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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for 24
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Archive for the “24” Category

Hell and damnations, it’s Tuesday again, so it must be Jack Bauer time!

Let us launch into another of our “creative rewrites” of 24, hidden below the fold in case you just can’t be bothered. Feel free to comment upon my comedic genius in the comments. Or not, as the case might be…

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 14 Comments »

Strap in as the Grim Reaper finally makes a re-appearance on the show, along with enough plot holes to drive a Chinese container ship through.

It’s… The Bauer Hour of Power!:

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 7 Comments »

And thus we come to yet another installment in the endless recaps of “24″ for which this site and the Empire have become truly infamous.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 14 Comments »

Since there are still about 24 (pun intended) hours left until our next infusion of “24″, we direct you to this wonderful collection of wild, zany, and butt-fuck crazy stuff about everything Bauer.

It ought to tide you over until tomorrow, and it’s hilarious to boot.

Comments 1 Comment »

Another Monday has come and gone and, as you all know, this means yet another seemingly endless recap of the Adventures of Jack that nobody will read (judging by the comments, that is). Or maybe it’s just that they’re such self-evident genius and comedic brilliance that none dare suggest improvements. We like to think that but, then again, we would, wouldn’t we?

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 14 Comments »

A title that we much doubt Dr Cochrane-Bauer will ever have hopes of snatching, as we wade through another endless recap of one of the most brutally addictive shows on TV, “24″:

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 3 Comments »

Monday has come and gone, and that must mean that there’s another endless recap of “24″ coming. More endless than usual, since last night’s episode was a double, so strap yourselves in and prepare to fight off narcolepsy:

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 10 Comments »

Yes, it’s the Carnival of Bauer with more fun and educational stuff about “24″ than you can shake a stick at.

That ought to tide you over until we can all get our fix tomorrow, right?

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Oh yes, it’s that time of the week again, where we delve into the weird and wonderful universe of Bauer™ where the laws of physics don’t apply, and where the most important requirement for becoming President is that you have absolutely no common sense.

Last week, we left Jack and his daddy, Dr Zefram Cochrane-Bauer, as they were being shipped off in a van to be executed by the goons of Jack’s retarded younger brother, Cue Ball. Obviously, what’s foremost on everybody’s mind right now is in what painfully obvious ways Jack is going to escape this time, which is why this week’s episode starts nowhere near the Dynamic Duo.

Instead we’re treated to the sight of a reporter bravely reporting from the very edge of the nuclear blast in Valencia. And when we say “bravely” and “from very edge”, we mean somewhere in the bar of the al-Rashid inside the Green Zone, Baghdad. All this to provide the producers with an excuse to show us, for the five-hundred-and-forty-fifth time, their lovingly handcrafted watercolor of a fake mushroom cloud superimposed on an American sky.

Thank you, producers. If it weren’t for you reminding us every three minutes, we might already have forgotten the nuke that went off in Valencia.

Also watching the news is President Allstate Jr, but he needs reminding. In much the same way he needs to be reminded to breathe approximately 16-24 times a minute.

As he is standing in front of the TV screens trying to fake a pained and serious expression for his next appearance addressing the nation, Karl Rove enters the room with his new proposal for an Executive Order that will, in fact, turn the United States into Nazi Germany overnight, complete with death camps, pogroms and hideously overdone architecture. Well, not exactly, but that’s how the ACLU and their MSM lapdogs will be reporting it tomorrow, no matter what it says.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 15 Comments »

Due to the giant Atlanta optic cable cutting SNAFU of last Thursday, we never got around to linking to last week’s Carnival of Bauer™, and then we just plum forgot. Shame on us.

While we’re working on this week’s recap, you could do a whole lot worse than heading on over to The Jack Sack for a barrel full of Bauery Goodness™ because, like everything else Bauer, it only gets better with aging.

Comments 1 Comment »