Archive for May, 2007
Probably not, he’s too fucking stupid to get a Clue if he was standing in a Clue Field with Clue Magnets glued to every square inch of his body, but it makes us laugh. More of the same, please! (Link thanks to LC Chance):
The Republican National Committee, hit by a grass-roots donors’ rebellion over President Bush’s immigration policy, has fired all 65 of its telephone solicitors, Ralph Z. Hallow will report Friday in The Washington Times.
Must be all of those unpatriotic, sexist, racist, bigoted, Nazi conservatives daring to disagree with His Arbustoness again.
Faced with an estimated 40 percent fall-off in small-donor contributions and aging phone-bank equipment that the RNC said would cost too much to update, Anne Hathaway, the committee’s chief of staff, summoned the solicitations staff last week and told them they were out of work, effective immediately, the fired staffers told The Times.
Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-yay-yay, goooooodbye. Perhaps you can change your names to Chavez and get one of the jobs that no Americans will do?
The national committee yesterday confirmed the firings that took place more than a week ago, but denied that the move was motivated by declining donor response to phone solicitations.
They’d deny the fact that the Sun rises in the east if doing otherwise would mean that they’d have to face reality, so that’s not much of a surprise.
“The phone-bank employees were terminated,” RNC spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt wrote by e-mail in response to questions sent by The Times. “This was not an easy decision. The first and primary motivating factor was the state of the phone bank technology, which was outdated and difficult to maintain. The RNC was advised that we would soon need an entire new system to remain viable.”
With Jorge the Tijuana Donkey in charge, you’re about as viable as a sack of ice cubes in the Sahara, “technology” or no “technology.”
There has been a sharp decline in contributions from RNC phone solicitations, another fired staffer said, reporting that many former donors flatly refuse to give more money to the national party if Mr. Bush and the Senate Republicans insist on supporting what these angry contributors call “amnesty” for illegal aliens.
“Everyone donor in 50 states we reached has been angry, especially in the last month and a half, and for 99 percent of them immigration is the No. 1 issue,” said the former employee.
Maybe you can get some of the future freeloaders with Z-Visas to make some of the contributions that no Americans will make?
Die, GOP, and may posterity forget that you were ever our countrymen.
P.S.: Yes, His Majesty is saddened to hear about the firing of the GOP phone beggars. We were looking forward to heaping obscene amounts of Imperial Grade Derision upon the hapless twits. We guess we’ll just have to start looking for some orphans or cripples to abuse instead.
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We’re happy to announce that our friend and fellow blogger, LC & IB Jay of Stop the ACLU, is back safe and sound from the sandbox.
Hie thee hence and bid him a loud, Rottie welcome back.
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LC kwongdzu sends us this about what was going on behind the scenes as Bush was negotiating with the Tehran Tumblefucks that have murdered an untold number of our soldiers and continues to be the biggest state sponsor of terrorism on the planet (a snippet, but do read it all, especially for the video bit):
For some reason, no one told you that just 5 days before Monday’s talks, an entire floating army, with nearly 20,000 men, comprising the world’s largest naval strike force, led by the USS Nimitz and the USS Stennis, and also comprising the largest U.S. Naval armada in the Persian Gulf since 2003, came floating up unnanounced through the Straight of Hormuz, and rested right on Iran’s back doorstep, guns pointed at them. The demonstration of leverage was clear. And it also came on the exact date of the expiration of the 60 day grace period the U.N. had granted Iran.
And it came just a few weeks after Vice President Dick Cheney had swept through the region and delivered a very clear and pointed message to the Saudi King Abdullah and others: George Bush has unequivocally decided to attack Iran’s nuclear, military and economic infrastructure if they do not abandon their drive for military nuclear capability. Plain and simple. Iran heard the message as well, and although a lack of leverage may seem clear to America’s retired military tv talking heads, it is not so clear to the government in Tehran.
Now, I have nothing but the highest respect for Pat Dollard, he’s very high indeed on the list of people whose hands I’d love to shake, and I’m certainly not going to suggest that sending an Armada to your enemy’s doorstep isn’t a quite powerful message indeed (it’d be more powerful if our President wasn’t named George “Can’t We All Just Get Along” Dubya, but I digress), all of this is true.
But it doesn’t change the fact that you do NOT negotiate with terrorists. Ever. In any shape, form or fashion. To do so achieves nothing but to encourage them and grant them a standing in the eyes of the world that they have not earned, don’t deserve and won’t earn unless they voluntarily commit mass suicide.
There’s nothing wrong in sending an ultimatum to your enemies, even if they’re terrorists, but you do not let them say a word. They don’t exist. They’re not human. They have not earned the RIGHT to talk. They will listen quietly, then they’ll wander off in silence and do as they’re told, or they will be exterminated within 48 hours, and that’s the end of it.
You shouldn’t even dignify them with actually being PRESENT when the ultimatum is given. Send them a note, leave a message on their answering machine, tie the ultimatum around an inert JDAM and dump it in front of their government building, write it on a piece of paper and nail it to the chest of a dead terrorist (or a live one, that works even better), but don’t EVER let them or anybody else in the world get the idea that their opinion matters, that they’re worthy of being seen as sentient beings or that they have any say in the matter.
Because they don’t.
Let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they have two choices and two choices only: Unconditional surrender and submission or complete, swift, brutal extermination AND let them know that we don’t really care either way. One of the two will happen within the next 48 hours. They only get to choose which one.
THAT’S how you deal with scum.
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Not content with calling people concerned about upholding the laws of our country “racists” and “bigots”, El Presidente Jorge Arbusto takes it one step further:
The presidential stop came during a congressional recess, with senators back home and facing pressure from the left and right on the immigration plan. Bush’s aim is to build momentum for the legislation, perhaps his best chance for a signature victory in his second term. The Senate expects to resume debate on it next week.
‘A lot of Americans are skeptical about immigration reform, primarily because they don’t think the government can fix the problems,’ Bush said.
Whatever could possibly give us the idea that government has no intentions of living up to their promises? That’s so unreasonable of us bigots, anti-immigrants and racists.
‘And my answer to the skeptics is: give us a chance to fix the problems in a comprehensive way that enforces our border and treats people with decency and respect. Give us a chance to fix this problem. Don’t try to kill this bill before it gets moving,’ Bush told students and instructors at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center.
Fine. OK by me. Here’s a suggestion, you lying, fuckheaded, backstabbing weasel: Enforce the laws FIRST, THEN we’ll talk.
Hey, what’s the problem with that? You are promising to enforce the laws, aren’t you? I mean, it’s not like you’ll promise us the moon and then, when you’ve gotten your amnesty for your beloved illegal immigrants, stab us in the back just like your predecessors, right?
‘Those determined to find fault with this bill will always be able to look at a narrow slice of it and find something they don’t like,’ the president said. ‘If you want to kill the bill, if you don’t want to do what’s right for America, you can pick one little aspect out of it.
“Don’t want to do what’s right for America?”
Is that your latest attack on the ones without whom you’d still be clearing scrubs back in Crawford? We’re unpatriotic for wanting to enforce our nation’s laws now? Un-PATRIOTIC???
OK. That’s fucking IT, you despicable mound of shit. That’s it, you louse, you inflamed polyp in the nether regions of humanity, you filthy sack of dog’s vomit, you disgusting, treasonous, insulting, piss poor excuse for a human being.
You’re calling ME “un-patriotic???” ME???
Go fucking choke on a pretzel, you swine, and don’t ever, EVER dare ask me for anything, don’t EVER come begging for support, don’t EVER expect any and please, for the love of Texas, when you retire DON’T profane my beautiful state with your presence. Go live in Mexico. You love that country more than you love this one anyway.
Fucking asshole. Time for the impeachment hearings, Dems, or are you all talk and no game? You’ve got my support, no matter WHAT charges you’ll bring, 110%
I have never been this fucking insulted in my life.
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We knew we shouldn’t have asked what President Shrubbery would aim to fuck up next, because here it is (via Hot Air):
WASHINGTON — The Bush administration will announce increases in immigration application fees Wednesday that will nearly double the cost of citizenship and almost triple the cost of becoming a legal permanent resident.
Under the increases, which cover almost all immigration benefits, the cost of bringing a foreign fiance or fiancee will jump from $170 to $455. The price tag for a green card, or a legal permanent resident visa, will rise from $325 to $930, and the cost of citizenship papers will increase from $330 to $595.
So while Jorge Arbusto and his Traveling Tijuana RINO Show are busy handing out the store for free to illegal immigrants, the poor schmucks playing by the rules, also known as legal immigrants, are herewith cordially invited by the Chief Sombrero and his Mariachis in DC to fuck themselves while paying through the nose.
What a wonderfully responsible message to transmit, Gee Dubya, you immoral, lying, backstabbing sack of rancid ratshit: “Follow the rules, get reamed with a 2×4. Break every single one of them, get the whole kit and kaboodle for free!”
Douchebaggy Duke of Jackassery.
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Sir Guido Cabrone points us to this:
ST. LOUIS, May 28 (UPI) — The American Muslim Coalition engaged in its first event, honoring veterans at Missouri’s Jefferson Barracks during a Memorial Day celebration.
With more than 20 volunteers on hand, the newly formed group honored the former soldiers at the site’s Veterans Affairs Medical Center buildings and offered their support to troops currently overseas, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch said Monday.
Event organizer Dr. Zia Moiz Ahmad said Sunday’s celebration was to show the Muslim community in the United States could still support the nation’s military despite members’ opinions regarding the war in Iraq.
That supportive statement was echoed by many who attended the VA hospital’s first event led by a Muslim group.
“It’s kind of the least we can do for all they have done,” 12-year-old volunteer Shad Issa said.
Splendid, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Good show! We need more like you, not less, and I’m glad to see you stand up for what is right.
And then for the exercise in journaljizzmic spin and mendacity:
The Post-Dispatch said a recent Pew Research Center survey found most Muslim Americans follow that exact view as their population becomes increasing assimilated into the U.S. culture.
Not technically incorrect, but perhaps it’s worth mentioning as well that 26% of those participating in the study thought it perfectly dandy to murder the infidel.
But hey, a majority of them are against it, so no need to worry, right?
Another study performed by the Imperial Institute of Public Opinion reveals that a majority of Imperial Citizens are against kidnapping journalists, tearing their limbs out of their sockets and pouring sulphuric acid down their throats, only 26% being in favor of such treatment.
So no need to worry and get all upset now, y’hear?
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Just to get your blood pressures up:
ORCAS ISLAND, Wash. (AP) - Vandals burned dozens of small American flags that decorated veterans’ graves for Memorial Day and replaced many of them with hand-drawn swastikas, authorities said Monday.
Forty-six flag standards were found empty and another 33 flags were in charred tatters Sunday in the cemetery, authorities said. Swastikas drawn on paper appeared where 14 of the flags had been.
That’s nothing compared to what would appear in the empty eye sockets of the perpetrators where their eyes had been, were I to get my hands on them.
So whodunnit? Well, as stupid as the hippie leftovers from the sixties are, I much doubt that they had anything to do with it. They’re more the “make giant puppets, smoke weed and sing ‘Kumbaya’” sort of idiots. Dumb as bricks, but generally averse to deliberately causing offense of the malicious sort.
The Neo-Nazis? Give me a break. For one thing, the Nazi pricks masturbate to their beloved symbols of genocide and hatred too much to ever publicly display something as crude as the hand-drawn abominations placed on those graves. The swastika-worshiping mental midgets have the thread count of an authentic Hitler Youth armband committed to memory and the exact dimensions of a properly drawn swastika tattooed on the tips of their tiny penises. Not to mention that you’d have to be pretty damn stupid to think that the Nazis would use their most hallowed symbol as an insult.
Which leaves us with the usual suspects. You know, the ones carrying signs saying “we support the troops. As long as they shoot their officers” or publishing posts on their blogs displaying their derision of Americans murdered by terrorists in foreign lands by saying “Screw them!”
They’re often referred to as the Nutroots.
Those are the droids you’re looking for.
Investigators believe there’s more than one culprit, based on the number of flags that were vandalized, Cumming said in a telephone interview. But authorities have no suspects, he said.
The sheriff said deputies were trying to lift fingerprints off what little physical evidence they were able to recover.
Just point me in the right direction and I’ll return the fingers to you.
It’d be my pleasure and my civic duty.
Any time, any time at all.
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The Embassy hostages? Threatening to nuke one of our key allies off the map? Funneling IEDs and weapons, not to mention terrorists wielding them, into Iraq to kill our troops?
“Never mind, Mullahs, why don’t we all sit down and talk?”
Tue May 29, 3:50 AM ET
BAGHDAD - The United States and Iran broke a 27-year diplomatic freeze Monday with a four-hour meeting about Iraqi security. The American envoy said there was broad policy agreement, but that Iran must stop arming and financing militants who are attacking U.S. and Iraqi forces.
Iranian Ambassador Hassan Kazemi Qomi told The Associated Press that the two sides would meet again in less than a month. U.S. Ambassador Ryan Crocker said Washington would decide only after the Iraqi government issued an invitation.
President Dumbass just continues to impress. Please note the dateline on that article. Not only did President Milquetoast’s Administration sit down to have talks with the most active state sponsor of terrorism on the face of the planet, they did so on Memorial Day.
Yep, that’s right. While the rest of us were busy honoring and remembering our fallen, President Noodlespine’s people were schmoozing with their murderers.
I can’t wait for that honorless assclown to get the fuck out of office.
Hey, Dumbya, remember this?: “You’re either with us or you’re against us.” Or how about “you don’t negotiate with terrorists?”
Apart from completely flip-flopping on your commitment to actually, you know, fight the Long War, apart from building the most bloated, overpriced bureaucracy in the history of these United States, apart from outspending even the Klintoon Kuntheads, apart from working hard to erase our borders and utterly destroy this nation in a flood of un-assimilable criminals, apart from licking the floor of every mosque in the nation out of fear of offending the death cult that we’re at war with, apart from violating the Constitution’s First Amendment by signing McCain/Feingold, apart from promising to sign a violation of the Second Amendment as well if the Bastard Child of Klintoon’s Scary Weapons Ban ever makes it to your desk, is there any other part of the United States and conservative values that you wish to tear up, burn and piss on the ashes of before you leave office in ‘09?
Is there any other part of my children’s birthright that you want to throw away, Mr. 28% Approval Rating?
Fuck you very much, you simpering, spineless suckweasel.
Cox & Forkum nail it.
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The dearth of free ice cream continues, we’re afraid, but here’s an update on some of the things not work related keeping His Vindictiveness busy.
As you may know, LC, Management™ & IB Lord Spatula (or “Spats”, as he’s known affectionately around the Empire), got hisself well and truly hitched this past weekend, Friday to be exact, and it was His Imperial Majesty’s great honor to be there to witness the joyous occasion since we were invited, for which we’re very grateful. Sharing such moments with your friends is always a great honor.
We shan’t go into great detail about the event itself (or the great surprise that had been arranged for him and his lovely bride at the reception later that day), since he’s promised to do so himself once he gets done being busy with — other things, we suppose. It might take a while.
On Saturday, we (the Lord Spatula, his new daughter, LC & IB Beth and her two quite grown heirs and, of course, yours truly, our Empress and the Heirs) went to exercise our 2nd Amendment Rights at the local gun range, firing copious amounts of ammo from a variety of weapons that would make Sarah Brady wet her Depends in speechless horror. Good times.
Apart from borrowing the Lady Kimber for a few thousand rounds (we suspect, based on the happy hum she was emitting when she was handed back to us), one of LC & IB Beth’s twins expressed an interest in Lyudmila, proving his excellent taste in firearms. So we loaded up a magazine of yummy 7.62×51 NATO and handed her to him, showing him the naughty bits and casually adding “but you’ve fired a rifle before, I’m sure, so you know where it’s at.” Turned out that the fine young lad hadn’t.
After a moment’s pause reflecting on the pure Evil™ in letting his first rifle be an angry mule (a couple of Aussie tourists standing behind us earlier when we’d sent a few rounds downrange immediately went “Blimey!” and “what is that thing? A Bazooka?”) and another moment to wipe the wicked grin off of our face (we are evil, after all), the better half of our personality took over and we gave some more detailed instructions about what to expect, with added emphasis on “whatever else you do, pull that bugger into your shoulder hard before pulling the trigger.” We also let him know that the scope wasn’t zeroed in, or indeed meant for short distances, so it would go a couple of inches lower than the reticle.
Undeterred, he took his first shot, corrected his aim point and sent the next round right into the middle of the “X”. His Majesty was quite impressed. Even more impressed when the next 6 or so joined their comrade in a nice, tight group. Not bad for a first time military battle rifle shooter, not bad at all, particularly considering that the Lady Lyudmila, being anything but a poodle shooter, kicked the snot out of his body with every shot. She’s not gentle, let me tell you that.
So he put the rifle down, we chatted a bit and I commended him on his technique (some people just “get” it, and he sure did) and then he rubbed his undoubtedly sore shoulder a bit and said “can I shoot it some more?”
“Why, of course!“, I replied after just enough time to pick my jaw up off the ground. This young lad was tough. “But why don’t we run the target all the way out to the 25 yard mark this time just to demonstrate the effect of a scope?” So I did, and he sat down and proceeded to nail the center of the target again like he’d been doing it all his life, all the way until it went “click.” 20 solid, merciless kicks to the shoulder and not as much as a whimper, nor a single miss or flinch. The young man is a natural, let me tell you. Of course, I already knew that, having seen him pulverize targets with the Kimber before, but man… I’ve seen grown, bulky recruits moan and gripe like babies after half of their first magazine, flinching like crazy and sending rounds everywhere except for in the target, but this young man went through a full 20 without as much as an “ouch.” And I know it must have hurt him, but that’s focus and discipline for you. If he joins the Armed Forces later on in life, he’s going to have a good laugh when firing the .223 poodle round, wondering if it fired at all. Anyway, Beth: Get that young man a rifle. With some intensive training on the finer aspects of riflemanship, he’s going to be downright scary!
But wait, it gets better!:
Give us more, O Emperor! »« AIIIEEEE! My EYES!
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