Thanks For Saving Us The Trouble, Hajis
Posted by: Emperor Misha I in Good News, Religion of Pus, Useless Swine10:53 pm
Some utterly splendid news, courtesy of the Imperial Rebbe:
(CNN) — Three prisoners at the detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have hanged themselves in what is being called a “planned event,” the U.S. military said Saturday.
“Doing the jobs that no American politicians have the guts to order done.”
They are the first confirmed deaths at the compound. Prisoners have attempted suicide in the past.
And it is with no small degree of satisfaction that His Sithness notes that they’ve gotten better at it.
See? Practice makes perfect.
“Two Saudis and one Yemeni, each located in Camp 1, were found unresponsive and not breathing in their cells by guards,” said a statement issued by Joint Task Force-Guantanamo.
Two “eternal friends” and one from Cole-bombistan. Not bad. Not bad at all.
“Medical teams responded quickly and all three detainees were provided immediate emergency medical treatment in attempts to revive them. The three detainees were pronounced dead by a physician after all lifesaving measures had been exhausted,” the statement said.
We hope they didn’t forget to use the famous Oink Maneuver where you try to provoke a gag reflex by shoving a pork wiener down the airways. Repeatedly.
“This was clearly a planned event, not a spontaneous event,” said Rear Adm. Harry Harris, commander of Joint Task Force-Guantanamo.
He added that there is a “mythical belief” that the Guantanamo detention center would be shut down if three detainees die.
Nope. Still there. Guess they got the number wrong or something.
But we of the Empire are all about reaching out and helping somebody, so here’s the secret, O detainees of Gitmo: The number of required deaths is 460. Wait, make that 457.
The suicides should surprise no one because the detainees believe they will be held indefinitely with no chance for justice, said Josh Colangelo-Bryan with the Center for Constitutional Rights, which represents about 200 of the detainees.
“They’ve been told that while at Guantanamo they have no rights as human beings,” he told reporters during a conference call Saturday.
Non-human beings generally don’t, so what’s your beef? Not to mention that they’re still enjoying a lot of rights denied to the victims of themselves and their allies. Such as the one to breathe. Well, except for the three who just revoked their own voluntarily, that is.
Colangelo-Bryan said one of his clients told him during a visit to the facility in October 2005 that he “would simply rather die than live here with no rights.”
Really? We’re sure we can arrange something if that’s the case.
Jumana Musa, Amnesty International USA’s advocacy director for domestic human rights and international justice, released a statement pointedly blaming the Bush administration for the suicides and calling Guantanamo “an indictment on its deteriorating human rights record.”
“By rounding up men from all over the world and confining them in an isolated penal colony without charge or trial, the United States has violated several U.S. and international laws and treaties,” Musa said in the statement.
U.S. laws? The Supreme Court would surely have said something to the effect if that were the case. Oh, and “international laws” have no jurisdiction anywhere. Just ask Fidel Castro, who is running some real gulags within spitting distance of Gitmo. Funnily enough, you Amnesia International Ignoramuses never seem to want to talk about that.
The United States has defended its use of the Guantanamo facility to hold “enemy combatants” during the war on terrorism after the September 11, 2001, terror attacks.
Much like we defended our use of holding Nazi combatants indefinitely in POW camps during WWII. Well, we didn’t actually defend it. We didn’t have to. Nobody were blindingly buttbrained enough to suggest that we didn’t have the right to do so back then, which only goes to show that evolution is either a crock or fatally flawed.
The U.N. last month issued a report saying that holding suspects indefinitely without charges violates the world torture ban and established human rights law. The May 19 report called for the shutdown of Guantanamo and any secret prisons the U.S. operates.
And the U.N., that august body of corruption, theft, child prostitution and other irregularities too numerous to mention, can go perform physiologically impossible acts of indecency upon themselves. Is that clear enough for you? Of course, if you feel really strongly about it, you can always try to shut down Gitmo forcibly. Those powder blue helmets make for excellent targets.
“They are smart. They are creative. They are committed. They have no regard for human life, neither ours nor their own,” Harris said. “I believe this was not an act of desperation, but rather an act of asymmetrical warfare waged against us.”
And their allies in the U.N., Amnesia International and the rest of the Usual Suspects immediately jumped in to do their part. You can say what you want about those itching inflammatory processes on the scrotum of humanity, but when it comes to jumping out of their boxes on cue from anybody who hates the United States, they never miss a lick.
It matters not. We’ll instead celebrate the fact that there are three less scumbags in need of execution in the world today.
Entries (RSS)
It is contagious? I hope, I hope, I hope…….
June 10th, 2006 at 10:57 pmWhen I read the headline earlier, I said, “Good.”
Does that make me a bad person?
June 10th, 2006 at 11:00 pmOnly three?
Well, it’s better than none.
June 10th, 2006 at 11:04 pmAt Texas A&M, we used to joke that if you did something twice, it was officially a “tradition.”
One can hope that this is the start of a fine new tradition…
June 10th, 2006 at 11:14 pmNow this is the type of “Warfare” that we should encourage. Three down a Billon or more to go.
June 10th, 2006 at 11:26 pmOk lads, next time you can do better.
Does the phrase ‘logarhythmic progression’ mean anything to you?
June 10th, 2006 at 11:49 pmOkay. is this that joke that ends “A good start”?
June 10th, 2006 at 11:51 pmIs their some kind of pork product that can be made into a suicide pill? Or just give them some pigskin ropes to hang themselves with …
June 11th, 2006 at 12:01 amHung themselves with their bedsheets huh?
June 11th, 2006 at 12:01 amThere’s got to be a good joke in there somewhere.
Sunday Funnies…
image courtesty of Cox and Forkum
June 11th, 2006 at 12:07 amPoint Five previews Brokeback Al Zaraqawi
America’s North Shore Journal gives us a glimpse of Zarqawi’s paradise
Yippee Ki Yay has a humerous jab at at D.C.’s Fat Cat spending.
Wuzzadem enters KOS …
Hey I know…
Lets start a care package program for the poor souls at GITMO..
You know we do it for our troops over here in the Middle Hell, er I mean East…so why not the Detainies as well?
Obviously nothing that could be used as a weapon against the fine men and women charged with the proper care feeding and upkeep of the koranimals would be permitted..but we could probably send them things like…Rope… Or a sturdy electrical cord might do nicely….
Address it to: “Any Detainiee”
June 11th, 2006 at 12:51 amU.S Naval Base
Guatanmo Bay Cuba
CiSSnarl5.7,
I like the idea. I wouldn’t mind sending them some rope or sheets that say made in the USA or Israel.
Maybe add a note that says:
Dear goatfucker,
Enjoy the gift. You know what to with it.
Best regards,
Infidel.
June 11th, 2006 at 1:03 amHmm… Insulin, perhaps???
June 11th, 2006 at 1:03 amWe had the same mindset at the immigration detention centres I worked at in Oz. The widespread belief if “someone” (not me) commited suicide the government would throw open the gates to everyone else.
June 11th, 2006 at 1:51 amIn my time there I saw dozens of “suicide attempts” and only 1 real try.
The jihadis think that we are too soft and “human rights” respecting to keep them detained.
It is a worldwide phenomena not restricted to Guantanamo, check out Australian, English, or any other European detention system for illegal immigrants of Muslim background. They do it because it has worked in the past (with the assistance of lawyers) and will continue doing it.
I can only hope it hurt.
We saved three rounds……..
Rear Adm Harris said he did not believe the men had killed themselves out of despair. They are smart. They are creative, they are committed, he said, quoted by Reuters. They have no regard for life, either ours or their…
June 11th, 2006 at 1:57 amHopefully the med teams used this to try to revive them…:lol:
June 11th, 2006 at 3:27 amOh, Rottie.. you are being SO heartless! They killed themselves to protest the treatment at Club Gitmo? Will the “Religion of Peace” site update their counter of deaths-to-date?
You might hurt their widdle feewings… don’t you know Islamofascists have feelings too?
I’m sure you could care probably less than I do. Why can’t they all do that? In fact, why don’t they make a suicide pact to go see Allah and get their 72 Virgins so they can get away from the Zionist infidels that run Gitmo? Oh, wait… that’s right… they’ve never lived so high on the hog (EVERY SINGLE DAMN PUN INTENDED) before arriving at Club Gitmo.
Allahu Zarqawi! Oopps! oh yeah… that’s right.. he’s dead. HA HA HA and MORE ha!
Ms. U
June 11th, 2006 at 3:27 amWell, this is what idleness leads to. Now, were they to open a hog farm over there, as I suggested, the inmates could have been gainfully employed, and would not have time for nonsense such as this.
June 11th, 2006 at 3:35 amLukewarm…
The NYT reports:
Three Guantanamo Bay detainees hanged themselves with nooses made of shee……
June 11th, 2006 at 4:08 amLukewarm…
However, I like AI forgot to take the essence of the Religion of Peace into account: these men killed themselves so they could be martyrs….
June 11th, 2006 at 4:12 amUh, last I heard ’suicide’ was forbidden by the ‘Religion of Peace’ (my ass)?
June 11th, 2006 at 4:59 amI’d certainly be the last to dissuade a Guantanamo terrorist from whatever method of suicide he has chosen, for fear he might not off himself at all. But as long as we can be absolutely sure that the suicide will take place, aren’t some types of suicide more fun for us, and therefore to be encouraged over others? For instance, take the hunger strike. We could charge Jenny Craig for using the starvees in commercials, like with that formerly really fat TV/movie star woman who keeps getting skinnier and is starting to look good again. She could make her witty comments and hold up pepperoni just out of their reach.
June 11th, 2006 at 6:33 amIt’s the Judean People’s Front Crack Suicide Squad! That showed us, didn’t it?
June 11th, 2006 at 7:19 amFrom what I understand, two weels ago Amnesty International demanded that the prisoners be given more privacy. This led to the guards to putting barriers on the line of sight into each cell, whether by hanging sheets (hehe!) or by some other means, I’m not sure. The upshot is that the guards could not see the prisoners when they hung themselves and were therefore not able to provide timely assistance. So, let’s all give a big round of appplause to the winners at Amnesty International.
June 11th, 2006 at 11:05 amWell then, give ‘em sheets, venetian blinds and shower curtains if they’ll put ‘em to good use like the last three. I’ll mail knotted electrical cords so they can give each other the “Seven Pearls of Allah” before sending themselves screaming into eternity.
Bon Voyage Assholes!
June 11th, 2006 at 11:39 amThank you amnesty ignorational.. otherwise we’d still be sloppin’ these swine.
June 11th, 2006 at 11:40 amDissapointed at the resolve of these “lovers of death”, that they could only muster three nosepickers for this important mission.
Would Amensty International prefere we Excuite them like those Germans who were in Allied Uniform in WWII during the battle of the Bulge?
I mean they were fighting the army without a Uniform therefore they are violating law and are considered spies.
June 11th, 2006 at 12:36 pmCan Muslims really accomplish anything technical, like making a noose ? - Well, there’s a first to everything.
June 11th, 2006 at 12:57 pmFirst Z’awi, then the one in Gaza City, then G’itmo. Hey, that’s three LESS mouths to feed down there, and it’s saving our precious tax dollars! DAMN, this was a good week!
June 11th, 2006 at 1:08 pmMyths,myths,we need more myths ya’ll….hehe.
June 11th, 2006 at 1:09 pm1.double the virgins on wednesday if you behead yourself.*one martyr per coupon*
2.if you call before the end of this letter,we will send you the anthrax handi pac for the terrorist on the go to hell express.
3.Rope,tree,jihadi.get the complete kit.
I just want to say bacon jihadi martyr burger.Heck,its just fun to say….boo and ya….
one of the guards mentioned the passing of Don Knotts, but the prisoners heard him say “don knots”, which they donned.
June 11th, 2006 at 1:26 pmApollyon” (#12) says: I wouldn’t mind sending them some rope or sheets that say made in the USA or Israel“…
Hey A I think I found just the item that might work for these towel heads…:lol:
June 11th, 2006 at 1:45 pmA second thought… Maybe the gene pool self-chlorinates at times like this?:mrgreen:
June 11th, 2006 at 2:21 pmWell we could provide them with entertainment to ease their burdens of captivity. I suggest guitar strings without the guitars of course. They could stretch ‘em out on the bars and play “Stairway to Allah”, the acoustic version of course.
Sig-
Now that’s fookin’ funny bro’. Good material for a new Monte Python skit.
June 11th, 2006 at 2:45 pmJuandos,
Maybe we could give the jihadis some hallucinogens and then send this guy in to escort them to their 72 goats:
http://www.ImageShack.us” />
June 11th, 2006 at 3:44 pmLove it when the splodydopes manage to flush the sewage without killing one woman, child or non-combatant! It might be a first.
We can only pray that they will continue, 257 more there would free up some troops for the wider war on these koranimals.
Keep going fellas! Nice to see you are so stupid and brainwashed to believe the pathos that passes for “spiritual leaders” in your sick little cult :-).
June 11th, 2006 at 4:04 pmOH the poor jihadis have the mighty UN on their side. They’re calling for the shutdown of Gitmo because “gasp” 29 prisoners have died while in American custody.
UN calls for shutdown
O.K….we’ll shut down Gitmo as soon as the UN is relocated OFF of American soil.
June 11th, 2006 at 4:09 pmYeah, shut down the UN………useless assholes!
June 11th, 2006 at 4:11 pmJaybear, we should shut down the UN for the hundred of thousands of deaths that occurred under their watch [Sudan, Rwanda] without them doing a damn thing to stop it. By the way, shouldn’t Kofi Anan be in prison for his involvement in the oil-for-food scam? These UN whores are shameless. Next time the UN bastards have one of their circle jerks where they throw their feces at the US and Israel I say we bomb that glorified outhouse into oblivion.
June 11th, 2006 at 4:19 pmUN OUT OF US,,,,,, the job they do doesn’t even justify the parking spaces.
June 11th, 2006 at 4:40 pmWhat the hell does Bin Laden’s driver have to do with it? If Bush capitulates on this one, he should be run out on a rail.
Mr. Bush, GET THE GODDAM USELESS NITWITS OUT OF THIS CITY, OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. Send them to Canada. We’ll do the packing. They love them so much there.
June 11th, 2006 at 5:26 pmWhile were pissing on the UN let me add a story from about 5 years ago that says everything you need to know about the UN Whores™. In Johannesburg, South Africa, the UN vultures had a summit about ending world hunger and poverty. So what did the UN Whores do to address the many starving and poor people in the immediate area surrounding their compound? Why they stuffed their faces with lobster, caviar and champagne of course. They did show their humanity by throwing scraps over the compounds wall to the starving children.
June 11th, 2006 at 6:25 pmMeanwhile, the rest of the world eagerly awaits proof that these 3 men were actually guilty of anything more than being brown in the wrong place at the wrong time…
June 12th, 2006 at 8:02 amYou mean, besides being terrorists?
Idiot.
June 12th, 2006 at 8:45 amHey genius, accusations like that generally require proof before they can be treated as anything more than slander. Tell you what, why don’t you break new ground and become the first man on the entire fucking planet to prove that these men were guilty of anything more being brown in the wrong place at the wrong time.
June 12th, 2006 at 9:06 amLet’s see…
It might have something to do with the fact that, try as I might, I can’t find any other reason for two Saudis and a Yemeni to be detained in Iraq/Afghanistan by American troops.
Unless you’re saying that they were merely tourists who got lost and tried to go to Americans for help but instead got tossed into Gitmo by Evil Racist AmeriKKKan Soldiers™.
June 12th, 2006 at 9:18 amSorry about that, Muzzy. Next time some asshole surrenders after shooting at US troops or setting up IEDs, we will consider obeying the Hague convention to the letter, and simply shoot them for being enemy combatants caught out of uniform.
June 12th, 2006 at 10:13 amAs a contact specialist with the military, I’m constantly thinking in terms of “how much will this cost the American taxpayers?” (yeah, believe it or not, we do think about that).
My reaction on hearing this news was, “Good, less for us to pay for. . .”. As has been noted, though, we’ve still got a long way to go before we’ve optimized our savings. What, 257 people left to downsize? I think all the above suggestions very good ones, and I thank you all for your ideas in trimming the military budget. ^_^
June 12th, 2006 at 10:35 amAgent Orange
Then you’re stupid. Nothing wrong with that. We need someone to clean our toilets, flip our burgers and pump our gas. I just don’t see why anyone else should be forced to suffer on account of your lack of imagination or your inability to grasp the concept of burden of proof.
The inmates of camp X-Ray have had no access to legal counsel, no chance to rebut the charges made against them, and no means by which to appeal against their confinement. What right do you have to accuse them of anything? Do you think the U.S. Army is infallible? Do you think the bounty hunters in their employ are unimpeachable models of ethical restraint?
Are you so unbelievably dense that you can’t crowbar your mind open wide enough to consider the possibility that some of these men were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or the victims of mistaken identity? I notice that your entire case against these men consists of one vague allusion to the circumstances under which they were arrested which, and let’s be honest here, you aren’t really clued up on either.
I gotta tell ya, your powers of persuasion aren’t exactly winning me over so far. Still, I’m a charitable sort. I’ll give you one more chance to offer me some proof that these men are guilty of anything before I dismiss you as a gormless tool who’d rather piss all over your countries hard earned reputation as a bastion of human rights than concern yourself over the possibility that your beloved Government isn’t fucking infallible.
kbarrett
I’ve got a deal for you. You prove that the inmates of camp X-Ray were all caught red handed shooting at American troops, and I’ll revise my opinion of you as a dunderheaded, thread shitting homunculus whose intellect could only be quantified if dingleberries were a unit of measure. Fair?
June 12th, 2006 at 4:41 pmSAST #2 [Short Attention Span Topics]…
I’m feeling a bit scatterbrained today, so I think I’ll just bring another installment of Short Attention Span Topics.
June 12th, 2006 at 7:32 pmPeople seem to think that I’m some sort of expert on how to remove pubic har. Before you proceed, please, go no fur…
Here’s fair for you, Muzzfuck. Scrounge up enough quid to pay your way across the pond, say that to my face, and I promise I’ll only knock half your shit out of your swishy, wanking arse.
How’s that for fair, dickweed?
June 12th, 2006 at 8:39 pmMuzzy, explain to me why the fuck should I have to prove their guilt to anyone, much less you? I’m not the one who detained them, so if you want proof so badly contact the Department of Defense. I’m only applying Occam’s Razor here (BTW, you still haven’t explained how else two Saudis and a Yemeni would be in Iraq/Afghanistan getting into situations where they might be construed as terrorists).
I am open to the possibility that the three detainees in question were all 100% innocent.
I am also open to the possibility that yetis exist.
Oh, and by the way:
Completely false, moron. Or are you not aware of the fact that detainees at Gitmo can and do have Combatant Status Review Tribunals?
June 13th, 2006 at 1:23 amSpatula wrote:
Ah, would that I could take you seriously. Unfortunately, others have already proven that im a COMPLETE PUSSY!
June 13th, 2006 at 2:40 amBesides, I wasn’t even talking to you. What the fuck is your problem, anyway?
June 13th, 2006 at 2:41 am