Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 57

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/cache.php on line 384

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 560

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 684

Strict Standards: Non-static method sem_admin_menu::init() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 358

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Warning: ob_start(): non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu_callback() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 86

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::kill_gzip() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Here’s a Hint, Pansy: Dry-Humping People’s Faces Will Get You Hurt
Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_css() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_js() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164
You are viewing the Archives for 2007.......If you want the current page, CLICK HERE.......

Dammit, why does His Highness always miss out on the truly hilarious crap?

Well, in this case it was our own fault, because LC Crunchie had already alerted us to it. But it happened to be a really, really busy day at the Palace, so it got put on the back burner and then, as is so often the case when you put stuff aside, you forget about it.

Until we saw a second post about it, which is when we started looking into Crunchie’s earlier email and realized that we’d just missed some of the funniest shit ever.

To recap: Some “Survivor” clown who calls himself Johnny Fairyplay, Footsieplay, something like that is on stage at one of those Hollyweird shows where people that nobody gives two shits about congregate to jerk each other off, presumably to convince themselves that anybody would notice if they all died of syphilis tomorrow. While up there, he’s blabbing about how he suckered the other jerks on the season of “Survivor” that he was on (apparently it’s some sort of reality show that couch potatoes with the IQ of a strawberry shortcake enjoy) by lying about his grandmother being dead.

Much to our surprise, the crowd boos at him. We weren’t aware that those airheads had any notion of normality and common decency, but there you have it. You can find nuggets of, well, at least some sort of semi-worth saving metal in even the largest pile of manure. Johnny Foreplay (”roll over honey” - ten seconds later: - “damn, was it good for you too?”) is surprised too, but in his case for the all too common Hollyweird reason, namely that he’s dumber than your average brick and about as charming, so Danny Bonaduce, who must have been really desperate for company that night to show up at that non-event, helpfully goes on stage and gently points out to him that they’re booing because they hate him. After standing around for a while with that endearing expression so commonly seen on a cow hit in the face with a wet trout, Johnny Allgay calls out for Danny, who turns around with a “what?” look on his face, probably surprised that an organism that far down the evolutionary ladder can even speak or, as it were, utter sounds more complicated than “arf”, “bark” and “oink.”

Which is where it gets funny. Johnny Hairspray then, from a two or three paces’ worth of running start, jumps up in Danny’s face, wraps his arms around Danny’s throat and his legs around his sides and starts dry-humping his nostrils. Danny, non-plussed, lifts up his arms, grabs Johnny Dairyqueen under the thighs and flips him over his head, planting his mug squarely on the floor. The really funny part is that Johnny Dooday, true to form for those worthless narcissists, still has the microphone against his kisser. Throw a Hollyweirdo off a plane equipped with a perfectly good parachute and he’ll still die because he’d have to let go of the microphone to pull the ripcord. But we digress…

Having made a quick inventory of his teeth and realizing that at least one is missing, Johnny Waaahwaaah then crawls back on his feet and hobbles off the stage with his shoulders slumped and his tail tucked firmly between his legs.

We swear: We laughed so hard we almost died. The only thing that would have been funnier would have been if the mic had been jammed through the jerk’s pie hole to the point where it was sticking out of the back of his head. Come on, it’s not like there’s anything in there that could possibly get hurt, so he’d be as right as rain once they hammered a cork in the hole. Nobody would ever notice the difference.

And of course the little pansy reports Danny for “felony battery”, which claim is promptly thrown out of court.

You’d think that even a creature as bereft of common sense as a Hollyweirdo whore would realize that the only charge that could possibly come of that incident, particularly with about 800 eyewitnesses AND camera footage, would be “felony sexual assault”, and it wouldn’t be Danny facing the music either. You would think that, and you would be guilty of overestimating the average IQ of a Hollyweirdo. Which, all things considered, isn’t all that hard to do. At least not if you like to work with positive numbers.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to go put a few stitches in our sides, because they just split wide open again.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, and way to go, Danny. We like you more and more with each passing day.

33 Responses to “Here’s a Hint, Pansy: Dry-Humping People’s Faces Will Get You Hurt”
  1. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’ve liked DB since he told the twoofers where to go and how to get there.

  2. B.C., Imperial Torturer™ Comment by B.C., Imperial Torturer™

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    :em99:

  3. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    this just in….

    Hamas: Fatah using ‘insurgency’ tactics

  4. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’ve liked DB since he told the twoofers where to go and how to get there.

    I like him even more now…..not to mention the cheers of a few in the crowd. In some of the places I’ve been, that behavior would end up with somebody remodeling your face or stepping on your neck. Loved it, a great friday night gig.

  5. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Gibson had the video on his show this afternoon, along with an intervier of DB.

    You gotta see this in HD.

  6. NevadaDailySteve Comment by NevadaDailySteve

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I saw the video and I just about fell out of my chair. If I were Danny I would have done an endzone dance afterwards. Oh, wait. Spiking a dimwitted retard IS an endzone dance.

    :em95: :em99: :em94:

  7. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Excellent, on youtube….this punk could use a little embarrassment. Now to send it to my friends….
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9wK2hFmxT4

  8. LC Beaker Comment by LC Beaker

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The best part is the shoulder shrug and the “what a fucking tool” look that Bonaduce shoots the crowd after the faceplant.

    Classic.

  9. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I loved DB afterward, just looking at the audience like “Yeah, that’s right.” Gave em sumthin’ to clap for at least.

    DB is my kind a folk.

  10. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    All i want for Christmas is my two front teeth…..

  11. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Chris :em99: :em99: :em99:

  12. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Dinner Jacket: Ahmadinejad vows ‘all Palestine liberated’…

    Danny B: All Iran Obliterated

  13. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

  14. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

  15. Unregistered Comment by DukeFenton

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Good Lord. Anyone who’s had an older bother knows how to take a flip like that and walk away laughing. Pansy-ass got what he deserved. :em99:

  16. Unregistered Comment by LC The Humble Devildog, Imperial Scholar

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The thing I love most about Danny Bonaduce is that he truly does not give a fuck what you, I, or anyone else thinks.

    He’ll be belligerent, just to be belligerent, in any forum, just because it’s there.

    After what he’s done to himself over the years, really…what could anyone possibly think about him that would bother him? The only thing he’d have to worry about is that someone would DO something to him, and that just ain’t likely, in the circles he runs in. Johnny Faceplant is considered ‘macho’ in those crowds.

    We need to pay someone to follow Bonaduce around with a camera and mic, just so we don’t miss any more Comedy Gold.

  17. Unregistered Comment by irish19

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    SSSWWEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!

  18. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Gotta like that man.

    Think we could persuade him to run for office?

    I’d love to see him faceplant a few congresscritters…

    And C-Span could be worth watching just for that reason!

    (I know, I know, he’s got too much common sense these days…)

  19. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Such a Gentleman,,

    *klink*

    With soo little more of an effort,,that could a’ been a nasty bodyslam!

    That tool-fool-bicep-bounce was simply elegant.

  20. Unregistered Pingback by Hah

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    […] finally catches up with the hilarity of the Danny Bonaduce […]

  21. Wild-Eyed Charlie Comment by Wild-Eyed Charlie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    OH LORD!

    Thanks, Misha, for posting this thread! My car’s in the shop to the tune of $1100 that I don’t really have, but this is GREAT! The link to the video got bookmarked. Very inspirational.

    And the one about Fatah using “insurgency tactics” was even better! If you read the story they call bombers blowing themselves up as they place an IED “a work-related accident!” Their worker’s comp insurance rates must be even higher than California’s!

    The only downside to this thread is that I had to mop the floor under my computer chair, but it was worth it.

  22. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    There’s 30 seconds of my life I will never get back.

  23. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    There’s 30 seconds of my life I will never get back.

    Y’got it easy.
    ‘Dozen teeth he won’t,,

  24. Deathknyte Comment by Deathknyte

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Gay man molests actor and gets flipped. Personally I think he is lucky that Danny didnt come after him once he was up.

    Oh and DJ, some things in life are funny because they are so well deserved. How would you like it if some guy jumped on you and started trying to hump you?

  25. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    How would you like it if some guy jumped on you and started trying to hump you?

    Loaded question there DK. :em99:

    Sorry Deej, that door was just to wide open and begging someone to walk through it. Figured I’d beat BC to the punch.

  26. workinwifdakids Comment by workinwifdakids

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    “…apparently it’s some sort of reality show that couch potatoes with the IQ of a strawberry shortcake enjoy…”

    I like Survivor, in the same way I like a good car wreck. I also like your site, for the most part.

    As for what “the most part” means, what happened to your rating system?

  27. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I like Survivor, in the same way I like a good car wreck.

    Now there’s a reason that I can respect. Considering the mounds of drivel I wade through to get material for this site, you’d have to conclude that I was either A) insane or B) a sadist.

    I’m proud to say that the correct answer is B) OK, with a bit of A) in there ;-)

    As for what “the most part” means, what happened to your rating system?

    Probably temporarily out because of the upgrade, coupled with the old rating system not yet being updated to work with the new version of WordPress.

    I’m absolutely confident that Deej is right on top of it, however, and that as soon as whoever wrote the code for the ratings system updates his stuff, it’ll be back up and running. :)

  28. Unregistered Comment by Mark6591

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Bonaduce handled the little fairy perfectly, no punches, kicks, or nasty joint locks. That Fairyplay did a faceplant is hillarious. DB has a black belt and would be looking at a felony indictment if he had gone after Fairplay. Dumping him on his face and walking away was perfect. He is lucky the twit didn’t break his neck when he landed.

  29. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    He is lucky the twit didn’t break his neck when he landed.

    Remember. It’s all fun and games until the idiot gets hurt.

    Then it’s frakkin’ hilarious!

  30. psychochick Comment by psychochick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    OK, I deleted this before because I didn’t want to sound stupid, but I’ll risk it. How could he be dry-humping the guy’s face, when his genitals were clamped around the waist? Is there something I don’t understand about the procedure?

  31. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Watch the video PC, you’ll see.

  32. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    How could he be dry-humping the guy’s face, when his genitals were clamped around the waist?

    I actually hesitated . .

    Watch the clip closely, just before the flip and face plant.

    “Dry-humping” sounds much better than “attempted facial rape” or “simulated sodomy.”

  33. Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M Comment by Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Throw a Hollyweirdo off a plane equipped with a perfectly good parachute and he’ll still die because he’d have to let go of the microphone to pull the ripcord. But we digress…

    Now, I’ve never been one to leap from a perfectly good airplane, although I have ridden along on a jump plane once to video the activities. Most notable was the instructor’s final admonishment to his students: “Remember, the second you leave this airplane you are dead until you do something”…

    As a side note, Federal Air Regulations require that everyone on a jump plane has to wear a parachute, whether you plan to take the leap or not. Has something to do with “what if one of the idiots who is actually leaving a perfectly good airplane in flight gets tangled in a control surface on said airplane, rendering it no longer perfectly good…”

    Nuff said.