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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for Humor
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Boo!

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 34 Comments »

Alternate Headline: “Silk Pony Campaign Breaks Leg; Shoots Self”

In a move that will either sink her career faster than Slick Willie Klintoon’s pants dropping to his ankles at the sight of a pair of chunky thighs, or give her a rocket ride to TV stardom, a UNC-Chapel Hill journalism grad student has done an exposé on the sway-backed, broke-legged Democrat Presidential Derby entrant, My Lil’ Silk Pony’s™, grandiose campaign headquarters and, as predictable as a Hurricane Katrina reference whenever so much as a bathtub overflows in sub-Saharan Africa, the Democrat candidate’s hitmen try to strong-arm and silence her with threats and intimidation.

What really shocked the Hell out of The Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ staff was that her program faculty advisor, Dr. C.A. Tuggle, basically told the Deadwards campaign to kindly go blow a dead mule and that they’d run the story if they damn well pleased.

Testicular fortitude against a Neo-Socialist candidate isn’t something that you see from a Skool of Journaljism™ these decades.

Here’s hoping that Ms. Babb and all involved have long and prosperous careers reporting on the hypocrisy of the ruling elite. (Watch out, GoreBot!)

F.E.T.E.

Update: Yes, that WAS what you thought it was…
Yup. You Saw It Correctly The First Time.

Comments 21 Comments »

In the annals of Stoopidom™, it’s a pretty mean feat to beat one of our old resident LiberIdiot trolls when it comes to outright, blindingly moronical Stoopidness™. Some of you may recall our long-lost Cinderella of the Stalls™, Constance. (aka “cb” or “connie). Her meal card was permanently stamped Warning: Too Stoopid To Chew® from the git-go and she’s gone through life slurping down the Stoopid Shakes™ with blissful glee since the day the doctor dropped her, headfirst, onto the floor of the delivery room. Well, when the minions of The Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ ambled over to The DUmmie FUnnies earlier this evening, we stumbled upon someone so Ass-tronomically Attenuated From Reality™ that he makes “cb” look like a veritable rocket surgeon, in comparison.

(Snide note: It’s a sure bet that he’ll make DJ proud to be on the same team.)

Warning: CAT XXII SPEW ALERT IS IN EFFECT!

F.E.T.E.

Comments 36 Comments »

Just when you think that you’ve heard every “argument” by a defense lawyer asking a judge to toss out a cut ‘n’ dried case, along comes William “Chocolate City’s Ice Cream Man” Jefferson and his comedy writer lawyer come up with one that makes even his namesake’s, Slick Willie of the Bent Dick’s™I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Mizz Blewinski.” defense, seem almost Aristotelian.

ALEXANDRIA, Va. (AP) — A Louisiana congressman caught on tape accepting a $100,000 cash payment…

First off, since his party affiliation wasn’t mentioned within the first three words of the article, we can be assured that he’s NOT a Republican…

…should not have been charged with bribery because technically, such an act is closer to influence peddling than bribery, defense lawyers argued Friday.

Go on and laugh. We’ll wait for you to catch your breath…

Lawyers for Democratic Rep. William Jefferson made no admission that Jefferson engaged in improper conduct. But defense attorney Amy Jackson argued that even if the government’s allegations are true, they do not constitute bribery under federal law.

Uh-huh. And Rep. Jefferson vigorously defended Randy “Duke” Cunningham during his “influencing troubles“, didn’t he?

“We think using influence is not a bribe,” Jackson told U.S. District Judge T.S. Ellis III in seeking to have some of the charges dismissed.

Stop it! You’re KILLING us, here!

“No, no, he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’!”

Prosecutors scoffed at the argument, and Ellis seemed skeptical. He offered several hypothetical situations that he likened to the conduct alleged in Jefferson’s case and questioned whether such situations did not amount to bribery.

That’s “judicial politeness” for “You’re out of your fucking MIND if you think I’m going to fall for THAT steaming pile of bovine excrement!

Or, in Pythonese: “Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.”
Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 65 Comments »

In a move that shocked, SHOCKED, we tell you, the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ staff, the brain-dead, dictator-loving idiots omniscient & omnipotent Nobel committee members gave this year’s LefTardian Socialist Succubi Sycophant “Peace Prize” to none other than the Master of Mastication™ & Academy Award® winner , Michael Moore-on. No, wait. That’s not right. They gave it to Rosie O’Donnell.

“That’s wrong, too, you morons!”, you say?

Well, didn’t they give it to someone whose only contribution to “Peace” has been eating enough food to feed several starving African nations and putting out unwatchable Celluloidal Sphincter Spew™? Ooooooh, they did? But it’s not one of the two aforementioned America-hating assholes? Who was it, then? WHO?!?! Yer shittin’ us, right?!?!

Actually, we’re not in the least bit shocked by the results of this “unbiased & factually-based” decision by the Nobel committee. After all, past winners have included such “peace luminaries” as Yasser “Kill Them Jooo Babies” Arafuck & Jimmuh “It’s OK To Kill Them Jooo Babies, Yasser” CarTard. Never mind that the Gorebot was up against a Catholic social worker who just happened to save around 2,500 Jewish children from being sent to the Nazi gas chambers in WWII. After all, who gives a shit about a bunch of Jewish kids when there’s trillions of capitalist dollars to be redistributed to the proletariat through The Great Glow Bull Worming Scam™ Carbon Taxes & Offsets™. (With just a few trillion skimmed off by the “More Equal of the Equals™” of the proletariat.)

Gorebot & Tipper React To Nobel Announcement

F.E.T.E.

PS: We apologize to His Imperial Viciousness & Vindictiveness™ for dog-piling on the Gorebecile and burying His post so quickly.

Comments 40 Comments »

With all of Teh Outrage!™ and hyperventilating exhibited by the Drooling Ungulates™ over the alleged misconduct of Blackwater security personnel, as well as the outright slander & libel directed at any and all US contractors working to help stabilize Turd World Shitholes™ around the world, the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ staff finally had enough and decided to throw together a little side-by-side comparison post. This post is specifically geared towards our Dimwitted Dhimmis™ who, without fail, automatically & reflexively condemn any and all US contractors and/or service members of any and all “crimes“, often based upon the flimsiest of “evidence” (Fatima, anyone?), as revealed in their blanket condemnations over Abu Grabass, Gitmo and, most recently, the Blackwater security personnel’s “massacre” of “innocents” while engaged in a firefight with ambushing Jihadis. (Naaaah, we know that the Michael Moore-on’s Minutemen™ NEVER hide behind women & children while firing at their enemy.)

One asshole Blackwater employee gets drunk and takes out an Iraqi security guard and that means the entire organization is nothing but a bunch of “blood-thirsty, child-killing mercenaries” under the employ of the Eeeeevil Chimpy McBusHitlerCheneyBurtoNeoKKKonZionist Cabal™. (Never mind that the employee was fined, fired and sent packing.)

Now, given that we have ONE documented case of a Blackwater employee going off the deep end and offing someone while drunk, what organization do the Demented Underachievers™ and their Whores on the Potomac™ always wish to call upon as The End All & Be All For Conflict Resolution™ and the magic carpet to take us all to that mystical Marxist EUtopia? Why, the UN, that’s who!

This is the organization that has been proven to have been involved in MULTIPLE episodes in the child sex slavery trade, child prostitution, child rape, adult female sex slavery/prostitution and, let’s not forget, the multi-billion dollar Dead Iraqi Children For Oil Scandal™. There’s more that we could pile onto the UN’s record, but we don’t want kick that steaming pile of shit too hard. (The Imperial Jackboots are a BITCH to keep spit-shined and the little brown oppressed people we keep chained up down in the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ get really whiny when they have to lick ‘em clean. And you KNOW how much we hate whining.)

No! That CAN’T be! The UN is the savior of the oppressed!“, we hear you say. Well, just Google it yourself, then.

For those too lazy to click the link and browse through the THOUSANDS of hits, we’ll give you the Readers’ Indigestion™ abbreviated version of the remarkable record of rape & debauchery perpetrated by those Servants of Humanity™ from the Useless Nincompoops™

Congo, Sudan, Haiti, Sierra Leone, Bosnia, Cambodia , East Timor, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Liberia, West Africa, Cambodia, Somalia, Kosovo, Rwanda, Guinea… (We could go on, but you get the idea by now.)

We’ll play our hand with one canned Blackwater asshole and raise you thousands of UN Blue Helmets™. Your bluff has been called, assholes.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 28 Comments »

Nope. They’re not anti-American or anything…

NEW YORK — Nearly one out of every five Democrats thinks the world will be better off if America loses the war in Iraq, according to the FOX News Opinion Dynamics Poll released Thursday. (Emphasis mine—B.)

And another 20% “Aren’t sure.

Anything to ensure that they’re fatalistic, treasonous worldview isn’t proven wrong and their attempts to gain a stranglehold on power aren’t shattered by an Eeeevil Rethuglican™ president successfully leading a coalition in helping the Iraqis form a free and stable society in the Middle East.

Let’s see how they try and spin their way out of this one… (We should tap into their perpetual spinning to solve the world’s energy “crisis”.)

F.E.T.E.

Comments 42 Comments »

The Good Guys™ took out another of Michael Moore-on’s Minutemen™ in Iraq.

WASHINGTON (AP) — U.S.-led forces have killed one of the most important leaders of al-Qaeda in Iraq, and recent similar operations have left the organization fractured, a top American commander said Friday.

“Abu Usama al-Tunisi was one of the most senior leaders … the emir of foreign terrorists in Iraq and part of the inner leadership circle,” said Brig. Gen. Joseph Anderson.

Al-Tunisi was a leader in helping bring foreign terrorists into the country and his death “is a key loss” to al-Qaeda leadership there, Anderson told a Pentagon news conference via videoconference from Baghdad.

Anderson said recent coalition operations also have helped cut in half the previous flow of foreign fighters into Iraq, which had been at about 60 to 80 a month.

He credited the work of the Iraqi Department of Border Enforcement and U.S. teams.

Unnamed sources state that Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins are rumored to be making arrangements to attend the funeral and issue eulogies for the deceased. (Well, we just started the rumor, but at least we’re the first to report on it.)

F.E.T.E.

Comments 22 Comments »

Yeah, it’s an old article, but truth is never “outdated“.

Underlying all “gun control” ideology is this one belief.” “Private citizens don’t need firearms because the police will protect them from crime.” That belief is both false and dangerous for two reasons.

First, the police cannot and do not protect everyone from crime. Second, the government and the police in most localities owe no legal duty to protect individuals from criminal attack. When it comes to deterring crime and defending against criminals, individuals are ultimately responsible for themselves and their loved ones. Depending solely on police emergency response means relying on the telephone as the only defensive tool. Too often, citizens in trouble dial 911 . . . and die.

Read the entire article and bookmark it for future ClueClubbings™ during Drooling Ungulate™ hunting season.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 35 Comments »

As the gutless, traitorous surrender monkeys of the Dhimmicrat Party stumble all over themselves to try and launch a “unilateral pre-emptive strike” against the credibility of General Petraeus, the very general whom they unanimously voted for to lead the US military’s fight against the terrorists in Iraq, some people, who have actually traveled to the Middle East, have some bad news for them. Here’s one of them.

(Note: All emphasis mine—B.)

The Middle East is a place where Islamists — who are likely to turn out unfriendly to America no matter how moderate they seem — are on the rise, where regimes remain entrenched in their fear of change, and where internal and cross-border conflicts are more likely in the upcoming future than not. Iraq is the only country in which all these dangerous trends are in reverse — the fever had peaked and recovery is underway.

The Sunni insurgency in Iraq has been broken, and Al Qaeda is getting crushed; its remaining strength is being marshaled to visit retribution on those unsavory Sunni “renegades” who once worked with Al Qaeda and now have turned on it. Everyone likes a winner, and Al Qaeda is losing big.Interestingly, Al Qaeda’s front organization, the Islamic State of Iraq, had admitted in its last biweekly report — the 31st such report spanning the period between August 1 and August 15 — that it has had an 80% decrease in its violent output over the course of the last two months.

Yeah, Schmuck Schumer, you ass-licking bag of fuck-drippings, it’s all DESPITEthe inability of American forces to bring stability and security to Iraq“.

Just when the washed-up hippies of the 1960’s thought that they could re-live the (in)glorious days of their youth and, once again, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, history decides to kick them squarely where their nuts would be, if they had any.

There’s MUCH more Good News™ from Iraq to make UpChuck & Harry Reid cry. Go read it.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 36 Comments »