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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for Journaljizzm
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Archive for the “Journaljizzm” Category

(Via LC & IB Dan Riehl):

Video: Couric Says Military ‘Wants’ Her To See Only Good

CBS Evening News anchor Katie Couric implied the U.S. military fed her propaganda when she was taken to the Allawi market.

Sure they did, Katie, but how are you going to prove it?

Unless your proctologist left the camera up there back you-know-when, of course.

Hiring you was the best decision See-B.S. ever made. I literally cannot stop laughing every time I see your network’s ratings plunge further into the toilet.

(Sorry, Mein Imperator, but I just couldn’t resist…B.)

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Katie Couric's Lil' Secret

Comments 51 Comments »

We’re certainly sorry to see Tony Snow go and our Imperial prayers are with him in his continued battle with cancer, but now that the position will be open, it’s once again time to look for a replacement. Tough, feisty and undeterred as Tony is, we’re sure that he’d agree that “the show must go on.”

Fortunately, we still have the perfect candidate for the job, and you have to admit that his qualifications are spotless. Well, you can either admit it or have your entrails ripped from your living body by howling jackals. We’re all about choice in the Empire.

Not only would the Imperial Firearms Advisor make for the best WH Press Spokesman in the history of the United States, the sheer entertainment value of the briefings would make recordings of them a much sought after and valuable commodity centuries into the future.

Thatisall.

Comments 14 Comments »

Thanks to LC Terrapod, the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ now has to call in The Imperial Sanitation Crew™ to clean all of the spewed beverages off the floors, monitors & walls and then have them take our pissed-in pants to The Imperial Dry Cleaners™. Why all of the mess? We clicked on this link.

(Note: You have to watch the video.)

Comments 52 Comments »

Via LC & IB Ace, whose post you shouldn’t miss for the inimitable, high-quality snark.

Look at this picture from Agence France-Presse of a poor oppressed brown-skinned Iraqi grandma:

Some aging crone selling black market ammunition at the bazaar to afford falafels for the grandchildren?

Not according to AFP’s caption:

An elderly Iraqi woman shows two bullets which she says hit her house following an early coalition forces raid in the predominantly Shiite Baghdad suburb of Sadr City. At least 175 people were slaughtered on Tuesday and more than 200 wounded when four suicide truck bombs targeted people from an ancient religious sect in northern Iraq, officials said.(AFP/Wissam al-Okaili)

Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can throw unused ammunition at will in the general direction of old ladies?

Speaking of that, considering the scarcity and price of ammunitions these days, if any of you fine soldiers of the U.S. Armed Forces stateside have any unused 7.62×51 NATO laying around (none of that poodle-plinking 5.56 crap shown in the picture, please) and you need to put in some practice before shipping out, you’re more than welcome to throw a few thousand rounds in my general direction. Heck, I’ll even dress up as an old lady if it makes for a better training environment! Anything for our troops. Refreshments provided free of charge as well.

Seriously, if the already non-existent “standards” of journalism get any lower, everything will be printed in Chinese. Which, apart from the strange looking characters, probably won’t make a noticeable difference.

Hopeless assclowns.

Comments 112 Comments »

When the Lamestream Midiots™ need to write a New Age Chicken Little™ story on a slow news day, what, and to whom, do they turn to for their Fool Fodder™? Why, a tornado in NYC and one of AlGore’s most high-profile High Priests of GlowBull Worming™, Doctor Fudge™ (aka James Hansen), of course!

Just check out the headline for this Putrid Pants-load of Pedantic Pandering™

Did Global Warming Cause NYC Tornado?

Nope. No agenda-driven headline there.

Now check out how the Ass-phyxiate Press™ scribbler, David Caruso, tries to establish his Unbiasedness Skreet Kreds™ by starting out his little Modern-day Grimm’s Fairy Tale™

(Note: All emphasis mine—B.)

NEW YORK (AP) — Flooded subways? A tornado in Brooklyn? It was tempting to blame it all on global warming.

Which you’ve just done, with subtle aplomb.

Plenty of public officials were doing just that in the aftermath of a short but violent thunderstorm that paralyzed the nation’s largest mass transit network and tore the roofs off limestone townhouses. But in reality, it is not quite that simple, weather and climate experts say.

But they’ll eventually get around to blaming it on precisely that. It’ll just take a few twists and permutations of the data.

The storm, which gathered strength over Pennsylvania, drenched New Jersey and then pounded the city at sunrise Wednesday was strong but not particularly rare for a hot summer day, said Jeff Warner, a meteorologist at Pennsylvania State University.

Pay close attention to that little bit of information. It’ll come in handy later on.

Climate scientist James Hansen, director of NASA’s Goddard Institute of Space Studies, agreed: “You cannot blame a single specific event, such as this week’s storm, on climate change,” he said.

Fair enough. But, as our intrepid readers will soon find out, Mr. Hansen will get around to blaming everything, from Shillary’s increased vaginal discharge to the decline in Slick Willie’s sperm count, on Anthropogenic GlowBull Worming™.

“However,” he added, “it is fair to ask whether the human changes have altered the likelihood of such events. There the answer seems to be ‘yes.’”

Yup. Severe thunderstorms are a completely new phenomenon in the United States, popping up only AFTER the invention of the steam engine and discovery of oil in Pennsylvania in the 1800’s.

Storms, Hansen explained in an e-mail to The Associated Press, are fueled by heat and moisture,…

No shit?!?! It’s a damned good thing we’ve got “unbiased experts” like Hansen to explain how those things happen or we’d have kept on thinking that Thor’s Thunderstorm Pixies™ were responsible for rain and lightning. What would we ever DO without “unbiased experts” such as Hansen? It’s not like any of us mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging plebes ever noticed an increase in thunderstorm activity on hot, humid Summer days or anything…

…and our atmosphere is becoming warmer and more humid.

And has been since the last woolly mammoth was skewered and grilled over a Neolithic campfire… But, please, do go on.
Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 54 Comments »

Via Sir Christopher, the latest in the Boochamp & The New People’s Republic saga:

THE WEEKLY STANDARD has learned from a military source close to the investigation that Pvt. Scott Thomas Beauchamp–author of the much-disputed “Shock Troops” article in the New Republic’s July 23 issue as well as two previous “Baghdad Diarist” columns–signed a sworn statement admitting that all three articles he published in the New Republic were exaggerations and falsehoods–fabrications containing only “a smidgen of truth,” in the words of our source.

That’s a bit far from his previous July 26 statement: “I’m willing to stand by the entirety of my articles for the New Republic using my real name.”

Stand by them unless it’s under oath, it would appear.

The New People’s Socialist Republic, predictably, has no comment.

So which is it, Franklin FUBAR? Either your golden boy whom you stood by unquestioningly because he happened to be the one boning one of your staffers was lying to you, or he’s been lying under oath.

If the former, then you’re exposed (again) as a dumb, gullible oaf with not the merest hint of an understanding of the basics of reporting who shouldn’t be working at a media outlet, much less managing it. If you go with the latter and insist that your story is true no matter what Boochamp says, then you’re looking at sending your staffer Elspeth’s bun stuffer upriver for quite a while for perjury. Oh what a tangled web we weave, Franklin. Isn’t it fun being a full-time propagandist for al-Qaeda?

That whole post-Stephen Glass era of renewed credibility at the New Bullshit Republic, Franklin, how’s that working out for you, stunad?

UPDATE: And it gets better (thanks for LC Crunchie for pointing this one out to us):

According to the military source, Beauchamp’s recantation was volunteered on the first day of the military’s investigation. So as Beauchamp was in Iraq signing an affidavit denying the truth of his stories, the New Republic was publishing a statement from him on its website on July 26, in which Beauchamp said, “I’m willing to stand by the entirety of my articles for the New Republic using my real name.” [Emphasis added — Emp. M.]

Is your arse hurting yet, Franklin? Do you want some of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste™ with that?

Ya schmekel.

UPDATE the 2nd: Allahpundit plays the devil’s advocate, suggesting that Boochamp might have told the Army whatever they wanted to hear because it was his best hope of getting leniency.

Well, that theory might hold water if you were a blithering nutroot thinking that the Army can do whatever they want, the truth be damned, and I’m pretty much 100% certain that Allahpundit doesn’t fall into that category, hence the “devil’s advocate” comment.

The thing is: If Boochamp had been telling the truth, there’s not a damn thing the Army could’ve done to hurt him. The truth is an absolute defense, and any attempt by the Army to bludgeon somebody telling the truth just to “get back at him” would lead to a PR nightmare for the Army, with national headlines 24/7 AND Lil’ Boochamp becoming a national hero and martyr to everybody who ever questioned the Army’s authoritah. Which, coincidentally, is exactly the impression that Boochamp’s writings leave you with regarding his real motives for his bullshit extravaganza.

To put it less delicately: That martyr’s crown, those endless speaking engagements and books about “the price of speaking truth to power™” were EXACTLY what Boochamp had been hoping for. And now you’re telling me that he gave all of that up because they were about to give it to him?

Right. Pull the other one.

Comments 52 Comments »

Hat Tip: BC via Sig94. Sig has a great take on this as well over at his digs too: The Land Mine Pixies Are At It Again

Ahh, what’s this? Oh just another item from Iraq or Afghanistan with the splodeyating, goat-molesting, assholes-for-allah seeding some more IEDs right?

WRONG– do read on as the story was only carried by a few local news outlets.

Landmines Found In Creek

This mine, likely an anti-vehicle model, experts said, was found by two teens out with their mother and dog for a walk Friday. A bomb-disposal team found another nearby yesterday.

STRATHROY — A country creek where children swim, fish and frolic was instead swarmed by police yesterday as Canadian Forces explosives experts detonated two live landmines.

Strathroy? A quick consultation of a map determined it’s just a bit west of London, Ontario. That’s rather odd, I didn’t think the Boy Scouts have a merit badge for the care, feeding and planting of landmines. Two, Live, Anti-Tank landmines.

The mines, found in a culvert that runs under Inadale Drive between Strathroy and Mt. Brydges, appeared to have timers and were likely the type used to blow up tanks, Strathroy-Caradoc police say.

One mine was discovered by two girls Friday. They called police, and a second mine was found yesterday morning, only one metre away from the first.

Now you have my attention. Anti-Armor mines with timers planted in a stream bed in Ontario. It’s not like somebody just misplaced them and I don’t recall seeing any of those little bad-boys on sale recently at my favorite arms dealer either. Let’s just read on, but the smell-o-meter is rising.

Unsure if more mines are hidden nearby, Strathroy police asked the OPP to conduct a sweep. It was to have been done by dusk yesterday.

The creek is popular with families, so police suspect the mines were put there to maim and kill, or in callous disregard of that possibility.

“The senseless loss of life or grievous bodily harm that could have taken place at this creek — it’s reprehensible,” Strathroy-Caradoc police Sgt. Mike Overdulve said.

Live mines with timers, planted in an area frequented by families. Gee, I wonder what malignant, murderous bastard or bastards would do something like that. It couldn’t be terrorists right? The left assures us the only terrorists are the ones being created in Iraq, due to the occupation by the eeevil US and coalition forces. “Everybody” knows the airtight security in North America would never allow them here.

The potential for devastation was evident yesterday as a military team detonated the mines from a safe distance.

The force of the blast ripped bark and limbs from a tree and sprayed water so high it could be seen by observers a kilometre away.

“I could feel the percussive force,” Overdulve said, “It was 100 times louder than any fireworks you ever heard.”

Seven centimetres thick and 25 centimetres in diameter, the mines appear to be the kind used to disable tanks.

One brilliant j-school graduate in another piece on this story, described them as ’suspected’ mines. Let’s have a peek shall we at what a suspected mine looks like:

Land Mine

“We can’t definitively prove that, but that is the direction we are leaning,” Overdulve said.

Well it does look at bit like this M15 U.S. Anti-Tank Mine:

But then I’m not a highly-trained professional explosives expert. Maybe it’s just a coinky-dink.

After the detonation, the explosives experts found debris “consistent with timers,” he said.

Timers? Maybe to splodeyate the splodeyating device during a time when there would likely be innocents about.

The first mine was found Friday afternoon by nearby resident Lynn Denning, who walked to the creek with her two teenage daughters so that their yellow lab, Jesse, could enjoy the cold water.

“It’s upsetting,” she said.

While Inadale is a two-lane country road, many residents cross the culvert to commute to London, Denning said.

“There’s quite a lot of traffic during the week,” said Denning, who commutes to work at London Health Sciences Centre.

So, the placement could also take out the bridge at a convenient time, perhaps during the morning rush-hour with a school bus or two nearby.

The family called Strathroy-Caradoc police, who sought help from the OPP, who called in the explosive ordinance disposal team from CFB Base Borden. The explosives team left its base 100 kilometres north of Toronto at 6:20 a.m. yesterday. “We responded quickly — we take this matter quite seriously,” said Capt. Cheryl Swarbrick, a base spokesperson. Their presence was soon felt and heard on a normally quiet, tree-lined road. “I’ve seen hand grenades and ammunition, but I never encountered anything like this,” Overdulve said. Until a year ago, Overdulve lived near the creek, taking his three kids there to fish so often, they called it “crayfish creek.”

“This area is typically occupied by children, who come here to play,” he said.

Take you pick of scenarios, kids or commuters.

POLICE SEEK WITNESSES

Anyone who has recently been to the creek beneath Inadale Road between Strathroy and Mt. Brydges, or has seen anyone acting suspiciously near the creek, is asked to call Strathroy-Caradoc police at 519-245-1250.

Inquiring minds want to know. For whatever it’s worth, this area is only a 90 minute drive from Mecca West™, otherwise known as Detroit, Michigan, USA. Perhaps the FBI should start shaking the bushes, trees and knocking on a few mosque doors, but we wouldn’t want to offend the Religion of Pieces inhabitants now would we? Why that would be profiling, can’t have that.

I let this one sit overnight, actually expecting a bit of a ripple on the national level MSM. Not a single peep. The few articles I located were all local Canadian news outlets and nadda, zip, nothing dated today.

Nothing to see here….move along folks. We can’t make a bid deal out of this, the unwashed masses might jump to conclusions.

Comments 65 Comments »

The results of the official investigation into The New People’s Republic’s “Baghdad Diarrheist”, Scott Boochump, are in:

After a thorough investigation that lasted nearly a week the 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division has concluded that the allegations made by Private Thomas Scott Beauchamp, the “Baghdad Diarist”, have been

“refuted by members of his platoon and proven to be false”

That would be all the allegations, by the way, including the “melted woman” story that TNR’s Franklin FUBAR first “confirmed” as having taken place at FOB Falcon in Iraq, then one week later his “anonymous source” “confirmed” it as having taken place in Kuwait and, presumably, he’ll “confirm” it as having taken place in a strip bar in St. Louis when the TNR staff returns from their sudden vacation.

Comments 16 Comments »

After weeks of taunting me without mercy, the muse returned to the Ambassador’s residence.

Taking a recent suggestion from His Rottiness, I returned to a draft post back stage here and was able to finish it, however a bit wobbly.

Nonetheless, M over at the Cigar Intelligence Agency and my radio boss, pointed out that I owed him a post or three and threatened to take away my keys to the transmitter. However, being the sneaky-bastich that is me, I did an end run around the orders.

Grab something cold, make a pit-stop and enjoy the read, it is a bit long, but what can I say?

Too Little, Too Late, A Hand-Wringer’s Lament

Here’s a teaser:

High-decibel hearings held last week on the rights of Guantanamo Bay detainees cannot drown out a sorry truth about Congress: The war on terrorism has passed it by.

Rope.Tree….we know the drill well don’t we?

Comments 7 Comments »

And this one, caught by LC & IB Baldilocks, coming from a clown at the Columbia Journaljizzm Review who is, we suppose, still studying to become a mediot moron. He blabbers, referring to Scott Boochamp von Munchhausen’s tales of woe:

How dare a college grad and engaged citizen volunteer to [sic] join the Army to fight for his country! (Which is something that most of the brave souls who inhabit the milblog community prefers [sic] to leave to others.)

Would somebody please take this barely literate chimp outside and explain to him what “milblogger” is a contraction of before he beclowns himself any further? Here’s a free Clue™, wannabe Rather: Don’t use a word if you don’t know what it means.

“Those damn military blogger chickenhawks”, huh?

Jeebus Keeeerist. On the other hand, if we didn’t have J-schools, then where in the name of Be’elzebub’s pet crab louse would we stick those retards?

Oh, and as for the rest of the basic errors in those two sentences, Paulie, how many times did you flunk fourth grade before your school gave up on you and sent you to J-school to get you out of their hair?

Comments 20 Comments »