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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for March, 2007
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Archive for March, 2007

I don’t know who writes his material either, nor do I care, but his delivery sure left me in stitches:
Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 13 Comments »

Which, coincidentally, is not the name of a new, horrid STD.

Now, before I continue, let me state for the record that I have absolutely no issue with alarm systems in general or ADT security in particular. I’m sure they do exactly what they’re supposed to do, which is to considerably narrow the time window during which burglars can load up your stuff and run away with it. At any rate, it beats the Hell out of simply letting your home sit around completely unprotected while you’re gone.

What I do have an issue with is their retarded ads. Seriously, laughing that much hurts, you people! Have you no mercy, no mercy at ALL?

My old “favorite” was the one in which the man of the house wakes up (or is woken up by his concerned wife, I’m not quite sure) because of somebody trying to get into the house. What does the Lord of the Castle do? Does he open the nightstand drawer, pull out his 1911 and go ventilate the goblin thoroughly? Does he pick up the Mossberg from behind the door and blow the goblin to Hell?

Of course he doesn’t. He calls ADT and lets the nice man on the phone know that there is somebody trying to break into the house, to which the nice man replies that they’ll be sure to send somebody out there to deal with the problem. Presumably, the goblin then proceeds to sit down and have a smoke while the ADT people come to pick him up, because we’re told that the story has a happy ending. How very thoughtful of the goblin. Would that it were so in real life, but unfortunately real life goblins have a tendency to bring along various implements of murder, and the realization that somebody’s in the house on the phone with ADT doesn’t seem to put a lid on their less than friendly intentions. Rather the opposite, as a matter of fact.

For realism, the ADT guy on the phone should reply with “thanks for letting us know, sir, we’ll send out the meat wagon with a handful of body bags to pick you and the family up. You DID sign up for the optional Free Body Bag Program™, didn’t you sir? Because if you didn’t, I’m afraid there’s going to be a small extra charge. Have a nice night.”

But the clueless advertising agency that ADT, for some obscure reason, keeps employing decided to set a new record for silliness in a new ad that we just watched.

In this one, the Lady of the Manor is away picking up the kids, leaving the house unattended. Well, except for the security system which, we repeat, is not a bad idea to have. Up comes the “gardener”, looking around for a point of entry. But then, just as he’s about to grab the patio doorknob and walk in, he sees the ADT sticker on the door! Oh dear! What does he do? Does he break in anyway, grabbing as much as he can before he has to leave? Does he simply shrug and walk away, deciding to try another house instead?

Nope. He runs, RUNS away from the house as if the sticker had suddenly turned into a fully armed SWAT team hot on the scent of goblin blood.

“HAVE MERCY! Don’t shoot, oh terribly frightening ADT sticker, I’m running away as fast as I possibly can! I’m TOO YOUNG TO DIEEEE!!!!1!”

I swear, I haven’t laughed that hard in days.

Please, ADT. I’m sure your product is great, but would you please at least consider hiring a bunch of copysmiths with functional brains instead of the ones you’re using now? My sides are splitting, my diaphragm is hurting and there’s coffee all over my keyboard and monitor.

Please?

Comments 38 Comments »

How about some actual news for a change? We thought you might like that too, so here goes:

If there is one thing that approaches the levels of disgust that we felt the other day, when we learned of yet another illegal immigrant (one of the wonderful, hard-working, honest people that President Jorge wants to give full amnesty and citizenship to) driving around while drunk as a skunk, ending up murdering a 5 months pregnant young woman and her mother, then it would be watching the worthless, overpaid, underworked, brickheaded, bureaucratic suits running around in circles trying to defend the fact that he wasn’t deported, in spite of having THREE FUCKING PRIOR DUI CONVICTIONS under his belt.

If you sense a touch of irritation in His Imperial Pissed-Offedness’ writing, you’re spot on.

What remains indisputable is that, if one of those worthless bureaucrat shitbirds, just ONE of them had done his or her job during just ONE of the THREE PRIOR TIMES WHEN SPEEDY DRUNKZALES WAS APPREHENDED FOR DRIVING WHILE DRUNK AS A TIJUANA DONKEY, those two women would be alive today and, four months from now, a new member would be added to the family.

Does “gross negligence” even mean anything anymore?

Obviously it doesn’t, and it’s thoroughly disgusting to watch those barely sentient gummint parasites pissing on the graves of that family by whining that “it’s not our fault.”

Yes, fuckheads, it IS your fault.

YOU killed those three innocents, just as surely as if you’d been the piece of crap driving the car under the influence.

YOU killed them through your gross incompetence and refusal to do the jobs you’re paid by we the taxpayers to do, and may G-d have mercy on your black, empty souls for it, because we won’t.

And you stonewalling while, in effect, saying “shit happens” about your refusal to do your jobs only serves to make me long even more for the day when you’re dangling from utility poles like grotesque meat wind chimes.

Thatisall.

Comments 11 Comments »

Looks like I’m going to have to carve another notch in my already badly scarred belt, this time for the obsessive little freak “Ian”, who has decided to join a long line of impotent twerps trying to shut me down.

Listen, you troop-slandering son of a mangy, crack-addict bitch, it’s been tried before by people much better at it than you will ever be, and they’re all walking around with a sheepish look on their simian mugs today, hoping that nobody remembers their public humiliation.

“Free speech for me, but not for thee”, “Ian?” You have no problem taking a dump all over people who have never done you any wrong, yet when the shoe’s on the other foot you immediately start whining like the little bitch that you are?

Think again.

But, by all means, knock yourself out. Complain, piss, whine and moan to all the “authorities” that you can think of. Just don’t be too surprised when they tell you to go pound sand. You’ll be lucky if you don’t end up in trouble for wasting their time.

Remember who started this? I didn’t.

If I were you, I’d shut up and move on before somebody gets hurt, wanker.

Comments 43 Comments »

At least that’s what he calls himself, when he’s not claiming to be “an expert at PhotoShop.”

Take a look at the fat, stalking loser’s website.

I’ve seen better website designs done by mentally disabled orangutans (and their “about” pictures looked better too), and as to your 1337 PhotoShopping 5k|11z, Eliot, could you do something about the aforementioned picture?

I mean, painting a black wig on yourself with the brush tool and cranking the “blur” filter up to 12 isn’t exactly impressive.

Heck, even Adnan Hajj is more accomplished than that.

How do you like your newfound publicity, you evil, loathsome, psychotic ghoul?

Still like picking on kids? We assume that you only like “picking” on them although, with sickos like you, you never can tell. Especially not when they like to brag about their skills as, er, “teachers.”

The best is yet to come… Still wanna play, sicko?

***UPDATE:*** A website that we’re sure that we don’t know where came from, other than it can’t be Eliot Stein’s work since too much skill is involved, shows Eliot Stein in all his glory (NOT SAFE FOR WORK!).

Comments 32 Comments »

Thanks to LC readerjp, we learn more about the Paleosimian Turdnami of Gaza and its causes:

Further deadly sewage floods are feared after a wave of stinking waste and mud from a collapsed septic pool inundated a Gaza village, killing five people, including two babies.

The collapse has been blamed on residents stealing sand from an embankment.

OK, this is just getting beyond parody. What kind of knuckle-dragging, three-planets-short-of-a-solar-system losers in the brain lottery of life would be stealing sand… in Gaza?

“Oi! Abu Dennis! There’s some lovely sand down ‘ere!”

“Oh shit…”

It highlighted the desperate need to upgrade Gaza’s overloaded, outdated infrastructure - but aid officials say construction of a modern sewage treatment plant has been held up by constant Israeli-Palestinian fighting.

“It’s the fault of the Joooos!”

Except, not so much:

It took seven years, but the Shin Bet (Israel Security Agency) has finally put a stop to one of the more ironic aspects on Israel’s war on terror: Kassam rockets made of Israeli metal.

A Palestinian from the Gaza Strip who worked as a metal merchant at the Karni crossing between Israel and the Strip was arrested by the Shin Bet last month for allegedly selling pipes he bought in Israel to terrorist groups that used them to manufacture Kassams, it was released for publication on Sunday.

What does this have to do with Gaza being transformed into the Venice of the Levant, complete with turd-canals and fecal gondolas?

We’re so glad you asked:

The pipes that were sold to Zak were intended for the construction of a sewage system in Gaza.

But, since the Paleosimians were too busy turning the pipes into Qassams destined for schools and kindergartens in Sderot, it was never to be. They ended up treading turds in their very own Sea of Infernal Poop instead.

The existing plant in northern Gaza - located just a few hundred metres from the frontier with Israel - stored incoming waste in seven holding basins. But with the burgeoning population producing nearly four times as much waste as the plant could treat, local officials were forced to store the overflow in the nearby dunes, creating a lake of sewage covering nearly 45 hectares, according to the United Nations.

45 hectares of pure shiite. It’s amazing that the U.N. didn’t set up headquarters in it. They’d have felt right at home.

Rescue crews and gunmen from the militant Hamas group rushed to search for people feared buried under the sewage and mud. Most residents fled or were evacuated.

Rescuers in wetsuits paddled boats through the layer of brown foam floating on the green-brown rivers of waste. Others waded up to their hips into the sewage.

Literally hip-deep in shite. The jokes just write themselves here, although we have to give literary points for the poetic description of the “layers of brown foam and green-brown rivers of waste.”

Umm Naser is about 300 metres from the border with Israel, in an area where Palestinians have frequently launched rockets into Israel and Israeli artillery and aircraft have fired back.

Yet another reason why we don’t feel the slightest twinge of sympathy for the Paleosimians.

The West Bank, too, is suffering from eroding sewage and water infrastructure.

What can we say? When you cram that much shit together, it’s just bound to end in an avalanche of crap.

Comments 29 Comments »

You know, I don’t really give two good shits about the obsessive little loser troll at “Misha Watch”, and then I made the mistake of checking out what the socialist twat had been up to recently:

…Meanwhile, the “emporer’s” friends from Haditha haven’t yet received a verdict, in spite of their obvious guilt and confessions. After all, the child-murdering maniacs were only killing subhumans, weren’t they?

…Murder & Rape Inc, as the armed forces of the United States are known across the world,

…only damn ragheads being murdered and raped on a daily basis by their uniformed troglodytes,

…on a rampage raping and murdering anything with the wrong skin color like their soldiers are, with no consequences at all.

…no greater evil in the world today than the state-sanctioned murder committed on a daily basis by the brainwashed, uniformed minions of the U.S. regime,

…“Patriots” my arse, they’re nothing but murderers and rapists in uniform.

…and that’s just one post.

Listen, Ian (or whatever the fuck your name is, but we’ll find out. Oh yes, you malignant growth on the rectum of humanity, we will find out), you may think yourself clever for having goaded me into replying to you, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re about to find out that “clever” is the one thing that it isn’t.

You can obsess over me all you want, I can’t say as I care all that much about you and your failed attempts at running a blog, but you don’t get to take dumps on men and women so much better than you that you ought to consider yourself honored if you were allowed to lick the shit off of the soles of their boots. Not on my watch, you don’t.

Maybe you didn’t get the rather obvious hint in one of the other posts of mine that you’ve been pulling your pud to, the bit about the First Amendment protecting you from the government, but not from me? Or maybe you think that your 1337 skillz in “hiding” yourself, not even YOU could be stupid enough to use your own identity on a site like yours, are going to protect you from the consequences of your words? I bet you’re even one of the clueless cretins still believing in that whole “internet anonymity” concept, aren’t you?

Get ready for your first class to start, “Ian”, I assure you that you won’t like it one little bit. You’re about to be educated, you disgusting little prick, and don’t think that there’s anywhere you can hide, unless you happen to be living in an igloo in Antarctica. You messed with the wrong Rotts, motherfucker, and now would be a good idea for you to start looking over your shoulder, under your bed and even behind the shower curtains when you go to take a piss.

Because you never know, do you? Not until you find out, and then you’ll immediately wish that you hadn’t, right before your face is messed up even worse than it is already.

Fuckhead.

Comments 83 Comments »

We’re invoking the 24 Hour Rule™ on this one, but we have to admit that something smells very fishy, and it ain’t Starkist Samoan Tuna this time (link thanks to Sir Christopher, without whom we wouldn’t even know). A few snippets, but do go read the whole thing. If this is true, then it could be huge:

SEN. Dianne Feinstein has resigned from the Military Construction Appropriations subcommittee. As previously and extensively reviewed in these pages, Feinstein was chairperson and ranking member of MILCON for six years, during which time she had a conflict of interest due to her husband Richard C. Blum’s ownership of two major defense contractors, who were awarded billions of dollars for military construction projects approved by Feinstein.

Nice work if you can get it, isn’t it?

The MILCON subcommittee is not only in charge of supervising military construction, it also oversees “quality of life” issues for veterans, which includes building housing for military families and operating hospitals and clinics for wounded soldiers. Perhaps Feinstein is trying to disassociate herself from MILCON’s incredible failure to provide decent medical care for wounded soldiers.

You mean, scandals such as Walter Reed? Gee, no wonder the MSM is keeping mum on this. It would sort of disturb the approved liberal narrative, wouldn’t it?

Feinstein abandoned MILCON as her ethical problems were surfacing in the media, and as it was becoming clear that her subcommittee left grievously wounded veterans to rot while her family was profiting from the occupations of Iraq and Afghanistan. It turns out that Blum also holds large investments in companies that were selling medical equipment and supplies and real estate leases—often without the benefit of competitive bidding—to the Department of Veterans Affairs, even as the system of medical care for veterans collapsed on his wife’s watch.

As of December 2006, according to SEC filings and www.fedspending.org, three corporations in which Blum’s financial entities own a total of $1 billion in stock won considerable favor from the budgets of the Department of Defense and the Department of Veterans Affairs:

# Boston Scientific Corporation: $17.8 million for medical equipment and supplies; 85 percent of contracts awarded without benefit of competition.

# Kinetic Concepts Inc.: $12 million, medical equipment and supplies; 28 percent noncompetitively awarded.

# CB Richard Ellis: The Blum-controlled international real estate firm holds congressionally funded contracts to lease office space to the Department of Veterans Affairs. It also is involved in redeveloping military bases turned over to the private sector.

You would think that, considering all the money Feinstein’s family has pocketed by waging global warfare while ignoring the plight of wounded American soldiers, she would show a smidgeon of shame and resign from the entire Senate, not just a subcommittee.

You would think that, but only if you believe that rules apply to Democrats as well, and we all know that they don’t.

Comments 17 Comments »

(Link thanks to LC NCLivingBrit)

While every civilized human being who knew about it was busy empathizing with Maia and her mom, Cathy Seipp, some failed “standup comic” and even more failed “teacher” name of Eliot Stein was busy making fun of Cathy and Maia on his spoof website, www.cathyseipp.com (no longer in existence).

Just hours before her death, “Cathy Seipp” suddenly seemed to undo decades of hard work with an oddly written letter posted on the Web site, www. cathyseipp.com. In what came off as more bizarre rant than heartfelt apology, her supposed “very last blog entry” called her years of journalism a “shoddy,” “despicable” and “irresponsible” career as a “fourth-rate hack.” Her political stance? All a mistake.

The fiery, unwavering supporter of George W. Bush supposedly said she’d done a complete 180 in the past year and was now an implied supporter of Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y. What was even more perplexing was that “Seipp” was taking mean-spirited potshots at her own daughter, Maia Lazar, whom she called an “obnoxious” and “arrogant” wanna-be “skank” who was “mentally ill.” Throughout the letter, the one person whom “Seipp” seemed most sorry for ever having offended was Maia’s 10th-grade journalism teacher, who had frequently clashed with mother and daughter. Finally, “Seipp” said she was probably to blame for her own illness — the “venom” she’d spewed for years was responsible for her terminal cancer.

All because of an old grudge:

Friends were horrified. They quickly realized that the letter was the work of an infamous character known as “Troll Dolls” who’d positioned himself as the blogger’s archenemy and bought the domain name www.cathyseipp.com years earlier (Seipp’s real Web site is www.cathyseipp.net). Troll Dolls is really Eliot Stein, a 54-year-old former online talk-show host and stand-up comedian who hadd taught Maia in a journalism class for a brief period in 2004, and who blamed Maia and Seipp for his departure from the school after only five weeks.

Intentional infliction of emotional distress, anyone?

Oh, but I don’t want that fat, filthy, disgusting, incompetent sack of pig semen to merely get sued. Oh no, I want the fat fuck to die. Slowly, painfully and screaming for mercy. I want him to suffer all the torments of Hell before he goes there, as a matter of fact I want Hell to be a relief for him when he finally snuffs it and leaves this world a better place than it was while he was still stealing oxygen. I want him to suffer in such mind-crushingly, indescribably horrid ways that he’ll be begging for the courage to kill himself just to make it end, only to realize that he’s too much of a fat, failed, worthless coward to do even that. Then I want him to suffer some more.

I want him to vomit and shit himself in unutterable horror, I want his limbs to fall off in rotten piles of pus, one by one, I want his eyeballs to rot and melt and run down his fat, flabby cheeks, I want his teeth to fall out, his guts to liquefy slowly, and his lungs to gradually fill with foul, malodorous slime.

I want everything bad, painful and ugly this world holds to befall him, repeatedly, and I want him to be fully awake and conscious while it’s happening to him. I want his property taken from him, his identity stolen, his friends, if friends he has, to spit on him, turn away and never speak to him again, I want everything that he values to turn to shit before his crying eyes, I want every single one of G-d’s creations to inflict pain upon him, hate him and do what they can to destroy him.

And then, when he has suffered enough that all is taken from him, that he has turned utterly insane with grief and pain, when his every breath is spent begging for the sweet release of death, then I want him to die. Alone. KNOWING that he is alone and forgotten and that not even a mangy dog will turn up for his funeral.

Then, and only then, can Shaitan have him.

Forever more.

Comments 22 Comments »

Not because there’s one chance in a million that he’ll ever successfully manage to carry a note that isn’t engraved on a metal bucket and stapled to his forehead, nor because he has any other detectable talent of any kind…

No, we retract that. We love him exactly because of his monumental ineptness in every conceivable area even remotely related to entertainment AND the fact that the mentally deficient couch potatoes watching that Paleoswinian sewer of a show, American Idiot, are about to make him win it.

Nothing, NOTHING could possibly serve to showcase just what a colossal waste of airwaves that retarded show is better than for that human waste product to win it. Heck, we might even watch it and vote the next time it’s on.

Sanjaya, all the way!

Mental Midgets of The World Unite!

Comments 21 Comments »