! The Herald Angels Sing
    I’ll Be Mush! For Christmas
    We Splat! You A Merry Christmas
    Jingle Crunch!
    Away In A Braaaccccck!
    We Three Booooopsk! Sploush! Whack!

    Sorry, extra thick dome on that last one.

  42. SoCalOilMan Comment by SoCalOilMan UNITED STATES


    Word is out and the cats are not happy

  43. Unregistered Comment by chris edwards UNITED KINGDOM

    How about this for a better class of survey? same format but substitute Polititian for Pres Bush and swap innocent girl for kitten then swap crashed car for oval desk and finally change water by bridge for the hammer then send it back to where it came from, will he reply?????

  44. Unregistered Comment by LC Peter Bland UNITED STATES

    Reminds me of a certain used-car salesman:

    “Say Bush is Hitler or I will hammer this kitten into jelly!”

    Gives new meaning to the term “hammered”.

  45. B.C., Imperial Torturer™ Comment by B.C., Imperial Torturer™ UNITED STATES

    “Pres. Bush Hammers Pussy In Oval Office; Clinton Gives Thumbs Up” :thumbup:

  46. Unregistered Comment by Marvin UNITED STATES

    Is there video of “Pres. Bush Hammers Pussy In Oval Office; Clinton Gives Thumbs Up”?
    sorry, rude question.

    Question: What would Vice-President Cheney do with ALL the PRESIDENTAL AUTHORITY while Bush is being examined by all those cat-loving shrinks.

  47. LC Ranger 6 Comment by LC Ranger 6 UNITED STATES

    Clinton’s thumb is up what? :what:

  48. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie UNITED STATES

    You name it Ranger. If Clinton’s thumb isn’t there now, you can damn well bet it’s been there some time on the past.

  49. Unregistered Comment by LC Peter Bland UNITED STATES

    And what, pray tell, will be done with the kittens? I know none of us want to waste Mother Gaia’s precious resources, so here is my suggested way to dispose of the cute furry carcasses (NOT the liberals-feed em to the dogs!):

    Make them into earmuffs, gloves, boots, coats and purses-then mail said items to the PETArds.

    Between this “survey” and the following theory, kittens will soon be in short supply.

  50. Rowane Comment by Rowane UNITED STATES

    And what, pray tell, will be done with the kittens?

    There are a lot of oriental restaurants in Washington, DC. Just saying. :lol: :cuckoo: :satansmoking:

  51. Agent Orange Comment by Agent Orange MALAYSIA

    The puppy will be blended by Glenn Reynolds. It will not be ordered killed, nor terminated in any way by a subordinate. You are to assume for the whole of this scenario that the reference to the killing implies a scenario in which Evil Glenn will sit at his desk at the hobo murder scene, place a small puppy in the blender, and blend it till it is a fine paste, and possibly for a short time afterwards. No other means or individuals will be employed in the death of the puppy.

    :what:

  52. Unregistered Comment by Stormcat UNITED STATES

    The entire survey is based on a false assumption and is therefore statistically worthless. :whatever:

    Can I take the hammer to him instead?

  53. Unregistered Comment by LC Staci UNITED STATES

    I think you guys are off on the med thing. That guy seems to be stoned to the bone on something. To come up with that type of analogy is as someone said so eloquently, batshit crazy.

    What is particularily disturbing is they can ponder this crap about our president when the terrorists literally do vile crap to HUMAN BEINGS, like sawing off their heads, blowing up animals with bombs, kidnapping mentally handicapped kids to strap bombs on, murdering innocent people in OTHER countries. To not understand what we are up against shows there are some serious screws loose where one should not pass go and go straight to a looney bin. The thought of such person functioning in everyday society is scary to say the least, equivelent to me jumping in my SUV to hit the expressway, knowing any second my lugnuts are uncrewed to their last thread and will fall off any second. To know this and be able to harp on Bush killing kitties is just, I don’t know, totally insane.
    :cuckoo:

    I’m almost embarassed for this guy. His drug induced survey will embarass him too once he gets off the drugs.

  54. Unregistered Trackback by Radioactive Liberty UNITED STATES

    How Many Must Die?…

    Perfectly harmless, innocent kitten about to be brained on the Oval Office desk with a carpenter’’s hammer… Were the event detailed above to occur, would you still support the Presidency of George W. Bush?That’s the gist of a laughably stupid …….

  55. Red Five Comment by Red Five UNITED STATES

    RE: Stormcat #52–
    Indeed. The idea that Bush is eavesdropping on all Americans in a vacuum is ridiculous. The assumption by the MSM and liberals (Dhimmicraps and RINOs) that Bush hisownsef is listening in on Americans just because a few most-likely non-Americans are calling al-Qaida is angering. And Bush&Co appears to be letting them get away with creating that lie. I don’t understand why the White House doesn’t seem to be hammering it into the media’s collective head that it’s people who are actively spying on us.

    RE: E-Man #36 & 37–

    Mr. Pollack didn’t even ask his survey subjects to wear tinfoil hats to negate the influence of Rove’s diabolical device!

    Er, that’s supposed to be “Mr. Pollak”.

    You were right the first time, dude. Of course, that’s probably an insult to real Pollacks everywhere, so maybe a general mea culpa is in order…

  56. Princess Natasha Comment by Princess Natasha UNITED STATES

    What a retard that lib is, if he (it) is serious. Besides, why would anyone kill kittens with hammers when there are plenty of liberals to choose from?

  57. Emperor Darth Misha I Comment by Emperor Darth Misha I UNITED STATES

    Oh great, LC Stormcat and Printsessa Natasha.

    Now you’ve given the poor twit another two reasons to hyperventilate about “death threats.”

    Not that we mind. It’s immensely amusing to watch. As if anybody would even want to bother.

    What morons such as he seem to forget is that we’re utilitarians, meaning that for it to be worth it to relieve him of his mortal coil, there had to be some benefit from it. Try as I might, I can’t seem to find one. It really must suck to be as insiginificant as to not even be worth killing.

  58. Unregistered Comment by dsb UNITED STATES

    How to conservatives get such hot women to post in their T-Shirts…

    Anyway…

    Ahem, these comments are the biggest collection of useless conservative Stupid-liberal-weak-jelly-leg-monica-loves-cigars nonsense I’ve seen. The ultra-right women are hot though. Laura Ingrahm…mmmmmmm…

  59. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant UNITED STATES


    Ahem, these comments are the biggest collection of useless conservative Stupid-liberal-weak-jelly-leg-monica-loves-cigars nonsense I’ve seen. The ultra-right women are hot though. Laura Ingrahm…mmmmmmm…

    Alas, ’tis such a shame that yours aren’t big enough for them to give you so much as a first look… (snicker)

  60. LC Ranger 6 Comment by LC Ranger 6 UNITED STATES

    The ultra-right women are hot though. Laura Ingrahm…mmmmmmm…

    dsb, Our women are hot, smart, and smell good. And they don’t braid thier pit hair.

    Sucks to be you. :lol:

  61. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie UNITED STATES

    Trolls are back. Goodie! Ranger already flamed this one and it’s late, but at least I know the games can begin anew.

  62. Unregistered Comment by Laurence Simon UNITED STATES

    Hold on…

    Frisky thinks he’s an asshole.

  63. Unregistered Pingback by Radioactive Liberty » Blog Archive » How Many Must Die? UNITED STATES

    […] That’s the gist of a laughably stupid question posed by some dimwitted doofus. Darth Emperor Misha spends way too much effort in responding to this vacuum skulled Liberal. […]