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Archive for August, 2007
At least not if you’re a cluefucked retard scumbag goblin like Kaleb Nelson of Colorado (h/t LC Lorraine):
Normally we wouldn’t bother to post about something that doesn’t involve the immediate assumption of room temperature by a goblin, but there’s something about an armed goblin with all of the advantages over his intended victim getting a thorough thrashing that we find too irresistibly funny to let go.
Have fun in the clink, Kaleb, especially when it comes to explaining how you got busted on aggravated robbery charges after being beaten by an unarmed victim.
We predict that you’ll be needing to put a 2 by 4 across every barstool you ever try to sit upon after you get out, in order to not slide down and have your well-used ass hit the floor.
(Found at LC & IB Ace’s)
Not anymore, that’s for damn sure, but that’s only because we’re everloving fucking sick and tired of listening to you Nawlins whiny babies, after well over a hundred billion dollars’ worth (that’s “billion” with a “B”) of aid has been thrown at you, still screeching and blaming everybody else for the lack of progress in your skeeter-infested swamp.
“Forgotten” about you? Give me a fucking BREAK here, will you? How the fuck are we SUPPOSED to forget when you assnuggets keep wailing like demented banshees? We’re STILL “treated” to endless news reportages about your horrible plight that, apparently, is the only Bad Thing™ happening in the world that is worthy of coverage. I fucking WISH that I could forget about you so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time counting slowly to a hundred to keep me from shooting my damn TV set.
Listen, at this only goes for the whiners, it would be ever so fucking nice if you’d take a breath and a few seconds to say, I don’t know, fucking THANK YOU for all of the help we’ve unloaded on your craven, idiotic arses in order to help you fix the mess that the morons that YOU IDIOTS continue to elect created for you.
Not to be unnecessarily rough on you here, but after a while it gets somewhat tiresome to hear complaints about the flavor of the beer from a fuckhead who has spent months with his mouth firmly attached to the tap.
How about Mississippi and Alabama? Strangely enough, we haven’t heard much howling and demanding from those people, but maybe it’s because they’re too busy with CLEANING UP.
So shut up, already, or I’ll be spending a lot of time praying that the next hurricane finishes the job.
Aug 30 2007
As we launch the first this-one-counts Perfect Football Weekend of the year, the Department of Ew, Just Ew alerts us to a charter member of the next generation of the Washington Redskins most well-known group of fans, the Hog-ettes.
I would pay Honest-To-Cthulu Real Money if this wussbag would go out for the Sunset football team.
Awright, let’s get to it. Tonight, the Dallas Cowboys play their last preseason game up in
Also tonight, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls play the role of sacrificial opening-night lamb vs. the 16th-ranked Rutgers Scarlet Knights. A Vegas gaming site, to which I will hereinafter refer as “Vegas”, has the Scarlet Knights at -32½, so as long as the Bulls can keep from getting beat by 47, it’s a win.
In addition, the Bo Pelini-run defense of the #2-ranked LSU Tigers pays a visit to Starkville, MS to feast on Sylvester Croom’s Mississippi State Bulldogs. ESPN thinks Croom could be fighting to save his job, and LSU’s going to be of no help whatsoever. The line is LSU -18½, and I don’t think it’s going to be that close.
Friday night, the “hah skrewlers” (a takeoff of a little Rush lingo, there) get back in action - and if it’s the first game of the season, it must be the Azle Hornets for my (Fort Worth, for you LCs) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. Heights got in the playoffs last year with a losing record (a fact which I chronicled here), and they’re not much better this year, so the playoffs are a remote shot - as will be successful PFWs.
Speaking of sacrificial lambs, the University of North Texas Eagles, under the direction of former Texas high-school coaching phenom Todd Dodge, goes to Norman Saturday evening at 7:00 to get their heads ripped off by #8 Oklahoma.
The line is OU by 40½. Welcome to the NCAA, Todd.
Finally, the 22nd-ranked Texas Christian University Horned Frogs will host the Baylor Bears and former TCU lineman (now Bear coach) Guy Morriss at 5 pm Saturday (this is where His Rudeness will be screaming his head off for the three hours following). The story is that all spring & summer, Morriss has talked about nothing else but this game, been preparing for nothing else but this game.
Trouble is, he did that last year too - and TCU pulled the upset in Waco.
TCU’s starting a freshman at quarterback, however, so this game (as they all will) scares me, even though TCU’s favored by 21. I will have no nails by game’s end. Bank on that.
We’re back Monday or so for the recap. In the meantime, now it counts, so let’s hear the trash talk!
Actually, it was a year ago, but it was just brought to my attention.
In this case, the Cupid Stunt attacks a blogger, accusing him of supporting theft of intellectual property because he linked to and quoted an article that, apparently, used a different article as source material without proper accreditation.
Yep, that’s right. In the future, be sure to find out if any article you link to in turn got its source material without proper accreditation because if you don’t, Tits on a Chair will call YOU a thief or, at the very least, somebody who supports theft.
Read the whole conversation here. It’s hilarious.
Oh, and will somebody please send her a version of “How to Make Friends and Influence People”, along with a copy of “Jumping to Conclusions: It’s NOT an Olympic Discipline”, both of them preferably in the illustrated pre-K versions?
On second thoughts, please don’t, since it might rob us of a major source of unintended hilarity.
Aug 28 2007
Considering I almost forgot myself, this being back to work stuff is for the birds, however it keeps the bill collectors from the incessant calls etc. and more importantly the missus in shoes.
Nonetheless it is Rant Day on Tuesday Truth 7-10 pm CT over at RadioCIA. Just click the Tuesday Truth link and if you don’t have another player installed, the Windows Media Player will function as a default when clicked upon.
We do recommend either WinAmp or JetAudio for the best sound quality and they are free downloads. That Listen Now page provides all the instruction you need to get the WinAmp player DL’d up and running. The stream URL is: http://ct5.fast-serv.com:8528 , to enter directly into your external player and don’t forget to bookmark it.
You can reach me on-air via the tuesdaytruth Yahoo IM account or firstname.lastname@example.org, to request a particular song for the break sets. (If… 1. I have it in the library and 2. I feel like playing it.) It does get rather busy, so please be patient for me to respond to your IM.
Get dinner taken care of, settle the kids in front of the TV (or to bed) and tune in. Mild PG rated as always, so speakers are safe for little ears regardless.
Thanks Y’all- JB
Aug 28 2007
Well, to paraphrase an old stand-up comic…last night I watched a Michael Vick public burial and a football game broke out.
Was that a football game last night or a public wringing-of-the-hands-in-angst over the Widdle Mikey Vick imbroligio? I mean, you couldn’t go five minutes without Tirico, Jaworski & Kornheiser bringing it up. What, was PeTA writing the fookin’ script or something?
Anyway, Joey Harrington didn’t look all that bad in leading the Falcons to a win at home, throwing two touchdown passes in about a half’s worth of work. Carson Palmer had a couple of touchdown passes for the Bengals - the first ones of their preseason. It didn’t help that they had 14 players out with injuries.
Who says you need reps in practice? Not Pats quarterback Tom Brady:
Ah, but just wait until he gets hit with the child support papers.
There’s just no pleasing some people.
Ben Rothelisberger throws for damn-near 250 yards, leads the Steelers on three scoring drives (okay, so two of ‘em were FGs - whatever), and he’s pissed about it:
OTOH, how long before the Philthy fans (did I really say that? ) start clamoring for Kevin Kolb to replace Donna McFlabb as the starter? The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever was only 5-of-11 for 60 yards, while Kolb went 26-of-37 for 242.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Eleven-on-eighteen is not a fair fight.
Dallas goes three-and-out on its first possession, then punts to little pipsqueak
Except that Pewstun committed a clip of the left-side gunner on the play.
Except that it wasn’t called. Fucking excuse-for-a-side judge looked right at it - and didn’t call it. Pretty much de rigueur for the ‘Boys the rest of the night: Get mugged by Pewstun - no call. Breathe on a Tex-anne - 10 yard penalty.
Romo didn’t have a great game, though he did throw TDs each to Widdle Terri Owens and Jason Witten. The offensive line was just that - offensive; the running game was non-existant. And Martin Grammitica has kicked himself out of a job for the second straight year, missing the PAT on the Owens TD (he’ll get cut this week or next with an injury settlement - you heard it here first).
Terrence Newman showed why he’s the Dallas defensive MVP. He missed the game with plantar facsitis (sp?) in his heel, forcing the other cornerbacks to move up a spot. Whereupon backup Jacques Reeves got beat for a 20-yard rainbow for a touchdown by the aforementioned Jackoff Jones.
(Incidentally, speaking of Jones, he should be damned glad I wasn’t trailing him on that punt return when he did a somersault over the goal line. My elbows are pretty damned sharp, plus I wouldn’t have had much trouble leading with the crown of my helmet on the late hit. )
Next PFW is in two days. And this time, it counts for real (at least, on the HS and NCAA sides). Start gearing up now, LCs & Denizens.
Aug 27 2007
The wonders of Academic Asshattery never cease. Fortunately most of the good science coming from the halls of institutes of higher learning occurred before the mold set in and actual scientific principles was scrupulously followed, to wit: a hypothesis was formulated to explain a particularly consistent behavior (and the hypothesis may very well have multiple explanations) and published, permitting peers to review the work and after considerable debate your theory just might be determined to be sound science or you go back to square one and start over again. But that was yesteryear. Today scientific method involves 1) An agenda that absolutely, positively must be proven, without any variance from the intended result 2) Research (usually paid for by public funds) carefully screened or adjusted to meet the agenda requirements and 3) Immediate publishing of the research results to the public sans any careful peer review.
And thus, we get the following. Alleged scientifically produced evidence (i.e. hard proof) of something, even the author himself finds arguable. But don’t let that stop you from immediately concluding the agenda has been proven and now “settled” science.
A nice conclusive statement isn’t it? Surely there must be incontrovertible evidence of this right?
No question whatsoever, homosexuality has been prevalent throughout much of history and well documented in some cases. However, other ‘new’ evidence that the author himself alludes that could be interpreted (differently) doesn’t fall into the category of proof of anything.
Hold the presses there. The existence of a legal document in and of itself is no proof of a societal sanction. Our legal system routinely voids various documents, being outside established customs and laws. We’ve seen wills conveying the decedent’s estate to pets that were eventually overturned.
Why yes, I do believe you are right there anyway. We’ve adjusted family structures for couples with children from previous marriages, adoptions, custody for other than immediate familial relatives and such.
Let me toss some other possibilities into ‘your’ maybe it is true hypothesis here. Throughout the medieval period numerous brotherhoods and sisterhoods sprang up, often related to religious practices. The Templars are one group that comes to mind. They were known as the ‘Poor Knights’ upon their induction into the order, they took a pledge of poverty, transferred their wealth to the order and pledged allegiance to their fellow Templars as brothers. Females entering convents also took similar pledges of poverty, piety and fealty to the particular order. An unbiased observer might conclude that considering the relative popularity of various orders such as these just might include legal documentation of their vows. I just happen to be a Notary Public myself, the notaries of the time were generally scribes, just ordinary citizens that could read and write. A notarized document is merely certification that the signatory parties are who they say they are, the document was not signed under duress and the statements and facts therein are the truth. A notarized document does NOT make any conclusion whatsover, that in this case the ‘contract’ has legal validity. Hells Bells you could have a mafia “Hit Contract” notarized if you really wanted to.
Go ahead, keep inserting your foot into your mouth even further. Why don’t you?
Possibly, but you’ve provided a lot of evidence to the contrary. But don’t let common sense stop you from drawing a conclusion supporting your agenda. I do notice that on the path to ‘proving’ your agenda, the use of a number of disclaimers emnating from your piehole.
Buuuuwwwwaaaaahhhhaaaaaa….You just can’t make this shit up. All those tricky ins-and-outs. No doubt Mr. Tulchin has explored every possible combination of said activities.
Backpedal, cover your ass and proceed you ass-hatted academic chancre. If you take a look at most current religious orders, we are taught to view one another as brother and sisters in faith and with love. You know that pesky Bible book, that some of us plebes actually read, understand and believe in, tell us to do exactly that. It’s not an argument for homosexual love, you simpering, booger-eater.
Do keep on digging, just don’t mind if we piss in your hole from time to time.
Aug 27 2007
And I say that knowing full well that self-respecting rocks everywhere will be wanting to kick my arse severely for gratuitously, needlessly and unfairly insulting them like that.
I mean, just look at this clip, courtesy of the Imperial Blogsis.
Now kindly, calmly, patiently explain to me how in the name of Ba’al’s scrotal sac that, that, specimen managed to survive to teen-hood without strangling itself on its diapers, because I sure as HECK can’t imagine.
Oh, and a note to its parents: Please, please, PLEASE tell me that you didn’t breed beyond giving birth to that freakishly fatheaded abomination. I’ve seen fungi more capable of expressing a coherent thought than that numbskulled freak of nature, and fungi don’t have the right to vote.
Thinking about that two-legged fence post voting scares the SHIT out of me.
Aug 26 2007
After many calls, emails, and Yahoo instant message questions, I can unequivocally state that all is well with His Sithiness, Emperor Misha I, and family. What with all the minor details of moving the Palace, executions of recalcitrant servants and staff, sighting in all approaches into the security zone, planting mines and claymores (yes, the shipment arrived), there has been no time left for the normal avalanche of fine posts here at the Rott from da’ Boss.
Furthermore, the task of actually making a living, that even our Emperor is forced to submit to, is beginning to pile up.
I’ve been in direct contact, via secure channels with the Palace and all is well at the Imperial Clocktower™.
Thanks to our loyal readers for the concern and the rest of the Imperial Staph will do our best to keep a multitude of rants, raves and fisks of the first-order coming daily. Trust me, we’ll return to assimilation of the blogosphere quite soon at full strength.
END MESSAGE-JB SENDS-NO CARRIER @%#$$%^^&^&&&@######