We’re in a bit of a bind here.
You see, as we were busy writing yet another of our brilliant Bush-bashing masterpieces, we noticed some rustling outside and went to investigate.
It appears that ranting about Bush attracts the species Moonbatticus Moulitsianus, much like a mating call, and our righteous spleen-venting had attracted a whole cloud of them, trying to get in.
Which brings us to our predicament:
The lesser specimens were easy enough to scare off, but the Alpha Bat just would not budge and kept trying to crash the palace gates, repeatedly emitting a mindless, high-pitched shriek that sounded a lot like “SCREW ‘EM, SCREW ‘EM.”
So we had to change to plan B and pacify it by — other means. Obviously, that leaves us with a disposal issue since it is well known that said species has a tendency to stink up the premises something fierce if left laying around for too long, so we’d appreciate any suggestions and help.
The… “item” for disposal is currently located in the foyer… And the living room… And a bit in the kitchen.
(Oh, and don’t miss the video remix either)
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No wonder the KosTards are O-for-Forever…
Yeeeeah. Fuctwits like Lamont are who we need voting on our national security. Then again, we DO have Pelosi, Reid, The Swimmer, Turban, et al. already doing that… Gawd, we’re screwed.
May 20th, 2006 at 12:04 amYa gotta have a plan B!
Checked out clusty.com and in a helpful household hints section found a post saying the best way to clean bat guano is a combination of lye soap and citrus oil. And a big brush. And gloves. Goggles. Coveralls. Some sort of respiratory breathing apparatus was also mentioned. Emphatically. Several times.
They did NOT however, have any good ideas for the, er, other bits of a bat. Especially the big honkin’ species You were forced to deal with. Apparently some things are beyond mere mortal’s capability to scour clean. Even mortals of the Royal persuasion.
If it was just the foyer and the living room, I’d say brick em up and work around it. But the kitchen???
Sorry, Sire. I bet You’re sure gonna miss that house.
Time to summon the Royal Realtor. Or, the Palace Demolition man-in-residence.
Anybody got ‘Extreme Makeover - Palace Edition’ on speed-dial?
May 20th, 2006 at 1:29 amKos, It’s full of life!!!!!
May 20th, 2006 at 1:51 amUntil you abort it that is, then it’s dead, but I guess, since it wasn’t alive anyways, then it wasn’t full of life, or dead, or… shit, not i’m confused
this is fucking bullshit…thank god i have musak to keep me healthy!
May 20th, 2006 at 3:31 amThe only thing that comes readily to mind is what happened to Steve Buscemi in Fargo. I don’t suppose the Empress is in need of additional mulch for the Imperial flowerbeds…?
For the rest, I can only recommend new carpets and lots of bleach. “Kilz” primer works well for covering up unsightly stains prior to repainting.
May 20th, 2006 at 8:53 ammoonbaticus moulitsianus What sort of anus is that? I can’t find it in my “Anuses of the World” book.
May 20th, 2006 at 10:16 amThese people are fairly predictable. Nothing new here. I’ve had to cease communication with what I felt were abusive family memebers and alleged friends coming after me personally and my writings. I do belive I surprised them when I told them in a not too gentle fashion that they have failed to either intimidate or silence me…and always will. Also defining publicly their motives and intent. The ran squealing back under their rocks. My family, mostly on my wifes side, and friends list has become decidely smaller. And with no regret. My life has gotten better. imagine that. My wife winced at some of the things I said…but you know what? One thing about cluebats….they work.
May 20th, 2006 at 10:50 amummm….
1) Full PCs, respirator (or SCBA), plastic outer coveralls. Triple gloves with cotton comfort liner.
2)Double weight poly bags, 2-rolls HP tape, HEPA filter-equipped wet vac with double poly liner, biohazard tags, squeegee, absorbent pads, oxy-clean, sponge mop with replaceable head, sledge hammer, claw hammer, exacto knife, lysol spray.
3)Hand load larger chunks into bags. Squeegee remaining liguid material into a central area and cover with sorb-pads.
4) Vacuum liquid traces. Remove any contaminated carpeting and backing. Remove any absorbent flooring materials.
5) Demolish and remove any absorbent wall or ceiling sheathing or drywall carefully, to minimize surface to airborne contamination issues.
6) Apply solution of Oxy-Clean diluted 1:10 with warm water to all surfaces with garden sprayer. Squeegee/Vac collect liquids using triple-rinse technique on surfaces. Sorb-pads as needed creating liquid dam to prevent cross-contamination of other surfaces.
ahhhh screw it…
Plan B
1) 10 gallons suitable accelerant, diesel or kerosene would be ideal.
2) Apply accelerant allowing porous surfaces to absorb.
3) CHECK Weather forecast, avoid temperature inversions and ensure downwind “footprint” out of occupied areas.
4) Remote ignition source– cigarettes and matchbooks under Styrofoam cups of lighter fluid is cheapest. Ensure vertical surfaces are properly exposed for ignition.
5) Evacuate at risk persons/livestock are upwind and remove non-contaminated personal property.
6) “Fire in the Hole”
7) “Hello Allstate- There’s been terrible accident”.
Good Luck-
Wasn’t the Empress looking for an expanded Imperial Abode anyway?
May 20th, 2006 at 11:10 amMy friend Caveman said:
Indeed, besides we learned in the rooms to reconsider our friends and associates in taking the proper path.
To hell with keeping up false “appearances” with friends and family members to “get-along”. The time has come for all to choose sides and stand on their principles. No gray areas it’s A or B.
I would rather Stand, Fight and go down with a pitifully small Band of Brothers at my back, than part of the whimpering horde that so many of our fellow Americans have joined.
May 20th, 2006 at 11:19 amI say we take off and nuke the entire site(dailykos) from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
May 20th, 2006 at 12:54 pmSo true, Jackboot..so very true. Many I know have rationalized or compromised. I haven’t and won’t, tends to make people uncomfortable. I’m not a big, racious fighter, smiply quietly doing and supporting what I believe to be real, true and enduring. Unlike many…..I know one day I will be called Home. Facing my God will be difficult…facing my Dad???? no other course is possible for me. Just the other day my mother told me something…..how Dad respected me for being true to myself…not rich or famous or any of that shit. For I am none of those. And if I can receive the love and respect of a man such as him….I’m doing something right.
Indeed so, it had to do with that facing God and Dad thing. I won’t start anything, probably wouldn’t survive…….but I can die like a fucking man…not a fucking worm. For I would have to live forever with the choice. Throws a new wrench in the gears, doesn’t it? I would not wish to live in a world such as the one I would have to fight. Besides, we could all have one hell of a good time smoking heavenly cigars, sucking down the favorite beverage of one’s choice, and greeting the newcomers. A seeming juxtaposition would be to state…”Time is not on my side…but eternity is..”
May 20th, 2006 at 3:54 pm