When I wrote about the pernicious myth of the “noble savage” and used the despicable Mayans (still a distant second to the even more pathologically insane and bloodthirsty Aztecs) as an example, I fully expected some of the Usual Nitwits to take offense at my disparaging remarks about their “fascinating” pet cultures and, once again, prove their lack of understanding of the Queen’s English by abusing the term “racist” to describe my remarks.

(An aside: I have absolutely no problems with the Mayan “race”, a race that doesn’t exist, by the way. At least learn basic biology before you start using words that you obviously don’t understand. What I do have a problem with, and what every civilized person ought to have a problem with, is their vile, useless, brutal, bestial and utterly disgusting culture. So call me a “culturist” if you must. If you refuse to do so and insist, instead, on using the more catchy “racist”, you prove nothing but your own massive ignorance.)

And, sure enough, one of them bit:

Yay, bat-shit crazy conservatives! Listening to this blogger’s rant, I can almost hear a famous song from the other Disney movie that deals with Native People: Pocahontas. How does the chorus go? Oh yes, something like, “They’re savages, savages; barely even human. Savages, savages, rotten to the core.” Really, I do love Disney movies.

Anyway, the ideas on display here are just the type I was fearful of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to claim that the Mayans were “noble savages.” And they definitely weren’t peaceful.

And then she (I’m making a rash assumption about gender here based on the title, since that’s all that I have to go on. Well, other than wading through the cesspool of shallow thought proudly displayed by a cerebrally challenged lower life form that has Dhimmicrappic Underwear on her blogroll, and there are limits to what I’ll go through for you, dear readers) goes on, of course, to do just that by quoting a fawning Wikipedia (motto: We’re like an encyclopedia, only without all of the cumbersome facts) article listing the numerous achievements of the Mayans.

They could write, they knew how to waste massive amounts of resources and whip slaves to death building enormous temples to their imaginary friends, and they could paint. So can my five-year-olds, although they, admittedly, haven’t built any monuments yet. Unless Lego counts.

Color me massively unimpressed, not to mention that it hardly excuses their predilection for cutting people’s hearts out of their living chests and throwing women and children down wells. The Nazis built some pretty impressive monuments too, not to mention that they pretty much invented modern warfare and designed the technology that brought us to the Moon, but, be that as it may, I still find it more than a little bit difficult to forgive them for WWII and the Holocaust.

I suppose I should just let go of my childish grudges and instead marvel at the achievements of the Nazi swine.

Oh, but the idiocy goes on, like an endless cascade of dimwitted drivel designed to drown out rational thought wherever it might be found:

But what I think concerns me the most is the lack of an explanation for the violence felt throughout Mayan kingdoms.

Oh yes, let us explain it all, because surely those noble, wonderful, FABULOUS primitives with their architecture, paintings and doodled clay tablets couldn’t possibly have committed all of those atrocities simply because they and their culture were, in a word, atrocious. Why don’t you just go straight ahead and use the word you’re really looking for here, you terminally tumblefucked titweasel? You want to excuse it. The historical and archaeological facts are irrefutable, so let’s find the “root cause” for all of this brutality so that we may continue to admire the painted beasts in spite of their demonstrable disregard for decency and civilized behavior.

And while we’re at it, let’s explain the atrocities of Genghis Khan, the Huns, Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler and Pol Pot as well, shall we?

Fuckhead.

From an article on “Maya Warfare, Myth and Reality,” David Freidel says, if you can look “at Maya war in the time of the ninth century collapse as the havoc spun out an imbalanced society. In that crisis, Maya war engendered not a negotiation of contesting powers, but an affliction debilitating all in its path. In the ninth century, there were too many hungry people, too many haughty and demanding elite.

But of course. It was all class warfare. It was all the fault of the rich. Those evil, heartless, murdering rich that have plagued mankind since time immemorial. If only Karl Marx had been born in 60,000 B.C., we wouldn’t have had any problems at all. We’d all be dancing naked in the meadows, singing Kumbaya in perfect harmony while petting our unicorns.

An environment and subsistence technology stretched to the breaking point released the desperate imperatives of survival through forceful appropriation.

Oh, and they raped Gaia too! Which is the real reason for all of the violent rituals and massacres!

What else? Global Wormening? You betcha!:

No one is sure is one is sure about why Mayan civilization suffered such a great collapse, but most believe it can be traced back to class issues, which then can be traced back to specific agricultural, and ecological problems. As the Wikipedia article points out, the theory that rapid climate change and severe drought contributed to the Classic period collapse, is “based on the evidence of the Lake Chichancanab.

So there you have it: The poor, peaceful lambs, the innocent naifs of the Mayan Empire were driven to their institutionalized excesses by rampant capitalism, environmental abuse and global climate change. IT WASN’T THEIR FAULT! THEY WERE MADE TO DO IT!

Feel free to go retch. Or laugh your butts off. Personally, I tend toward the latter.

But we’re not done yet.

You see, for all that the Mayans did, er, were FORCED to do, we’re really no better at all:

Take for example the Massacre of My Lai, in which the Army’s Charlie Company murdered 347 unarmed men, women and children in the Vietnamese village of My Lai.

Or how about THIS one?:

Abu Ghraib, a more recent incident of of U.S. brutality is well known by most Americans.

Don’t you see it? Human sacrifice, torture, mass murder and cannibalism is really no worse than putting panties on the heads of prisoners.

Not to mention that the Moonbat completely fails to make a notice of the somewhat critical fact that the perpetrators at both My Lai and Abu Ghraib acted clearly in violation of the laws of the society to which they belonged and were duly punished for their misdeeds, whereas the orgies of blood-curdling barbarism of the Mayas and Aztecs were wholly approved of and sanctioned by the societies that committed them.

There’s quite the difference there, but of course that flies clear over the head of the imbecilic Moonbat’s pointed little skull.

But why don’t we take a look at some of the deeds that the Mayans were “forced” to do, some of the atrocities that were “no different from Abu Ghraib?” (link thanks to LC Juandos):

First of all, the Maya world was divided into polities, or city-states, that would at times be at peace with each other or under different circumstances fight with each other. The aim of this rather limited warfare was to take prisoners. Low status captives generally wound up as slaves to their captor, but high-status captives were scheduled for ritual sacrifice.

Er, hold it right there… Wasn’t it the Evil Rich People’s fault that all of this human sacrifice stuff happened in the first place? It doesn’t seem logical that they’d target their own for the actual sacrifice while letting the po’ people go.

The deliberate taking of a human life was deemed necessary to sanctify certain ritual occasions, such as the ascendancy to the throne by a new ruler or the dedication of a new building.

One of those marvelous buildings that we’re all supposed to be in awe of, the incredible architecture that somehow washes away all of the innocent blood that they were bathed in.

The usual method of such a sacrifice was decapitation in a public ceremony. Aside from decapitation, the favored method in Postclassic times was a trick acquired from the Mexican cultures to the north, the removal of the heart. Women and children were sacrificed just as often as men The intended victim was stripped and painted blue before being led to a courtyard or temple where the victim would be placed face-up over a convex altar-like stone also painted blue. The arms and legs of the victim were held by specially designated priests while a fourth, called the nacom, would penetrate the victim’s chest with a flint knife just below the left breast. Reaching inside the chest cavity, the nacom would pull out the still beating heart and hand it to another priest, who would then smear the blood on that idol to which the sacrifice had been made.

Which was all the fault of capitalism and global warming, of course.

If the sacrifice had taken place on the top of a pyramid, the corpse would be thrown to the courtyard below where priests of lower rank would skin the victim except for the hands and feet. The skin would then be worn by the officiating priest who would solemnly dance among the spectators.

Charming. Did they turn them into lampshades later?

If the victim had been an especially brave warrior his body might be butchered and eaten by the nobles and other spectators.

And cannibalism too? Even the friggin’ Nazis didn’t stoop that low, and those bastards weren’t exactly known for their reluctance to commit truly atrocious crimes.

A bow and arrow was also used in human sacrifice. The victim was stripped, painted blue and bound to a stake. According to a sixteenth century .account, ” The foul priest in vestments went up and wounded the victims in parts of shame, whether it was a man or woman, and drew blood and came down and anointed the face of the idol with it.”

Dancers, all armed with bows and arrows ” began one after another to shoot at his heart … in this manner they made his whole chest … like a hedgehog of arrows”

First you jam a knife up their genitals, then you play Human Pin Cushion with the bleeding victim.

But don’t forget their wonderful art!

A recently discovered painting at Tikal shows a man who has been bound to a stake and disemboweled.

Maybe they needed the guts for bowstrings? Or perhaps the blood was needed for ink so they could practice their wonderful written language?

The famous Sacred Cenote (a natural well) located at Chichen-Itza was found to contain numerous skeletons of men, women and children who were sacrificial victims. Bishop de Landa, in the sixteenth century reported: “Into this well they have the custom of throwing Men alive as a sacrifice to the gods in times of drought, and they believed they did not die though they never saw them.”

“Throw the Peasant down the well… So my country can be FREE!”

But at least they weren’t as bad as the Aztecs:

As bad as all this sounds the Maya were amateurs when it came to human sacrifice on a massive scale. The Aztecs of Central. Mexico, many years later, once sacrificed twenty thousand people in a single ceremony to commemorate the dedication of a new temple. Then they ate them.

Bon appetit.

“Noble savages”, my aching butt.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 at 12:19 am and is filed under Idiotarians. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.