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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Why Don’t You Just Print “DON’T BUY THIS!” On Your Beer Cans, Miller?
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It would seem to us that it would be a damn sight cheaper and a lot more efficient than your systematic campaign to piss us all off by proxy (link thanks to the Empress Sophia):

The Miller Lite people have a new ad featuring beer drinkers being instructed by a pro-sports-type commissioner in etiquette for the “More Taste League.” But the entity needing a “More Taste” lesson is the Miller Brewing Co. itself.

Last year, Miller infuriated opponents of illegal immigration when the Chicago Tribune reported it paid $30,000 for a convention and newspaper ads publicizing a march of illegal-alien advocates to protest against Speaker Dennis Hastert’s congressional office in Batavia, Ill. Consumers launched a national boycott.

Oh yes, we remember it well. Gone were the cans of Miller’s from our recyclable bin, never to be seen again. But it would appear that Miller Brewing Co. got word that people were beginning to forget and thus might conceivably find themselves absentmindedly buying Miller’s again, so the Corporate Pinheads decided that it was time to piss off Joe Public again:

…what really offended was the promotional poster for the [Folsom Street] fair. Seated at and standing behind a long table, Last Supper-style, are a set of men and women in various stages of leather dress/undress, including a man wearing a black dog mask. Sex toys, including a big red fist, are strewn across the table. As a spokesman for Concerned Women explained, “The bread and wine representing Christ’s broken body and life-giving blood are replaced with sadomasochistic sex toys in this twisted version of Da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper.’”

Prominently on display in the left-hand corner of the ad — the Miller Lite sponsorship logo.

Now, let us make one thing abundantly clear here: We don’t give a flying fig if the participants in San Fran’s annual re-enactment of the Glory Days of Sodom and Gomorrah find it titillating to dress themselves up as the seats of a classic Mercedes Benz, complete with stains, they can do as they bloody well please as long as they don’t do it in our house.

But as to deliberately mocking one of the most revered examples of religious imagery in Christianity, we have to ask ourselves: Is this because of the whole masochism deal, or are you just a bunch of insufferable, rude wankers? No, don’t bother with the “brave, daring, provocative” spiel, because we’re not buying it anymore than we bought it when the MSM got multiple, simultaneous orgasms over “Madonna’s” “bravery” in hanging around on something that look like a hybrid of a cross and a 70s disco ball. If you were really going for “brave, daring and provocative”, you’d have had a picture of somebody buggering the Black Rock of Mecca’s vagina with a 48 inch strap-on while somebody dressed as Mohammed in chaps rode around on a pig with a turban. That, too, would have been insufferably rude, but at least it would have been brave as well, seeing as how it might actually have had, erm, “unpleasant consequences.”

Speaking of pisslam, His Imperial Majesty can’t help but treasure the irony in you morons putting so much effort into mocking a religion that is the only thing standing between you and a bunch of construction cranes, a crowd howling “Allah u akbar!” and a generous helping of nooses. Granted, Christianity hasn’t always been kind to you guys and, also granted, we do have our differences when it comes to the proper use of reproductive organs, but at least we’re not running around suggesting that we drop brick walls on you or string you up like wind chimes simply because we don’t agree with the morals of your sexuality.

As to Miller’s? What can one say other than: “Listen, guys, if you really don’t want to be making beer anymore or, at the very least, don’t want to actually sell any, then why don’t you just fill the cans with piss instead?”

Except, as we all know, you’ve been trying that tack for years with no success, so maybe it is time to knock it up a notch or two.

Fools.

32 Responses to “Why Don’t You Just Print “DON’T BUY THIS!” On Your Beer Cans, Miller?”
  1. Len-KC Comment by Len-KC

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    You have to wonder exactly which idiot at Miller’s is in charge of sales prevention.

  2. Trooper THX1138 Comment by Trooper THX1138

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    “Listen, guys, if you really don’t want to be making beer anymore or, at the very least, don’t want to actually sell any, then why don’t you just fill the cans with piss instead?”

    Thought Miller Lite was pretty much watered-down piss anyhow.

  3. kwongdzu Comment by kwongdzu

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    Yes, I had heard that Miller Lite was like sex in a canoe.

  4. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Glad I drink Budweiser. Never have liked Miller. I do have standards as to what panther piss I’ll imbibe. Now I have even more reason to stay away.

    Unless they just want to ride the micro-brewery wave into San Francisco exclusivity.

  5. LC Old Dog Comment by LC Old Dog

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    To steal a line from an Honor Harrington novel.

    The Universe would be much better if Miller Beers were just poured back into the Horse they came from!

    :em99: :em99: :em99:

  6. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    Thought Miller Lite was pretty much watered-down piss anyhow

    Most of us Coloradans think the same of Coors.

    The one thing to remember in all of this is that the street fair happened in Boulder, a town built on cocaine money in the 1970’s and not considered a moral bastion by any means. Most of the locals hardly consider it part of the state anymore, all it has to offer is a decent college football game now and then (any Oklahoma fans out there?? :em93:).

    ward churchill…JonBenet Ramsay….rampant drug use….dog collar wearing nude Miller Lite servers…..so what’s new??? It’s just another day in the Big B

  7. hitnrun Comment by hitnrun

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    Last year, Miller infuriated opponents of illegal immigration when the Chicago Tribune reported it paid $30,000 for a convention and newspaper ads publicizing a march of illegal-alien advocates to protest against Speaker Dennis Hastert’s congressional office in Batavia, Ill. Consumers launched a national boycott.

    And now this story.

    You know, this seems like a pandering attempt gone wildly foul. I mean, Miller would hardly be alone among companies whose marketing suits have decided that it’s vital for their organization to air Spanish commercials, reference Aztlan, and generally play with fire in the blast pit of public opinion. Bank of America, McDonalds, Wells Fargo, and plenty of others have been caught in controversial attempts to make a buck by making it easier or more convenient for illegals to milk the American mint.

    However, Miller didn’t take a business tack, they took the avowedly political one of throwing their label behind a radical movement. How could they possibly think that they would sway the drinking habits of enough hippies to offset the approbation from everyone else?

    Similarly, many companies and especially local governments have started devoting dollars to fostering “gay tourism” because gays spend moderately more dollars on tourism than the average person. The whole thing is a bit stupid- do gays really have different enough tastes to warrant specific advertising, and do they have enough money to offset normal tourists who will be freaked out by the pamphlets- but mostly harmless.

    Then Miller comes in and sticks their label on anti-religious nihilist buttsex faires.

    It’s like they’re being paid by the other companies to look as bad as possible to frame the other indiscretions as mild, by comparison.

  8. Unregistered Comment by Azygos

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    Here is the link from Zombietime. Folsom Street Fair Very gross and not for the faint of heart or not so easily offended

  9. LittleRott84 Comment by LittleRott84

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    What the hell am I going to drink when I’m broke now? Bud is disgusting, and Miller is run by a bunch of lefty imbeciles. The only other beers I will drink are as expensive as all get out (Guinness, Foster’s and Rolling Rock). :em98: :em12: :em71:

  10. LC RobertHuntingdon Comment by LC RobertHuntingdon

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    Aww, Old Dog you beat me to it, I was thinking the exact same thing.

    Can we pour the MTL commish and his fake zebras back in too?

    Speaking of zebras, can we add the KC zebras in as well? Idiots couldn’t even get a call right when they had 3 minutes to study it on instant replay.

    RH

  11. p51driver Comment by p51driver

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    I notice all these lefties have no problem slamming christians and jews, but they dont have the balls to slam the islamo’s! Maybe they dont need to worry about being slaughtered by the joos or christians.

  12. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

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    Miller: Our beer is almost as good as our marketing team!

    Their beer is already watery piss, I guess they figured sponsoring a public display of their manufacturing wing was a good idea?

    I’m more concerned with the police officers ignoring the public sex acts (of any kind) going on in a street where children are present (and there were some). Fulsom St. seemed like a good candidate for tear gas and a baton charge for me. Hell, a good chunk of the celebrants would probably pay extra for it!

  13. Viscount Ian S. Comment by Viscount Ian S.

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    LR84: Rolling Rock *is* Bud now - the “Buschitler” bought it a few years ago and shut down the brewery.

  14. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

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    Zombietime is doing the Lord’s work… I live out here and cannot stomach going to events like that

  15. kwongdzu Comment by kwongdzu

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    The whole thing is a bit stupid- do gays really have different enough tastes to warrant specific advertising

    These guys’ tastes are certainly different from mine! Somewhat OT, but as obnoxious as the Last Supper advertising, vendors were selling sex toys that included crucifixes and a baby Jesus butt plug. I about puked when I read that. There were also Buddha sex toys, but interestingly no Allah or Mohammed dildoes. What a brave bunch (not). Incidentally, what is a butt plug and why would one want one? Seriously, I don’t know, because I’m not into that kind of perversion.

  16. Radical Redneck Comment by Radical Redneck

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    Since crap beer like Swillers makes such a great laxative, are the gays consuming it to create extra lubrication? :shock: :mrgreen:

  17. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

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    Since crap beer like Swillers makes such a great laxative, are the gays consuming it to create extra lubrication?

    You. Are. So. Bad.. :em01:

  18. Hardclimber54 Comment by Hardclimber54

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    LittleRott84

    Why not come to Canada and taste REAL beer!?! :em94:
    To name a few, Sleemans, Keiths, Molson, Labatts, Alpine, and all at popular prices! And Lady Heather, no, these are NOT used as laxatives by our gay community…

    I’ve had Miller beer in full view of a few squadron buddies once, and was quickly asked if I was a masochist. After seeing the “Folsom St Fair” footage, NOW I understand their concerns!!!

  19. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

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    And Lady Heather, no, these are NOT used as laxatives by our gay community…

    Radical Redneck was the one “concerned”, HC. :em93:

  20. Radical Redneck Comment by Radical Redneck

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    They mix the Miller with corn on da cob for extra friction and flow! :twisted: :em58:

  21. Hardclimber54 Comment by Hardclimber54

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    Lady Heather

    My mistake, my apology. Radical Redneck has it all figured out it seems!

  22. LC Rurik Comment by LC Rurik

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    Wait a second. :em41: I thought it was Imperial policy that we were all supposed to support the anti-jihadist Danish cartoonists by drinking perfectly delightful Danish beers. :em94: Which is what I do when not enjoying equally delightful East European and Baltic beers made by America-loving ex-Communists. :em94: I can’t remmeber the last time I drank a domestic :em72: And wouldn’t confess if I could remember.

  23. Hardclimber54 Comment by Hardclimber54

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    DJ

    I just wanna know — was Larry Wide-Stance there?

    Did someone check in the bathroom..?

  24. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

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    Ok Dave, why isn’t that I’m not allowed to comment on your Liberaltopia site, huh?

    :em95:

  25. Mike M Comment by Mike M

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    Granted, re-enacting the DaVinci version of the Last Supper using substitutes isn’t the best way to win friends and influence people, and I am rather stymied as to why they felt the need.

    Yeah, go figure. Who could have guessed that a bunch of depraved, amoral assholes who are wont to perform acts of fellatio and sadomasochism on a public street would be inclined to pull an outrageous stunt like that?

  26. Xystus Comment by Xystus

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    #15

    Incidentally, what is a butt plug and why would one want one? Seriously, I don’t know, because I’m not into that kind of perversion.

    I first heard the term decades ago–& no one ever explained it to me (& I didn’t ask). Only in the past year did I see a cross-linked article in the Wackypedia on the subject. You’d think enthusiasts would’ve come up with a better name for their equipment.
    #22

    Granted, Christianity hasn’t always been kind to you guys and, also granted, we do have our differences when it comes to the proper use of reproductive organs, but at least we’re not running around suggesting that we drop brick walls on you or string you up like wind chimes simply because we don’t agree with the morals of your sexuality. [Emphasis mine]

    It hasn’t been all that long since they were.

    I don’t believe any of us remember when homofuctual behavior was legally punished by death in these parts.

  27. Unregistered Comment by seagoon

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    Hardclimber- as a fellow Canuck, I must say

    Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale: those who like it, like it a lot.

    (of course, you might not know Keith’s if you aren’t a maritimer)

  28. Unregistered Comment by DukeFenton

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    What I’m trying to figure out is how Swiller even stays in business, what with the microbrew revolution and all. Where they get the money to sponsor an obscene fuck fest, let alone why they would waste scarce funds on it, just boggles the imagination. Heck, even when it was very difficult, expensive - and, uh, technically illegal - for me to get beer, I passed up that dog piss for Pabst’s.

  29. Hardclimber54 Comment by Hardclimber54

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    seagoon

    Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale: those who like it, like it a lot.

    (of course, you might not know Keith’s if you aren’t a maritimer)

    Well said seagoon! I now live in New Brunswick (since ‘95, when I retired), and a cold Keiths is always rewarding after a long day!

    Hope you still have access to your favourite canuck brew in China my friend!

  30. akornzombie Comment by akornzombie

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    To steal a line from an Honor Harrington novel.

    The Universe would be much better if Miller Beers were just poured back into the Horse they came from!

    :em99: :em99: :em99:

    You have impeccable taste, Old Dog.

    As for beer, the only Miller product I used to drink was Mickeys. Other than that, bleah.

    Nowadays the only American beer I drink is Pabst Blue Ribbon and Sam Adams. Anything else is imported, like Sapporo, or microbrew like Old Scratch and Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

  31. Unregistered Comment by seagoon

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    I’m afraid I don’t have access, Hardclimber, but I do recall it well- hoist a cold one for me, eh?

  32. Hardclimber54 Comment by Hardclimber54

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    seagoon

    hoist a cold one for me, eh?

    I’ll make that two, I hate drinking alone… :em01: :em94: