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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for Life in the Empire
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Archive for the “Life in the Empire” Category

The Crown Prince, it would appear, has been paying a bit too much attention to his paternal unit’s — idioms.

A few minutes ago, he noticed a great big bloody fly that had apparently made it past the screen door and promptly exclaimed “daddy, there’s a big fly there! Do something!”

To which I, jokingly (it’ll come back to bite me one day, I know), replied “well why don’t you catch it and eat it? Great source of protein, you know.”

And he turned to me and said, trying to spell it the way he pronounced it here, “I’m no’ a flippin’ frog, daddy!”

I guess he really has been hanging around the old man a bit too much.

Tips on how to suppress a sudden urge to laugh hysterically would be most welcome.

Comments 53 Comments »

Yes this is my first post…. I asked Misha to allow me access so that I could thank you all for your support and contributions to our new home! Just so you know… we closed on our house yesterday!! We are so excited!!! In our excitement we kind of forgot about having the utilities transferred into our name, so currently there is no electric or water, LOL.
Yes at times we are goofy!

With your kind contributions we were able to purchase a fridge for the house!! We went to Sears™ outlet and got an excellent deal on the fridge! I thought that a fridge would be an appropriate purchase because it will be in a prominent location in the heart of the house. It will be used many times a day, of course, and we will think of our BELOVED Rotties everytime we see it! LOL And Misha says everytime he goes for a beer (which is VERY often)!! I thought y’all would appreciate knowing that! :lol:

Originally we were going to buy a washer/dryer with the contributions, however, it just so happens that we lucked into a deal on that. That’s when I decided that a fridge would be the perfect use for the contributions! Words truly cannot express how Blessed and Thankful we are to have such a wonderful group of people to call friends!

Thank you all again! **Hugs** We love you all!!

UPDATE: For those of you that haven’t heard, the gas is now on and the electricity and water are scheduled to be turned on Wednesday. It looks like a green light on completion of our move this weekend. The speed of packing was slowed due to the absence of utilities, as I tend to melt in the heat. LOL And another huge THANK YOU to everyone for your contributions and well wishes and general support.

You guys are AWESOME!!!!

Comments 17 Comments »

And we’ve both got farkin’ writer’s cramp now.

Is there any piece of paper/form/whatnot that isn’t involved in the proper transfer of real estate? We’d really like to know, because both the Empress and our humble self are pretty sure that we’ve signed every piece of paper in creation.

But sign them we did and, as a result, it is with no small amount of pride and satisfaction that we can announce the acquisition of one Palace, Imperial, from which we shall commence to spread terror across the land. Granted, the moat hasn’t been dug yet and we’re having trouble locating a reliable anti-personnel mine vendor but we’ll get to that. Once we get the dang utilities turned on. And all of the appliances purchased (and where the Hell is the gold plating on those? Judging by the prices on that stuff, they ought to be bloody well diamond studded as well, but we digress)… And… And… Oh, and the minor matter of moving all of our weapons of mass destruction and assorted torture implements possessions.

Did we mention how much we hate moving? This is the last time, we tell you, the last time. But it’s worth it. The new premises are, well, Imperial to say the very least (the minipool-sized jacuzzi was a particularly nice touch) and the Heirs are thrilled pink at all of the real estate they can run around on and turn to rubble. The neighborhood is great (or at least it was until we snuck in), slightly to the right of Attila the Hun judging by the looks of it and with a great ISD to go with it.

Now we just need the new domicile properly outfitted. Oh, and the utilities that nobody thought to remind us about. Fun times. About 140 degrees in there now, and that’s with the windows and doors open.

And while we’re on that subject, it has been called to our attention that Jackboot the Great Instigator has been twisting people’s arms to come up with tithes for the Empire. Good man. We like the way he thinks.

And we’re both completely floored by the generosity of all of you who have killed the kids’ college funds to help out. Really. We have no words, neither the Empress nor myself, but we do know that y’all are both better and kinder than we deserve, by quite a few orders of magnitude. Thank you so much, you guys, you’re the BEST.

Now, back to surveying the enormous amounts of accumulated knick-knacks that somehow have to be moved from here to there before His Majesty can ever rest again. How the Hell did we ever get that much stuff?

Comments 75 Comments »

Thanks to our awesome blogsis, the Duchess Rachel Lucas.

Of course, they could be full of bovine excrement, it is the MSMidiots after all, but assuming that what they say is true, then we really need to tip our Imperial Crown to Barron Hilton, the “Old Man” of the Hilton dynasty:

PARTY princess Paris Hilton is $60 million out of pocket after her billionaire grandfather - appalled by her jail term for drink-driving offences - axed her inheritance.

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter’s wild behaviour - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.

But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw.

$60 million! That’s six zeroes after the “60″, LCs and GLORs. That sure beats being grounded for a week and losing your allowance for a month, doesn’t it?

“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography of the clan called House Of Hilton.

“He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.”

Looks like at least one member of the Hilton family knows something about old fashioned values such as “thou shalt not fuck everything with a pulse like a randy rabbit on an overload of ecstasy and thou shalt not think that a bloated bank account means that you’re above the law.”

So how’s that wild and care-free lifestyle working out for you, Paris? We think that you’ll find that your newsworthiness and desirability among the “in crowd” will experience a rather precipitous drop now that you don’t come with an inheritance the size of the GDP of Luxembourg. But not to worry, dear. “Money doesn’t buy happiness”, right? After all, you’re an extremely talented actress in your own right, at least according to the PR people hoping to keep their trunks firmly embedded in your family fortune. Oops…

Maybe you can find some solace in a pity fuck with your best buddy Lindsay. Once she gets out of the slammer, that is.

Oh well. Grandpa will most likely have a change of heart and re-include you in the will, grandparents are known for their big, soft hearts, but talk about a wake-up call. Not to mention that he’s doing you a huge favor, seeing as how we doubt that anything other than a threat to the future of your unearned income and the sheer horror that having to work for your money must hold for you will manage to make it through your fantastically dense skull.

Comments 48 Comments »

But downtown doesn’t look to good right now:

Word on the street is that it was a delivery driver effing up when trying to refill gas canisters, so any speculation about terrorism would seem wildly premature at this point. No confirmation as to whether steel has been reported to melt either, so Rosie O’Dingdong can calm down too.

So far, “only” two injuries are reported, both burn cases, and we’re praying that it stays that way. UPDATE: A third injury, a back injury, also reported. Latest news indicate that both the burn injuries are expected to fully recover.

More if I hear something.

UPDATE: (Expect a lot of those. Breaking news are notoriously inaccurate to begin with) It would appear that the guy refilling canisters wasn’t involved. He just happened to be there when the building blew up, fortunately before he could enter.

UPDATE: The DFD are currently containing the fire. They’ve managed to get close enough to start pouring water on the outskirts of it as well, but the main thing is that it isn’t spreading.

Comments 9 Comments »

The sound you hear is of libtards loading up their bongs with a double helping trying to survive the coming horror (link via LC & IB Ace):

WASHINGTON (CNN) – President Bush will undergo a routine colonoscopy Saturday, and will transfer power to Vice President Dick Cheney during the procedure, expected to take about two and a half hours, the chief White House spokesman said.

Two and a half hours!

Do you have any idea how much can be accomplished in that amount of time?

Use them wisely, Mr. Vice President, and if you want the launch coordinates, we have them right here.

Comments 70 Comments »

Okay, so I’m enjoying a brief respite from my hectic schedule as a PC repair-type guy when a ticket comes in:

Client states that her local printer will not power on. Client states that the printer was working fine on Tuesday. She states that she has tried plugging the printer into another location but this has not worked. Please ensure that the printer is connected properly.

So, after lunch, I drive to the location.  Find the customer.

“Aw, man, no, this printer will not work at all  and I’ve tried everything and can you pleeeeeeeeze fix it…”

Ad infinitum, ad-friggin’-nauseam.

Start at the back of the printer.  Connected.  Trace the cord down to the AC power brick.  It’s not connected to the power cord.  Connect it.

Start pulling the power cord.  It’s not hooked into the wall.  Plug it in.  Printer comes on immediately.

Customer’s jaw hits the floor.  And with a straight face (and I swear to Cthulu, that was the hardest part - keeping the straight face), I say “thank you” and walk out the door back to my car.

And for this, I get paid about $45K annually. 

Comments 55 Comments »

I was going to try to say something brilliant about how much it means to me to be an American, and what this nation of ours means to me, and then I read this post of the Imperial Firearms Advisor’s on that very subject. As you know, he’s an American by choice as well.

All I can say is: go read. He speaks for me too. Every last word of it.


HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro’ the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen thro’ the mist of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream
‘Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep’s pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation,
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n - rescued land
Praise the Pow’r that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto–”In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Comments 44 Comments »

Sorry if I’ve been away from the monitor all day, but I’ve been busy trying to get my head back to normal size and, at the time of this writing, I’m not sure that I’ve managed.

I’m sure that you all know LTC Oliver North, USMC (Ret.), unless you’ve been living under a rock somewhere. I also know that he’s a somewhat controversial figure, even on our side of the aisle. To me, however, he’s a guy who did something he knew to be illegal because he felt, at the very core of his being, that it was the right thing to do. He then, once he got caught, ‘fessed up to it and took the rap, unashamed and honest about the motives for what he did, never once complaining about “the unfairness of it all” or trying to weasel out of it by blaming somebody else.

Did he violate the pro-communist Boland Amendment, passed by liberals in order to protect their genocidal, communist Sandinista allies, by funneling money to the anti-communist Contra patriots of Nicaragua? You betcha he did, and I’m sure that those funds were put to good use, putting bullets in the skulls of communist murderers and thereby helping to lift the totalitarian jackboot of socialism from the throat of the Nicaraguan people.

I’d have done the same damn thing if given half an opportunity, and I’d have been proud of it too.

And I hope that I’d have been able to take the hit in the same dignified manner as LTC North if I’d been caught.

Sometimes you just have to do the right thing. It being the right thing doesn’t make it any less illegal, but that’s a different subject. If some future liberal Congress were to pass a law prohibiting self-defense and the right to keep and bear arms, it’d certainly be illegal to refuse to hand over your weapons and make yourself and your loved ones helpless victims in a socialist dystopia, and I’d certainly become a criminal, because I wouldn’t give half a fuck.

Were LTC North’s actions illegal? Absolutely, and he never denied it.

Were they the right thing to do? Helping defeat murderous communist swine? Is that a stupid question or what? If your actions serve to stamp out that soul-robbing, murderous, cancer on humanity, it’s hard for me to see how you can possibly be wrong in anything you do. The only good communist is a dead communist. I’ve seen what those foul, subhuman impersonations of everything that is evil in this world do to those under their control, and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. There is no fate so brutal and painful that I would consider it over the top where communists are concerned. And if you have to disobey a modern-day Stalin-Hitler pact made by liberals in order to deliver a painful kick to their private parts… Oh well, so be it.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 45 Comments »

No, not for me, but our friend LC Yochanon and his mom, who are in the process of being run off their land by a corporation that, I assume, have “better” plans for their family homestead. They’ve been beating the bastards off for 2 years to the best of their abilities, but obviously that’s no problem for a corporation. They’re not about to run out of funds, which is why they almost always win. Not because they’re right, but because their opponents go bankrupt just trying to defend themselves.

At any rate, before I get incoherent with rage, LC Yochanon, his mom and I would appreciate it a lot if any of you have any ideas/contacts/brilliant strategies, so have at it in the comments. If separate communications need to be set up, we can always do it through me.

Thanks in advance.

Comments 28 Comments »