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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Archive for October, 2007
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Archive for October, 2007

Few things amuse us more than to pick up the mindless mewlings of a self-righteous, grandstanding arsehole and mock them until they quit twitching and, thanks to the Imperial Blogsis, we’ve found just such a thing:

The Student Pledge Against Gun Violence is simple. It reads:

“I will never bring a gun to school.

“I will never use a gun to settle a personal problem or dispute.

“I will use my influence with my friends to keep them from using guns to settle disputes.

“My individual choices and actions, when multiplied by those of young people throughout the country, will make a difference. Together, by honoring this pledge, we can reverse the violence and grow up in safety.”

The results of this pledge speak for themselves: This has created a landslide of historical proportions, guaranteeing safety from harm for all. Just ask 32 students at Virginia Tech. Oh wait, that’s right. You can’t. But it sure sounds good, doesn’t it?

In 1996, the United States Senate passed a resolution [pdf document] proclaiming the first Day of National Concern, followed by a Presidential Proclamation by President Bill Clinton.

And what can possibly stand in the way of a Presidential Proclamation [could we have a fanfare here, please? — Ed.] and a Day of National Concern™ (complete with dramatically furrowed brows, we’re sure)?

Funny, though, because all of our research shows that every single school massacre committed by deranged goblins has happened after, not prior to this dramatic move against violence, not to mention the famed push to declare all schools Gun Free Open Season for Psychopaths Zones.

Since then, more than ten million young people have signed on to this pledge.

And not a damn thing has changed as a result, as is always the case with liberal, do-gooder, feel-good instead of doing something responses to anything.

Ryan Vigil decided to convince as many of his classmates as he could at Highlands High School in Albuquerque, New Mexico to sign it, too.

And then, last Thursday, he was gunned down.

…as a result of his strange idea that it would be funny to drive around the neighborhood, throwing golf balls at random people. Jesus wept. We’re really, really trying to give a damn here, but somehow the Give a Damn Process™ just fails to initialize. Ever been hit by a golf ball? That fucking hurts. Those things are hard, and anybody disputing the fact are more than welcome to show up at the Imperial Palace, where we’ll be more than happy to pelt you with them for hours on end, free of charge.

Ryan - a third-baseman for his school’s baseball team - participated in an ill-advised schoolboy prank with some of his friends as they drove around town and tossed golf balls at people. The kids reportedly tossed some at an alleged methamphetamine user, who later found the boys and allegedly shot Ryan in the head.

Action, meet consequence. Consequence, meet action. Nice to meet ya.

“[Ryan] always had a smile on his face,” Highlands High School baseball coach Anthony Lovato said.

Even when he was using strangers’ noggins for target practice? What a champ!

He had an extremely hard work ethic - [he was] a great kid to be around.”

Unless he was bored and happened to be in possession of a handful of Callaways™, of course.

Today is the National Day of Concern for 2007, a day when we can all rededicate ourselves to preventing even one more senseless gun death.

It is? Thanks for reminding us. We’ll promptly do our bit by finding a few moronic goblins and shooting them in the face. See y’all later.

We can remember Ryan, and remember the pledge that he and many of his classmates believed in and signed.

Would throwing a few hard objects in the face of the author of this tripe count for Extra Credit?

And we can also simply consider the words of Ryan’s High School Principal, Nikki Dennis, who said, “If you write any headline, he’s an example of the random violence facing our nation.

Nothing random about it, if you ask us, unless you’re referring to his victims. Asshole kid commits aggravated assault against innocent passers-by, victims throw him out of the gene pool in self-defense. Adult swim only, now go to Moron’s Paradise, will you?

“Write that he was a good kid, a really good kid.”

I’ll make a note of that and immediately teach my kids to throw hard objects in the face of strangers to prove how good they are.

Preferably liberal gun-fearing wussy assholes.

They’re less likely to be armed, after all.

Comments 66 Comments »

This one, “Stop-Loss”, has as its central premise that our volunteers are too damn stoopid to read contracts.

Oh, and War Bad™, Troops Killers™, Stuck in Iraq™, Ig’nant Southerners With Hearts of Gold™ yadda, yadda, yadda.

All it needs is a touch of Teh Ghey and you’ve got another Instant Oscar That Nobody’s Actually Paid Money to Watch™.

If you can stand it, here’s the trailer.

We suspect that it will be every bit as much of a box office hit as “Rendition”, which currently has pirates disguising their torrents as recordings of C-SPAN in order to get people to even think about downloading it.

Comments 20 Comments »

We’re sure that all the Guilianistas out there will immediately rush to Rudy “Sanctuary City”’s defense, pointing out how a head of lettuce will cost at least $700 three weeks after Fred! takes office:

Senator Fred Thompson today unveiled a comprehensive border security and immigration enforcement proposal that would make America safer by increasing security at our nation’s borders, enforcing our country’s existing laws to reduce the incentive for illegal immigration and streamlining the legal immigration process.

Increasing security at the border (as opposed to Rudy “Come One, Come All!” Giuliani’s “technological fence” which, translated into plain English, means “not much of a fence at all but it sure does sound nifty!”), enforcing existing laws (Oh HORROR!) and streamlining the legal immigration process???

Do go on. You’ve got our full attention.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 34 Comments »

It’s time to tune in for:


Guaranteed to not lag on you, drive your liberal neighbors nuts (er, nuttier), and get you in an overall great mood for the rest of the interminable workweek.

As always, the lineup is as follows:

LC Jackboot, Imperial Correspondent and Ambassador to the Outer Blue Rim and Ranter Extraordinaire™ goes ballistic on Idiotarians with vim and vigour on Tuesday Truth from 7-9:30 CT.

Immediately followed by his Imperial Rottieness Misha I with Keep The Home Fires Burning 9:30-12:00 am CT. As always, the request line is wide open on Yahoo (emperor_misha) or ciarequest AT gmail DOT com. We’ll do our best to honor any wishes you can come up with as long as we have ‘em in the library AND they’re not Barbra Streisand (which we wouldn’t have in the library anyway, except for mocking purposes).

Don’t miss either show or you will be sorry.

Also, Dumbledore is teh ghey. In case you didn’t know. Good thing we weren’t witnesses to the “disciplining sessions” that he so adored.

Comments 4 Comments »

In the annals of Stoopidom™, it’s a pretty mean feat to beat one of our old resident LiberIdiot trolls when it comes to outright, blindingly moronical Stoopidness™. Some of you may recall our long-lost Cinderella of the Stalls™, Constance. (aka “cb” or “connie). Her meal card was permanently stamped Warning: Too Stoopid To Chew® from the git-go and she’s gone through life slurping down the Stoopid Shakes™ with blissful glee since the day the doctor dropped her, headfirst, onto the floor of the delivery room. Well, when the minions of The Imperial Dungeon Game Room™ ambled over to The DUmmie FUnnies earlier this evening, we stumbled upon someone so Ass-tronomically Attenuated From Reality™ that he makes “cb” look like a veritable rocket surgeon, in comparison.

(Snide note: It’s a sure bet that he’ll make DJ proud to be on the same team.)



Comments 36 Comments »

It’s Monday, and so LC Crunchie 0311’s excellent series, “Unsung Glory”, continues with the story of SFC Paul R Smith. Take it away, Crunchie!:

Last week you read of Lt. Michael Murphy being posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor. On Tuesday President Bush will formally present the medal to Lt. Murphy’s family in a ceremony at the White House.

Most of you know that the Medal of Honor is the highest award for battlefield valor that our nation can bestow, awarded to individuals who distinguish themselves “…conspicuously by gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States…” and is held in such esteem that it is presented personally by the President in the name of Congress. Often mistakenly called the Congressional Medal of Honor, due to it being the only medal to be presented in their name, over the years it has become almost iconoclastic in the reverence for which it is held. So much so that President Truman once said “I would rather have the blue band of the Medal of Honor around my neck than be president”.

When our nation was first formed there were no medals for bravery, they being viewed as “smacking too much of European affectations” and contrary to the egalitarian ideals of the Revolution. There were however three Badges of Military Merit awarded by Gen. Washington during the war. These were the original genesis for the Medal of Honor today. On December 12, 1861 President Lincoln signed Public Resolution 82 which created the Medal of Honor for the US Navy and Marine Corps. On June 12 1862 an Army medal was authorized by Congress and both were made permanent in 1863.

Prior to WWI the criteria for receiving a Medal of Honor were not as stringent as they are today. In fact, there were 1522 awarded in the Civil War, compared to only 124 for WWI, 464 for WWII, 131 in Korea, and 245 in Viet Nam. In 1916 the War Department, in an effort to curtail abuse of the Medal and ensure its prestige and prominence, reviewed every citation for the Medal of Honor and revoked 911 of them in what became know as the “Purge of 1917”.

To illustrate the prestige the War Department sough to protect, since its inception, 3459 medals have been awarded to 3,444 individual recipients, (including nine unknowns). That is 144 years, seven major wars, and countless smaller engagements in which millions of our nation’s sons have gone in harms way, and only 3459 acts sufficient to be awarded the Medal.

There are currently only 109 living recipients, and the last Medal of Honor awarded to a living recipient was presented to Lt. Bruce Crandall on February 26th 2007 for his actions of November 14, 1965 at the Battle of Ia Drang (memorialized in the book and movie “We Were Soldiers Once…”). Since the Viet Nam war, there have been, including Lt. Murphy’s, only 5 acts of bravery for which the Medal of Honor has been awarded. All five have been posthumous.

Which brings us to the subject of this week’s Unsung Glory, Sergeant First Class Paul R. Smith.

Give us more, O Emperor! »

Comments 19 Comments »

Most of us here in the Reagan-Conservative wing of the party, just haven’t seen the fire in our early favorite Fred Thompson. Fred has the creds as a true conservative, but the generals are going to require running a positive campaign on principles and value. We can’t afford to run from a defensive posture or make the central theme attacking Hillary in spite of the target rich environment that comes with her ‘resume’. The real danger lies in the values voters segment of the wobbly GOP. The RINO/Limo-Cons in the RNC will be pushing for a more moderate candidate, and as expected Rudy appears at this juncture to be their boy.

I have every confidence in Rudy Giulani’s ability to serve competently in the Oval Office, but I fear he’s carefully masked his own RINO side, I like to call it “Bloomberg-Lite”. This is how I see it. Rudy takes the nomination, the RNC plays up his moderate side, the solid conservative base walks and Hillary wins by default.

The Bottom Line: The only hope of electing a true Conservative into the White House is to run a solid, value-based campaign with a candidate beyond reproach on the touchstones of Reagan Conservatism. Smaller government, lower taxes, strong national defense (including border issues), openly pro-Second Amendment, and commitment to appointing strict constructionists to the federal bench.

Said candidate, needs to be ready to stand-up and throw enough punches to resist the surefire, full-throttle attacks that the Hillary crowd is guaranteed to use and more importantly, stay on-message.

So far, we just haven’t seen that from Fred, we expected his late entry to be immediately followed by an all-out sprint and it just hasn’t happened.

Enter the previous long-shot, Mike Huckabee. I’ve been following him, catching bits and pieces of interviews, sound-bites and the odd info-bit. The more I hear the more I like, he has an in-your-face style, 100% Reagan Conservative principles and no fear of expressing them sans nuance. He’s the Real Deal. Period.

Huckabee is showing all the signs of making a strong showing in Iowa, likely a strong second place and more importantly I came across this piece:

Huckabee, Romney Chalk Up Wins

His general characterization as a long-shot was based on his previous fund-raising ability, but the value voters are key to correcting that. In spite of a relatively small poll, it shows great potential for him. Other sources are beginning to chatter about Huckabee as an undercard for Rudy, but that won’t satisfy the wing of the party that’s had it with RINOs. We’re smart enough to see that as a “tossing us a bone” from the RNC, and it won’t work in the general elections.

I think we all need to give Mike Huckabee another look, a real HARD look.

Comments 37 Comments »

Watch the whole clip over at the Jawa Report.

But, but, doesn’t Stossel know who the Goreacle IS??? He’s got an Emmy, an Oscar, a Nobel Peace Prize and everything! [Which, in this day and age, is proof beyond a reasonable doubt that you’re a complete imbecile with no redeeming qualities — Ed.]

Some thoughts after having watched the video:

1) The debate is, indeed, over. The Gorebeciles are a bunch of tyrannical, bullying bullshit peddlers using intimidation in lieu of what used to be called “facts.”

2) Even if we manage to bury the whole Glowbull Wormening fairy tale before they manage to destroy the world economy, we still have at least one more score to settle: Somebody needs to be beaten to death for child abuse, and I have a very large, unpleasant stick perfect for just such a job. It’s one thing lying to adults to further your own Modern Day Inquisition, but to scare the shit out of children is quite another.

The Heirs had damn well better not lose a second’s worth of sleep over this crap, or somebody’s going to pay. And I know where they live.


Comments 10 Comments »

For years, the Nutroots have been trying to tell us that Evil Scientists of the BushHitlerHalliburtonCheneyJooos Conspiracy™ are tinkering with the weather to Kill Black Peepul!™, and now it turns out that they were absolutely right (link thanks to Sir Christopher):

Scientists have made a breakthrough in man’s desire to control the forces of nature – unveiling plans to weaken hurricanes and steer them off course, to prevent tragedies such as Hurricane Katrina.

Rrrrright! We all know, the Un-Reality-Based Community of Tinfoiled Twats tell us so, that they’re doing it to cause tragedies! And then they send in the Air National Guard to blow up the levees! Or something.

The damage done to New Orleans in 2005 has spurred two rival teams of climate experts, in America and Israel, to redouble their efforts to enable people to play God with the weather.

We suppose that people building flood levees along major rivers are “playing G-d with nature” as well. Better to just let the floods drown everybody. Because Mother Gaia Wills It So!™

Under one scheme, aircraft would drop soot into the near-freezing cloud at the top of a hurricane, causing it to warm up and so reduce wind speeds. Computer simulations of the forces at work in the most violent storms have shown that even small changes can affect their paths – enabling them to be diverted from major cities.

Soot? SOOT???? But, but, millions of women and children will immediately choke to death as a result! Who will pay for the carbon offsets? The world’s oceans will rise by 2, er 5, er 7,000 feet overnight! Will somebody PLEASE Think of the Childreeeeeennnnnn!™

And, obviously, that scourge of mankind, the plague that has been haunting civilization ever since we got the idea to start one:

The MIT team has now hired a professor of risk management to advise on steps necessary to protect themselves from legal action by communities affected if a hurricane is diverted. It is pressing for changes to US law and for an international treaty to settle possible disputes between neighbouring countries.

Lawyers, of course. You can’t take a dump nowadays without finding at least two of the slimy bottom feeders swimming around in the bowl, sifting through your feces to find something actionable.

Mr Alamaro said: “The social and legal issues are daunting. If a hurricane were coming towards Miami with the potential to cause damage and kill people, and we diverted it, another town or village hit by it would sue us. They’ll say the hurricane is no longer an act of God, but that we caused it.”

Er, Mr. Alamaro? They’re already doing that, so there’s really not much of a difference there.

It’s All Bush’s Fault™ anyway.

Comments 18 Comments »

A seven year old draws a stick figure of somebody holding a gun in his notebook and gets suspended.

Of course, if the silly little tyke had been a girl with a desire to get statutorily raped, the same school would probably insist that she had a Constitutional right to get birth control pills without the parents’ knowledge.

This country has gone stark, raving, frothingly insane.

UPDATE: Re: the birth control pills for pre-teens issue: The Imperial Educational Advisor has it exactly right (again). What eleven-year-olds being raped (remember that we still have laws about minors being humped?) need isn’t a hush-hush under the table pill, they need law enforcement. Not only is advocating pill distribution to children taking control away from the parents (remember that outmoded concept?), it’s aiding and abetting rape of children.

Yes, people. Having sex with a minor is a crime, and should be treated as such. Preferably by cutting off the genitals of the offender with a very dull, rusty knife.

UPDATE the Second: Not that it should come as a surprise to anybody that Publik Skool “Teachers” are eager to get rid of any incriminating evidence without the parents’ knowledge. They seem to have a personal angle here (link thanks to LC nerbygirl).

A young teacher in Iowa sheepishly admits he fondled a fifth-grader’s breast. But he doesn’t lose his teaching license until one persistent victim and her family go public - 40 years after the first accusation.

A middle-school teacher in Pennsylvania targets a young girl in his class and uses the guise of love to abuse her sexually.

No wonder they’re so much in favor of just shoving it under the rug by either putting their rape victims on the pill or giving them access to “no questions asked” abortions.

Comments 25 Comments »