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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for Idiotarians
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Archive for the “Idiotarians” Category

Few things amuse us more than to pick up the mindless mewlings of a self-righteous, grandstanding arsehole and mock them until they quit twitching and, thanks to the Imperial Blogsis, we’ve found just such a thing:

The Student Pledge Against Gun Violence is simple. It reads:

“I will never bring a gun to school.

“I will never use a gun to settle a personal problem or dispute.

“I will use my influence with my friends to keep them from using guns to settle disputes.

“My individual choices and actions, when multiplied by those of young people throughout the country, will make a difference. Together, by honoring this pledge, we can reverse the violence and grow up in safety.”

The results of this pledge speak for themselves: This has created a landslide of historical proportions, guaranteeing safety from harm for all. Just ask 32 students at Virginia Tech. Oh wait, that’s right. You can’t. But it sure sounds good, doesn’t it?

In 1996, the United States Senate passed a resolution [pdf document] proclaiming the first Day of National Concern, followed by a Presidential Proclamation by President Bill Clinton.

And what can possibly stand in the way of a Presidential Proclamation [could we have a fanfare here, please? — Ed.] and a Day of National Concern™ (complete with dramatically furrowed brows, we’re sure)?

Funny, though, because all of our research shows that every single school massacre committed by deranged goblins has happened after, not prior to this dramatic move against violence, not to mention the famed push to declare all schools Gun Free Open Season for Psychopaths Zones.

Since then, more than ten million young people have signed on to this pledge.

And not a damn thing has changed as a result, as is always the case with liberal, do-gooder, feel-good instead of doing something responses to anything.

Ryan Vigil decided to convince as many of his classmates as he could at Highlands High School in Albuquerque, New Mexico to sign it, too.

And then, last Thursday, he was gunned down.

…as a result of his strange idea that it would be funny to drive around the neighborhood, throwing golf balls at random people. Jesus wept. We’re really, really trying to give a damn here, but somehow the Give a Damn Process™ just fails to initialize. Ever been hit by a golf ball? That fucking hurts. Those things are hard, and anybody disputing the fact are more than welcome to show up at the Imperial Palace, where we’ll be more than happy to pelt you with them for hours on end, free of charge.

Ryan - a third-baseman for his school’s baseball team - participated in an ill-advised schoolboy prank with some of his friends as they drove around town and tossed golf balls at people. The kids reportedly tossed some at an alleged methamphetamine user, who later found the boys and allegedly shot Ryan in the head.

Action, meet consequence. Consequence, meet action. Nice to meet ya.

“[Ryan] always had a smile on his face,” Highlands High School baseball coach Anthony Lovato said.

Even when he was using strangers’ noggins for target practice? What a champ!

He had an extremely hard work ethic - [he was] a great kid to be around.”

Unless he was bored and happened to be in possession of a handful of Callaways™, of course.

Today is the National Day of Concern for 2007, a day when we can all rededicate ourselves to preventing even one more senseless gun death.

It is? Thanks for reminding us. We’ll promptly do our bit by finding a few moronic goblins and shooting them in the face. See y’all later.

We can remember Ryan, and remember the pledge that he and many of his classmates believed in and signed.

Would throwing a few hard objects in the face of the author of this tripe count for Extra Credit?

And we can also simply consider the words of Ryan’s High School Principal, Nikki Dennis, who said, “If you write any headline, he’s an example of the random violence facing our nation.

Nothing random about it, if you ask us, unless you’re referring to his victims. Asshole kid commits aggravated assault against innocent passers-by, victims throw him out of the gene pool in self-defense. Adult swim only, now go to Moron’s Paradise, will you?

“Write that he was a good kid, a really good kid.”

I’ll make a note of that and immediately teach my kids to throw hard objects in the face of strangers to prove how good they are.

Preferably liberal gun-fearing wussy assholes.

They’re less likely to be armed, after all.

Comments 66 Comments »

This one, “Stop-Loss”, has as its central premise that our volunteers are too damn stoopid to read contracts.

Oh, and War Bad™, Troops Killers™, Stuck in Iraq™, Ig’nant Southerners With Hearts of Gold™ yadda, yadda, yadda.

All it needs is a touch of Teh Ghey and you’ve got another Instant Oscar That Nobody’s Actually Paid Money to Watch™.

If you can stand it, here’s the trailer.

We suspect that it will be every bit as much of a box office hit as “Rendition”, which currently has pirates disguising their torrents as recordings of C-SPAN in order to get people to even think about downloading it.

Comments 20 Comments »

Watch the whole clip over at the Jawa Report.

But, but, doesn’t Stossel know who the Goreacle IS??? He’s got an Emmy, an Oscar, a Nobel Peace Prize and everything! [Which, in this day and age, is proof beyond a reasonable doubt that you’re a complete imbecile with no redeeming qualities — Ed.]

Some thoughts after having watched the video:

1) The debate is, indeed, over. The Gorebeciles are a bunch of tyrannical, bullying bullshit peddlers using intimidation in lieu of what used to be called “facts.”

2) Even if we manage to bury the whole Glowbull Wormening fairy tale before they manage to destroy the world economy, we still have at least one more score to settle: Somebody needs to be beaten to death for child abuse, and I have a very large, unpleasant stick perfect for just such a job. It’s one thing lying to adults to further your own Modern Day Inquisition, but to scare the shit out of children is quite another.

The Heirs had damn well better not lose a second’s worth of sleep over this crap, or somebody’s going to pay. And I know where they live.


Comments 10 Comments »

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A U.S. soldier who said his Christian beliefs compelled him to love his enemies, not kill them, has been granted conscientious objector status and honorably discharged, a civil liberties group said on Tuesday.

Capt. Peter Brown — who served in Iraq for more than a year and was a graduate of the elite U.S. military academy West Point — said in a statement issued by the New York Civil Liberties Union that he was relieved the Army had recognized his beliefs made it impossible for him to serve.


Brown said he had no conflict between his faith and military service until after he graduated from West Point in 2004 and began to study scripture and his belief.

Keep studying, my friend, and one day you might even understand it.

Comments 36 Comments »

Meanwhile, Congress is busy extending the FISA nonsense that led to the search for Alex Jimenez being pointlessly delayed for 10 hours while the hajis were sharpening the scimitars.

The only surprise here is that the Dem Cong didn’t try to attach an amendment requiring our intel people to also inform the terrorists ahead of operations that we were on to them by using the words “we’re going to close our eyes and count to a hundred, and then it’s ‘ready or not, here we come’.”

Comments 6 Comments »

LC Rurik informs us that some scumbag goblin assaulted Randi Rhodes while she was out jogging with her dog. Predictably, the nutroots are convinced that she was the victim of Roaming Right Wing Death Beast Murder Squads™

According to Air America Radio late night host Jon Elliott, Rhodes was beaten up pretty badly, losing several teeth and will probably be off the air for at least the rest of the week. At of late Monday night we have not able to locate any press accounts of the attack and nothing has been posted on the AAR website.

Jon Elliott, expert FBI Profiler, is convinced that Black Helicopters were involved:

Elliott was extremely agitated when he reported on the incident. He opened his show by saying “it is with sadness that tonight I inform you that my Air America colleague Randi Rhodes was assaulted last night while walking her dog near her New York City home.”

Pointing out that Rhodes was wearing a jogging suit and displayed no purse or jewelry, Elliott speculated that “this does not appear to me to be a standard grab the money and run mugging.”

Heavens no! A female jogger mugged? In NEW YORK??? That’s just UNHEARD OF!

“Is this an attempt by the right wing hate machine to silence one of our own,” he asked. “Are we threatening them. Are they afraid that we’re winning. Are they trying to silence intimidate us.”

Yes. Of course “we” (T.I.N.W.) are, Elliott. “We’re” (T.I.N.W.) mortally afraid of the stranglehold you guys have on the talk radio listening demographic. Why, only yesterday Rush Limbaugh informed us members of the Inner NeoconHalliburtonZionistStarChamber Circle™ that he’s only about $45 million away from being reduced to selling poorly made miniature screwdrivers outside 7-11s in order to afford his Ramen Noodles!

And the irony of a lefty nutbag howling about persecution when those same censoring morons have been campaigning tirelessly for years to get conservatives off the air is so bloody thick you could bottle it and sell it.

Some of blog posters also expressed concerns that the attack on Rhodes was hate crime. Other posters warned that we need more facts before any judgements are made.

…only to find themselves tombstoned by the rest of the nutroot community for excessive show of rationality and interference with a Donning of the Thorny Crown Ceremony™, we’re sure.

While the howling Moonbats are nursing their persecution complex, inflating their own importance above and beyond the bounds of sanity, allow us to wish Randi all the best as well as a full and speedy recovery. We may not be able to stand her and her insane rants, but by G-d she has a right to make them, and if it does turn out that the perp or perps were motivated by a desire to beat up a woman over words they didn’t agree with, then it is our most profound hope that they get locked up in the same cell as a sex-starved, muscular linebacker.

Of course, that’s exactly the same thing we wish for if it turns out, much more likely, that she was the victim of one or more run-of-the-mill mugging goblin swine.

A crime is a crime is a crime.

UPDATE: LC Mike M informs us that the whole thing is nothing but a bunch of twits hyperventilating and jumping to conclusions, which certainly would explain why no official statement has been forthcoming from AAR:

Air America radio host Randi Rhodes is temporarily off the air, but claims she was brutally attacked near her Manhattan apartment are bogus, her lawyer and a police source said today.

Fellow host Jon Elliott claimed on the liberal radio network that Rhodes had been mugged while walking her dog, Simon, on Sunday night. Elliot, who said Rhodes lost several teeth in the attack, waxed about a possible conspiracy.

“Is this an attempt by the right-wing, hate machine to silence one of our own?” he asked on the air, according to Talking Radio, a blog. “Are we threatening them? Are they afraid that we’re winning? Are they trying to silence intimidate us?”

A police source said Rhodes never filed a report and never claimed to be the victim of a mugging. Cops from Manhattan’s 17th Precinct called her attorney, who told them Rhodes was not a victim of a crime, the source said.

Rhodes’ lawyer told the Daily News she was injured in a fall while walking her dog. He said she’s not sure what happened, and only knows that she fell down and is in a lot of pain. The lawyer said Rhodes expects to be back on the air Thursday. He stressed there is no indication she was targeted or that she was the victim of a “hate crime.”

We still hope she recovers, but we can’t help it if we’re snickering a bit. Come on, pratfalls are funny, dammit! Still, Randi: Get well. It’s not like His Imperial Majesty has never fallen on his arse and made a spectacle of himself.

We guess that the Nutroots are going to have to keep shopping for an Outrage of the Week™, although we’re not sure that they won’t take the opportunity to claim that it was an employee of Halliburton who placed a banana peel in front of her.

UPDATE the Second: OK, so it wasn’t a banana peel according to a commenter at

Randi Rhodes was no more assaulted by a right-wing fanatic on Monday than Dick Cheney was. She, in fact, fell down and injured her teeth outside of a Midtown Irish bar at around 6 o’clock Sunday evening after downing about fourteen Ketel One Bloody Marys. She was abusive to the barstaff and generally gross, crass, loud, and pretentious. I genuinely hope she has a speedy recovery. I never would’ve disclosed this (I believe that anyone should feel free to hang out at Irish pubs at any time and not be concerned about someone publishing their behavior) if Air America hadn’t grossly interpreted a drunken indiscretion and allowed it to be morphed into some bullish rhetoric on air. Whatever journalistic integrity the station may have ever had is now completely compromised. The manipulation of the public diminishes any cause, whether just or fabricated.

This incident is now officially cleared for raucous laughter. Oh, and Randi? Ketel One, for crying out loud? Don’t they have REAL Vodka in your neighborhood? At least it wasn’t Everclear. Here, have an Aspirin, dear. :lol:

Comments 125 Comments »

In their ever-expanding mission to take authority away from parents entirely and make every child a ward of the state, “progressives” in Maine are now insisting that sexually promiscuous 11-year-olds shouldn’t have to let their parents know that they’re on the pill (link thanks to Sir Christopher):

Students who have parental permission to be treated at King Middle School’s health center would be able to get birth control prescriptions under a proposal that the Portland School Committee will consider Wednesday.

The proposal would build on the King Student Health Center’s practice of providing condoms as part of its reproductive health program since it opened in 2000, said Lisa Belanger, a nurse practitioner who oversees the city’s student health centers.

If the committee approves the King proposal, it would be the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of contraception available to some students in grades 6 to 8, said Nancy Birkhimer, director of teen health programs for the Maine Department of Health and Human Services. Most middle schoolers are ages 11-13.

And why not? They’re already in favor of the students banging like rabbits without the parents’ knowledge, they’re all in favor of them having abortions on the sly, so why not put them all on the pill as well? Hey, why not just take the kids away from the puritan influence of the parents altogether, leaving them at the mercy of “professional edumacators?”

It’s not like they’re your kids, after all. You just put them into the world to provide the State with new serfs, so shut up already and pay your taxes, will ya?

Comments 40 Comments »

Our only surprise is that we haven’t heard from Greta van Cistern yet (link via LC & IB DRJ):

MADISON, Wis. — The state’s top law enforcement official is drawing criticism for encouraging the public not to answer reporters’ questions about a north woods shooting by an off-duty sheriff’s deputy that left seven dead, including the gunman.

Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen last week said law enforcers would not answer questions about the case in the city where it took place, and he relayed a request that Crandon residents ignore reporters asking questions. He then left the podium without taking questions.

A week after the shooting, authorities have released little or no information on autopsy findings, certain 911 calls made during a manhunt and crime-scene evidence. The crime is one state’s biggest homicide cases, and in addition to being a deputy, the shooter was also a part-time officer on the Crandon police force.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel said in an editorial Thursday that among the questions left unanswered is whether there was a problem with the police response, and whether psychological screening is needed for police recruits.

“The news media must give the survivors room to grieve in private,” the editorial said. “But they must also do their job — report on a matter of great importance to the state. Unfortunately, Van Hollen has signaled that he may make the media’s job harder.”

…and Heaven forbid that the Almighty “Deciders” in the MSM should have to actually work for their money? Doesn’t this guy know who they are? Hasn’t he heard of their Constitutionally secured right to set up cameras in your bedroom, kitchen and living room at the drop of a hat to secure their ratings and ad income?

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that there are questions regarding this case that are indeed within “public’s right to know”, and the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel of course points out only these. When a government official, such as a deputy, freaks out and goes bonkers on a murdering spree, then there are legitimate questions about how on Earth he managed to fall through the cracks and end up a ticking time bomb in uniform. No argument there. We the People have entrusted the government with certain powers, and when those powers end up being abused, then we most certainly have a right to know just what led up to it and how to prevent it again. If we can’t be trusted with that knowledge, then we can’t trust them with the power, period.

But we all know that that’s not what the MSM is really talking about. That’s just the smokescreen they’re laying out to obscure their real agenda. Sure, they’d like to cover the official side of it too, but as we all know from reading the newspapers and, even more so, watching the dummy tube every night, what really gives them a hard-on for tragedy is setting up cameras, lights, carnie rides and concession stands in the front yards of the bereaved. Heck, if they could get away with it, they’d shove a web cam in the casket too. It’s the “human interest” angle, don’t ya know, and it’s good for ratings and circulation numbers which, again, is great for ad revenue. We are, sadly, a nation of rubberneckers. Anybody who has ever driven a car on the freeway will know, as anything from a flat squirrel over a car pulled over on the shoulder to a 6 car pile-up will cause a complete slowdown because of vultures hoping to catch a glimpse of mayhem, and the press knows it too.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 5 Comments »

It would seem to us that it would be a damn sight cheaper and a lot more efficient than your systematic campaign to piss us all off by proxy (link thanks to the Empress Sophia):

The Miller Lite people have a new ad featuring beer drinkers being instructed by a pro-sports-type commissioner in etiquette for the “More Taste League.” But the entity needing a “More Taste” lesson is the Miller Brewing Co. itself.

Last year, Miller infuriated opponents of illegal immigration when the Chicago Tribune reported it paid $30,000 for a convention and newspaper ads publicizing a march of illegal-alien advocates to protest against Speaker Dennis Hastert’s congressional office in Batavia, Ill. Consumers launched a national boycott.

Oh yes, we remember it well. Gone were the cans of Miller’s from our recyclable bin, never to be seen again. But it would appear that Miller Brewing Co. got word that people were beginning to forget and thus might conceivably find themselves absentmindedly buying Miller’s again, so the Corporate Pinheads decided that it was time to piss off Joe Public again:

…what really offended was the promotional poster for the [Folsom Street] fair. Seated at and standing behind a long table, Last Supper-style, are a set of men and women in various stages of leather dress/undress, including a man wearing a black dog mask. Sex toys, including a big red fist, are strewn across the table. As a spokesman for Concerned Women explained, “The bread and wine representing Christ’s broken body and life-giving blood are replaced with sadomasochistic sex toys in this twisted version of Da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper.’”

Prominently on display in the left-hand corner of the ad — the Miller Lite sponsorship logo.

Now, let us make one thing abundantly clear here: We don’t give a flying fig if the participants in San Fran’s annual re-enactment of the Glory Days of Sodom and Gomorrah find it titillating to dress themselves up as the seats of a classic Mercedes Benz, complete with stains, they can do as they bloody well please as long as they don’t do it in our house.

But as to deliberately mocking one of the most revered examples of religious imagery in Christianity, we have to ask ourselves: Is this because of the whole masochism deal, or are you just a bunch of insufferable, rude wankers? No, don’t bother with the “brave, daring, provocative” spiel, because we’re not buying it anymore than we bought it when the MSM got multiple, simultaneous orgasms over “Madonna’s” “bravery” in hanging around on something that look like a hybrid of a cross and a 70s disco ball. If you were really going for “brave, daring and provocative”, you’d have had a picture of somebody buggering the Black Rock of Mecca’s vagina with a 48 inch strap-on while somebody dressed as Mohammed in chaps rode around on a pig with a turban. That, too, would have been insufferably rude, but at least it would have been brave as well, seeing as how it might actually have had, erm, “unpleasant consequences.”

Speaking of pisslam, His Imperial Majesty can’t help but treasure the irony in you morons putting so much effort into mocking a religion that is the only thing standing between you and a bunch of construction cranes, a crowd howling “Allah u akbar!” and a generous helping of nooses. Granted, Christianity hasn’t always been kind to you guys and, also granted, we do have our differences when it comes to the proper use of reproductive organs, but at least we’re not running around suggesting that we drop brick walls on you or string you up like wind chimes simply because we don’t agree with the morals of your sexuality.

As to Miller’s? What can one say other than: “Listen, guys, if you really don’t want to be making beer anymore or, at the very least, don’t want to actually sell any, then why don’t you just fill the cans with piss instead?”

Except, as we all know, you’ve been trying that tack for years with no success, so maybe it is time to knock it up a notch or two.


Comments 32 Comments »

Sir Christopher informs us that the Moonbats are, once again, wetting their diapers and clutching on to their tinfoil for dear life.

Vanessa Alarcon saw them while working at an anti-war rally in Lafayette Square last month.

What? Men in Black? Black Helicopters? Orbital Mind Control Lasers?

No, it was much, much more ominous than that:

“I heard someone say, ‘Oh my god, look at those,’ ” the college senior from New York recalled.

An expression that we too were wont to use in the past when viewing the unwashed, cacophonous spectacle that is your usual gathering of Chiroptera Lunaticus. Nowadays, however, we tend to just rely on nose- and earplugs. Seen one, seen them all and all that.

“I look up and I’m like, ‘What the hell is that?’ They looked kind of like dragonflies or little helicopters. But I mean, those are NOT insects.”

Out in the crowd, Bernard Crane saw them, too.

“I’d never seen anything like it in my life,” the Washington lawyer said. “They were large for dragonflies. I thought, ‘Is that mechanical, or is that alive?’ ”

That is just one of the questions hovering over a handful of similar sightings at political events in Washington and New York. Some suspect the insect-like drones are high-tech surveillance tools, perhaps deployed by the Department of Homeland Security.

Because, as we all know, they have nothing better to do than to sit around all day, watching hippies banging drums and taking their clothes off. We mean, it’s not like they could just turn on their TVs or anything.

Nevertheless, we’re not the kind of Emperor to ignore concerns like that, even if they do originate from parts of the citizenry not exactly known for intelligent thought. Something spooked the cattle, and we’re not about to sit around ignoring it, allowing it to become a stampede. So we consulted with some of the high level experts inside the Imperial Circle of People Who Know Stuff that Nobody is Supposed to Know™, more specifically two five-year-olds who just so happen to live in the Imperial Palace, and they knew just exactly what was the source of all the commotion.

And now you know too. For just $49.99 plus tax, you too can scare the everloving snot out of a bunch of drooling hippies.

Comments 37 Comments »