LC Brewser (among others) asks us if we’ve seen this display of Idiotarian shitheadedness yet. Well, we have now and we can’t say that our Imperial Blood Pressure has benefitted from it.

Warriors and wusses

At the end of this blather, there is no doubt which class the loathsome bag of festering pus known to the LA Swines as “Joel Stein” belongs to.

I DON’T SUPPORT our troops. This is a particularly difficult opinion to have, especially if you are the kind of person who likes to put bumper stickers on his car. Supporting the troops is a position that even Calvin is unwilling to urinate on.

Well, we don’t know. It seems to us that there are any number of bumper stickers you can stick on your Prius without ever running the risk of being mistaken for a patriot, rational human being or even somebody worth wasting oxygen on. You could always do the same as a large portion of your fellow Idiotarians and slap a “Free Tibet” sticker on there, then go on to do absolutely nothing to bring that joyous event about.

That’s what you loathsome lefties are all about, after all. Talking the talk and not once, under any circumstances, even attempting to walk the walk. In Wussy World, or the “Reality-Based Community” (as in “actually bears no resemblance to whatever it’s based on”, such as 99% of Hollywood filmatizations of books), it doesn’t really matter if you’re actually prepared to do something, as long as you’re able to fold your hands piously and wish for something, something that even liberals can reliably accomplish, which is probably why it’s so popular with them.

“Free Tibet”, they say, then refuse to back anything that might actually bring such a thing about.

I’m sure I’d like the troops. They seem gutsy, young and up for anything. If you’re wandering into a recruiter’s office and signing up for eight years of unknown danger, I want to hang with you in Vegas.

“Who dares wins” is an unknown concept to liberals. Nothing is worth risking anything for, because it’s always up to somebody else to make sure that you have whatever your heart desires. Can’t afford the house you always wanted? Demand that the government rob your neighbor and make him pay for it. Can’t afford health care? Don’t get an extra job, demand that government supplies it to you free of charge. End poverty in the Turd World? Don’t teach them how to earn a living, rob the funds from those who have (and make sure it’s somebody else’s funds), then give it to them. Defeat Islamofascism? Fine and dandy, as long as it doesn’t involve any actual, you know, fighting. Oh, and at the same time they’ll be the first to bitch, kvetch and moan if a lack of response leads to an attack on their neighborhood.

The Way of the Coward.

And I’ve got no problem with other people — the ones who were for the Iraq war — supporting the troops. If you think invading Iraq was a good idea, then by all means, support away. Load up on those patriotic magnets and bracelets and other trinkets the Chinese are making money off of.

So we can count on your support for invading China? Didn’t think so either.

But I’m not for the war. And being against the war and saying you support the troops is one of the wussiest positions the pacifists have ever taken — and they’re wussy by definition.

Finally he says something worthy of mention which, in and of itself, is nothing short of a bloody miracle where journalists are concerned. At least this slimy turd is enough of a man to not try to eat his cake and have it. Oh no, he’s quite up front about being a seditionist shitbird, which has to count for something.

It’s as if the one lesson they took away from Vietnam wasn’t to avoid foreign conflicts with no pressing national interest but to remember to throw a parade afterward.

Blindly lending support to our soldiers, I fear, will keep them overseas longer by giving soft acquiescence to the hawks who sent them there — and who might one day want to send them somewhere else.

Who said anything about “blindly” lending support to our soldiers? We support them because they’re doing a damn fine job, because they’re doing it for all of us and because we believe in their mission. Quite focused, if you ask us. Not that you’d recognize focus if it jumped into your lap, tore open your zipper with its teeth and performed fellatio on your shriveled dick for three weeks straight.

Trust me, a guy who thought 50.7% was a mandate isn’t going to pick up on the subtleties of a parade for just service in an unjust war. He’s going to be looking for funnel cake.

Besides, those little yellow ribbons aren’t really for the troops. They need body armor, shorter stays and a USO show by the cast of “Laguna Beach.”

In short: They need to do anything except the job that they signed up to do. Much like being a journalist, really.

The real purpose of those ribbons is to ease some of the guilt we feel for voting to send them to war and then making absolutely no sacrifices other than enduring two Wolf Blitzer shows a day. Though there should be a ribbon for that.

Quit projecting and assuming that you have any idea what motivates human beings. You’d have to evolve far enough to actually warrant inclusion in the species first, and currently you’re stuck on “journalist.” There are few things more laughably pathetic than a twit asserting that we’re all really against the war, deep down, and that we’re just trying to assuage our guilt by pretending to support the troops.

Of course, for somebodything obviously unable to support anything but itself, that concept is a tough one to grasp.

As to Wolf Blitzer, we agree. Fortunately, we higher beings have discovered something called a “remote control.”

I understand the guilt. We know we’re sending recruits to do our dirty work, and we want to seem grateful.

Using the royal “we” is our shtick. Quit insulting our intelligence by pretending that you know the first thing about what the rest of us think.

After we’ve decided that we made a mistake, we don’t want to blame the soldiers who were ordered to fight. Or even our representatives, who were deceived by false intelligence. And certainly not ourselves, who failed to object to a war we barely understood.

What mistake? What deception? What lack of understanding?

Oh. Yours. You really ought to do something about that tendency to say “we” when you really mean “I.” You might also benefit from not deluding yourself into thinking that what you think is of any relevance to the rest of us or, indeed, the rest of the world.

But blaming the president is a little too easy.

Never seemed to stop you or your fellow travelers at the bottom of the evolutionary ladder in the slightest before, so why all of the heartache now?

The truth is that people who pull triggers are ultimately responsible, whether they’re following orders or not. An army of people making individual moral choices may be inefficient, but an army of people ignoring their morality is horrifying.

And we’ve now established that Joel Stein’s morality (or what he seems to think is one) is the correct one for everybody, so anybody not agreeing with him is not only not agreeing with Joel (a legend in his own diseased mind), they’re ignoring morality as a concept.

Even we can’t reach that level of pompousassity, no matter how many Long Island Iced Teas we throw back.

An army of people ignoring their morality, by the way, is also Jack Abramoff’s pet name for the House of Representatives.

I do sympathize with people who joined up to protect our country, especially after 9/11, and were tricked into fighting in Iraq. I get mad when I’m tricked into clicking on a pop-up ad, so I can only imagine how they feel.

So true. You can only imagine.

Problem is, you suck in truly mindbogglingly suckeriferous ways when imagining, as you do in all of life’s other endeavors, we’re sure.

Joel thinks the troops were “tricked” into fighting, ergo the troops think they were “tricked” into fighting. You may be the first life form we’ve ever encountered that actually holds an opinion of itself higher than that of its maternal unit. Now that’s amazing.

But when you volunteer for the U.S. military, you pretty much know you’re not going to be fending off invasions from Mexico and Canada. So you’re willingly signing up to be a fighting tool of American imperialism, for better or worse.

As evidenced by our vast American Empire and her enormous overseas holdings acquired through war, invasion and bloodshed.

For an allegedly imperialist superpower unmatched by any nation or alliance of nations on the planet, we sure aren’t batting a thousand.

Sometimes you get lucky and get to fight ethnic genocide in Kosovo, but other times it’s Vietnam.

Get stuck in Kosovo for longer than the Viet Nam war lasted without anybody ever as much as breathing the word “quagmire”, now that’s “lucky” for you, right there!

And sometimes, for reasons I don’t understand, you get to just hang out in Germany.

We could try making a list of things that you’re obviously incapable of understanding, but we’d never get done.

I know this is all easy to say for a guy who grew up with money, did well in school and hasn’t so much as served on jury duty for his country.

“Did well in school?” We thought you were a journalist? But thanks for the usual lefty snark about how soldiers are all illiterate high school dropouts without a penny to their name. It proves that you’re not merely an ignorant shitstain on the Speedos of Humanity, you’re also an elitist snob of a shitstain.

Not that we would’ve ever imagined otherwise.

But it’s really not that easy to say because anyone remotely affiliated with the military could easily beat me up, and I’m listed in the phone book.

And, as we all know, the Long Dark Night of Fascism and Right Wing Death Squads descended upon us back in 2000, which is why impotent whiners like you have been screaming, howling and dissenting with impunity ever since.

We’d almost volunteer to beat your worthless carcass into next week if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s obviously what you crave. To be taken seriously rather than being ridiculed and ignored, and we just don’t have it in us to give you that satisfaction. Much better and much more amusing to just watch you writhe while you scream “look at me! LOOK AT MEEEE!”

I’m not advocating that we spit on returning veterans like they did after the Vietnam War, but we shouldn’t be celebrating people for doing something we don’t think was a good idea. All I’m asking is that we give our returning soldiers what they need: hospitals, pensions, mental health and a safe, immediate return. But, please, no parades.

Seriously, the traffic is insufferable.

But there’s always the hope that you’d get caught in the middle of it.

On foot.

(More at the Imperial Firearms Advisor, The Dread Pundit Bluto and Jeff G.)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 24th, 2006 at 8:09 pm and is filed under Journaljizzm, Lefty America-Haters, Useless Swine. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.