Don’t Worry, Zarqawi, Your Friends at CNN Have Your Back
Posted by: Emperor Misha I in Blogs and Blogging, Journaljizzm, Useless Swine8:47 pm
As we’re sure you already know, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, CNN’s Man in Iraq, is not merely a complete failure as a terrorist, he also doesn’t know the next thing about how to fire a machine gun.
Naturally, that led to much laughter and derision. Sorta hard to play the part of the Fearsome Bad Guy About to Unleash the Civil War that the MSM have been praying for ever since the invasion began when you can’t even figure out how to fire an M249 SAW, isn’t it?
But not to worry. CNN’s own Jamie Musab al-McIntyre is ready with the excuses for his hero’s lack of basic weapons skills.
Thanks to al-McIntyre, we learn that the M249 is a “very heavy machine gun” with a “very heavy trigger.”
Obviously, among the many qualifications that al-McIntyre doesn’t have (being a journalist and therefore having no actual real-life skills) are a complete and utter lack of familiarity with firearms. No wonder that CNN, the most busted name in news, chose that moron for their “senior Pentagon correspondent.” Heaven forbid that they should ever employ somebody in a position where they actually had skills to bring to the table, that would be ever so much out of character for them.
An 5.56 poodle-shooter a “very heavy machine gun?”
As somebody who used to hump an actual Browning .50 cal on his back for G-d only knows how many clicks, we have only this to say:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, and the “very heavy trigger” as an excuse for not being able to fire it full auto?
Unless it’s so damn heavy that you can’t pull it at ALL, that’s hardly something that would present a problem, is it? Once you pull it, provided that you hold it there and hang on to the damn thing, it’ll keep firing until it either jams or runs out of ammo.
Finally, his lips still firmly attached to al-Zarqawi’s butt cheeks, al-McIntyre offers as an excuse for his idol’s weapons malf that “it’s a very difficult weapon to fire unless you’ve had specific training with it.”
Now, full disclosure here, we’ve never ever fired the M249, so it may well be that you have to have spent 3 months in intensive training with it before you can fire it properly, but we somehow doubt it.
Back when our Imperial Self were in uniform, there was this thing in my native country’s high schools where you could spend a week in whatever profession you chose, just to give a taste of the real world. Invariably, we’d get a batch of young’uns who couldn’t wait to be 18 and wanted to try out the military. Boys and girls.
In an afternoon, we’d teach these 14-year-olds or thereabouts to fire the M62 LMG in 7.62mm NATO (the slightly modified version of the German MG42 “Spandau”), and they’d all manage to do so flawlessly, without malfs. Yes, again, that includes 14-year-old girls. Oh, and we let them fire the Browning .50 cal too. They got a huge kick out of that.
Somehow, we’re not in the least surprised that the Dread Fuckhead, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, can’t do with a 5.56mm what a 14-year-old Danish girl can do with a 7.62mm.
And we’re equally unsurprised that the Caliphate News Network couldn’t wait to come up with excuses for him.
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Sweet hobo on a pogo, this stretches the boundaries of even CNN’s (lack of) credibility. A SAW is difficult to operate? By one of the world’s premier bad guys? As you said, Misha,an experienced instructor half an hour and 8th graders can be dead red with an old M60, let alone a varmint rifle.
May 5th, 2006 at 8:55 pmFunny, none of our brainwashed, Shaitan influenced, corrupt and otherwise devilish conscripts forced into oppressing the holy servants of MoHoMad seem to have a problem shooting it, and their brains are all rotted out from porn and letting women talk and stuff.
A friend of mine is an ex-Marine, weighs about, oh sod all wet. He used to tote, aim and fire one of those as a job, loved the damn thing. Fella is so light, when they got to fire that belt fed grenade launcher machinegun thing, it shoved him backwards far enough to leave drag marks.
Now I’m no expert… but it might be the Islamofascist leadership is the same sort of armchair-riding cocksuckers that seem to end up in charge of these movements. All talk, Marx and bullshit, rather than being able to actually do anything….
May 5th, 2006 at 9:32 pmHis loyal henchmen seemed to be 90% clueless, too. Violations of downrange rules, handing the thing off by the hot barrel… if there’s a mistake they -didn’t- make, I didn’t see it.
May 5th, 2006 at 9:34 pmWell, the SAW is heavy. 17lbs and with the bucket o’ ammo on the bottom it can reach 20lbs. (not as heavy as a 50, but difficult to fire from the hip)
HOWEVER….
It has a normal trigger pull and is easy to use for someone with an IQ higher than 70. As a former SAW gunner, it looked like Zman had NO idea what the hell was going on. The other guy grabbing the hot barrel shows that the weapons training for these guys are piss fucking poor. If these are the top dogs, no wonder they have to resort to remote bombs. A poorly trained monkey could out-shoot their ass.
May 5th, 2006 at 9:54 pmI also love it when Zman sweeps (the weapon is briefly pointed at a friendly when the shooter turns around) one of his own guys while is finger is on the trigger.
I’m right there with ya. I humped a sixty for God knows how many clicks.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:01 pmScrew the mech units, blisters were half the fun.
Today I went to the range and tagged a coke can at 100 meters. With a Ruger .22 Mark II Standard pistol over iron sights. First round. I immediately holstered the weapon and informed all the pack of idiots I was shooting with that they could kiss my big hairy redneck ass. This doesn’t have a thing to do with this idiot and a SAW. I’m just proud as Hell of this one lucky shot I made today.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:02 pmDamn, I’ve used the M60 machine gun and I figured it out real quick without ANY training. AT ALL. And that was with the MILES gear and blank adapter to deal with as well, and after spending my formative years with a mother who was adamantly against firearms of any sort. (it’s only now that we own a house that she’s ok with my purchasing a handgun for the house.) Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll start killing each other instead of our soldiers. They’re certainly stupid enough.
I guess Samuel Langhorn Clemens (aka Mark Twain) was wrong in stating that the firearm was the great equalizer. The user still needs a brain to use it correctly and effectively. Without that piece of equipment, the weapon in your hand matters a lot less.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:08 pmLoved the look on his face…Fire stick no go boom anymore.
See, he’s used to firing AK’s, and everyone knows that they never jam, so he’s never had the experience of nedding to clear a weapon.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:19 pmAnd western politicians and journ al-jizz mers are afraid of these sandfags?
It is, however, a sad note that he expects their weapons not to jam and we train to clear ours….
Until we defeat the enemy within, we will never fully defeat our enemies abroad, and there are many more of them than just the islamofacists. We are the envy of, and therefore hated by, most of the rest of the world. The more power mad they are, the less capable they are of emulating our weath, power and success, the greater their desire to bring us down to their level.
The Russians and the Chinese are far more capable and clever than the current Puiblic Enemy, and a far greater threat. The damned Mexicans are dealing us blow after blow that the sand fleas can only dream to accomplish.
May 5th, 2006 at 11:18 pma Light machine gun thats very heavy- Man it must hurt to be that stupid.
May 6th, 2006 at 12:31 amBack in the pre-MRE days, it was found that you could snap an unopened B-2 Unit C-ration can right onto the side of an M60. It was a simple little adaptation that helped reduce jamming as it allowed the ammo to feed smoothly into the gun over the can.
The only picture I could find was this one, but it gives you the idea.
May 6th, 2006 at 12:40 amMisha
May 6th, 2006 at 12:56 amYou know, the more I think about it, I don’t think I’ve EVER seen Zarqawi and Clarabell in the same photo.
Of course the blooper doesn’t come out until days after the intial release. We wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea, now would we?
May 6th, 2006 at 1:09 amI couldn’t believe it when I saw it. The blooper is funnier than all get out. As a team leader on the ground with all sorts of toys, the M249 generally gets left behind in the arms room. The M240B (7.62, verrry sexxxxy) is the preferred top gun for my M1114. The M249 is too small for needs.
As a national guardsman I took a bunch of middle-school (8th grade) JROTC cadets to the range in 2000. A 13-year old girl about 4′8″ and no more than 80 pounds QUALIFIED on the M249 under my tutelage. For the non-military (and the military interested) qualifying included 200 or so rounds and pop-up targets. She did great. The M249 doesn’t have the M60’s feed problems; neither does the M240B.
This guy is worse than a joke - he literally can’t outshoot a 13-year old girl.
Still laughing in Baghdad,
May 6th, 2006 at 1:28 amSGT Dave
In continuing support of your efforts, Emperor Misha, I’ve created some MP3s ragging and ridiculing the Zarkman (DON’T call him Zarka-weewee!) and “Ibrahim” Hooper, head honcho at CAIR-Free Speech.
These are free for the downloading from
BrainSurgeryWithSpoons.blogspot.com
Stay the course, Misha!
May 6th, 2006 at 1:34 amIsn’t CNN the same network that ran specials about how ‘Assault weapons’ were ‘designed’ so that ‘any idiot criminal’ could ‘mow down crowds of people’ without any training’?
Uh huh.
May 6th, 2006 at 1:39 amThe only reason this type of Shiite sells is that a lot of Americans have never fired a weapon in their lives. More’s the pity. And speaking of those “terrorist training camp videos,” a bunch of idiots playing on monkey bars i not training, it’s embarrasing. The average American civilian has access to FAR better training at any of a number of private establishments here.
May 6th, 2006 at 3:01 amYeah, I’m sick of that $#|+ too–& ever-repeated clip of Salami-been-Slobberin with an AK. Ooooh, scary!
May 6th, 2006 at 5:39 amWell did anyone expect more of these pig fellating terrorist towel heads?
Now do you want to really see something hilarious?
Check out the video clip of terrorist towel heads trying to work a recoiless…:lol:
May 6th, 2006 at 10:14 amActually its not really a towel….the little thing that they wrap about their head is actually a small ceremonial sheet…so to be politically correct they should be referred to as sheetheads.
May 6th, 2006 at 10:25 am[…] CNN and the New York Times have rushed to defend Zarqawi after the release of a humiliating new videotape in which he’s unable to fire a machine gun. Posted by Ian S. in […]
May 6th, 2006 at 10:48 amLOL!
May 6th, 2006 at 11:44 amWatching terrorists try to operate weapons of war is as funny as watching Three Stooges reruns.
Funny, when we got our 249 at the range, the first thing I did was to take it into little pieces, clean it, and put it back into order for a test fire.
Then took it downstairs for same.
Manual? We don’ need no steenkeeng manual!
(Besides, if ANT idjit thinks the saw is hard to fire/hit with, they need their head examined! It’s like a sewing machine that throws bullets instead of thread. Just digga digga digga…)
(Now, if we can just get the 240B in…)
(Damn 60’s down, imagine that!)
May 6th, 2006 at 12:53 pmAs someone who has melted more than one barrel on an M249 due to “Use it or Lose It” fiscal rules surrounding ammunition in the military, I can tell you it is one of the easiest weapons available to the infantry to use.
And did anyone notice, once he had his weapon cleared for him, how he moved the firing pattern?
Anyone with 2 minutes of training knows that a machine gun is a suppresion weapon. It is used primarily to repel assaults and deny access to broad areas from the enemy. Making circles in the air is the LAST thing you would do with a machine gun.
He looked like Barney Fife rushing to get his bullet out of Andy’s desk.
May 6th, 2006 at 12:55 pmFor all you guys still serving, I got out before the 240B. What’s the difference between it and the M60? Cyclic rate seems to be about the same. Fires the same round, but is quite a bit heavier. What gives?
May 6th, 2006 at 1:31 pmWell, being a civilian amongst a lot of military types…I don’t have the knowledge that a lot of you have. I did work for the military and spent a lot of time observing firing exercises of everything from M109’s to M16’s….I actually got to range qualify on an M16 once, and asked about firing something a little more “automatic” pointing to an M249. I just got laughed at by everyone in hearing distance. They DID let me handle one, completely unloaded, and I was surprised at how light it was.
Being a civilian shooter, I watched this video and it is pretty apparent from abu the terrible’s firing stance that he has no clue what he is doing. When I first fired a semi auto pistol and it jammed on me, I did the same thing he did…look around for someone to help me…with the same stupid look on my face. If this is the best that the islamomonkeys can put against us, then I have a proposal on how to win this thing…..self inflicted casualties amongst the enemy….
We should bring in a few arms suppliers to our fold, paying them double to supply the muzzies with defective weapons…you know, with weakened barrels and shortened fuses etc…with their propensity to fire their weapons on full auto, for the slightest of reasons, it would be very entertaining to see their sheet heads go flying in the air.
Party time in islamo land ahmed, let’s fire our new “very heavy machine guns” in the air….pop pop pop BOOM (closeup of headless goat fellator, trying to flip the safety).
May 6th, 2006 at 2:41 pmRationalize that away CNN…goddamned traitors
One addendum to my previous post. I did think that the 249 was light, standing there holding it with no magazine in it. I didn’t have to haul the damned thing over God knows how many miles…it gets pretty heavy by then I’ll bet.
Hat’s off to you guys that actually carried this beast on your backs….
May 6th, 2006 at 2:50 pmRanger 6
One word: Reliability.
Oh, there’s a couple others, firing stability, and accuracy, and the sights don’t have to be adjusted every time you change the barrel, but “it always works” pretty much sums it up.
(Just for reference, the 240B is an Americanized version of the Belgian MAG-58, so the belt feed is closer to being continuous, (rather than the jerkiness of the 60), thus, belts feed smoother. (one of the Achilles heels of the 60 is that belt feed, feeding only during half of the cycle puts a lot of stress on the links, and on the feed pawl. This stress and loading can cause belts and links to distort, while also (as in the case of ours), sometimes keeping the bolt from completely closing and locking before firing.)
(That’s what eventually distorted the rails in the receiver, causing us to have to send it back to Sunset to have them replace the receiver…)
May 6th, 2006 at 3:27 pmBlech.
Try to hump the .50 cal for 30 clicks, then you know what “heavy” means. Not only does it weigh the same as a 12-year-old, more or less, it’s made up of nothing but sharp corners.
The way we’d do it would be to get somebody else to take the tripod and our backpack, then slide one of the grips on the back of the sucker inside the belt on our back, slinging a spare length of webbing around the barrel on top and holding on to it for balance and control.
May 6th, 2006 at 3:44 pmsez:
jeeez, do you still have nightmares about that? I also got to handle the M2 when I was at Ft. Hood, thing must weigh close to 90 pounds in my estimation.
Again, it was only the weapon, no tripod or belts or anything.
Misha, I’m going out with a shooting buddy of mine to fire the M1 tomorrow (first time), I’ve been way too stacked up to have any fun lately. I’ll double check for barrel markings when I break it down to clean it, will let you know what I find.
May 6th, 2006 at 4:01 pmYup - Danish girls sure know how to handle large caliber guns. They have to - especially the blonde ones…
May 6th, 2006 at 5:22 pmLong ago, we called the soldiers who couldn’t qualify after basic marksmanship classes “Bolos” after the Bolo knife that would be used by the first man in a file to hack their way through heavy underbrush.
Guess “Bolo Zarqawi” better stick to threatening better men than he who are trussed up by better men than he.
Every nationality has their own way of fighting.
The French and Koreans prefer to fight with their feet.
The Chinese and American Indians punch.
Japanese prefer to grab and throw, or perhaps use the Sword.
Italians and Spanish prefer the rapier.
Americans prefer snipers.
Germans prefer Machineguns.
Russians prefer Artillery.
Arabs prefer using knives with short blades, and use treachery to get close enough to use them.
May 6th, 2006 at 5:31 pmThanks Guido.
Shit. Talk about all sharp corners, when we got our Bradleys in ‘88 we went to Vilseck for an entire summer to learn to use them.
The main gun is the M242 25mm chaingun. It weighs 270lbs all in one piece. It comes apart into basically 3 large pieces. We had to be able to disassemble and reassemble the cannon, alone, in a very short time limit (I think it was 2 minutes each way).
This thing was inside a very tight space that you had to reach into while manipulating the parts (and couldn’t always see exactly what you were doing).
Usually when somebody was doing time trials the floor of the turret looked like several murders had taken place. I still to this day have scars on my hands and arms from those months at Vilseck.
And in general, going into a Bradley with any exposed skin and not wearing a Kevlar was a bad idea.
Little bits of broken glass painted into the interior walls, floor and ceiling to provide traction in muddy conditions. Sharp corners on everything. And that fucking fire suppression sensor right smack dab in the middle of the opening at the rear ramp put many an unKevlared soldier in the infirmary to have their forehead stitched up.
Ah, the fond memories.
May 6th, 2006 at 7:00 pmMOST FAGGOTTS CANT SHOOT
May 6th, 2006 at 7:05 pm[…] Read about it here, here, here and here. […]
May 6th, 2006 at 7:33 pmWhile were discussing the nuances of handling munitions, don’t forget the shoes! He was wearing a pair of New Balance sneakers in the video.. Damn You America!
May 6th, 2006 at 8:22 pmNone of this surprises me BUT what did surprise me was when Zarqman asked for 6 volounteers for the butt party on the flame-thrower range and got them.
May 6th, 2006 at 8:51 pmJust proves my point: terrorists are pussies and are not really men. Can’t call them bitches, either, it would be an insult to bitches worldwide.
May 6th, 2006 at 9:41 pmOr spell either apparently.
One of the best marksman I know is queer as a three dollar bill. I mean I wouldn’t want to shower with the guy, but he can shoot the balls of a mayfly.
So grow up and stop hating what you see in the mirror you homophobic arse.
May 7th, 2006 at 12:15 pmWho would ever have guessed that the emperor is Danish?
May 7th, 2006 at 5:52 pmPerhaps he is an old buddy of mine from ft. Lunby or Bornholms Værn, who knows?
I have no idea how heavy the M249 is, or its trigger for that matter, but the only weapon I can recall to be somewhat difficult to fire is the Garl Gustav rocket launcher.
“One of the best marksman(sic) I know is queer as a three dollar bill. I mean I wouldn’t want to shower with the guy, but he can shoot the balls of a mayfly.”
Oh, please… “…the balls of(sic) a mayfly”?
“So grow up and stop hating what you see in the mirror you homophobic arse.”
Have a look in yer own mirror, Sister.
So “he” can shoot? And that makes “him” a natural? I know plenty of women who can shoot. That doesn’t make them men. My aversion to “queers” and their incessant proselytizing of their so called “lifestyle” in the courts and the government schools doesn’t make me “afraid” of or one of them.
Your countryman, Rhoads, of Imperial rapacity, immense fortune and scholarship endowement fame, was reputedly light in the knickers. Doesn’t take away from his accomplishments, but does nothing to recommend them either. I don’t recall him seeking any especial social, political or legal standing (read: RIGHTS) as well.
May 7th, 2006 at 10:33 pmEr, Jon.
I think the issue here is that one’s sexual preferences don’t have an impact on your firing skills, so why the needless slur? At least that’s how I read NCLivingBrit’s comment, and if that’s how it was meant, then I agree wholeheartedly.
What a homosexual does in the privacy of his own room with a consenting adult is between him and G-d. Sure, I have a pretty exact idea of how G-d feels about it, but that still doesn’t make it my business, nor does it in the least influence my opinion of the gay guy as a person.
Nor do I judge his shooting skills based on whether he has watched Brokeback Mountain or not. I’d hate to piss him off and have it turn out that I was wrong.
May 7th, 2006 at 10:46 pm