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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for January, 2007
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Archive for January, 2007

We’d simply say “pretty much all of them”, if there ever was a decade that deserved to be sunk into a salt mine and covered with concrete, the 70s would be it, but that would be too easy, so here are a few suggestions for LC & IB Michele:

1) “Having My Baby”: Michele’s already got it covered, but we have to nominate it again. Proving your undying love to somebody by NOT murdering his unborn child? Damn, if THAT’S not affection, we don’t know WHAT is. It’s even better than a friggin’ pony!

2) Pretty much anything by those revolting castrates, the Bee Gees, who served only to annoy the everloving shit out of me every time they kicked themselves in the nuts and started howling like banshees. Special mention goes to “Staying Alive”, simply because it always reminded me of the fact that they were entirely too successful in that department.

3) “Hooked on a Feeling”: If ever there was a song that would serve as a legitimate reason for a pre-emptive thermonuclear strike to keep the offending band from ever, EVER making another record, this would be one of them. The collateral damage would be entirely justifiable, not to mention that anybody living within 8 area codes of that abomination of a band would most likely be grateful for the sweet release of death.

4) “You Light Up My Life”: As saccharine, vapid schmaltz goes, you don’t get much more horrid than this one. Well, except for “Seasons in the Sun”, which deserves a category entirely of its own. But I digress. I always found myself wishing that somebody would light up her polyester shirt instead. With her still inside it.

5) “Do That To Me One More Time”: Gladly, dear. Do you want me to stick the Philips screwdriver in your eye this time, or would you prefer a butter knife?

6) “If You Leave Me Now”: If I do, you just might escape the fate that I have in mind for you. Of course, there’s always the risk that I’ll come back. With my little “toolbox.”

7) Absolutely, positively anything by John Denver. Thank you, G-d, for putting that big ass mountain right there.

8) That goes for the Village People too. Except for the fact that I’m still waiting for that fortuitously placed mountain to pop up in front of an aircraft with them on it. Their major achievement was to make sure that nobody, absolutely nobody in their right minds would ever want to re-visit the 70s. Except in a time machine. With a Barrett sniper rifle and a few cases of ammo.

9) “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?”: No, Rod. And you still aren’t. Not to mention that you STILL can’t carry a note if it’s welded to the inside of a bucket and stapled to your sloping forehead. As a matter of fact, I’m still considering launching a class action lawsuit against that sand paper-voiced transvestite for unspecified damages related to the trauma of watching his scrawny figure wrapped in tight, red, synthetic leather… ARRGGHHHHHH!!!

10) And finally, everybody’s favorite “GAWD, but I frakkin’ HATE that song!”. No, we never claimed to be original: “Afternoon Delight.” If I had my wicked way, the perpetrators of that abortion of a song would be hunted down, strapped to a splintery piece of wood and tormented in ways that would make Shaitan himself crap on his hooves and projectile vomit in disgust and horror. And then, but ONLY then, would I proceed to get truly gruesome.

There you have it. Further recommendations are welcome.

Comments 147 Comments »

The Evil Zionist Oppressors™ unleashed wave after wave of Evil, Green, Promotional Balloons, causing terror and panic in Southern Lebanon.

Our favorite snippet, but do read the whole thing:

Lebanese official media reported that the balloons were poisoned, and were part of an Israeli attack. Residents claimed that the balloons were dropped from IDF aircraft. Residents were apparently confused by the writing on the balloons as well: the balloons carried the name of the newspaper, HaIr, which somewhat resembles the Hebrew word for “caution,” Hizaher. Hizbullah’s news station, Al-Manar, reported that the balloons bore the word “caution” in Hebrew and claimed that several locals were hospitalized after inhaling the balloons’ gas.

…sounding suspiciously like Chip’n'Dale when interviewed by doctors, we’re sure.

Those wacky date farmers are what gave “retarded” a bad name.

Comments 17 Comments »

And, considering how early it is in the week, you may think that we’re going out on a limb here, predicting that nothing more ass-hatted than this “professor”’s screed will see the light of day before it is over.

We’re not quite sure what’s more insane here. “Professor” Bell’s assertion that 9/11 wasn’t really such a big deal and that we’ve all been overreacting like a bunch of hysterical drama queens, or that the reasons for our hysterical overreaction to the trifling matter of 3,000 murdered fellow citizens are David Hume and Rene Descartes.

Listen, we already knew that David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel and that Rene Descartes was a drunken fart, but…

Can we please quit the PC pretense and call our institutes of higher “learning” what they really are, already?

“Insane Asylums” is more fitting, and it has a nice ring to it.

Comments 10 Comments »

According to the Religion of Incredibly Stupid Decisions, life-saving vaccines are haraam:

A MUSLIM doctors’ leader has provoked an outcry by urging British Muslims not to vaccinate their children against diseases such as measles, mumps and rubella because it is “un-Islamic”.

Dr Abdul Majid Katme, head of the Islamic Medical Association, is telling Muslims that almost all vaccines contain products derived from animal and human tissue, which make them “haram”, or unlawful for Muslims to take.

Good. That ought to thin the herd a bit, and in a highly desirable and selective manner too.

Those Muslims who wish to live in the 21st as opposed to the 7th century will tell this “doctor” to go fuck himself with a prayer rug and continue to save their kids from dying in stupid, easily preventable ways.

Those with their heads sufficiently far up Mohammed’s prolapsed ass to listen to doctor Death will not.

It’s all good.

Comments 16 Comments »

We’re sure you remember CPL Joshua Sparling who, while recovering at Walter Reed, received one of those lovely sentiments that the “Troop-Supporting” Loony Left are so justly infamous for. In CPL Sparling’s case, it was the wish that he’d die rather than recover.

Well, CPL Sparling stubbornly refused to die, even though he did lose his leg defending the right of assnuggets like the postcard writer to wish death upon him.

He also went to the Mall to protest the protesters the other day and the “tolerant”, “troop-supporting” Left promptly rewarded this amputee veteran by spitting at him.

Time for a public announcement:

Dear Unhinged, Loony Leftnuts,

I respect and defend your right to be against the war, even though I do not agree in the slightest with you. I respect and defend your right to speak out in as many syllables as you can safely mangle without choking on your own tongues. I respect and defend your right to make complete assclowns out of yourselves in public every time you open your rancid, stinking pie holes. Heck, I even respect and defend your right to bang drums, carry around ridiculous papier-mache puppets and claim that 9/11 was a government conspiracy, even though I have to point out that, if the government were capable of and willing to off 3,000 of its own citizens, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea for you nutroots to stampede around in public yakking about it. Just sayin’, is all. The fact that you’re still breathing is conclusive proof that you’re full of tinfoil-wrapped bovine fecal material.

Because this is the Land of the Free, thanks to soldiers like CPL Sparling and absolutely NO thanks to your patchouli-drenched, unshaven, unwashed, worthless carcasses. You haven’t done one useful thing in your entire lives and, if your predecessors of the 60s are anything to go by, you’ll go to your graves with that impressive record still unblemished by actual worthwhile actions.

What you do NOT have the right to is to spit in the faces of our soldiers. If you have a beef with the war, take it up with the ones responsible for it, but leave the soldiers the fuck alone. They don’t declare wars, they fight them. They don’t choose which countries they’re sent to, they just go there.

They go there so that you won’t have to. They go there so that the enemies they fight there won’t come fight HERE.

They go, and sometimes they don’t come back with all of their limbs. Sometimes they don’t come back at all.

To those of us who know what Honor, Duty and Country means, that means that you owe them at LEAST enough respect to refrain from spitting in their faces.

You don’t have to love them, you don’t have to say you support them (as a matter of fact we’d appreciate it if you quit spreading that particularly obnoxious lie), but you DO have to treat them with a minimum of respect.

And if you don’t, then some of us will be more than happy to teach you basic manners.

Teach you in ways that you’re not likely to ever forget.

That is not a threat. That is a promise.

Ignore it at your own peril.

Fuckheads.

Comments 20 Comments »

Since you are seeing this, it means that you are back in the palace and not the portable outside the moat.

I have finished the upgrade of this site from WP 2.0.7 to WP 2.1.0, which is a new generation of the WordPress blogging apparatus.

Unlike previous upgrades within the WP 2.0.x versions where I could upgrade in the background and not create a ripple, this was a major change in the software that required not only the base upgrade, but also a change in the theme and many of its plugins.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 31 Comments »

again, as he has done so many times since approximately five minutes after he found out that Bush wouldn’t let him marry his boyfriend, at which point Andy flipped and became a Moonbat overnight.

The reason that Poor Deluded Andy is so filled with heart-ache at such gob-smacking vileness is a video of a bunch of captured terrorists being beaten up by Iraqi soldiers:

Here’s a disturbing video showing U.S soldiers watching as their Iraqi Army colleagues - Shia - brutally beat Sunni civilians

Never mind that Andy Sulliedpants’ “civilians” are captured terrorists, stopped with mortars in their possession. You know, the kind of mortars that the Sunni terrorists love to bombard kindergartens, bazaars and Shia mosques with.

Now, we don’t know about Andy, but if we were a soldier who had just caught a bunch of murdering fucktards responsible for an untold number of civilian deaths, a bunch of savage animals operating in clear violation of every single rule and law of land warfare, then they’d be damn lucky to escape with a beating.

to near-death,

We’re sure that St Andrew of the Aegis Eye has access to full the medical reports. Otherwise, how can he possibly know that they were “beaten to near-death?”

And hasn’t somebody bothered to tell Lil’ Andy that terrorists caught red-handed can be shot out of hand according to the laws of land warfare?

as U.S. soldiers hoop and holler in support.

They do. From inside their vehicle quite a distance away, which makes it unlikely that the Iraqi troops in the video heard any of the “support.” As a matter of fact one U.S. soldier tried to get the Iraqis to stop, but St Andrew of the Selective Reporting Genius doesn’t bother mentioning that at all.

It shows what this president is now risking: that the U.S. will become a party to one side in a sectarian civil war.

As proven by the Shi’ite terrorist leaders now running for their lives toward the Iranian hills. So which side is it, Andy? The Kurds’?

***UPDATE:*** To illustrate the true nature of the “civilians” (and don’t mention the mortars) that Excitable Andy is so concerned about, here’s some of their handiwork:

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Mortar shells rained down Sunday on a girls’ secondary school in a mostly Sunni area of western Baghdad, killing five pupils and wounding 20, witnesses and police said. At least seven other people died in a series of bombings and shootings across the capital, mostly in Shiite areas.

St Andrew Sulliedpants is absolutely right. Why anybody would beat up “civilians” responsible for that sort of thing is simply beyond the ken of any civilized person. Personally, we’d have dipped the fucks in a vat full of boiling acid instead.

Comments 9 Comments »

No wonder the Loony, America-Hating Left are so upset about the surge (link thanks to Sir Christopher):

WASHINGTON — Death squad leaders have fled Baghdad to evade capture or killing by U.S. and Iraqi forces before the start of the troop “surge” and security crackdown in the capital.

And where have they run to, if we may ask? Why do we even bother to ask?:

A former senior Iraqi minister said most of the leaders loyal to Muqtada al-Sadr, the radical anti-American cleric, had gone into hiding in Iran.

Gee. Wuddasurprise. Who’d have THUNK? So they’re hanging out with John Fuckface Kerry’s new friends in Tehran, are they?

Not to worry, though.

We’re sure that the State Dept. will issue a strongly worded letter of diplomatic concern to the Islamofascist thugs.

Comments 14 Comments »

We’re sure that you’ve already heard Iran’s announcement that they’re about to put 3,000 centrifuges online, which would produce enough material to build a bomb within a year.

But worry not, the State Dept. is on the case:

A US State Department official warned:

“If they [Iran] think they can get away with 3,000 centrifuges without another Security Council resolution and additional international pressure, then they are very badly mistaken.”

Oh yes, we’re sure that the Turbaned Tumblefucks are already crapping their sandals in fear.

The only time Foggy Bottom is frightening is when you’re a US Citizen and your daughters have been kidnapped by the underwriters of their, ahem, “retirement accounts” in Saudi Arabia.

In that case, their complete indifference to your plight can, we’re sure, be quite unsettling.

Comments 12 Comments »

Imagine that. The Karbala attack that led to the murder of five U.S. soldiers seems to have Iranian fingerprints all over it.

You know, the Iran whose former leader was busy getting his cock tongue-washed by John Fuckface Kerry the other day.

So, will the abduction and murder of U.S. soldiers have any consequences for Iran?

With President Limpdick in power?

BWAHAH!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Heck, Dubya might go as far as to refuse to use lube up his asshole the next time Ahmadinnerjacket wants a quick poke in the hole, but that’s about as far as he’ll go.

The dickless, disgrace to Texas piece of shit.

Here’s the Imperial Promise to the People of the United States, were we to be eligible for the position of President and were we to be elected:

If you mess with the United States, your country will become a glowing glass parking lot within four hours of your act of aggression. No questions asked, no ultimatums issued, no crawl-on-our-knees sessions before the Useless Nitwits.

You leave US alone, we leave YOU alone.

If not, you die.

ALL of you.

Comments 27 Comments »