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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for Idiotarians
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Archive for the “Idiotarians” Category

(Via LC & IB Dan)

BOISE, Idaho (AP) - Organizers had planned a pleasant dinner for Saturday, during which the tiny Idaho Hall of Fame would add a dozen inductees and renew its aim of honoring “real life heroes,” as its Web site states.

And who is one of those “real life heroes?”

Then Sen. Larry Craig, one of this year’s honorees, got arrested in an airport men’s room, and the private, nonprofit hall’s quiet evening out turned into a media spectacle.

Michael Ritz, an Idaho Hall of Fame board member, said he has been bombarded with calls from national outlets wanting to know whether they can set up cameras at the $50-a-head function. Not inside, he tells them.

Awww… Come on! Maybe he can demonstrate his patented “wide stance” to the rest of us?

A smiling Craig, who served a decade in the House before his 1990 election to the Senate, arrived at the event with his family.

“He … is excited that at least some Idahoans have not forgotten his three decades of public service to Idaho,” his spokesman Dan Whiting said in an e-mail.

He does seem to get terribly excited where his, er, “public services” are concerned, doesn’t he?

On second thoughts, perhaps it was a good idea to keep cameras out. We’re not sure that we’d have been all that interested in seeing a demonstration of that. But we’re sure that a splendid time was had by all. If you’re into that sort of thing, of course. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Thatisall.

Comments 12 Comments »

…is a used condom, ruffled and stained sheets and an uncomfortably painful sphincter.

It looks like at least some of the Nutroots are beginning to realize that they’ve been had. Again.

“Why would Senate Democrats risk alienating the netroots? Why risk alienating 1.3 million passionate, activist, money contributing, MoveOn.org members?

Because you dumbfucks already handed over your bong money to them and helped them gain a majority? Because, now that you’ve done your part, they’re washing their hands of your psychotic, Marxist antics because it simply doesn’t sell very well with the American public and, after all, they have Queen Hildebeest to elect, for which they’re going to need something more than a bunch of frothing, Stalinist nutcakes?

You’re no longer of any use to them. Actually, you’re a liability. Just like your former hero, St. Sheehan of the Ditch, the one you threw under the bus when she reached her sell-by date.

Enjoy, schmucks. Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving bunch of twats.

Comments 59 Comments »

We haven’t watched the debate yet (and we probably won’t for quite some time, but that’s what DVR is for), but already the Ron Pauliacs have broken out fresh bags of Doritos, popped the cap of several gallons’ worth of Mountain Dew and are going through all of their open proxies to vote for their god as early and often as possible.

With predictably hilarious results.

And if you think that Mr. 2% consistently winning ever online poll, no matter what the question is, is funny, you should take a look into their mothers’ basements, where the widdle Paulites are frantically coordinating their spamming while expressing their outrage, OUTRAGE that nobody takes them seriously. Those comments are pure comedy GOLD, we tell you.

On October 10th, 2007 TVMH says:

They may have taken it down so as to run it again without prior influence after tonight’s re-broadcast.

Besides, look on the bright side.

If “they” have to resort to censorship, then that means Dr. Paul is very popular.

Further, they cannot avoid exposing themselves as propagandists when they resort to censorship.

People are not completely stupid, and I tend to think that they are starting to catch on to the shenanigans.

No, people aren’t. Just you and your friends. But let’s see if we get this right… If they take obviously spammed polls down, polls rendered completely worthless as information by you and your hamster voting over and over again for “Dr Paul”, then it means that he’s wildly popular? Conversely, if they leave the “98% think that Ron Paul is a Minor Deity” up, it means that he’s — wildly popular?

Right. Now quit wasting your mother’s electricity and put your helmet back on.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 45 Comments »

While we’re on the subject of radio, we’re devastated to have to tell you that the Conservative Hegemony over the Airwaves has suffered a blow from which it will take us very long indeed to recover, a blow delivered by the Hildebeest and George Soros’ wholly owned subsidiary, Media Matters.

Yes, friends, after a smear campaign lasting well over a week and costing G-d knows how many of George “Hiwi” Soros’ dollars, the “nonpartisan, progressive nonprofit that is unaffiliated with any political party or candidate” (sorry, we just have to say that every once in a while. It makes us laugh so hard the windows around The Palace crack), Media Matters, have driven a sword deep inside the belly of the Right Wing Limbaugh Death Beast.

They got him pulled for one whole day in the throbbing, hustling and bustling metropolis of Astoria, Oregon.

Cherish the mockery, Media Matters, because we have plenty more where that came from.

Comments 13 Comments »

With all of Teh Outrage!™ and hyperventilating exhibited by the Drooling Ungulates™ over the alleged misconduct of Blackwater security personnel, as well as the outright slander & libel directed at any and all US contractors working to help stabilize Turd World Shitholes™ around the world, the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ staff finally had enough and decided to throw together a little side-by-side comparison post. This post is specifically geared towards our Dimwitted Dhimmis™ who, without fail, automatically & reflexively condemn any and all US contractors and/or service members of any and all “crimes“, often based upon the flimsiest of “evidence” (Fatima, anyone?), as revealed in their blanket condemnations over Abu Grabass, Gitmo and, most recently, the Blackwater security personnel’s “massacre” of “innocents” while engaged in a firefight with ambushing Jihadis. (Naaaah, we know that the Michael Moore-on’s Minutemen™ NEVER hide behind women & children while firing at their enemy.)

One asshole Blackwater employee gets drunk and takes out an Iraqi security guard and that means the entire organization is nothing but a bunch of “blood-thirsty, child-killing mercenaries” under the employ of the Eeeeevil Chimpy McBusHitlerCheneyBurtoNeoKKKonZionist Cabal™. (Never mind that the employee was fined, fired and sent packing.)

Now, given that we have ONE documented case of a Blackwater employee going off the deep end and offing someone while drunk, what organization do the Demented Underachievers™ and their Whores on the Potomac™ always wish to call upon as The End All & Be All For Conflict Resolution™ and the magic carpet to take us all to that mystical Marxist EUtopia? Why, the UN, that’s who!

This is the organization that has been proven to have been involved in MULTIPLE episodes in the child sex slavery trade, child prostitution, child rape, adult female sex slavery/prostitution and, let’s not forget, the multi-billion dollar Dead Iraqi Children For Oil Scandal™. There’s more that we could pile onto the UN’s record, but we don’t want kick that steaming pile of shit too hard. (The Imperial Jackboots are a BITCH to keep spit-shined and the little brown oppressed people we keep chained up down in the Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ get really whiny when they have to lick ‘em clean. And you KNOW how much we hate whining.)

No! That CAN’T be! The UN is the savior of the oppressed!“, we hear you say. Well, just Google it yourself, then.

For those too lazy to click the link and browse through the THOUSANDS of hits, we’ll give you the Readers’ Indigestion™ abbreviated version of the remarkable record of rape & debauchery perpetrated by those Servants of Humanity™ from the Useless Nincompoops™

Congo, Sudan, Haiti, Sierra Leone, Bosnia, Cambodia , East Timor, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Liberia, West Africa, Cambodia, Somalia, Kosovo, Rwanda, Guinea… (We could go on, but you get the idea by now.)

We’ll play our hand with one canned Blackwater asshole and raise you thousands of UN Blue Helmets™. Your bluff has been called, assholes.

F.E.T.E.

Comments 28 Comments »

LC nerbygirl sends us this, written by a Idiotarian cow who, safely back in the States, sees fit to bitch about the people who made sure that she got back with her head still attached between her shoulders.

When the Iraqi government last month demanded the expulsion of Blackwater USA, the private security firm, I had one reaction: It’s about time.

As a U.S. official in Baghdad for nearly two years, I was frequently the “beneficiary” of Blackwater’s over-the-top zeal. “Just pretend it’s a roller coaster,” I used to tell myself during trips through downtown Baghdad.

We would careen around corners, jump road dividers, reach speeds in excess of 100 mph and often cross over to the wrong side of the street, oncoming traffic be damned.

Which is exactly what you’d do in order to avoid being boxed in, abducted at gun point, raped to death and then mutilated so bad that your corpse would be unrecognizable without a DNA test. Will somebody please take the time out to explain to those ignorant imbeciles that a war zone isn’t quite safe to be in and that no, Virginia, terrorists don’t really give a flying fuck what they have to do to kill another infidel?

But much more appalling than the ride was the deleterious effect each movement through town had on the already beleaguered people of Iraq. I began to wonder whether my meetings, intended to further U.S. policy goals and improve the lives of Iraqis, were doing more harm than good.

Given your rather obvious placement on the normal distribution curve for IQ, it’s highly doubtful that you had any effect whatsoever, except on the pockets of the taxpayers funding your excellent adventure to the Middle East.

With our drivers honking at, cutting off, pelting with water bottles (a favorite tactic) and menacing with weapons anyone in their way, how many enemies were we creating?

Listen, baby girl, you really shouldn’t concern your pretty little empty head with big scary issues like that. Just be aware that those horrible Blackwater folks kept you from an experience that would make you crap your biologically degradable undies if you even had the faintest clue as to the nature of them. No, what they did to keep you from becoming the next kidnap or IED victim on the front page of the NYT wasn’t pretty, but when you’re trying to avoid ugly people, you sometimes have to use ugly tactics.

One particularly infuriating time, I was in the town of Irbil in northern Iraq, being driven to a meeting with a Kurdish political leader. We were on a narrow stretch of highway with no shoulders and foot-high barriers on both sides. The lead Suburban in our convoy loomed up behind an old, puttering sedan driven by an older man with a young woman and three children.

As we approached at typical breakneck speed, the Blackwater driver honked furiously and motioned to the side, as if they should pull over. The kids in the back seat looked back in horror, mouths agape at the sight of the heavily armored Suburbans driven by large, armed men in dark sunglasses. The poor Iraqi driver frantically searched for a means of escape, but there was none. So the lead Blackwater vehicle smashed heedlessly into the car, pushing it into the barrier. We zoomed by too quickly to notice if anyone was hurt.

What? You’re telling me that Iraqi roads don’t have shoulders? That there was absolutely no way of pulling over to the side for a few seconds while the convoy pulled past? You’re telling me that they were waving him over, knowing full well that there was no place to pull over to?

Until that point I had never mentioned anything to my drivers about their tactics, but this time I could not contain myself.

“Where do you all expect them to go?” I shrieked. “It was an old guy and a family, for goodness’ sake. Was it necessary for them to destroy their poor old car?”

You know, it’s really not fair for us to let ignorant civilian asshats like that run around wild in the real world like that. Obviously, this doofus hasn’t opened a newspaper in years. She’s still stuck on stupid, living in a dreamworld where all the bad guys are wearing black hats and every lil’ old man is nothing but an innocent lil’ old man going on a Sunday drive. Now imagine the howls of outrage if the Blackwater folks had slowed down behind old putt-putt, a second car full of Hajis had pulled up behind them, boxed them in and proceeded to shoot the shit out of them.

You can’t have it both ways, twinkletoes. Either you pretend that it’s a perfectly peaceful area, in which case you can fucking well drive yourself around in a Prius, for all that we care, or you let the grownups who actually know what they’re doing handle your security for you.

My driver responded impassively: “Ma’am, we’ve been trained to view anyone as a potential threat. You don’t know who they might use as decoys or what the risks are. Terrorists could be disguised as anyone.”

“Well, if they weren’t terrorists before, they certainly are now!” I retorted. Sulking in my seat, I was stunned by the driver’s indifference.

I’m stunned that he didn’t pull over, throw you over his knee and give you a thorough paddling, lil’ missy, because that’s what I’d have done. I don’t care what we pay those guys to babysit those whiny toddlers, we’re not paying them nearly enough.

Janessa Gans, a visiting political science professor at Principia College, was a U.S. official in Iraq from 2003 to 2005.

We’re sending poli-sci professors into a war zone? What on Earth for? Haven’t the Iraqis suffered enough without those useless, lobotomized, non-productive, unemployable twits fouling up the air over there? What’s next? Hairdressers, telephone sanitizers and aromatherapists?

OK, that’s it. NOW I’m willing to entertain the notion that we’re abusing the Iraqis.

Comments 176 Comments »

LC Serena, the perpetual lurker manages to find the time to post a righteous screed on her latest experiences in the moldy halls of academia.

I must say, she seems determined to torment the pointy-headed denizens thereabouts endlessly, while performing at 100%+ academically.

It’s rather lengthy, so I’ll save the Emperor’s bandwidth and send you over to the Cigar Intelligence Agency, to read the whole thing:

Great Moments In Coledge Edukayshun

Comments 25 Comments »

If this was the vaudeville days of yore, this assclown would’ve already gotten the hook. In spite of his nearly continuous demonstration of any leadership acumen, he still manages to swindle dollars to keep his leaky raft campaign afloat.

Obama stops wearing flag pin

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama says he no longer wears an American flag lapel pin because it has become a substitute for “true patriotism” since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

The only true patriotism as defined by MurthaMutt, Reid, Lugosi, Commodore Oldsmobile and the Breck Girl, being surrender, cut, run and hide under your momma’s (or wife’s for John-Boy) skirts.

He commented on the pin in a television interview Wednesday and then again on Thursday at a campaign appearance in Independence, Iowa.

Not being bright enough to realize he shoved his head so far up his ass only his tonsils stopped it, he REPEATS himself.

Noting the TV interview, he told the campaign crowd, “I said, you know what, I probably haven’t worn a flag pin in a very long time. After a while I noticed people wearing a lapel pin and not acting very patriotic.”

Pins don’t make for patriotic, nor can unpatriotic hide behind a pin. But in your case, screaming at every turn that you were against the war, before and currently during the war rules you out of the “patriotic” category permanently. I hold all you gutless, treasonous bastards accountable for putting political gain ahead of the national security in time of war. Blood is on your hands and it grows everyday as you merrily undermine the nation at war.

“My attitude is that I’m less concerned about what you’re wearing on your lapel than what’s in your heart. You show your patriotism by how you treat your fellow Americans, especially those who serve. You show your patriotism by being true to our values and ideals. That’s what we have to lead with is our values and our ideals.”

Pardon me while I heave up my Dunkin’ Donuts Xtra-Large Coffee. Urrrrrpppppp. Patriotism is proudly displaying and serving beneath that flag, citizen and soldier alike. That flag flew over countless foreign lands and here at home, under enemy fire, liberating the oppressed and restoring freedom to others at the cost of American blood and treasure. The flag, you scrotum-licking hack, epitomizes values and ideals that are obviously beyond your comprehension and that of the socialist succubi that are turning your organ-grinder’s wheels.

He had been asked about the pin Wednesday in an interview with KCRG-TV in Cedar Rapids.

“The truth is that right after 9/11 I had a pin,” Obama said. “Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we’re talking about the Iraq war, that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security.”

Obama was campaigning Thursday on the third day of a four-day trip to the early voting state.

What don’t you understand here Dumbo? 9/11 woke up our nation to the biggest threat to our security since WW2. For awhile we had clarity, resolve and determination to engage an enemy on multiple fronts, using unconventional means necessary for an asymmetric war. A war that by it’s very definition would likely carry onto the next generation. The enemy has been waging it for SEVEN Centuries, only a fool believes that it would end with the capture of a few leaders. America saw during that cusp event, the true face of evil. The utterly inhuman evil of islamo-fascism without the dismissive attitude of the appeasement/peacenik crowd poo-pooing the existence of such evil. Decades of liberal-speak denying evil or apologizing and equivocating it was ripped away in a few hours that morning.

At one stop, he called for new restrictions on deployment of National Guard and Reserve troops along with an expansion of benefits for them and their families.

“I will not be a president who extends tours for our Guard units overseas while Americans are stranded on rooftops right here at home,” Obama said.

He said he would require “a period of rest and standard of readiness” before troops could be redeployed. He called for the head of the National Guard to be elevated to four-star rank and given a seat among the Joint Chiefs of Staff to reflect the heavy reliance on Guard soldiers and reservists during the Iraq war.

Continuing rapidly towards his maximum entropy, B. Hussein trots out Katrina as justification for his stance. Those people were stranded on the rooftops by the incompetent, corrupt local and state government, that the victims kept voting into office. I am fucking fed-up to the top of my cranium with any equation involving the WoT and the post-Katrina fiasco.

I propose an addendum to Godwin’s Rule of conversation: Any person or persons equating any aspect of the war on terror, having or contributing to the events surrounding Hurricane Katrina is forever rendered irrelevant, and bestowed the title of Lifetime Idiotarian. We’ll even buy you the pin and brand it on your forehead.

Since 2001, Obama said, more than 580,000 reservists have been activated, a level not seen since World War II.

In making his case, Obama pointed to an Iowa unit in which members learned from family and friends back home that their deployment had been extended. That unit — the 1st Battalion of the 133rd Infantry — recently returned after a 22-month deployment in Iraq.

“When we’ve got service members who have to find out that their tour has been extended in a phone call home, we’re not keeping that trust and we’re not keeping this country safe,” Obama said.

Is is remotely possible, Dumbo, that specific unit movements and deployments are of a classified nature and outside of general public announcements on purpose? Do tell specifically how keeping our troops in the field (because they’re needed you ass-wipe) makes us less safe?

He also called for increased mental health services, including screening and treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder. He said nearly half of the National Guard troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan suffer from psychological problems, yet little emphasis is put on treating those disorders.

“We’re not providing adequate treatment, screening and benefits,” said Obama. “We need more mental health professionals and more training to recognize the signs.”

Bullshit on that play too. PTSD was a disease specifically identified symptomatically by military medical professionals. Shell-Shock, Battle Fatigue were all terms used to describe what we now call PTSD. Likewise, much of the treatment regimens were developed by the military medical community. The DoD is aware of this need and providing it. I can personally attest to this, as I have a family member that was required to undergo counseling in-country and stateside immediately when he unit transferred back home. Continuing services are available to anyone requesting them or as medically determined necessary.

What would you propose Obama? The Oprah Show-Miracle PTSD Cure™?

Fucking socialist, America-hating maggots, using poor military medical services as campaign fodder, simultaneously trying to defund the war is hypocrisy of the most egregious sort. Treasonous in it’s intent and effect.

You are now free to do the honorable thing B. Hussein, eat a large-caliber bullet. Let us know we’ll provide the round and a suitable weapon to fire it from.

Comments 41 Comments »

Dammit, why does His Highness always miss out on the truly hilarious crap?

Well, in this case it was our own fault, because LC Crunchie had already alerted us to it. But it happened to be a really, really busy day at the Palace, so it got put on the back burner and then, as is so often the case when you put stuff aside, you forget about it.

Until we saw a second post about it, which is when we started looking into Crunchie’s earlier email and realized that we’d just missed some of the funniest shit ever.

To recap: Some “Survivor” clown who calls himself Johnny Fairyplay, Footsieplay, something like that is on stage at one of those Hollyweird shows where people that nobody gives two shits about congregate to jerk each other off, presumably to convince themselves that anybody would notice if they all died of syphilis tomorrow. While up there, he’s blabbing about how he suckered the other jerks on the season of “Survivor” that he was on (apparently it’s some sort of reality show that couch potatoes with the IQ of a strawberry shortcake enjoy) by lying about his grandmother being dead.

Much to our surprise, the crowd boos at him. We weren’t aware that those airheads had any notion of normality and common decency, but there you have it. You can find nuggets of, well, at least some sort of semi-worth saving metal in even the largest pile of manure. Johnny Foreplay (”roll over honey” - ten seconds later: - “damn, was it good for you too?”) is surprised too, but in his case for the all too common Hollyweird reason, namely that he’s dumber than your average brick and about as charming, so Danny Bonaduce, who must have been really desperate for company that night to show up at that non-event, helpfully goes on stage and gently points out to him that they’re booing because they hate him. After standing around for a while with that endearing expression so commonly seen on a cow hit in the face with a wet trout, Johnny Allgay calls out for Danny, who turns around with a “what?” look on his face, probably surprised that an organism that far down the evolutionary ladder can even speak or, as it were, utter sounds more complicated than “arf”, “bark” and “oink.”

Which is where it gets funny. Johnny Hairspray then, from a two or three paces’ worth of running start, jumps up in Danny’s face, wraps his arms around Danny’s throat and his legs around his sides and starts dry-humping his nostrils. Danny, non-plussed, lifts up his arms, grabs Johnny Dairyqueen under the thighs and flips him over his head, planting his mug squarely on the floor. The really funny part is that Johnny Dooday, true to form for those worthless narcissists, still has the microphone against his kisser. Throw a Hollyweirdo off a plane equipped with a perfectly good parachute and he’ll still die because he’d have to let go of the microphone to pull the ripcord. But we digress…

Having made a quick inventory of his teeth and realizing that at least one is missing, Johnny Waaahwaaah then crawls back on his feet and hobbles off the stage with his shoulders slumped and his tail tucked firmly between his legs.

We swear: We laughed so hard we almost died. The only thing that would have been funnier would have been if the mic had been jammed through the jerk’s pie hole to the point where it was sticking out of the back of his head. Come on, it’s not like there’s anything in there that could possibly get hurt, so he’d be as right as rain once they hammered a cork in the hole. Nobody would ever notice the difference.

And of course the little pansy reports Danny for “felony battery”, which claim is promptly thrown out of court.

You’d think that even a creature as bereft of common sense as a Hollyweirdo whore would realize that the only charge that could possibly come of that incident, particularly with about 800 eyewitnesses AND camera footage, would be “felony sexual assault”, and it wouldn’t be Danny facing the music either. You would think that, and you would be guilty of overestimating the average IQ of a Hollyweirdo. Which, all things considered, isn’t all that hard to do. At least not if you like to work with positive numbers.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go put a few stitches in our sides, because they just split wide open again.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, and way to go, Danny. We like you more and more with each passing day.

Comments 33 Comments »

Clinton assails Bush’s ‘war on science’

Why yes, we did notice that RoveBushMcHitler are indeed carrying out a war on science, just last week my Imperial Correspondent’s spy network reported that the administration is working on a draft proposal to rescind gravity and lock-up those pesky Globull Worming Twoofers.

Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton cited frustrated scientists and a comedian Thursday as she assailed President Bush’s record on scientific study and pledged to rescind his restrictions on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

Didn’t we already settle this issue? If embryonic stem cell research had any possibility whatsoever of a significant medical breakthrough the private sector would have hundreds of millions invested in it. It doesn’t. Conclusion….it’s a dead-end for now.

The presidential candidate also said she would bar political appointees from altering or removing scientific conclusions from government research without a legitimate reason for doing so.

No indeedy, we can’t have people actually attempting to revise and/or correct poorly conducted, biased research. It’s much better to spend another umpteen million (or so) to do another study. Notably absent is what exactly constitutes government research? Papers published directly by a federal agency or funded by the government?

“The Bush administration has declared war on science,” the New York senator said. “When I am president, scientific integrity will not be the exception it will be the rule.”

Her address to the Carnegie Institution for Science was a preview of what she said would be more detailed proposals in coming weeks on energy and environmental issues.

Gee whiz and here I thought the Air Force has made some incredible breakthroughs in missile defense systems, the human genome project is making huge advances in medicine. Whoda thunk Noodlespine was making war on those scientific advances?

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 45 Comments »