Oh My G-d, NO! Oh, the HUMANITY! (UPDATED)
Posted by: Emperor Misha I in Idiotarians, Politics, The Empire at War9:24 pm
While Traitor McCain is on a pudendum-slapping moral masturbation tour, fighting for the rights of terrorists and assorted other mass murderers lest we, through our horrible torture of poor misunderstood vermin, become “as bad as they are”, the specifics of the reign of terror that we have been visiting upon the innocent heads of poor babes such as Khalid Sheikh Mohammed (McCain’s Lips Be Upon His Nutsack) have been leaked to the press, and His Majesty is aghast.
Such gob-smackingly vile depredations of the most repugnant kind make my heart ache, and I fear for the humanity, indeed the very future of this Republic if it is allowed to stand:
The techniques sought by the CIA are: induced hypothermia;
That’s called “turning the A/C to below 72 degrees” or, where His Majesty was born, “who’s the friggin’ moron who left the door open in fucking OCTOBER?”
Exposing terrorists to below room temperature is obviously, according to Traitor McCain and Lindsey Lohan Graham, worse or at least as bad as making 2,996 innocents assume room temperature. Right after you incinerate them.
So noted.
forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods;
In the army, we called that “assemble for muster” or, even worse, “congrats, you’re on guard duty.”
I swear that I’ll never overcome the scars, the flashbacks, the recurring nightmares that have followed me ever since I was exposed to that kind of inhumane outrage against my dignity. To this day, I wake up at least twice a week, bathed in sweat, screaming “curse you, Sergeant Major, CURSE YOU, YOU TERRORIST MURDERING BASTARD!”
Thank G-d Lindsey Lohan Graham and John “Why, Ho Chi Minh, WHY COULDN’T YOU FINISH THE JOB???” McCain are working night and day to ensure that no murderer of women and children will ever have to face that horror.
sleep deprivation;
I’m telling you, Bergen-Belsen and Maidanek have NOTHING on those CIA goons that Lindsey Lohan Graham and John “Manchurian Candidate” McCain are trying to stop.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION?
Enough. I can’t STAND it! The icy tentacles of revulsion and paralyzing fear are creeping through my brain as we speak! Oh, wait, the roof is leaking again.
a technique called “the attention grab” where a suspect’s shirt is forcefully seized;
Forcefully. FORCEFULLY!!! Hell, I can’t verify this, of course, but there may even be BUTTONS FLYING here!
No more, please. I’d rather be beheaded, set on fire, dismembered and hung from a bridge or have my genitals mutilated than ever have to undergo that sort of horrendous, degrading treatment.
Lindsey Lohan Graham and John “Montezuma’s The Viet Cong’s Revenge” McCain are too kind. This isn’t merely “as bad as”, this is infinitely WORSE!
the “attention slap” or open hand slapping that hurts but does not lead to physical damage;
Did you see that? That’s the violence inherent in the system! What a give-away! Help, help, I’m being oppressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system!
the “belly slap”;
Oh no. Not the belly slap! Anything but THAT! What’s next? The Comfy Chair™? Wedgies?
and sound and light manipulation.
They’re manipulating the sound and light! They’re controlling the vertical! The horizontal too! Aaaaagghhhhhhh!!!
Please, Lindsey Lohan Graham and John “Camera Humper” McCain. Stop this madness. End the reign of terror. Do not allow our sacred moral values to sink into the swamp of torture, debasement and mind-bogglingly horrid mistreatment of poor, misunderstood, ignorant little brown people, even if it saves a MILLION American lives!
The cost is simply too high. If this is not brought to and end RIGHT NOW, they’ll be, *shudder*, tickling the feet of detainees with goose feathers next!
P.S.: If you want to hear some more about the “horrors” that the terrorist swine are having to put up with, read this report from the “gulag” of Guantanamo.
Also, don’t miss LC & IB Jay’s take on the matter.
UPDATE: Blue Crab Boulevard has the real list of tortures.
To theirs, we’d like to add what we call “The ‘Fast’ Food Fuckover”:
Detainee will be deprived of food for 48 hours. After that, he’ll be given $10 and a vehicle and instructed to go to the nearest fast food drive-thru and order anything he wants. Once there, he’ll attempt to place an order with an interrogation specialist who will pretend to be speaking something vaguely reminiscent of the detainee’s native language, using a speaker system sounding like a tinfoil recording of Edison reciting “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. Played back through a pillow. In the middle of the bottling section of a brewery. After approximately 57 minutes of having his order repeated, wrongly, back at him, the interrogation specialist will finally utter something that sounds like what the detainee ordered. The detainee, delirious with happiness and almost fainting with starvation exacerbated by the delicious smells wafting from the establishment, will then be instructed to ‘pay at the first window’ which will, of course, be closed. When he realizes the situation and pulls up to the delivery window, he’ll be met by a surly specialist who will reluctantly take his money, then disappear for about fifteen minutes before returning with the wrong change. While this is going on, a big, muscular guy in a pickup truck will pull up behind the detainee and honk angrily every 17 seconds, making particularly sure that he honks every time anybody tries to speak and signalling a deep desire to get out of the truck and re-arrange the facial features of the detainee unless he hurries the fuck up and gets out of there. Eventually, just as the specialist in the pickup truck starts opening the door of his truck, the detainee will be asked to pull ahead and wait for his order there, with the clear yet unspoken insinuation that it is HIS fault that everything is being held up. Finally the order will be delivered. It will contain, no matter what the detainee actually ordered, a mustard McRib sandwich, cold, un-salted fries and a cup of ice sparingly sprinkled with a splash of diet, de-caffeinated Coke.
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What’s next? The comfy chair? The pillows?
September 18th, 2006 at 9:31 pmI’ve got all the respect in the world for soldiers who’ve been through any war…except for those who whine about having had to been in any, and mostly absolutely none for McCain. He’s the only fucktard I wish the NVA had kept and never even let anyone know about - *FOREVER* or until he died…whichever came first. It6’s simple to see that while they did have the dingleberry muncher over there, they softened up his little ‘tard brain to think *anti* anything American. The fucktards who actually fell for and voted the shit-hole McCain into an office other than city park dogshit picker-upper, need to also be beat upside the heads a few times with the ‘Smarten Up Stick™’.
September 18th, 2006 at 9:46 pmAs “Hudson” (Bill Paxton) put it in Aliens: “What are we supposed to use, man, harsh language?” Whoops, never mind, “attention grabbing” and “sound and light manipulation” are now illegal…
While we’re at it, since turning the thermostat down and turning the volume up on the Red Hot Chili Peppers (which supposedly cracked Khalid Sheikh Mohammed) is now illegal, does that mean that the sales staff at my local Best Buy are now war criminals? The last time I was in there, the place was frickin’ freezing…and I don’t know what the hell they had playing on the in-store sound system, but it absolutely sucked. Send ‘em to Gitmo, I say…
And I’m suprised McCain and company didn’t add lap dancing to the list; some of the early reports of “torture and humiliation” of captured terrorists involved female interrogators doing that to sexually-repressed jihadis to mess with their minds. Of course, the proper response to all of this would be for the President to point out that all of the above interrogation techniques, along with the sort of silly hazing games Lynndie England and her friends got up to on the Abu Ghraib night shift, constitutes nothing so much as a fun Saturday night for the likes of Senator Kennedy. Too bad Bush is too nice to say it…
September 18th, 2006 at 9:51 pmTorture,,*snnort*
September 18th, 2006 at 9:57 pm‘Sounds like a good weekend after classes.
Looks like American college frats need to be taken before the ICC and everyone who’s ever participated in “pledge week” should be charged with war crimes and given the appropriate UN/EUrabian punishment of a harshly-worded, yet not-overly-insensitive suggestion that they never do it again or risk another memo from The Hague.
September 18th, 2006 at 10:05 pmI, too, am a victim of this abuse.
1: Hypothermia: Parris Island and Camp Geiger (School of Infantry); I was subjected to days of exposure to freezing rain with exactly two (count them) nights of shelter. That’s it.
2: Standing for hours: The USMC prides itself on drill. I was personally exposed to weeks of standing, marching, and drill manual practice.
3: Being sleep deprived: Yeah as a Junior Lance Corporal holding staff billet, I have worked days on end with little or no sleep running night watches and working parties consecutively. Hell, I’ll even throw the long nights on radio, gate, and guard tower watch in, while we’re at it.
4: Grabs, slaps (face and stomach): Screw up at Parris Island, you pay in creative ways. Anyone who knows what a “crucifiction” on a pull-up bar is or what “going to the pit” is would beg to be hit. We got all of that, and we got hit.
5: Sound and light manipulation: That sounds like the parties I used to attend. That was a darn sight better than items 1,2,3, and 4. Rock on!
Fucktards. Too bad “Semper I” John McCain didn’t give me his phone number before I shipped out. Guess it’s only a tough life if you tried to kill someone before you got treated this way. If you’re a DoD volunteer trying to protect asshats like McCain incidentally to protecting and defending the Constitution, the above is a way of life.
Americans get treated worse than that in armed forces recruit depots and boot camps every day, much as they have been treated these last 150~200 years. This debate is misplaced. We should be arguing over how many of these guys face the firing squad every day, not whether or not they get to watch “Muhammed Does the Kaaba 4″ on the bigscreen every night.
People do not realize how simply this problem is solved. In Afghanistan, I have it on good authority that the detainees that we released (because of alleged lack of enough evidence to convict) arrived on a C17, got turned over to Afghanis, got marched out of sight of the Americans, and were sent to Allah, en masse. It’s pretty bad when Afghanistan is doing a better job of fixing the situation than are we.
September 18th, 2006 at 10:14 pmThe final indignity should be forced on all of those incarcerated at Club Gitmo….. and I mean really pour it on.
Line Dancing Classes and compulsory Barry Manilow 24/7 through sealed headphones!
There ya go motherfuckers……now THAT’S torture.
What? McCain says not allowed? Shit! Back to the drawing board.
September 18th, 2006 at 11:32 pmI just cannot believe this crap. Even I have gone through worse shit than that when I was in the Bundeswehr. Remember, we have a conscript army.
That means a democratic state forces its citizens through a military training that is worse than these techniques. The majority of people think this is OK. Otherwise there would be not conscription.
But we’re not allowed to do that to terrorists ? So we treat our own citizens (by our own democratic choice) worse than the enemy. Very nice. That will teach them.
I’ve gone through several weeks on just three or four hours of sleep, often interupted. Does this Mr. McCain remember what guard duty means ? I often had to do a 24h shift and had normal duty the next day. That is between 40 and 44h without sleep. So what ? It’s part of the job. And it’s not like the inmates have to handle any kind of responsiblity, they don’t have to lead men, safely handle weapons, drive or whatever. They just have to continue to breath. Tough job.
You should have heard my grandpa, when he talked about basic training in the Wehrmacht. That was tough. These drill instructors were selected because they were sadists, it was a natural requirement for the job.
But that crap wheeping will stop once society realizes that we in the middle of a war for survival.
September 19th, 2006 at 2:38 amWell if this Washington Times article is factual then Bush seems like he’s folding like a cheap envelope…
September 19th, 2006 at 4:45 amWhen I was very young my big brother tortured me with “sloppy kisses.” That is, facial kisses with lots of slobber. I hated it. I bet a few prostitutes using such a method would get us the information…
September 19th, 2006 at 6:39 amOh no, don’t irritate them! Don’t use ‘the comfy chair!’ And certainly, not ‘the comfy pillow!’
Nobody expects, The Spanish Inquisition!
What’s next, wet willies? Pink belly? Swirlies?
September 19th, 2006 at 6:46 amTPCrasher? Actually, “pink bellies” was on the list (”belly slaps”).
Hell, I can’t verify this, of course, but there may even be BUTTONS FLYING here!
LOL!
I read that list of [sarcasm]”affronts to dignity”[/sarcasm] and thought, “Shit, I do all that crap–and worse–to the knuckleheads I hire from the local high school and college when my workload starts backing up and I need extra sets of hands.
But in my Gitmo, there is ALWAYS a dog, sitting ready to tear an impertinent bastard’s throat open at any perceived non-compliance.
September 19th, 2006 at 7:08 amMcCain’s reaction to Misha’s post.
September 19th, 2006 at 8:24 amif it doesn’t try it here
September 19th, 2006 at 8:30 am*I meant if it doesn’t work, try the link.*
September 19th, 2006 at 8:31 amOh, the horror, the horror–”no 4th meal for you!!” And they denied us fire sauce, too!! Where’s my Geneva drive-thru rights, my gummint lawyer?
September 19th, 2006 at 8:41 amI Really Didn’t Want To Write This…
The world media is getting their panties in a wad because the CIA might actually use bright lights during the interrogation of such a person. Exactly what bio-toxin is floating the the Potomac River that causes testicles to whither and dry up?
……
September 19th, 2006 at 9:22 amthepresenceusmc: “I, too, am a victim of this abuse.”
Semper Fi. I was treated a helluva lot worse than that in 1968 so I guess I was tortured too. I even was waterboarded in SERE School!!..By all the war gods I should sue…..call the ACLU….I demand my just rewards!
——————–
McCain may have been a serving officer, may have seen combat, may have been a POW….but he has learned absolutely nothing. At best, he’s simply a misguided, disloyal, publicity hound. At worst, he is a traitorous piece of self-serving crap that will do anything to further his own political ambitions.
September 19th, 2006 at 11:06 amFunny, my last job had all those “tortures” as standard. Well, the pink belly wasn’t standard, but you gotta pass the time somehow, eh?
Can I sue someone now? Does anyone have the number to the ACLU? Am I a victim?
September 19th, 2006 at 12:23 pm[…] Thanks your majesty, that made my afternoon. Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]
September 19th, 2006 at 1:45 pmTreacher says: But check it out, the Bush regime doesn’t want to tell you about the other torture techniques he’s devised…
The Faux Shirt Stain: Interrogator points at suspect’s chest: “Look, you’ve got something on your shirt.” When suspect looks down, interrogator brings up index finger, tweaking suspect’s nose. Interrogator laughs. This grievous affront, a loss of honor in the eyes of Allah, administers massive psychic trauma to suspect. Repeat as needed.
The Urkel: Suspect is locked in room lined with 72-inch plasma screens showing non-stop Family Matters episodes featuring ’90s “urban nerd” Steve Urkel. Longest recorded breaking time: 2.3 hours.
The Echo: Interrogator repeats all of suspect’s statements in snotty voice…
Suspect: All unbelievers will fall before the sword of Allah!
Interrogator: [Flouncing about room in effeminate fashion] All unbelievers will fall! Before the sword! Of Allah! Who is my boyfriend! Pppbbbbbbhhht!!
Interrogator’s failure to be struck down instantly places suspect under extreme psychological stress. In case of emergency, interrogator may deploy Nyah-Nyah-Nyah Protocol.
The Complete and Utter Mindfuck: Suspect is addressed directly by unchaperoned female exposing more than 3% of her epidermis.
The Chomsky: Suspect is strapped to chair in room with award-craving theoretical linguist Noam Chomsky. Earplugs are placed on table just out of suspect’s reach. (This protocol is considered a Last Resort.)
September 19th, 2006 at 6:05 pmAnd all that time I thought I was “married”. I wish someone would have told me sooner it was considered torture!!!!
September 19th, 2006 at 7:41 pmWell the stout lad at Gateway Blog has startling video of the interrogation methods being used…
Not for weak stomachs… :smoke_tb:
September 20th, 2006 at 3:26 am[…] Misha has debilitating flashbacks: Forcing suspects to stand for prolonged periods: […]
September 20th, 2006 at 9:31 am