I just had the most brilliant idea ever.

As some of you long-suffering LCs who’ve been enduring my endless and boring rants for longer than most will know, I’ve been completely smitten with flying ever since the Empress bought me a real life flight and I got to pilot a real airplane in real life, putting all of the time I’ve wasted on simulators to the test (with much better results than I’d ever dared hope for, I might add). I always thought that toodling around with stuff like MS Flight Sim was an enjoyable waste of time. It isn’t. Flying a sim is nothing like flying a real plane, but it will teach you stuff that you won’t have to spend time learning in the real world, letting you concentrate on the wonderful, indescribable feeling of flying for real instead.

Anyway, I don’t have several thousand dollars to spend on flying lessons so that I can get a certificate, I really wish I had, because flying was the closest thing to Heaven that I can imagine, but that’s just the way it is. There are things that you’ll never do, and that’s it.

And then it struck me: If I had a pilot’s license, I could fly all of those lefty America-haters to Cuba or another socialist hellhole of their choice, and I’d do it free of charge too. Well, other than the gas and the maintenance, but my hours behind the stick would be absolutely free. I wouldn’t charge a dime.

All I need is a private pilot’s license, and I’ll be happy to provide you with a free service, lefties. I’ll be doing our country a favor, and you’ll be doing me a personal favor as well by letting me fulfill one of my most cherished dreams. It’s a win-win situation. I get to do what I’ve always dreamed of and you get to escape this Evil Capitalist Regime and live in the socialist country of your choice at a price that cannot be beat. You pay the gas, I get you there. I’ll even make sure that drinks are served on the way, totally free.

Yeah, I know, there won’t be any takers, but at least I can say that I tried.

I’ll just have to hope for winning the lottery like everybody else.

22 Responses to “How To Combine Business With Pleasure”
  1. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911 UNITED STATES

    Sire, engage, enjoy, and remember:
    It’s better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing there was another way down!

    Good Luck!

  2. SoCalOilMan Comment by SoCalOilMan UNITED STATES

    Now I know you are the Emperor and rule all…BUT you took my idea. And unless you remembered to delete my earlier post I have proof. (Doh! Shouldn’t of said that.)

    How about we split the fight time and call it even?

  3. Trooper THX1138 Comment by Trooper THX1138 UNITED STATES

    Ummm…I hate to shit on your riff, Emperor, but to pilot people for money, even libs, and even only for gas and maintenance, you need a commercial pilot license. It takes a little more time than private pilot license, but it’s a great idea, and if I have any money to spare, I’ll give it to you to start your own “Air America”. :D

  4. THANOS Comment by THANOS UNITED STATES

    hey, at least you can say you offered them the bargian…if they dont take it, oh well, their loss

  5. Deathknyte Comment by Deathknyte UNITED STATES

    Bullets are still cheaper.

  6. Emperor Darth Misha I Comment by Emperor Darth Misha I UNITED STATES

    Ummm…I hate to shit on your riff, Emperor, but to pilot people for money, even libs, and even only for gas and maintenance, you need a commercial pilot license.

    Yep, but that’s only if I’m daft enough to tell anybody.

    Hey, I’m just trying to come up with a way of getting back up there.

  7. LC Ranger 6 Comment by LC Ranger 6 UNITED STATES

    Hey, I’m just trying to come up with a way of getting back up there.

    You haven’t been in England lately have you Misha?

  8. Unregistered Comment by Right Wing Hegelian UNITED STATES

    Somewhat OT, but since the Emperor is playing with irony, the following might raise a few chuckles in the realm: LGF reports a Rachel Corrie Pancake Breakfast.

    Definitely a case of life imitating art.

  9. Unregistered Comment by mt UNITED STATES

    That would never get you a Nobel Peace Prize.

    I mean that as a compliment :).

  10. The Gonzman Comment by The Gonzman UNITED STATES

    High Flight
    by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

    Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
    And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
    Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
    Of sun-split clouds…and done a hundred things
    You have not dreamed of…wheeled and soared and swung
    High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
    I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
    My eager craft through footless halls of air.
    Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
    I’ve topped the windswept heights with easy grace
    Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
    And, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
    The high untrespassed sanctity of space
    Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

    It’s always good to hear about someone getting their wish coming true. Congrats, Majesty.

  11. Unregistered Comment by kross UNITED STATES

    You could use this as a promotion for the Empire, you know. Here’s the scenario: Sen. Kennedy, for instance, says something unamerican on TV. LC Richrott sees it, gets mad, fires up his computer and comes to Your blog. He clicks on a convenient icon on the sidebar, chooses a donor amount, say, $25 ’cause he’s rich, enters his credit card info, and chooses (or adds) “Sen. Edward Kennedy” from the list of funds being collected. $25 is added to the “give Teddy a one-way ticket to Cuba fund” and an automated email is sent to Sen. Kennedy informing him of the donation, perhaps with LC Richrott’s comments appended.

    You keep the cash toward your pilot’s license, based on your promise to fly the fundees upon their acceptance, once “their” fund reaches a certain amount. And best of all, any LC can check how much is in the fund of any given antiamerican figure, and can publicize that across the web. Imagine seeing a comment on some blog, “I’d never heard of Marcus Zuniga, but I just checked at the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler and he’s got a fully-funded $900 one-way ticket to Cuba just waiting for him, plus over $2,000 for luxury appointments on the flight. He must be a real loon, but he evidently doesn’t want to see his ideas in action.”

  12. HD Wanderer Comment by HD Wanderer UNITED STATES

    I wonder if you can get a government grant to do that… You’d think it was a public service.

  13. MuscleDaddy Comment by MuscleDaddy UNITED STATES


    From the Department of Mixed Messages:

    Time for a bit of selfishness here..

    Majesty, I don’t want you to get a pilot’s license.

    Bill Whittle has a pilot’s license.

    When was the last time we heard anything from him?

    …just sayin’s all.

    Of course, on the other hand, I get it -
    “Burn the Earth and boil the sea, you can’t take the sky from me.”

    - MuscleDaddy

  14. Unregistered Comment by tweell UNITED STATES

    I hate to rain on your parade, Sire, but…
    Fidel doesn’t want our libtards, they will do him no good there and do him lots of good here. Castro would impound your aircraft and see about putting you to work in his “people’s paradise”, though.
    Even if you did pull it off (a few squadrons of Tie fighters and a detachment of Imperial Storm Troopers would be invaluable there), your transport would be mobbed by the happy content inhabitants of the worker’s nirvana, eager to travel the other way.

  15. Emperor Darth Misha I Comment by Emperor Darth Misha I UNITED STATES

    I hate to rain on your parade, Sire, but…
    Fidel doesn’t want our libtards, they will do him no good there and do him lots of good here. Castro would impound your aircraft and see about putting you to work in his “people’s paradise”, though.

    Heard of airdrops?

    Heck, I might even be nice and issue them with parachutes.

    See? I’m a benevolent Emperor.

  16. LC DarthVader Comment by LC DarthVader UNITED STATES

    If I win the lottery I will pay for your license and a year supply of flying. :D

  17. juandos Comment by juandos UNITED STATES

    Hey Emperor:

    Here’s something to consider using your plane for:

    Israelis Blow Up Car Carrying Militants

    2 hours, 6 minutes ago
    Israeli aircraft on Monday fired a missile into a car carrying Islamic Jihad militants, killing two Palestinians and wounding seven, Palestinian doctors and witnesses said.

    One of those killed apparently was a field operative of Islamic Jihad, hospital officials said. An angry mob gathered outside Gaza City’s Shifa Hospital, where the bodies were taken.

    Outstanding work!

    Now consider domestic targets:

    A University of North Carolina graduate accused of running down nine people at a campus hangout to avenge the treatment of Muslims was transferred to a courthouse Monday for his first hearing.

    Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar was accused of driving a sport utility vehicle through The Pit, a popular gathering spot on campus, injuring nine people Friday. None of the victims needed to be hospitalized

  18. Unregistered Comment by LC Mike UNITED STATES

    You only need a commercial license if you are “charging” for the service. You can get around that if you are “sharing” the expenses of the flight. The regulation doesn’t say what percentage you’re allowed to share….

  19. Unregistered Comment by WildBill06 UNITED STATES

    ” You only need a commercial license if you are “charging” for the service. You can get around that if you are “sharing” the expenses of the flight. The regulation doesn’t say what percentage you’re allowed to share….

    Comment by LC Mike — March 6, 2006 @ 2:44 pm”

    Actually the regs say YOU (the pilot) must pay at least 50% when “sharing.” Otherwise you need a commercial certification.

  20. Unregistered Comment by phat UNITED STATES

    Well, I’ll offer my services for free.

    I have an ATP (Airline Transport Pilot) rating and am currently furloughed from a major US airline. I’m back flying for the Air Force now, but could offer up some time for ‘charity work’. Rated in the Learjet, MD-80 series, and Airbus. Will fly for beer.

  21. Unregistered Comment by LC Mike UNITED STATES

    Actually, the rule is that the non-commercial pilot must pay his “pro rata share” of the flight, not “50%”.  With one passenger, that would seem to be 50%, but I see no reason why Misha should limit himself to one commie-moonbat per flight.
    I would suggest that Misha just convince his passengers to run for elected federal office, and call the flight part of the campaign (nice exception, there).  I mean, if they’re going to run as socialists, they must visit Cuba, right? So there you are.

  22. Unregistered Comment by WildBill06 UNITED STATES

    LC Mike I stand corrected on the “pro-rata share” issue.