Just When We Were Beginning To Wonder
Posted by: Emperor Misha I in Religion of Pus, The Empire at War10:00 pm
…al-Queerda (thanks, LC BisW) comes out with yet another tape of their favorite has-been Laden impostor.
It’s always fun to hear another of bin Laden’s post mortem “Greatest Hits.”
In the tape, aired Sunday in part on Arabic-language TV network Al-Jazeera, the speaker repeatedly blasts a “crusader-Zionist war” against Islam, citing other activities in Chechnya and Somalia.
Oh yes. And the Crusaders and Zionists are winning. You forgot to mention that.
Al-Jazeera, which is based in Qatar, said the new tape is from bin Laden. And White House spokesman Scott McClellan said U.S. officials believe it is bin Laden’s voice.
Of course they do. They say that every single time “bin Laden” publishes another remix. Funny, though, how “bin Laden” has studiously avoided, for almost five long years, to simply appear on videotape holding a newspaper of his choice to prove his continued existence, isn’t it? We mean, can you imagine the propaganda victory that would be achieved by Osama blowing raspberries at the Coalition, saying “neener, neener?”
We can, which is the ultimate proof that he’s deader than last month’s falafel.
“The intelligence community has informed the president that they believe this is authentic,” he said.
Don’t tell us. It was Mary McCarthy, right?
On the tape, bin Laden says “the opposition to the Hamas government is proof of the crusade against Muslims.”
Hardly. It’s proof of a crusade (fought half-heartedly, much to our dismay) against terrorists and terrorist states. A crusade against Muslims in general would look quite different and, in case you haven’t cottoned on to it yet, it’s coming. Unless we see some clear and radical changes right quick like.
Bin Laden and other al Qaeda figures use the term “crusaders” to refer to Christians.
Flattery won’t get you anywhere, has-been “Laden.” But thanks nonetheless. It’s a proud tradition that we don’t mind being reminded of in the least little bit.
He also says on the new tape that any such war “is the joint responsibility of the people and the government.”
You had to shove in that excuse for murdering civilians, didn’t you? You don’t really have to, you know. The MSM and their liberal friends will be more than happy to think up excuses for you. One would think that you’d noticed by now.
We’re a little disappointed that there were no threats of imminent and cataclysmic devastation to the United States, however. Those always amuse us the most. Nothing quite as hilarious as listening to a bunch of primitive, cave-dwelling goat-buggerers bragging about how the attack is coming “any day now. Really. This time we MEAN it!”
LC & IB Jay at Stop the ACLU has more.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go oil our Crusader sword. It’s really, really nice and very, very sharp.
Please, please provide us with an excuse to put it to its intended use.
Thatisall.
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Arrrr matey! Thank you for the link. I might be reading you wrong, since I’m buzzed off my ass, but if I happen to be reading you right..I gotta say…this mother fucker aint dead bro.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:04 pmNow that, sadly, I’m in complete agreement with.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:08 pmOh yes he is, Jay. He’s dead as a fucking doornail.
But having the MSM believe that he’s still alive is alright by me. After all, were we to produce his corpse (which would be hard, considering how he’s been dead for years and probably died under highly explosive/flammable circumstances), the MSM and their owners in the DNC would be screaming “we got him, war is over!” so loud it would shatter glass.
So by all means, let them continue to believe that he’s hiding out somewhere. I don’t care.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:09 pmI’ll agree that IF he’s dead, I’d rather the majority assume he’s dead, but I won’t believe he’s dead till I see his cold, rotted body, and empty eyes in a severed head on a red, white, and blue platter.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:14 pmRegardless, there are bigger fish to fry…Iran.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:15 pmJust how fuckin dumb are muslims anyway? If we were determined to rid the world of them, we could have done it ten times over. It’s not like our nuclear superiority has been a secret these last 3 decades. It’s not like bin laden is some kind of slick media spinster, it’s that he’s appealing to the dumbest gluttons for their own doom on the planet.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:38 pmWe’ve been neutered after years of leftwing and Hollywood schtick, but the undeniable fact remains - with one solid week of bombing, every major city in the arab and persian world could be reduced to radioactive ash. Just how far do they want us to go? We might as well go on a crusade, it’s not like muslims are going to get convinced of anything less. Now might be a good time to act, it’s not like muslims can get any angrier. Jesus, do they EVER get sick of being in a constant state of rage? I’m about as sick of the repetition of their daily whine as I am of their perpetual hate. How many times can they poke us with a stick before we respond?
What I heard on this “latest” tape from Osama Been Rotting is that he wants all muslims to boycott American goods.
Well, fine by me…let’s turn all of the middle east bound grain ships around, let’s bring home all of our medical technology and personnel, let’s dismantle all American installed oil facilities and install ‘em in the OUR Gulf. Will we be in compliance with your boycott then?……
Let ‘em starve, it’ll save us the trouble of turning their litter box nations into glass.
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:53 pmGood idea Jaybear. I heard that the oil shale in several US states is greater than all the Arab [& Iran] lands combined. If we could set up the infrastructure for this, drill in ANWR and off our coasts as well as tapping the oil found in Alberta [approx 3+ trillion barrells] then we can tell the Arabs to go fuck themselves. But before we cut them off I’d like to bomb their oil fields. Then they’ll be eating sand and camel dung for the next century.
Btw, excellent open letter.
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:03 pmDammit, does this mean I need to get a new sword to get in on the fun?
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:31 pmRick James got it right:
The first thought that passed my mind was that if what Osama bin-Wannabe was saying were true, and we wanted to have a war against all of Is-slime, we could reduce them to a few hundred ragtag vendors selling camel hair jockstraps at some roadside bazaar.
And what Misha said about the propaganda advantage he could gain, (if he were actually alive), by releasing video of him holding a current newspaper is a good point. It would rally his flagging support tremendously, but it’s something that won’t happen if he’s dead.
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:50 pmI don’t want bin Laden killed or captured. He is not worthy to be a martyr. I want him hounded every day of his life and I want him to live long. I want him to get daily reports of associates getting captured, shot or blown up. I want him shot at twice a week and missed, but just barely. I want rumors in the night to cause him to bolt in terror to another hole to cower in fear wondering who dropped a dime on him. I want a Predator to drop a bomb five minutes behind or in front of him at odd intervals. I want his butt puckered so tightly you couldn’t drive a needle up his ass with a sixteen-pound sledgehammer and he has to eat 10 pounds of Exlax just to take a dump. I want his guts to stay perpetually knotted with fear wondering which one of his “friends” is going to rat him out for the reward and if he is going to be stuck in some dark hole and fed drugs until his mind is mush and he can do little more than drool. I want him to exist like the animal he is. No, I don’t want the bastard caught and martyred. I want the bastard tormented a full 24-hour day for every single tear he caused to be shed.
Grits
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:51 pmanyone notice that our crusader swords look like crosses and jihad swords look like crescents.
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:58 pmExactly, Grits.
April 24th, 2006 at 12:45 amA Saudi was talking with an American co-worker one day and said.
“My son and I both enjoy the Star Trek but there is one thing that we noticed”
“What was that?” ask the American.
“Well” the Saudi said, “There are no Arabs or Muslims in any of them”.
The American replied “Well that’s because it takes place in the future”.
I’m with Grits but I also hope that bin limp dicks fav goat has the clap and crabs.
April 24th, 2006 at 4:35 amI’m with The Emperor on this.
Osama bin Laden is deader then Ted Kennedy’s liver.
Eric Cartman “dealt with” Osama a few years ago.
April 24th, 2006 at 5:11 amTop 9 Things That Piss Osama Bin Laden Off…
9. The gaying of The Soprano’s. 8. Being on the same side of most issues as Ted Kennedy. 7. The fact that no two people spell Al Qaeda the same way. 6. That damp, achy feeling in your bones that…
April 24th, 2006 at 7:06 amGrits - I LIKE the way you think…
April 24th, 2006 at 7:38 amIf this towel-head wants a war, he should be particularly careful who he picks one with, else he learns what Barbecue, American Style means. I LOVE the smell of napalm.
The “Zionist Crusader War on Islam”…
Damn right, it is. I AM a “Zionist crusader,” against THAT kind of Islam–I only wish I could take up arms in the “crusades” myself. I feel absolutely no shame in saying we ARE at war with these Islamists who want to est…
April 24th, 2006 at 9:11 amDon’t forget to show your ID.
April 24th, 2006 at 9:15 am[…] Elephant Man […]
April 24th, 2006 at 9:45 amThey Are Declaring War?…
Bin Laden is angry with the US because we won’t financially support Hamas, a group that has publically stated that Israel must be removed from hte map.
……
April 24th, 2006 at 9:49 amIf he ain’t dead, he’s damn sure hiding very far underground.
Maybe he’ll do us all a favor and get eaten by those giant slugs from “Tremors”.
April 24th, 2006 at 9:52 amWell I think he is dead, like the Emperor.
April 24th, 2006 at 10:30 amIt is the easiest thing in the world to deliver a speech to camera with a current copy of the New York Times in your hand, in front of a white backdrop, just in case those CIA geology experts pick up on where your cave might be located!
Doesn’t matter whether he’s dead or alive though really.
He’s become a franchise.
I’d run that tape past a rock’n'roll sound engineer before I’d give it, again ,to the CIA.The rocker would spot a cut and paste job much quicker.
Things are getting weirder and weirder.
I just read a story in either the Guardian or the Telegraph, about a guy who is a convicted British neo-nazi, who has just converted to Islam.He used to lead column 88 in Britain or something.Try spotting that bastard at the airport!
The battle lines are being drawn with a very squiggly hand.
He’s worse than dead. He’s irrelevant, otherwise we wouldn’t have that ‘grasp-at-straws’ mention of Hamas.
April 24th, 2006 at 10:41 amNot hard. You just shout, as loud as you can, “SIEG!”
He’ll be the steaming turd whose right arm will fly up as he answers “HEIL!”
Then you plug him right between his beady eyes.
End of Nazi.
April 24th, 2006 at 11:23 amI humbly bow sire!
April 24th, 2006 at 11:28 amI must lie down, my ribs hurt.
Bin Longdead Speaks from the Grave… Again…
A new, and completely legitimate tape of bogeyman extrordinaire, Osama bin Laden has surfaced again. (h/t Mudville Gazette) In the tape, which reportedly is 100% authentic and totally not fake, OBL uses tired cliches, such as “infidel” and …
April 24th, 2006 at 11:43 amIF the damned thing is still alive, he’s nothing more than a field bitch. We cut his rump-romping myrmidons down like the cockroaches that they are, and will continue to do so. If we were to find his cockroach corpse, we’d be getting screamed at to withdraw, and leave the job unfinished here.
April 24th, 2006 at 1:03 pmThe “Star Trek” joke reminded me of another gem worth sharing:
A man walks into a bar, and much to his surprise, there, sitting at the bar, are Bush and Cheney
“Wow, I never thought I’d see you two in a place like this,” the man exclaims “Do you mind if I ask what you’re working on?
“Not at all,” replies Cheney “We were just planning the next world war, we’re going to kill 20 million Arabs and one big-titted blonde”
Somewhat taken aback, the man asks “But why do you have to kill the blonde?”
April 24th, 2006 at 2:38 pmCheney turns to Bush and says “See, Mr. President, I told you nobody would care if we killed 20 million Arabs.”
I do not particularly care whether Osama has made it to hell yet. But I would like to thank him or his sock puppet for some useful information. Seems to me we could get Chad to agree to our sending some Preditors, a couple of squadrons of A-10s anf of Apaches to assist with their immigration problem. The Janjaweed offers training oportunities that are truly rare, live fire exercises with realistic targets.
April 26th, 2006 at 2:29 pm(He’s Dead, Jim).
I still think Osama bin laden the ground long time now, probably he’s dust in the floor of some Tora Bora or thereabouts cave. There’s nothing to gain, US wise, by bragging about it… no one would believe it, or worse, if they did, it could be the trigger for a million mad mullahs to go postal and activate sleeper cells here.
May 1st, 2006 at 2:03 am