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Archive for the “Idiotarians” Category

Too high of a BMI? Forget about moving to New Zealand, then (link thanks to Sir Christopher):

British citizens Rowan Trezise, 33, and Richie Trezise, 35, are living apart as she tries desperately to shed the pounds needed to comply with New Zealand guidelines that immigrants maintain a healthy BMI, or body mass index.

BMI is a weight-height ratio that estimates percentage of body fat. The New Zealand Immigration Service requires all applicants to undergo a complete medical examination, which includes body size measures like “waist circumference.”

Next, they’ll be denying entrance to spouses who smoke, spouses with asthma and spouses voting to the right of Josef Stalin.

The regulations were supposedly put into place for budget reasons. The country’s health care system cannot afford to open its doors to overweight immigrants, a spokesman for New Zealand’s Fight the Obesity Epidemic explained to the Daily Mail.

Another wondrous bonus gift that comes with socialized healthcare: Pretty soon, the “free” healthcare will be rationed off to only those individuals approved by the Almighty State. Of course, the fact that you can’t GET the “free” healthcare because you’re not a government-approved specimen of the human race doesn’t mean that you won’t have to PAY for it via your taxes.

First, they came for the fatties, but I wasn’t fat so I didn’t stand up…

Oh, and other than that the BMI is a certified crock. Not the way it’s calculated, but the way the “approved range” is defined by the Powers that Be. Just like the “approved cholesterol range” which has magically changed downward every time the pharmaceutical companies have come out with a new statin drug or just didn’t like their volume of sale.

Oh yes, nationalized healthcare is a wonderful idea. Under that, the government gets to define who gets to go to the doctor and when, and we all know that the government is only here to help, right?

Comments 77 Comments »

Somebody went digging into the record of The Only Certified Nutcase Who Can Save America™ and found out that he’s not as opposed to pork barreling as he’d like everybody to believe. And not only that, he’s quite clever about it. Loading up bills with pork for himself and then, once he’s sure that the bill will pass, voting against it anyway just to prove his “purity.”

So just where in the Constitution are your $126,102,000 worth of pork justified, Mr. “If It Ain’t In The Constitution, I’m Against It?”

Did we mention that Ron Paul is a lying, hypocritical, certifiable loon?

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Link thanks to LC Rurik).

Comments 56 Comments »

Ever determined to outdo the New York Slimes in finding new lows, Loseweek decides to pull the “Let’s Hire A Disgusting Assclown” gambit. Much like The Atlantic Monthly did when they fired Mark Steyn and hired on Andy “Gob-Smackingly Vile” Sullivan on as a senior editor, presumably to prove to anybody still reading that rag that they could be every bit as cluefucked as the rest of them.

So what did Loseweek do?

Why, they hired on Markotz Moulitsas Zunigass from “The Daily Kotz”, of course.

You know, he of the great compassion. He of the famous “who cares about Americans being murdered, burned, mutilated and strung up from bridge girders? Screw ‘em!” comment.

They defend their decision by saying:

“We have always sought to represent a diversity of views in Newsweek, and we think Markos will be a great part of that tradition,” said Newsweek Editor Jon Meacham. “He will give our readers in print and online a unique perspective.”

Well, you do have a point. Running around wishing death and mutilation on fellow Americans certainly is a “unique” perspective. At least we hope so.

Maybe you should change the name to “Screwsweek” now?

UPDATE: LC MikeM informs us that Screwsweek, apparently in an effort to balance things out, has hired Karl Rove as well. So let’s see: On one hand we have a successful political advisor who has helped elect and re-elect a President, a high level official who, to the best of our knowledge, hasn’t once expressed his indifference to the brutal murder of Americans and, on the other, we have a screwed up nutball with delusions of adequacy who has helped get nobody elected for office, as a matter of fact his “support” is now considered the “kiss of death” in political circles, an assclown whose support depends entirely on who happens to be writing the biggest checks at any given point in time, and a fetid fuckhead whose only comment to war crimes being committed against his own people is “screw ‘em.”

Yep, balances out perfectly, doesn’t it?

On the plus side, liberals’ heads are exploding all over the place because of the Rove hire, and the pharmaceutical industry is reporting record sales of Thorazine, so it’s not all bad.

Comments 11 Comments »

Rare robbery case brings cries of racism. The associated piss sure can write a headline can’t they.

Three young black men break into a white man’s home in rural Northern California. The homeowner shoots two of them to death

So far so good. Two out a three ain’t bad, but next time remember, sight alignment, sight picture and trigger control and you’ll be sure to get that third goblin too.

— but it’s the surviving black man who is charged with murder.

As opposed to the racist homeowner who is the obvious criminal here, right?

In a case that has brought cries of racism from civil rights groups, Renato Hughes Jr., 22, was charged by prosecutors in this overwhelmingly white county under a rarely invoked legal doctrine that could make him responsible for the bloodshed.

Well there’s part of the problem ya simperin’ idjut. If the law was invoked a little more often there might be fewer goblins running loose causing the bloodshed. I am however surprised that they haven’t blamed the gun yet. Must be something even juicer to go after.

“It was pandemonium” inside the house that night, District Attorney Jon Hopkins said. Hughes was responsible for “setting the whole thing in motion by his actions and the actions of his accomplices.”

Common sense from the District Attorney. Can’t let that stand unchallenged can we.

Prosecutors said homeowner Shannon Edmonds opened fire Dec. 7 after three young men rampaged through the Clearlake house demanding marijuana and brutally beat his stepson. Rashad Williams, 21, and Christian Foster, 22, were shot in the back. Hughes fled.

Hughes was charged with first-degree murder under California’s Provocative Act doctrine, versions of which have been on the books in many states for generations but are rarely used.

The Provocative Act doctrine does not require prosecutors to prove the accused intended to kill. Instead, “they have to show that it was reasonably foreseeable that the criminal enterprise could trigger a fatal response from the homeowner,” said Brian Getz, a San Francisco defense attorney unconnected to the case.

Still more common sense. Even a semi-retarded thug ought to know that people generally don’t cotton to having there homes invade and their family members “brutally beaten”. A “fatal response from the homeowner” is not only expected it should be damn well required. And here come the race baiters in three, two, one…

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 35 Comments »

Just as we think we’ve reached a cosmic singularity of Stoopid PC™, yet another group of frothing, single-cell organisms disguised as sentient beings steps up to the plate, making another swing for the bleachers of infamy.

Santas Warned ‘ho ho ho’ Offensive To Women

Santas in Australia’s largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas’s traditional “ho ho ho” greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Attention Please: If you are female and offended by jolly old St. Nick, wishing you a Merry Christmas in the traditional manner, seek medical attention or a very high bridge immediately.

Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

Just a moment, I need to use another few yards of duct tape to keep my skull from exploding…..there we are much better. Is the Ha, Ha, Ha for greeting or for the famous Santa Lap Dance?

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use “ho ho ho” because it could frighten children and was too close to “ho”, a US slang term for prostitute.

Tell me and be specific here, why children that are of an age to enjoy visiting Santa at the malls, shops, and bringing gifts on Christmas Day, familiar with this term in the first place?

“Gimme a break,” said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

You really know you’ve crossed the line from stoopid/Uberstoopid and well into certifiably, batshit insane when a campaign against having our kids exposed to smut, calls you out.

“We are talking about little kids who do not understand that “ho, ho, ho” has any other connotation and nor should they,” she told the Telegraph.

Well put.

“Leave Santa alone.”

Indeed. What next for the PC-Dementia Crowd, PETA, et al protesting Santa’s reindeer having to hitch up the olde sleigh? Renaming the elves to vertically-challenged Amusement Device Construction Employees?

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was “misleading” to say the company had banned Santa’s traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

Just that if the particular Santa’s discretion isn’t PC, his ass is fired.

Sphincter-Snarfs, I got yer Ho-Ho-Ho right here, your choice of caliber.

…..mheh…..

Comments 57 Comments »

…and it’s a bar set so high that it may never be crossed again.

LC Darth Bacon supplies us with a link to something so cosmically stupid that if imbecility were a weapon, the universe as we know it would have ceased to exist the day it was posted.

But we must issue a warning before you click through, if you choose to do so: Reading the full text at the link may irreparably lower your IQ, so we suggest reading it in small installments with breaks taken off to bolster your undoubtedly shaken and flabbergasted intellect by reading a chapter or two of your high school physics textbooks. Or anything less monumentally moronic than the site linked to, for that matter. A Kindergarten introductory reader should do nicely.

The Bali bombing? It was Teh Jooooos™, of course, because… Well, because of something, dammit. Oh, and it was a magical, six inch nuke too! Yep. So now you know.

Pardon us while we go dip our brain in a tub full of bleach.

Comments 61 Comments »

At least if you want to avoid the feral foot-tappers. The law cracks down on even more “wide stancers” (link via LC & IB Dan):

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Police arrested nine people Thursday in a bathroom sex sting at the Volusia Mall, authorities said.

Among the nine were former Daytona Beach city commissioner and mayoral candidate Michael Shallow, and local high school teacher and athletic trainer David Behringer, police said.

All were charged with lewd and lascivious conduct, and exposure of a sexual organ.

Now, far be it from us to quibble about the charges, but would somebody kindly explain to His Imperial Majesty how on Earth a male member of the species is supposed to use a restroom for its intended purpose without “exposing a sexual organ?” After all, even sitz-pinklers have to pull their pants down at some point.

Detectives were tipped off by Sears officials that sexual misconduct was taking place in its second-floor men’s restroom.

So the local PD sent in SWAT, of course, all dressed in pink tutus and leather chaps for the occasion. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

As a way to attract attention from another interested person, the men either cough, sneezed, tapped their feet, sometimes under the stall next to them, or they made loud zipper noises, police said.

We’ll make sure not to have a cold when entering a Daytona public restroom, then. Also, we’ll have all of our zippers replaced with tactical stealth opening devices designed to open and close without making a noise. Or maybe a dab of WD40 applied to an ordinary zipper will do the trick? Can’t be too careful, you know, lest you suddenly find your stall invaded by half a dozen highly armed SWAT stormtroopers looking for a good time.

“Why hello there, sailor!”

UPDATE: We suddenly realize that some of you might think we’re joking here, but really: It’s getting damn near impossible to go to a public restroom nowadays without having to be in constant fear of unintended and highly unpleasant consequences. We mean, with this whole new Proper Conduct Code for Public Restrooms™ deal going on, a code that has been expanding at a rate that will make it even more incomprehensible than the Tax Code in a matter a few years if not months. No sneezing, no coughing, no tapping your feet, no stance above a federally approved width (to be set by a fast-working, six-year committee of 40 experts paid a salary of about $150,000/year, we’re sure), no loud zipper noises and, on top of it all, no pulling out your one-eyed trouser snake??? What? We’re supposed to just stand in the stall and piss ourselves?

And what if you violate any of those Byzantine Rules and Regulations for Proper Disposal of Bodily Waste in Public Facilities (just wait, the Shithouse Decorum Act can’t be far behind. After all, the current Congress haven’t been able to pass anything for almost a year now, so they’re getting desperate to get their names on something)?

Why, either you get taken down by a bunch of slobbering SWATs and sent off to the hoosegow or you get propositioned by four score flabby, horny civil servants looking for love in all the wrong places, and we mean that in more than just one sense of the expression. Or both!

We think we’ll just piss ourself instead.

Comments 41 Comments »

The androgynous half of the Klintoon Krime Kartel, is dominating the news, but it’s largely due to the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy™ running negative segments on conservative talk radio. Riigggghhhhhtttttt.

Clinton Dominates Campaign News

Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton has dominated news coverage of the 2008 White House race, partly due to negative segments about her on conservative talk radio, according to a new study released on Monday.

Absolutely, and with all the hit pieces from those evil Rethuglican journalists like this one: Hillary’s Big Bash, I’m not surprised.

Clinton was the main subject of 17 percent of stories during the first five months of this year, almost twice as much coverage as the leading Republican candidate, Rudy Giuliani, who had 9 percent, the study found.

So the question really is, exactly who decides what stories go into the media maelstrom? What with all her appearances and puff-piece articles from the fawning journaljizmers, I would be surprised if she didn’t dominate election coverage.

The tone of coverage for the two during that period was about equal — roughly 37 percent of stories were negative while 27 percent were positive, according to the study by the Project for Excellence in Journalism and Harvard University’s Joan Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics and Public Policy.

Now we’re getting somewhere. Hillary’s negative ratings, in other words, voters clearly committed against her is at about 46% putting her at the top of heap on both sides of the aisle. Here we have only slightly over a third of the articles about her that were characterized as ‘negative’, but from my own informal research the negative material is primarily from her Democratic rivals playing to the Loony Left. The Dead Stream Media studiously ignores talk-radio except when they can pile on and attack the host, not the story itself. See: Rush Phony Soldier Brouhaha.

The study was based on the election coverage of 48 different media outlets, covering online, radio, television, and newspapers. A story was categorized as having a positive or negative tone if two-thirds of its assertions were explicitly in one direction.

You know we can in fact, read out here in the blogospheric community. I’ve read literally hundreds of campaign coverage articles and I can say without reservation that very few stories are balanced anywhere near what you’re alleging here. Using “tone” is rather a subjective measure of an article and entirely based on the perception and ideology of the individual reader or listener.

Conservative radio show hosts such as Rush Limbaugh have criticized Clinton for years, from her days as the first lady in the 1990s to New York senator and now candidate for the November 2008 presidential election. The review found that 86 percent of their segments on her were negative.

No Shit Sherlock? And exactly how much did you spend on that study? Rush, Hannity, Beck and Levin have been hammering on her with solid, fact-based material. The Cankled One herself is responsible for the negative image as the Klan can’t help themselves from associating with criminals, hoodlums, foreign “donors” and generally ne’er do wells. The Clinton’s have never met a scam or Hsu they didn’t like.

Both Clinton and Giuliani consistently top national polls in the race for their party nomination. However, Clinton’s lead is narrower in the early primary voting states of New Hampshire and Iowa and Giuliani trails former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in those two states.

The candidate with the most negative coverage during the first five months of 2007 — almost 48 percent of stories — was Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain. His campaign was in turmoil then because of rapid spending and staff shake-ups.

Traitor McSwine, well and truly deserves each and every one of the negatives. It’s called talking out of your mouth and ass simultaneously, something even the unwashed masses can see.

Democratic hopeful Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois received the most positive coverage, 47 percent, during that period. He raised more campaign dollars than Clinton during the first half of the year but has not been able to close the gap in polls.

Yes, we were beginning to wonder when the media wonder-boy’s fresh-face would wear a bit thin. I suppose Madame LaFarge finally loosed her hounds on the MSM to bring down Dumbo, even though he was managing quite well on his own.

The study found that Democrats received more coverage than Republicans but said that was in part because Republicans with big money war chests announced their bids later than Democrats. It was also due to media attention on the possibility of the United States’ first female president, Clinton, and first black president, Obama.

Oh the poor destitute dems, Hillary raised $26 million in the first quarter of the year, with Romney at $23 million (a significant portion his own) and Rudy’s war chest for the quarter was only at $15 million. Yep it’s the big war-chest of the Republicans ensuring the Dems are getting the lion’s share of coverage.

Overall, the 2008 presidential election was second only in news coverage to the war in Iraq, according to the Project for Excellence in Journalism’s News Coverage Index.

We can think of a special Project for Excellence in Journalism, but it’s illegal in all 50 states.

“What political scientists used to call the ‘Invisible Primary’ of endorsements, fund-raising and organizational work, in other words, is invisible no more,” the study said.

Huh? The only thing that isn’t invisible anymore is the blatant, seething bias of academia and the LameStream Midiots™ We can always count of phony pollsters and ’studies’ to do their prevaricating best in proof of their agenda.

Comments 27 Comments »

At least it’s more creative than the predictable cries of “it’s all Bush’s fault because he didn’t sign Kyoto” that followed hot on the heels of the California fires. As a matter of fact so hot on the heels of them that we’re not sure if the first fire engines had even arrived at the scene before the Usual Suspects were screaming “Glowball Wormening.”

Still, we have to wonder if Randi Rhodes shouldn’t have stayed in bed for another week after her “vicious mugging” [quit laughing, dammit — Ed.], because it’s quite clear to His Imperial Majesty that something was shaken loose that hasn’t quite settled back in yet:

I started just doing Google searches to try and figure out. You know, arson, arson, it was like crazy trying to figure out why is that being downplayed? Why is that, you know, just a small part of the story? And you know, every time I look for it what comes up, believe it or not, is that Blackwater wants to move to San Diego and build this giant complex in San Diego right where most of the evacuations are taking place and you know.

[…]

Some of them are thought to be the work of arsonists and in the same breath you’ve got a community that’s on fire that just recently protested Blackwater West. Just recently said no to Blackwater and apparently you don’t do that.

Children beware. This is your brain on Ketel One vodka.

Comments 57 Comments »

The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures, according to a top scientist.

100,000 years into the future, sexual selection could mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

The alarming prediction comes from evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.

Mr. Curry? I’ve got a Mr. Wells on the line, saying that he wants his idea back.

Oh, and then there’s the small matter of a few thousand tax-paying serfs outside your office wanting your combined salaries, with compounded interest, back too.

Mind you, those torches and pitchforks they’ve got DO look rather impressive.

Moron.

Comments 46 Comments »