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Archive for the “Funny Shit” Category

I am going to change gears here for a thread and NOT talk about politics or carry on arguments with no clear end in sight.

So what to talk about?

Well, I do a lot of StumbleUpon. I have the StumbleUpon toolbar in my browser and when I am bored I will spend an hour just “stumbling” to see the interesting sites out there.

Today I stumbled upon a page of Vintage Advertising At Its Worst - Part 2   and was captivated enough it the examples that I saw, that I spent the next several hours Googling for more.

Here are some examples:

Nothing goes better with Christmas than Chesterfields

 Keep Pops in line with the “Thorizine Shuffle”:

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 79 Comments »

Unfortunately, it’s only humorous because the potential goblin they encountered was me. Otherwise they might have spent the Christmas Holiday in ICU or in the coroner’s refrigerator and that is hardly humorous in the least.

My apologies to properly trained Security and/or Law Enforcement types among us. We’ve all seen some tactical clusterfucks of the highest order but this one is deserving of recognition here at the Rott.

While we’re at it, the following object lesson could very well apply to anyone of us, approaching a suspicious vehicle. So…On with the misadventures of Dumb and Dumber, that by the Grace of G-d, went home last night.

The Setup: I’m out doing my thing in a city that is one of the rougher places in merry olde New England, and an area of said city that most decidedly is NOT where anyone would really want to live in, let alone drive through. Simply put, Gringos that don’t habla are most unwelcome.

So, here I sit on yet another long evening surveillance, all tucked in nicely along an alleyway that leads into the housing project where my claimant (aka Bad Guy) is hanging about. I’m backed in against a nice high security fence to avoid those pesky unwanted visitors approaching my six. To my right conveniently parked is a commercial van, giving me nice cover from vehicles leaving the area. Perfect. I’m not worried about who is coming in, yet I’ve got the seat pushed back and reclined, so all but the most perceptive vehicle/occupants will notice that someone is in the van as they arrive. I’ve got a nice view of the registration of departing vehicles so all is okey-dokey for da’ job tonight.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 13 Comments »

Grab a cooler full of adult beverages and head on over to Iowahawk’s place for one of the longest and, more importantly, funniest rectum shreddings of TNR and their Fuckheaded Fabulist™, Scott Beauchamp, you will ever read.

Here’s an excerpt:

Regardless, the doubts about “Shock Troops” resonated. All over the blogosphere, people who presented themselves as “experts” and “veterans” and claimed that the events described in the piece could never have happened. Some of these assertions were vague and meaningless– “They are not ‘Shock Troops.’ They are our best and bravest,” Kristol wrote–as if our soldiers were dainty plaster saints, immune from the traumas of wacky practical jokes of war. One wonders if Kristol has actually read the IMDB film reviews of Redacted, let alone actual seen it. But others were more specific and troubling. Denizens of FOB Falcon insisted that they had never seen a woman who matched Thomas’s description; some familiar with the Bradley asserted that it couldn’t be maneuvered into a 90 mph four-wheel drift, or pimped out with 22″ spinners, or setup with hydros to hop on stray dogs.

Remember to have plenty of refreshments on hand, but make damn sure that you wrap your monitor in SpewProof® brand plastic wrap before you go over and start reading.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 22 Comments »

LC Scott posted this link in the Instant Bark and we, down in The Imperial Dungeon Game Room™, couldn’t help but add our two sesterti’s worth. After all, there’s enough hate flowing from The Religion of Pieces™ for all of us to enjoy our fair share of it, every now and then.

Motex®: Let The Blood Flow!™

F.E.T.E.

Comments 30 Comments »

Filed under the “Headlines That Write Themselves” category…

LC & Imperial Back-slidden Jooish Cuisinartiste™, Darth Bacon, mined and sent us this little gem from The City of Brotherly Hoodlumery™.

Feel free to write your own headlines.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 21 Comments »

Mike M posted a link to this hilarious YouTube video about Hitler being banned from a forum.  It was so fookin’ funny that I just HAD to post it here.

Comments 82 Comments »

They’re almost as much fun to watch as their patented car swarms, in which they swarm cars recently blown up by the IAF in order to snatch an ear, nose, arm or even (and this is the most coveted prize of the paleosimian car swarmer, seeing as how extremely difficult they are to locate) a piece of the genitals of the newly minted martyr.

Anyway, back to the memorial, this one dedicated to everybody’s favorite Nobel Peace Prize winner. No, we’re not talking about the Goreacle, we’re talking about somebody even more imbecilic and vile, hard though that is to imagine. We’re talking, of course, about the Gorebecile’s fellow Nobel Laureate, Yasser Arafish.

Hundreds of thousands of Fatah supporters fled in panic today after gunfire erupted at a memorial event for former Palestinian Liberation Organisation leader Yasser Arafat.

“I went to a memorial, and a firefight broke out.” Only in the Terrortories, ladies and gentlemen. More fun than you can shake a bangalore torpedo at. Not that you should let that stop you, as long as you remember to light the cord first.

The anniversary had given the defeated faction in Hamas-controlled Gaza a rare chance to hold a rally. Medical officials said at least 15 people were wounded.

Piss poor marksmanship, we regretfully have to point out.

Fatah officials accused Hamas forces of opening fire from the nearby Islamic University. Hamas said its men had come under fire from Fatah gunmen and shot back.

Who cares, really? As long as there’s shooting going on and it involves both factions of the paleosimian terror franchise. But we suppose that you do have to settle the issue eventually, so here’s a suggestion: Why don’t the both of you line up and settle it like men? With fully automatic firearms. We’ll supply the ammo, free of charge. Just do us a favor and do something about that “aiming thing” that seems to cause you so much trouble.

A sea of yellow Fatah flags and waves of emotion had filled a Gaza square for the biggest assembly Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas’s secular faction has held in the territory since Hamas Islamists routed its fighters in violence last June.

We love journaljizzm. “President Mahmoud Abbas’ secular faction.” Because nothing says “moderate” better than having your children, sisters and wives blown up on buses in a secular fashion.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 22 Comments »

SPEW ALERT LEVEL FIVE

This has to be one of the funniest acts I have ever seen.

ENJOY :)

Comments 22 Comments »

At least if you want to avoid the feral foot-tappers. The law cracks down on even more “wide stancers” (link via LC & IB Dan):

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Police arrested nine people Thursday in a bathroom sex sting at the Volusia Mall, authorities said.

Among the nine were former Daytona Beach city commissioner and mayoral candidate Michael Shallow, and local high school teacher and athletic trainer David Behringer, police said.

All were charged with lewd and lascivious conduct, and exposure of a sexual organ.

Now, far be it from us to quibble about the charges, but would somebody kindly explain to His Imperial Majesty how on Earth a male member of the species is supposed to use a restroom for its intended purpose without “exposing a sexual organ?” After all, even sitz-pinklers have to pull their pants down at some point.

Detectives were tipped off by Sears officials that sexual misconduct was taking place in its second-floor men’s restroom.

So the local PD sent in SWAT, of course, all dressed in pink tutus and leather chaps for the occasion. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

As a way to attract attention from another interested person, the men either cough, sneezed, tapped their feet, sometimes under the stall next to them, or they made loud zipper noises, police said.

We’ll make sure not to have a cold when entering a Daytona public restroom, then. Also, we’ll have all of our zippers replaced with tactical stealth opening devices designed to open and close without making a noise. Or maybe a dab of WD40 applied to an ordinary zipper will do the trick? Can’t be too careful, you know, lest you suddenly find your stall invaded by half a dozen highly armed SWAT stormtroopers looking for a good time.

“Why hello there, sailor!”

UPDATE: We suddenly realize that some of you might think we’re joking here, but really: It’s getting damn near impossible to go to a public restroom nowadays without having to be in constant fear of unintended and highly unpleasant consequences. We mean, with this whole new Proper Conduct Code for Public Restrooms™ deal going on, a code that has been expanding at a rate that will make it even more incomprehensible than the Tax Code in a matter a few years if not months. No sneezing, no coughing, no tapping your feet, no stance above a federally approved width (to be set by a fast-working, six-year committee of 40 experts paid a salary of about $150,000/year, we’re sure), no loud zipper noises and, on top of it all, no pulling out your one-eyed trouser snake??? What? We’re supposed to just stand in the stall and piss ourselves?

And what if you violate any of those Byzantine Rules and Regulations for Proper Disposal of Bodily Waste in Public Facilities (just wait, the Shithouse Decorum Act can’t be far behind. After all, the current Congress haven’t been able to pass anything for almost a year now, so they’re getting desperate to get their names on something)?

Why, either you get taken down by a bunch of slobbering SWATs and sent off to the hoosegow or you get propositioned by four score flabby, horny civil servants looking for love in all the wrong places, and we mean that in more than just one sense of the expression. Or both!

We think we’ll just piss ourself instead.

Comments 41 Comments »

Here is the Shoddy Retardian ideal of beauty.

Shoddy Retardian Beauties (Reuters Photo)

Here is what they COULD be looking at, if they didn’t force their women to wear black felafel sacks from head-to-toe.

Iranian Bikini Contest Winner

The incredibly hawt one in the middle is an Iranian female who won a bikini contest in Houston a while back.

We’d ride a camel across the Sahara to lick the sweat off her… *Ahem* Well, you get the idea…

The top photo is a glimpse of what you’ll be seeing at Spring Break, if the likes of Keith Ellison and his fellow Shari’a Shitheads™ ever gain power.

Hmmm… Which system to choose to live under? That’s a tough one.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 47 Comments »