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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » And Then There Were Two…
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Oh yes, it’s that time of the week again, where we delve into the weird and wonderful universe of Bauer™ where the laws of physics don’t apply, and where the most important requirement for becoming President is that you have absolutely no common sense.

Last week, we left Jack and his daddy, Dr Zefram Cochrane-Bauer, as they were being shipped off in a van to be executed by the goons of Jack’s retarded younger brother, Cue Ball. Obviously, what’s foremost on everybody’s mind right now is in what painfully obvious ways Jack is going to escape this time, which is why this week’s episode starts nowhere near the Dynamic Duo.

Instead we’re treated to the sight of a reporter bravely reporting from the very edge of the nuclear blast in Valencia. And when we say “bravely” and “from very edge”, we mean somewhere in the bar of the al-Rashid inside the Green Zone, Baghdad. All this to provide the producers with an excuse to show us, for the five-hundred-and-forty-fifth time, their lovingly handcrafted watercolor of a fake mushroom cloud superimposed on an American sky.

Thank you, producers. If it weren’t for you reminding us every three minutes, we might already have forgotten the nuke that went off in Valencia.

Also watching the news is President Allstate Jr, but he needs reminding. In much the same way he needs to be reminded to breathe approximately 16-24 times a minute.

As he is standing in front of the TV screens trying to fake a pained and serious expression for his next appearance addressing the nation, Karl Rove enters the room with his new proposal for an Executive Order that will, in fact, turn the United States into Nazi Germany overnight, complete with death camps, pogroms and hideously overdone architecture. Well, not exactly, but that’s how the ACLU and their MSM lapdogs will be reporting it tomorrow, no matter what it says.

President Allstate Jr is pissed off at Karl Rove because he senses that it’s Karl’s fault that Karen Pelosi quit her job. Maybe he does have a brain after all. What pisses him off the most is that, now that Karen Reno and the ACLU are gone, he’ll have to rely on his sister for vapid talking points in order to get out of actually doing his job.

His mood doesn’t improve when he sees Karl Rove’s proposal:

“Dammit, Karl, this is preposterous!”, he exclaims.

“Could we skip the whole speech about the Founding Fathers and how even thinking about not committing collective national suicide will destroy the very fabric of the universe and the End of the World As We Know It™?”, Karl replies.

“No. I like that speech. Besides, that’s my best line in this show and the MoveOn.org writers insist that I use it every seven minutes.”

“Alright then. Have at it, Mr. Broken Record President.” Karl finds a good chair and sits down for a nap.

“Habeas Corpus…”, Allstate Jr begins,

“Do you even know what that means?”

“No, of course I don’t, but all of those smart guys on TV keep talking about it, and Karen Pelosi told me to say it at least once in every sentence. Besides, she said that you’re trying to suspend it, which I’m pretty sure is against the Geneva Convection or something like that. Plus, it will destroy the country and we’ll never have it back and it’ll make bunny rabbits lose their fur and the rain forest will disappear and…”

Karl generously refrains from interrupting Allstate Jr to tell him that habeas corpus has been suspended temporarily before and that, miraculously, the United States are still here.

Or maybe he’s just asleep. We know we’d be. It must have been a cat nap, because he wakes up and tries, patiently like you’d try to explain these things to a toddler (which pretty much guarantees that it will fly straight over President Allstate Jr’s head), that if anything is likely to destroy the country, it would be the four remaining nukes going off in major metropolitan areas, not to mention that it’s one heck of a lot easier to apologize to a few hundred unfairly and temporarily detained muslims than to raise 2,000,000 Americans from the dead.

Finally, most likely because he doesn’t have Karen Pelosi around to hand him his cue cards, President Allstate Jr looks like he’s almost understood that abstracts don’t mean a whole lot to people incinerated in a nuclear blast and that, at any rate, a detention center is unlikely to cause as much damage to the nation as four nuclear blasts. He instructs Karl Rove to convene the Cabinet.

Meanwhile, Karen Pelosi is getting ready to get on her military jet to L.A., pausing just long enough to call her hubby Bill to tell him that she can’t tell him anything while making sure to make a point of the fact that something is seriously wrong.

Don’t you just love it when you get calls like that? We don’t either. Here’s a hint to all of those out there who has ever thought about making such a call: If you’re upset about something that you really can’t tell us about on the phone, then do us a frakkin’ favor and DON’T CALL TO TELL US. All you’re accomplishing is to make us sick with worry, which is a distraction that is neither welcome, nor particularly useful.

Particularly when you’re the head of CTU trying to catch a terrorist about to blow up four nukes.

Just keep your yammering yap shut until you’re in a position where you CAN tell us what it is that you’re not able to tell us right now. Is that too much to ask? Obviously it is. But we digress…

Back at CTU, Chloe has noticed that it’s been at least 10 minutes since Jack last called her to demand that she send three megabytes of obscure data to his PDA in about three seconds, which can only mean that something’s horribly wrong. Little does she know that he’s with his dad in the back of a van, listening to the two goons asking Cue Ball on the phone what they’re supposed to do with the bodies.

In the back of the van, Dr Cochrane-Bauer is busy boring Jack to tears with the obligatory “since we’re about to die, I just want to tell you that I love you and that it was I who ran your puppy over when you were 8 years old” monologue that movie characters always have to waste their last minutes on Earth with. As if Jack would really give a good gottdamm when he’s dead.

Thankfully, the drive to the Obligatory Abandoned Quarry™ is a blessedly short one, so before we can tear our hair out and vomit on the rug, Jack and Dad are pulled from the van and told to march to a hole that will neatly fit two bodies that has been thoughtfully dug in the ground, along with a cement truck thoughtfully parked right next to it. You gotta hand it to those “24″ villains: They think of everything.

Meanwhile, our disbelief, the body of which has been recovered from the bottom of the Grand Canyon after the suspension snapped, lets out a last sigh in the ICU as all of the monitors flatline simultaneously.

Jack and Dad, after exchanging a meaningful glance which, in the movies, means “this is where we miraculously overwhelm our captors and kill them”, miraculously overwhelm their captors and kill them. Dr Cochrane-Bauer finishes off the last guy after Jack knocks him out, which annoys Jack a bit.

“Dammit, Dad! I needed to question him!”

“Exactl… Er, I mean, he was about to shoot you!”, Dr Cochrane-Bauer offers, and Jack buys it. Hey, give him a break. It’s been a long day for him.

While his Dad is getting the keys for the handcuffs (that he, for some reason, knows exactly where to find), Jack is busy calling Bill to let him know that he’s still alive.

“Are you OK?”, Bill asks.

“Yeah, but the backup teams have been killed.”

“Oh good. We were a bit worried that this lot might stay with us long enough for their benefits to kick in. I’ll have somebody go down to the corner with a fresh supply of red shirts to pick up replacements. So what happened?”

“My brother tried to have my dad and I killed.”

“I thought he wasn’t involved?”

“That makes you the only person in the universe dumb enough to buy that obvious plot device from last episode, but that’s OK. Right now, I need to you get a fresh team of red shirts to my brother’s house. Have them surround it and wait for me to get there.”

“Understood. Anything else?”

“Yes. Make sure that Burke and his Amazing Interrogation Package™ is there too.”

“You mean the setup that lets you pump chemicals into the suspect without ever actually getting any information so that the MoveOn.org writers can, once again, show the viewers that Torture Never Works™ in spite of volumes of evidence to the contrary?”

“That’s the one.”

“Gotcha.”

At some undisclosed motel room, McCarthy, by running several searches on careerbuilder.com, has finally managed to find somebody who can reprogram a nuke and fix the trigger, and he promptly calls Fayed to tell him, warning him that this particularly guy is going to need some “convincing” in order to do what he’s supposed to do. Apparently his CV didn’t include the words “will work for terrorists to blow up major American cities.”

Of course, their entire phone call has been illegally intercepted by the NSA. Oh boy, just wait until the ACLU finds out that terrorists trying to murder millions of Americans are having their civil rights violated. The shit will be hitting the fan at supersonic velocities and the New York Times will be hyperventilating for months.

Not only that, but Al Bundy also managed to intercept a photo of Fayed’s prospective “new hire.” Badly corrupted, of course, since it would badly hurt the suspense if they could just have the photo right now. There’s at least a full episode’s worth of suspense in decrypting that file, don’t you know? So Al Bundy sets out to fix it.

“How soon can you have it descrambled?”, Bill asks.

“How far into tonight’s episode are we?”, Al Bundy replies.

“About 15 minutes”, Bill answers, looking at his watch.

“OK. In that case, I’m sure I’ll have a crystal clear .jpg revealing a Shocking Plot Twist™ in 40-44 minutes.”

Jack arrives at Casa del Cue Ball and decides to go in. “And use non-lethal force”, he tells the backup team. Remembering the Garage and Achhhhhmed Incidents™, he adds: “non-lethal as in ‘not killing anybody’”.

“?”

“SET THE DAMN PHASERS TO ‘STUN’, MORON!”, Jack shouts and rushes in.

Inside the house, Mrs Cue Ball has managed to add two and two and arrive at a number that at least resembles ‘four’, which leads her to believe that something might be wrong. Perhaps it’s the torture session from last episode, perhaps it’s the fact that he left with Jack and returned without him. Who knows. At any rate, she has noticed that something’s wrong, which proves that she’s about five times as intelligent as most of the rest of the cast on the show.

Before this exceedingly boring domestic argument can drive any of us to drink, Jack and the backup team storm into the house and Cue Ball decides to give up and put down his gun, instantly letting us know that something weird is going on. As we all know from watching five seasons of this show, if the villain doesn’t immediately get killed or shoots himself before he can be interrogated, then something fishy is going on.

Or maybe the three dozen red herrings flapping around helplessly on the floor was what tipped us off.

While Burke is busy dragging Cue Ball off, putting up IVs and machines that go *PING!*, Jack decides to talk to Mrs Cue Ball (and obvious love interest of Jack Bauer). He tells her all that’s been going on, which doesn’t faze her one bit. She’s been married to Cue Ball for years, after all. Jack then offers to protect her and their love child, Josh.

“Thanks, Jack, but no thanks.”

“What? Don’t you trust me?”

“Listen, Jack: I’ve watched this show for five seasons too, and I know that the most dangerous place in the world ISN’T between a mother and her child. It’s being under your ‘protection’.”

Smart lady.

Not so smart, however, when she agrees to letting the backup team take her and her son back to CTU. She’s about as safe there as a classified document is safe from Sandy Pantsburglar. If there are going to be cougars involved this time, we’re putting out a hit on the writers. We mean it.

Inside, Burke has finally got all of his equipment set up, complete with thermal imaging, pretty computer graphics and the obligatory IVs. Cue Ball is strapped to a chair.

“Really, Jack. I just panicked”, Cue Ball offers as an explanation for why he tried to have his brother and father executed, promptly earning him the prize for the least believable, most lame-arsed excuse in the history of lame-arsed, unbelievable excuses. He also denies knowing anything about where McCarthy is, which promptly sets off any lie-detector in the room, as well as the biological ones built in to every viewer of the show. Jack orders Burke to go get the Sekrit Chemical that Induces Massive Pain and Makes the Subject Pass Out Right Before He Reveals Anything Useful (because torture never, EVER works!)™.

Back at the CTU, Dumb Ass Affirmative Hire Frat Boy has bad news.

“The writers decided to recycle the Edgar Plot™ from last season. Al Bundy’s brother is in the hospital with massive radiation poisoning, which will obviously lead to Al breaking down and being unable to perform his duties if he ever finds out, not to mention that he’ll insist on leaving his post in the middle of a crisis.”

“So you’re going to tell me that we have to keep this from him, notwithstanding that you could have kept it from him by never even mentioning it in the first place, after which I’ll tell you that we can’t, because it would be immoral. You’ll then try to convince me some more, but in the end you’ll defer to my judgment and I’ll go tell Edgar, er, Al anyway?”, Chloe replies.

“That’s about it”, Frat Boy answers.

“OK”, Chloe replies and goes to tell Al who, after trying to leave immediately while wondering what the fuck his brother was doing in Valencia seeing as how he lives in Colchester, inevitably backs down and agrees to stay to ‘finish the job’ while looking horribly pained and conflicted about the whole thing. Of course, not a living soul watching the show buys this. Instead, we’re just grateful that the writers have helpfully identified the next Surprising Plot Twist™ for us so we don’t have to worry our moron brains with trying to figure out things for ourselves.

Back at Casa del Cue Ball, Jack is getting ready to push the Pain Juice into his brother’s arms. First, however, he delivers a speech about just what the drug does for the benefit of viewers who might have missed the previous five seasons. Meanwhile, Jack’s dad wanders into the house to watch the proceedings, right past half a batallion of CTU agents who obviously haven’t been instructed to keep random civilians from crossing the perimeter.

Since Cue Ball refuses to talk, Jack orders two cc’s of the drug to be pushed, after which Cue Ball starts screaming in a highly satisfactory fashion.

Jack informs him that eight cc’s might induce a heart attack, so’s to keep all the viewers of the show up to speed.

Cue Ball still isn’t talking, prompting Jack to order two more cc’s, repeating helpfully to the camera that two plus two equals four which, subtracted from the eight cc maximum that he’s already lectured us about, leaves four cc’s before a heart attack. Don’t blame the writers, blame publik skoools. There are quite a few viewers who went to those, after all.

Cue Ball screams some more, but still refuses to talk.

“Four cc’s!”, Jack shouts.

“That’s eight cc’s total”, Burke protests, pulling out a whiteboard for the benefit of viewers who weren’t home-schooled and thus might be unable to work out the hideously difficult mathematical problem of figuring out what 2+2+4 might be. After helpfully repeating Jack’s earlier statement about eight cc’s causing heart failures, he draws a skull and crossbones on the whiteboard after the “=” sign, which immediate makes every viewer in a Blue State turn off the TV and go rent “Pirates of the Caribbean” which, come to think of it, might not be such a bad idea.

Cue Ball finally breaks down, confessing to the murder of President Allstate Sr, Tony Almeida, Michelle Dessler and most of the CTU last season, not to mention several attempts to have his own brother killed.

This is hardly surprising, since we all knew it already. What’s surprising is that he’s talking instead of passing out, which is what the villains have always been doing in previous seasons, right before they escaped the CTU or got killed. This, of course, means that red herrings are flapping all over the floor again.

Oh, and of course Cue Ball has to throw in the obligatory MoveOn.org line from last season about how he tried to destroy the country because he loved it. We can’t possibly go through a season of “24″ without painting the villain as a deranged right-wing lunatic acting completely irrationally, can we? Never mind that the only ones who have truly gone out of their way to hurt their country by revealing classified material, providing moral support and aid and comfort to the enemy in a time of war, acting as the propaganda arm of al-Qaeda while bleating about “supporting the troops” and “loving their country” have all, without exceptions, been frothing, feces-flinging lefties.

Jack, finally fed up with the nonsense, decides that maybe somebody who’s responsible for the assassination of an American President, the murder of all of his friends, the murder of countless of his co-workers, somebody who has tried to have him murdered as well, somebody responsible for releasing nerve gas in shopping malls and setting off nukes in Valencia, maybe, just MAYBE he deserves to die as well.

He orders Burke to inject another four more cc’s, who, being a card-carrying member of the ACLU, protests loudly while scribbling furiously on his whiteboard to keep the Blue Stater victims of Publik Skooling up to speed. After a bit of shouting back and forth, Jack once again reverts to the peacenik moron version that we’ve all come to hate and despise and decides that maybe tens of thousands of counts of murder aren’t enough to warrant an execution and relents. Heaven forbid that a mass murderer should have to answer for his crimes. It would only make a MARTYR of him.

Wally-Wally is in the hospital, trying to recover from his vicious ass-beating from the Religion of Peace, feeling awfully guilty about the fact that he spied on people cheering on the nuclear destructions of the United States. In other words, he’s back to the CAIR state of mind. His girlfriend, Cynthia Allstate McKinney, in an uncharacteristic display of common sense, tries to convince him that he did the right thing, then calls her brother, President Allstate Jr, telling him the exact opposite.

“You’re alienating those wonderful peaceful muslims by insisting that they stand up for the country that they chose for a new home!”, she shouts.

“But, but… They knew what was going on and they didn’t report it!”, President Allstate Jr responds.

“What did you expect them to do? They were afraid. Brought in on trumped up immigration charges due to their overstaying their student visas for 10 years and never attending school in the first place!”

After a while of ACLU shibboleths, President Allstate Jr decides to let common sense go rot and returns to the Cabinet meeting. Better to let a few million Americans die than to enforce our immigration laws. He informs the cabinet, along with the VP who is, of course, a right wing nut in an undisclosed Air Force One location, that after careful consideration thrown to the winds after one anecdote told to him by his baby sister, he has decided that the Constitution is, indeed, a suicide pact.

One aide interrupts telling him that they recently ran a poll asking people if they, knowing that 99.99999999999% of all terrorist attacks on Americans were performed by middle-aged, Middle Eastern muslim males and, given a scenario where middle-aged, Middle Eastern muslim males were in possession of four nuclear weapons in the Continental US, would approve of racial profiling and temporary detention and/or background checks of middle-aged, Middle Eastern muslim males.

“And what were the results?”, President Allstate Jr asks.

“We don’t know, Mr. President. We polled 12,000 random Americans in the area of Valencia, CA, and for some reason none of them reported back.”

“See? So I have to go with my instincts and the advice of my baby sister upset about her lover having been beaten up by middle-aged, Middle Eastern muslim males. As a matter of fact, I want the nuclear football as well as the launch codes transferred to CAIR this very instant or the CONSTITUTION WILL DIE!!!”

“Mr President, Sir, the launch codes are already in the nuclear football”

“Well? Have they and the instructions been translated into Arabic? What are you? A RACIST?!!!!”

“Of course, Sir. Right away, Sir.”

“I’m telling you. Right now our best hope is the muslim community of the United States that have helped us so much in the past, and we’re alienating them by not letting them break every law on the books without fear of legal repercussions!”

“We’re fucked”, somebody with an ounce of sense mutters, as do the rest of us watching the show.

Back at Casa del Cue Ball, Dr Zefram Cochrane-Bauer is walking around as he bloody well pleases, demanding five minutes alone with his son, Cue Ball.

“Right away, sir”, the CTU moron team replies, “if you’ll just give us a few seconds to disconnect all of the surveillance equipment so’s to make sure that we won’t notice your inevitable betrayal and the next Surprising Plot Twist™.”

After a while, Dr Cochrane-Bauer walks into the room where his son, Cue Ball, is still strapped to the chair with the IV helpfully still connected in spite of Jack’s orders to disconnect it earlier. A CTU agent rushes into the room.

“Could you hold off killing him for a second, Sir? I believe I forgot to shut off the mics and camera #5.”

Dr Cochrane-Bauer stands back and, once the CTU agent has made absolutely sure that an unauthorized civilian is left absolutely alone with the only lead they have to the terrorists about to kill a few million Americans, proceeds to kill his son, Cue Ball.

At the CTU, Al Bundy, confident that his decrypting program is working perfectly, rushes off to see his baby brother in the hospital. As soon as he’s out of the door and away from the CTU parking lot, the picture finally descrambles and, surprise, surprise, reveals that the expert that McCarthy has found is none other than — Al Bundy.

As soon as the CTU finds out, they try to call Al Bundy to warn him about the obvious plot, but to no avail. Al Bundy is stuck in the drive-thru of a Taco Bell, and is soon captured by McCarthy and his anorexic girlfriend.

… Bip, bip, bip, bip…

Tune in next week.

15 Responses to “And Then There Were Two…”
  1. Unregistered Comment by Tarquin

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    This has nothing to do with anything really - I just HAD to rant. As I sit here listening to Tenacious D’s ‘Fuck her Gently’, thinking how nice it would be to live in a sane, rational world I am reminded of today’s news from England (formerly known as the greatest motherfucking empire ever seen): the QCA (Government department dealing with education and its provision in state (’high’) schools) has decreed that teachers must now teach topics such as slavery, Islamic achievements in art and culture and other such PC piss poor garbage. My blood boils. Jack Black - make it all better, wontcha? PLEASE.

  2. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Not so smart, however, when she agrees to letting the backup team take her and her son back to CTU. She’s about as safe there as a classified document is safe from Sandy Pantsburglar. If there are going to be cougars involved this time, we’re putting out a hit on the writers. We mean it.

    Oh, I don’t know: as long as they’re recycling lame plot points from prior seasons (*cough*Edgar’s mommy*cough*), why not bring back the cougar? Given this season’s MoveOn.org plot points and complete lack of urgency about the NUCLEAR FRICKIN’ ATTACK! displayed by the cast of characters, the Kim versus cougar episode is starting to look like a high-water mark of the show.

    Also, “Josh” Bauer looks so much like Kim - down to the blonde bangs and bitchy little pout - that another cougar attack would be totally appropriate. Except that this time they’ll hopefully let the cougar win…

    And, speaking of Kim: It’s becoming clear that she was actually the normal member of the Bauer family. Or at least the least dysfunctional.

    But, alas, despite it all I’m still hopefully hooked on the show. So I’d better go perform some more maintenance on the old disbelief suspension apparatus.

    It’s getting to the point that I’m probably going to have to hire a full-time mechanic for it…

  3. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’d hate to see what Mommy Bauer was like.

    I still think my favorite scene was with Karl Rove and Dick Cheney in Air Force 1 when they were cackling and rubbing their hands together in anticipation of the internment of all those Muslims Who Could Have Been Instrumental in Helping Us In Our War Against Terrorism and Have Now Been Marginalized [TM]. Too bad they didn’t have mustaches they could have been twirling.

  4. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    in anticipation of the internment of all those Muslims Who Could Have Been Instrumental in Helping Us In Our War Against Terrorism and Have Now Been Marginalized [TM].

    Yep, I’m getting a little tired of the muslim coddling going on this season. There was NO concern shown for the bruised feelings of Eastern Europeans last season!! Where’s the equity for Gods Sake? Where’s the multi-culturalist outrage at the shabby treatment of Chechnyans and Serbs?

    Because of the islamo-pandering going on, I’m probably gonna find something else to do on Monday nights….like renting season 2 and watching that instead. I’ll know all I need to know about this season by reading the Emperor’s dissection of it.

  5. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    WHO couldnt see that Jacks dad was gonna triple cross him????

  6. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Yep, I’m getting a little tired of the muslim coddling going on this season.

    I’m not quite sure that’s the right word for it; “coddling” doesn’t seem quite…intimate…enough to describe the scriptwriters’ approach to Muslims this season.

    …but I’ll still be watching next week. Damnit.

  7. Beeblebrox Comment by Beeblebrox

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    24 is trying hard to jump the shark this season by reusing as many tired clichés as possible. But I too am hooked so they can cliché away as much as they want.

  8. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    …but I’ll still be watching next week. Damnit.

    I know. I am likewise getting sick of the muzzie tuchas-hugging fest imbedded in every episode this season. Misha’s summaries are far more entertaining. But I can’t tear myself away. :furious_tb::wallbash_tb: :help_tb:

  9. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    In the back of the van, Dr Cochrane-Bauer

    A Sith Lord and a Trekkie, too, my Leige?

  10. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    A Sith Lord and a Trekkie, too, my Leige?

    Scary, isn’t it? :cool1_tb:

    Sith Lord first, however. The Empire would run roughshod over the damn Federation and still have most of the afternoon off.

  11. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    The Empire would run roughshod over the damn Federation and still have most of the afternoon off.

    Save the Rigellian Women for me. [{something about that green skin…}]

    :innocent1_tb:

  12. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Save the Rigellian Women for me. [{something about that green skin…}]

    That’s Orion  women, Wil!

    Sith Lord first, however. The Empire would run roughshod over the damn Federation and still have most of the afternoon off.

    Only if the Realm™ wasn’t leading the charge for the Feds, and don’t yew for-git it!

  13. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    No, the Orion women had dark green skin and nearly black hair (Original series, season 2, Kirk, Bones and Scotty in a bar, etc.).

    The Rigellian women had light green skin and red hair. Bright red hair. (TNG, first season, Worf and Geordi watching one dance in {surprise!} a bar.)

    rrrrrRRRRRROOOOOOOoooowwwwww!

    I LIKESES red hair, I does!

  14. Unregistered Comment by r4d20

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    I am so freaking sick of the 24 cult. It’s 2-bit schlock.

  15. BauerPower Comment by BauerPower

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    24 needs to get its balls back. Time for Joel Surnow to get some new writers, SCHNELL!