I just had the most brilliant idea ever.
As some of you long-suffering LCs who’ve been enduring my endless and boring rants for longer than most will know, I’ve been completely smitten with flying ever since the Empress bought me a real life flight and I got to pilot a real airplane in real life, putting all of the time I’ve wasted on simulators to the test (with much better results than I’d ever dared hope for, I might add). I always thought that toodling around with stuff like MS Flight Sim was an enjoyable waste of time. It isn’t. Flying a sim is nothing like flying a real plane, but it will teach you stuff that you won’t have to spend time learning in the real world, letting you concentrate on the wonderful, indescribable feeling of flying for real instead.
Anyway, I don’t have several thousand dollars to spend on flying lessons so that I can get a certificate, I really wish I had, because flying was the closest thing to Heaven that I can imagine, but that’s just the way it is. There are things that you’ll never do, and that’s it.
And then it struck me: If I had a pilot’s license, I could fly all of those lefty America-haters to Cuba or another socialist hellhole of their choice, and I’d do it free of charge too. Well, other than the gas and the maintenance, but my hours behind the stick would be absolutely free. I wouldn’t charge a dime.
All I need is a private pilot’s license, and I’ll be happy to provide you with a free service, lefties. I’ll be doing our country a favor, and you’ll be doing me a personal favor as well by letting me fulfill one of my most cherished dreams. It’s a win-win situation. I get to do what I’ve always dreamed of and you get to escape this Evil Capitalist Regime and live in the socialist country of your choice at a price that cannot be beat. You pay the gas, I get you there. I’ll even make sure that drinks are served on the way, totally free.
Yeah, I know, there won’t be any takers, but at least I can say that I tried.
I’ll just have to hope for winning the lottery like everybody else.