Well, no. Not really. We made that up.
But this story, sent to us by an alert LC (no nick or name with permission to use in the email) is no less stupid than that would’ve been.
RAFAH, Gaza Strip Jan 4, 2006 — Hundreds of Palestinians crossed into Egypt on Wednesday after militants, angry at the jailing of their leader, stole two bulldozers and smashed through the wall separating Gaza and Egypt.
And here His Majesty were, fearful that the paleswinians would use Gaza as a staging area for an invasion of Eretz Yisroel, and it turns out that what they were plotting was an invasion of Egypt. Or maybe their maps were upside down. Of course, the fact that their casus belli with Egypt seems to be that the paleswinian authority had arrested one of their leaders makes the case even more confusing, but we’re long past the point where we even pretend to be able to understand what goes on in whatever it is that they carry between their ears.
The militants rammed the wall hours after they blocked the official border crossing and took over government buildings.
As many as 300 Palestinians crossed into Egypt after the wall was smashed, an Egyptian security official said. Brig. Adel Fawzi, director of criminal investigation for North Sinai, said border police were unable to stop the intruders because they had no orders to shoot.
It’s a pity that this is obvious bullshit. We all know the real reason why the Egyptians didn’t fire on the paleswinians. It’s a pity because otherwise it would be riproaringly hilarious. Imagine an army (which is, loosely, how you could refer to the gaggle that makes up most indigenously trained Arab armed forces) faced with 300 armed men breaking down the border defenses and entering their country and then refusing to shoot because the necessary paperwork hadn’t been filed in Cairo.
Perhaps their General Staff all studied in fwance?
“Oh, but they were only border police!”, we hear you say in a chivalrous attempt to defend the ineptitude of the hapless morons standing “guard” on the Egyptian border.
Indeed. But one cannot help but wonder what the purpose of issuing guns to them is, then. We mean, if they have to wait for orders in order to use them, it’s unlikely that a smuggler or escaped convict would sit around and wait for the Grand Caliph of Cairo P.D. to issue orders to shoot.
Thousands of Egyptian Interior Ministry troops headed to the border. An Egyptian armored vehicle was set on fire and at least three Palestinians were reported injured, one seriously when an Egyptian troop carrier crushed him against a wall, witnesses said.
Can’t have been a fwench troop carrier, then. It was obviously having trouble getting into reverse.
The militants belong to the Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades, a violent offshoot of Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah Party. They rammed the massive wall as a show of force against the Palestinian Authority.
The next time the Texas legislature passes a moronic law we’ll just go ahead and invade Mexico in protest then. That’ll show ‘em.
The militants’ rampage through the southern Gaza town of Rafah underscored the growing lawlessness in Palestinian towns, especially in Gaza.
…and why on Earth would Gaza be any different from the rest of the Squalid Swamp known as the Terrortories?
Abbas, who has condemned the chaos, has been unable to impose order, and his failure to keep the gunmen in check is expected to harm Fatah’s prospects in Jan. 25 parliamentary elections.
Fatah-affiliated vigilantes demanding government jobs or the release of imprisoned friends have been responsible for much of the anarchy, particularly since Israel’s pullout from Gaza in September.
By the way, the terrorist that the simians were so upset had been arrested has since been freed after having spent almost a full 24 hours in prison for terrorism and kidnapping.
Let’s give these people a state!
In less cheerful news, no good news have yet come out regarding the fate of Arik Sharon.
Heaven knows that His Majesty is not exactly what you’d call a member of the Ariel Sharon Appreciation Society, particularly since his decision to betray the Jewish settlers of Gaza, but regardless of how he has turned entirely too soft on the paleosimians in his old age, there is no doubt in His Majesty’s mind that he loves Eretz Yisroel and always has been trying to do what he thought was best for her survival. There is even less doubt in our mind that the situation could’ve been much, much worse if it wasn’t for him and Likud. We have two words for you: “Shimon Peres.”
So we offer our most humble prayers unto G-d for Arik. Let not Thy servant pass on like that yet, if it be Thy Will, we ask only of You that You take him home and have mercy on his soul. Amen.
And no, we don’t really care what Pat Robertson has to say.
He’s entitled to his opinion, that’s for sure, but we’re really getting sick and tired of his Read the Mind of the L-rd Shtick™. If he’s truly concerned about the fate of people committing hubris and engaging in cardinal sins such as, say, Pride, he might want to rethink that whole gig a bit. Just sayin’ ’s all. The only redeeming feature of his comments is that they received a lot of condemnation from people we wouldn’t piss on if their hair was on fire:
People For the [un-]American Way Foundation, which monitors “The 700 Club,” criticized Robertson’s remarks, calling them “an implicit reference to recent steps the prime minister has taken to advance the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.”
There was nothing “implicit” about them, you drooling dumbbells. He was quite clearly referring to the appeasement and surrender to paleswinian terrorism when he kicked Jewish settlers out of their homes in Gaza. As to the “advance” of the Israeli-Palestinian peace process: Taken a look at the news lately? We didn’t think so either. The only reason that you anti-Semite shitheels have got your panties in a bunch is that you don’t like criticism of people who reward terrorism.
Of course, we care even less about what Notoriously Tight Tehrani Turban Mamoud Ahmadingdong has to say, except that we take great delight in the fact that every time he speaks, he makes another bunch of people hate his rotting guts.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was quoted as saying he was hoping for Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s death, the Reuters news agency reported on Thursday.
“Hopefully, the news that the criminal of Sabra and Shatila has joined his ancestors is final,” the semi-official news agency ISNA quoted him as telling a group of Shiite clerics in the holy city of Qom.
We’re only waiting for you or your allies in al-Qaeda to take credit, should it come to pass.
He really seems to have stepped in it this time, however, since even the cowardly surrender monkeys of Foggy Bottom managed to muster what might be mistaken for outrage:
The United States quickly responded, blasting the comment as “hateful and disgusting.”
“This is a man who wraps himself in the cloak of a peaceful religion, Islam, and yet you hear remarks like this coming from him,” State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said.
The only ones who have ever wrapped Islam in the cloak of peacefulness are you and our Commander-in-Chief. Islam itself and its “holy” book, the Koran, are quite explicit about being anything but peaceful. And if you can’t be arsed to actually read the book that you claim represents a “peaceful” religion (oh how we hate people with opinions about books they’ve never even read), there’s always 1,400 years of Islamic aggression to study, but we don’t suppose that counts either.
“I can only say that those remarks are hateful and disgusting. And I think that it is, again, a window into the true nature of this particular Iranian Government,” McCormack said.
True. And if you and the rest of our government would take the time to peruse the Koran (it is, after all, the book upon the foundation of which the mosques that you’re busy licking the floors of are built), you’d realize that it’s not merely a window into the true nature of the Iranian Government.
But that’s not likely to happen.
You’d have to learn to read first.