Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 57

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/cache.php on line 384

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 560

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 684

Strict Standards: Non-static method sem_admin_menu::init() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 358

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Warning: ob_start(): non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu_callback() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 86

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::kill_gzip() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for The Perfect Football Weekend™
Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_css() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_js() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164
You are viewing the Archives for 2007.......If you want the current page, CLICK HERE.......

Author Archive

Memo to Guy Morriss:  If you’re going to let your team talk trash against its opponent, then spend your entire spring & summer game-planning for one contest…perhaps your team should at least score a point or two, hm?

Arlington Heights 28, Azle 24
#22 TCU 27, Baylor 0
UBuffalo 3, #15 Rutgers 38
#2 LSU 45, Mississippi St 0
#8 Oklahoma 79, N. Texas 10
Dallas 13, Minnesota 24

My understanding had been that the poor-man’s version of Vince Young for Arlington Heights, a lad by the name of Donnell Dickerson, wouldn’t be playing for the Yellow Jackets this year.  But according to this write-up:

The Yellow Jackets scored two fourth-quarter touchdowns to come back for a 28-24 victory against Azle in the season opener for both teams. Donnell Dickerson scored on a 29-yard shovel pass from Mark Grace, and Grace scored on a 14-yard keeper to give Heights the final lead with 9:18 left. Dickerson rushed for two touchdowns, of 1 yard and 29 yards, in the first half and finished with 150 yards on 16 carries.

Wow.  May not be such a bad year for Heights, after all.

As expected, few starters played for the Cowboys against the ViQueens Dykings team from BridgeFallDownGoBoomVille Minnesota.  Backup Matt Moore did okay, and his reward was getting cut.  Oh, well.

UBuffalo surprised Temple in its first game last year.  No such luck this year - the game was over early.  Buffalo covered the spread-plus-14, though, so it counts as a victory (albeit moral).

WITY™ (What’d I Tell Ya?) regarding LSU and Missississississi…uh, the Bulldogs?  Bo Pelini’s defense collected 7 turnovers (6 interceptions) and RB Keiland Williams bulldozed for a couple of TDs as the Tigers reauxlled…uh, rolled. 

Good thing that coaching careers aren’t defined by one game.

Memo to Todd Dodge:  The competition on this level is just a weeeeeee  bit more than that to which you’re probably accustomed.

New OU quarterback Sam Bradford probably thought practices were tougher.  He went 20-for-22 for 350 yards in the first half as the Sooners also put this one away early.  New OU tailback DeMarco Murray rushed for only 87 yards, but also scored five touchdowns.

What do you do after holding a Texas Tech-style offense to three points last year?  You shut out its sister offense being run in Waco this year.

Last year, it was Baylor head coach Guy Morriss running down TCU head coach Gary Patterson.  This year, Baylor tailback Brandon Whitaker took his shots:

“They have been talking a lot of noise about how they should be in the Big 12,” Whitaker said, “and so we are just going to go down there and prove to them that they shouldn’t.”

Mr. Whitaker, TCU can apparently do something you guys can’t:  Beat Big XII teams on a regular basis.  They’ve now won five in a row against Big XII teams, including your sorry asses twice.

New Frog quarterback Andy Dalton was 18 of 30 for 205 yards and one touchdown in his first start.  Frog backs ran for 181 yards and two touchdowns, and the TCU defense held the Baylor attack to 78 total yards in the second half, forcing three interceptions on their way to four total.

This week:  5-0. (the Dallas game doesn’t count, and Buffalo covered their spread as set by me).  Overall record:  5-0.  Perfect Football Weekend™ achieved.

The PFW will return Friday as we start with the nailbiting early.  Details to come.

Comments 21 Comments »

As we launch the first this-one-counts Perfect Football Weekend™ of the year, the Department of Ew, Just Ew™ alerts us to a charter member of the next generation of the Washington Redskins most well-known group of fans, the Hog-ettes.

A student at Sunset High School arrived for a second time Wednesday morning trying to register for class.

But it’s what 17-year-old Luis Valderamma wears that has created issues with administrators.

He’s a cross dresser, attired Wednesday in capri pants and heels.

“This is how I feel comfortable. This is me,” Valderamma said.

The student was sent home on Monday, but on Wednesday, school officials did allow him to register and attend class.

The DISD would not elaborate on any further agreements about his wardrobe.

“I’m not a distraction. There’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t wear girl clothes,” he said. “I see girls up here with saggy jeans. They come dressed up like boys. That’s going to be a distraction, too.”

Valderamma says he’s willing to compromise somewhat and wear capris instead of skirts.

But he says his choices are limited, as he has already bought his entire girl wardrobe for the school year.

I would pay Honest-To-Cthulu Real Money™ if this wussbag would go out for the Sunset football team. 

Awright, let’s get to it.  Tonight, the Dallas Cowboys play their last preseason game up in NoBridgeVille Minnesota as they visit the Vikings.  Widdle Terri Owens has already said that the stars are scheduled for “zero snaps” (his words).  Look for a ViQueens win, as the Cowboys get a heavy dose of former OU back Adrian Peterson.  (And, as this game is  preseason, it won’t count in the final PFW tally.)

Also tonight, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls play the role of sacrificial opening-night lamb vs. the 16th-ranked Rutgers Scarlet Knights.  A Vegas gaming site, to which I will hereinafter refer as “Vegas”, has the Scarlet Knights at -32½, so as long as the Bulls can keep from getting beat by 47, it’s a win.

In addition, the Bo Pelini-run defense of the #2-ranked LSU Tigers pays a visit to Starkville, MS to feast on Sylvester Croom’s Mississippi State Bulldogs.  ESPN thinks Croom could be fighting to save his job, and LSU’s going to be of no help whatsoever.  The line is LSU -18½, and I don’t think it’s going to be that  close.

Friday night, the “hah skrewlers” (a takeoff of a little Rush lingo, there) get back in action - and if it’s the first game of the season, it must be the Azle Hornets for my (Fort Worth, for you LCs) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  Heights got in the playoffs last year with a losing record (a fact which I chronicled here), and they’re not much better this year, so the playoffs are a remote shot - as will be successful PFWs. 

Speaking of sacrificial lambs, the University of North Texas Eagles, under the direction of former Texas high-school coaching phenom Todd Dodge, goes to Norman Saturday evening at 7:00 to get their heads ripped off by #8 Oklahoma.

The line is OU by 40½.  Welcome to the NCAA, Todd. 

Finally, the 22nd-ranked Texas Christian University Horned Frogs will host the Baylor Bears and former TCU lineman (now Bear coach) Guy Morriss at 5 pm Saturday (this is where His Rudeness™ will be screaming his head off for the three hours following).  The story is that all spring & summer, Morriss has talked about nothing else but this game, been preparing for nothing else but  this game.

Trouble is, he did that last year too - and TCU pulled the upset in Waco.

TCU’s starting a freshman at quarterback, however, so this game (as they all will) scares me, even though TCU’s favored by 21.  I will have no  nails by game’s end.  Bank on that.

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.  In the meantime, now  it counts, so let’s hear the trash talk! 

Comments 27 Comments »

Well, to paraphrase an old stand-up comic…last night I watched a Michael Vick public burial and a football game broke out.

Dallas 16, Pew-stun 14, Mike Carey’s Blind-Assed Excuse for an Officiating Crew 14
Jacksonville 21, Green Bay 13
New England 24, Carolina 7
Pittsburgh 27 Philadelphia 13
Atlanta 24, Cincinnati 19

Was that a football game last night or a public wringing-of-the-hands-in-angst over the Widdle Mikey Vick imbroligio?  I mean, you couldn’t go five minutes without Tirico, Jaworski & Kornheiser bringing it up.  What, was PeTA writing the fookin’ script or something?

Anyway, Joey Harrington didn’t look all that bad in leading the Falcons to a win at home, throwing two touchdown passes in about a half’s worth of work.  Carson Palmer had a couple of touchdown passes for the Bengals - the first ones of their preseason.  It didn’t help that they had 14 players out with injuries.

Who says you need reps in practice?  Not Pats quarterback Tom Brady:

Two days after Brady missed practice to fly to Los Angeles where his ex-girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to their son, Brady returned to the Patriots and was nearly flawless in New England’s 24-7 exhibition win over the Carolina Panthers on Friday.

Ah, but just wait until he gets hit with the child support papers. 

There’s just no pleasing some people.

Ben Rothelisberger throws for damn-near 250 yards, leads the Steelers on three scoring drives (okay, so two of ‘em were FGs - whatever), and he’s pissed about it:

“No, I’m not real happy,” he said. “We missed a couple of things, some things could have been better, but I told some of those guys I’ll get better and I’ll be sure to hit them.”


OTOH, how long before the Philthy fans (did I really say that?    ) start clamoring for Kevin Kolb to replace Donna McFlabb as the starter?  The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever™ was only 5-of-11 for 60 yards, while Kolb went 26-of-37 for 242.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  Eleven-on-eighteen is not a fair fight.

Dallas goes three-and-out on its first possession, then punts to little pipsqueak Jackoff Jacoby Jones, who promptly runs 91 yards the other way for the first Tex-anne touchdown.

Except that Pewstun committed a clip of the left-side gunner on the play.

Except that it wasn’t called.  Fucking excuse-for-a-side judge looked right at it  - and didn’t call it.  Pretty much de rigueur  for the ‘Boys the rest of the night:  Get mugged by Pewstun - no call.  Breathe on a Tex-anne - 10 yard penalty.

Romo didn’t have a great game, though he did throw TDs each to Widdle Terri Owens and Jason Witten.  The offensive line was just that - offensive; the running game was non-existant.  And Martin Grammitica has kicked himself out of a job for the second straight year, missing the PAT on the Owens TD (he’ll get cut this week or next with an injury settlement - you heard it here first).

Terrence Newman showed why he’s the Dallas defensive MVP.  He missed the game with plantar facsitis (sp?) in his heel, forcing the other cornerbacks to move up a spot.  Whereupon backup Jacques Reeves got beat for a 20-yard rainbow for a touchdown by the aforementioned Jackoff Jones.

(Incidentally, speaking of Jones, he should be damned glad I wasn’t trailing him on that punt return when he did a somersault over the goal line.  My elbows are pretty damned sharp, plus I wouldn’t have had much trouble leading with the crown of my helmet on the late hit.    )

Next PFW is in two days.  And this time, it counts for real (at least, on the HS and NCAA sides).  Start gearing up now, LCs & Denizens.

Comments 23 Comments »

Denizens & LCs, we’ll start off this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ with a question:  If I told you that a Texas team laid an ass-whipping on Baltimore, 30-3, you’d think football, wouldn’t you?  You’d think to yourself, “Man, Brian Billick, Ray Lewis and the rest of those goons got their heads handed to them by the Cowboys.”  Some of you would even break out in happy dances, I’ll bet.    And you’d think it was the Cowboys, because the Houston Texannes…snx…the Texans…snxxxnxxxxx…the Tex…BWAHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!11~

Sorry, got carried away there for a second. Where was I…?  Ah, yes…

You’d be wrong.  Not only about the teams involved, but about the sport itself.  As you probably know by now, the Texass stRangers destroyed the Baltimore Orioles last night in the first game of a doubleheader, setting the modern record for runs scored in a single game by a single team (they also set the record for runs scored in a doubleheader, as they won the nightcap, 9-7).  Down 3-0 in the opener, they roared back on the strength of two grand-slam homers, two three-run shots, and 7 RBIs apiece from the bottom two slots in the batting order.

“Damn”, as former FlaState footballer Ron Simmons would say.

Which brings us around to football.  And Florida football (sort of), at that.  Tonight, Lefty Leftwich & the Jacksonville Jaguars visit the frozen rain-soaked tundra of Lambeau Field to take on Ancient Mariner™ Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers.  Fox has the game with its #2 team, which means you’ll probably see more of Tony Siragusa than you really wanted to. 

Tomorrow night, CBS brings us a rematch of Super Bowl…uh, Super Bowl…


LSIK&T:  Oh, yeah, right.  38.  Thanks, Augie.

AUGUSTUS:  !%@(#!#(#$(#%@*@!!!!!!!!

(He hates it when I call him “Augie”.  Which is, of course, why I do it.    )

Anyway, it’s a rematch of Super Bowl 38 as the Pats go to Carolina.  Jake Delhomme & company haven’t looked all that great to start, but good things are being predicted for the Pats this year.  Rumors that NE QB Tom Brady was having a customized papoose-pak made for him were unsubstantiated at press time.

Speaking of the Cowboys (and the Tex-annes, for that matter), they’ll hook up Saturday night in Houston.  It’ll be interesting to see how former Atlanta backup QB Matt Schaub fares behind that sieve of an offensive line (the guess from here is that you could put The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!™, Donna McFlabb, behind that line and he’d get killed).

Speaking of Team Clunky Soup©, they’ll join Madden, Michaels and the NBC Sunday Night crew in Pittsburgh for another intrastate matchup vs. Ben Rothelisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Pitt has its third head coach in the last forty years - dammitall, can’t Art Rooney get some stability  into that franchise? 

And speaking of Hotlanta, we’ll round out the weekend Monday night with the Falcons hosting the Cincinnati Bengals (it should  be on ESPN, but it’s not on the schedule, but why would it be on Monday night otherwise?).  The over/under for this game is six felony convictions.

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.  In the meantime, feel free to discuss Atlanta replacing Michael Vick with…Joey Harrington??? 

Comments 44 Comments »

Waitaminit™ - I think the G-men just got called for another penalty…

Miami 11, Kansas City 10
Minnesota 37, NY Jets 20
Dallas 31, Denver 20
NY Giants 13, Baltimore 12
Chicago 27, Indianapolis 24

Patrick Cobbs (late of the University of North Texas) scored a late touchdown and jackass Mormon John Beck - sorry, I still have it in for him for the TCU game last year - got the two-point conversion that sent the Chiefs down to defeat at home.  The Chiefs are a little banged up right now (they’re missing pretty much their entire backfield from last year at the moment) and have only one offensive TD in the preseason (according to the linked report).

Even though OU’s Adrian Peterson ran tough for the Vikings, Mizzou’s Brad Smith got to play his rendition of Kordell “Slash” Stewart for the Jets, and even former Cowboy bust (dammit) Drew Henson got into the act, the highlight of Minn-NYJ was a calico cat that got caught on the toob gallivanting across the endzone halfway through the fourth quarter.  Smith didn’t see him, opting instead for a handoff. 

Baltimore & the New York G-Men played a very  sloppy game, even for preseason - the teams combined for 23 penalties for a grand total of 177 yards - and those were just the accepted ones. 

Chicago got its revenge, I guess.  If you wanna call a three-point preseason win revenge. (shrug)  Adrian Peterson had a sorry night for Da Bears™ (5 carries, 8 yards), but he did  score a touchdown.  (OTOH, if the best Chicago can do is 68 yards rushing on a fast track vs. the Indy run defense with  Cedric Benson & company - well, Urlacher had best have another career year.)

Side note before we go on:  Look at the last part of the scoring recap:

Craphonso Thorpe 4 Yd Pass From Josh Betts (Shane Andrus Kick)

Great Honkin’ Cthulu™, W(ho)TF names their kid “Craphonso”?????  Damn.  Just, damn.

Since the Cowboy game was on the See-BS affiliate, KDFW-TV decided to put the San Diego-St. Louis game on its sister station.  San Diego pretty much dominated.

The Bolts have gone back to the ugly-assed white helmets from their old AFL days, plus an ugly font for their numbers.  Ew.

Think Norv Turner doesn’t realize this is his last chance at a head coaching gig?  Last play of the game, his Chargers comfortably in front, 30-13, and he’s griping about how Ram QB Brock Berlin’s Hail-Mary pass was almost caught for a TD. 

Speaking of Turner - ever wonder what his timing-based offense would have done with a Brett Favre-type quarterback in charge?  Tony Romo is nowhere near Brett’s greatness, but the poor-man’s Favre led the Dallas offense on three very nice-looking drives in the first half (one was fairly short due to a fumble recovery deep in Bronco territory) as the Cowboys rolled.  Romo was 11 of 18 for 122 with several timely passes for 10-yard-plus gains, though he did have one pick.  Julius Jones & Marion Barber managed 88 yards between them, and Tyson Thompson got 75 all by himself against scrubs.

The ‘Boys are running right a good deal more this year to the right side (one TD came going that route) - Leonard Davis may be the signing of the year if he can keep up this performance level.

Only one sack by the defense for the game, but constant pressure on Bronco quarterbacks forced several errant throws (Bobby Carpenter managed one interception).  Nate Jones may have just played his way out of Dallas, whiffing on a pass that turned into a 90-yard Bronco touchdown.

But the most oddball note comes from Mike Klis of the Denver Pissed Post, who reported that the Broncos were apparently a little torqued that Dallas…well…played football.

“I don’t know if Wade’s (ticked) off the Broncos fired him, but it sure looked that way,” Broncos safety John Lynch said.

Lynch wanted to make it clear he was joking.

But as a safety entering his 15th season, Lynch is qualified to know football’s unwritten rules better than most. The Broncos played their base, seven-man front on defense Saturday and, because their offensive line is so banged up, tried to employ a conservative plan when they had the ball.

“That’s not what they did,” Lynch said. “They came out and game- planned us, blitzing every play. They came after us. It’s no excuse for the way we played. But I think they might have broken the code of ethics for the preseason.”

A few other Broncos, including quarterback Jay Cutler, shared similar feelings about the Cowboys getting a little too aggressive with their approach to a preseason game

What, guys?  You were expecting a nice, friendly game of tiddlywinks?  Sheesh. 

The PFW will return in a couple days.

Comments 17 Comments »

The first Perfect Football Weekend™ ever to hit the Empire of the Rottweiler kicks off…

AUGUSTUS:  By Baal’s left nipple, can it get any cornier?

MERLIN:  Trust me, he’s just getting started.

LSIK&T:  Oh, pipe down, both of you.

…by noting that Adam “Pacman” Jones, late of the Tennessee Vince Youngs Titans, has another gig now that he’s been suspended for the year by the NFL:  Pro wrestling.

Yeah, you heard right:  Pro wrestling.

BRUTUSWe  had professional wrestling.  That  is called, I believe, “rasslin’”.

LSIK&T:  What-ever.

But here’s the kicker:  The Titans, obviously wanting to protect their investment for when Jones comes back, tried to take Pacman to court the other day to keep him from the possibility of physical contact - and thus, injury.  According to this story, they’ve come to an agreement whereby Pacman would not actually engage in any physical contact.


MERLIN:  True dat.

OZY MCCOOL:  What a weenie!

KORRIOTH:  You would know, wouldn’t you, whelp?


LSIK&T:  Awright, knock it off!

Jones’ Titans are in Foxboro Friday night to take on the Patriots.

Also Friday night, Fox has Minnesota at the NY J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!, while ESPN has Miami traveling to Arrowhead this evening to play Kansas City’s Chiefs.  Sunday night, Madden & Michaels are in Baltimore to watch the Ravens host the New York Football Giants, and Monday night ESPN will have a rematch of last season’s Super Bowl as Da Bears are at Indy.

Saturday night, the Denver Broncos come to Texas Stadium to take on the Cowboys.  Jay Cutler has replaced Jake Plummer this year, for which Bronco fans are eminently grateful (Plummer having aptly demonstrated in 4 years why Arizona didn’t even want him).  Denver will pose a more adequate test for the Cowboys, as they feature a running game & a defense more closely resembling the ones Dallas will face in the NFC East.  Cowboy fans, yours truly included, will want to keep their eyes peeled for this one.

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.

(Psst, Rotties!  This is where you guys begin to talk smack, mkay?  And try not to bore me with the ancient Cowboys/police blotter crap, hm?  That was so 10 years ago, y’know?    )

Comments 79 Comments »

LCs, lemme borrow you guys fer a second.  Got a quextion (a little…well, it’s somebody’s  lingo, there) fer ye.

As you may or may not know, every fall the Realm™ (that’s my little corner of the Blogosphere™ for you newbies) has a weekly feature called the Perfect Football Weekend™ (if you want to learn more about it, go here; if you want to see the first installment for 2007, click on this link), where I track my four or five favorite football teams.

Here’s the interrogative:  If I were to cross-post the thing over here, say, every Friday or thereabouts, would you want to participate therein?  (Yeah, I know - I should just be begging you fine LCs to just come over there and read it, but I do that enough as it is.)

(NOTE:  By “participate”, I mean you talk your best smack about your favorite football teams.  For example, LC John Wardle will want to talk about the Washington Redskins; Humble Devildog will extol the virtues of the Wisconsin Badgers (affectionately known far & wide as “Bucky”), and we can all laugh at take pity on BC’s Tampa Bay Yuckaneers.  (They do  have Chris Simms for a quarterback, after all. (grin)))

UPDATE:  Oops.  Maybe not.  I forgot - did Simms ever recover from that perforated kidney?

Update the 2nd:  Okay, make that a ruptured spleen.


Update the 3rd:  LC Robert Huntingdon makes a bodacious point when he notes that:

so long as we all understand in advance that insulting language towards other teams is a given

Therefore, let it become an Imperial Edict™ (and since I’m the Imperial Sgt-at-Arms, I can do that):  Carryeth not any venom from a PFW thread into any other thread.

Consider it the Las Vegas rule:  What happens here, stays  here.


Comments 74 Comments »

Okay, all the bolding in the open thread has been fixed.

Let this be a lesson to you Rotties:  We are trained professionals…

CALIGULA:  Yeah, Right™.

CLAUDIUS:  (snnnnxxxxxxx!!!!!)


LSIK&T:  “Pkzip Peanut Gallery -a”


LSIK&TThank  you.

…do not try this at home.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled ranting.

Comments 25 Comments »

Okay, so I’m enjoying a brief respite from my hectic schedule as a PC repair-type guy when a ticket comes in:

Client states that her local printer will not power on. Client states that the printer was working fine on Tuesday. She states that she has tried plugging the printer into another location but this has not worked. Please ensure that the printer is connected properly.

So, after lunch, I drive to the location.  Find the customer.

“Aw, man, no, this printer will not work at all  and I’ve tried everything and can you pleeeeeeeeze fix it…”

Ad infinitum, ad-friggin’-nauseam.

Start at the back of the printer.  Connected.  Trace the cord down to the AC power brick.  It’s not connected to the power cord.  Connect it.

Start pulling the power cord.  It’s not hooked into the wall.  Plug it in.  Printer comes on immediately.

Customer’s jaw hits the floor.  And with a straight face (and I swear to Cthulu, that was the hardest part - keeping the straight face), I say “thank you” and walk out the door back to my car.

And for this, I get paid about $45K annually. 

Comments 55 Comments »

(Crossposted at the Realm™.)

Okay, so two weeks ago or so, I stepped in front of a wedding-qualified official-type person for the (mumble mumble)th time (    ), engaged in a private little ceremony, and am now planning on where to go have dinner with two of my bestest friends in the Blogosphere and some of my Beloved Bride’s Buds™.

At this point, I’m thinking On The Border™.  Festive, there’s margaritas there, relatively inexpensive, there’s margaritas there, cozy, there’s margaritas there…did I mention that there’s margaritas there? 

La Reina Espatula™ is advising caution, however, as she’s not sure if her friends already have a bistro in mind.  “No worries”, I’m thinking, “I’ll just use my powers of persuasion…

(there will be a short pause here as BC finishes up with his sudden coughing fit)

…to talk ‘em into OTB.  Okay?  Okay.”

So our little two-vehicle convoy - myself, the SpatulaBride™ and the SpatulaGoddess™ - pull up at Ana’s former place of employment, a little school called Descubrir, I and my new wife walk inside while the SG waits in her van, so that I can announce Our Plans™ for Ana’s pals for the next four hours.

Before I can utter a word, however, they open the door to their main classroom…and both my jaw and that of the SpatulaBride™ hit the floor at warp speed.

For this is what awaited us…

(Click on the pic to take you to the rest of ‘em.)

Needless to say, a bodaciously fun time was had by all (though probably the most fun was had by the Royal Heirs™, who were bouncing like Super Balls™ all over the place all night long).

And, as soon as we secure our house, we’ll have our own little homewarming shindig in the form of Texas Blogfest ‘07:  Spats Can BBQ, Too!!!

Enjoy the pics!

Comments 16 Comments »