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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » HAPPY HANUKKAH! (And Something About Idiots Too)
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Time to light up the menorah and make some latkes!

Even if nudniks like these can’t help being utterly, cosmically stupid about it (link via Chef Mojo):

In a campaign that has spread like wildfire across the Internet, a group of Israeli environmentalists is encouraging Jews around the world to light at least one less candle this Hanukka to help the environment.

The founders of the Green Hanukkia campaign found that every candle that burns completely produces 15 grams of carbon dioxide. If an estimated one million Israeli households light for eight days, they said, it would do significant damage to the atmosphere.

Far be it from us to introduce logic and rationale to those shlemiels, experience shows us that it’s as much of an exercise in futility as trying to explain basic algebra to a garden slug, but it is our impression that rather more than a million observant Jooos have been doing just that since, well, forever, and last we checked the atmosphere was still there.

“The campaign calls for Jews around the world to save the last candle and save the planet, so we won’t need another miracle,” said Liad Ortar, the campaign’s cofounder, who runs the Arkada environmental consulting firm and the Ynet Web site’s environmental forum.

If we were in the “asking for miracles” business, we’d ask H’shem to have mercy and give you a brain instead of the one you obviously misplaced at some point in your life.

“Global warming is a milestone in human evolution that requires us to rethink how we live our lives,

Glowbull wormening is a milestone in the history of Ponzi schemes and the gullible goo-goo heads who are terminally daft enough to fall for them, and what it really requires is for us to accept the premise that life was so much better in medieval times when we were all sitting around in dark huts gnawing on bark. Except for the fact that today’s Glowbull wormening idgits would tell those medieval peasants to snuff out their candles and fireplaces as well.

and one of the main paradigms of that is religion and how it fits into the current situation.”

Glowbull wormening is a religion. Granted, a particularly stupid religion, but a religion nonetheless.

Cofounder Tom Wegner, who heads the public relations firm Update Marketing Media, spread the campaign via mass e-mails and through social interaction Web sites like Facebook and Hook.co.il. He said no money had been invested in the campaign, but it had already raised awareness around the world and made people realize that they have to consider the environment this Hanukka.

We don’t “have to” do a single fucking thing, ya shmekel, and if you don’t believe us, try making us follow your lemmings’ rush into the dark abyss of infinite ignorance. As a matter of fact, we think that we’ll light up every last damn candle we can find right now, just because we can.

Wegner said he did not consider the campaign anti-religious.

No. Just stupid. So very, very stupid. So stupid, in fact, that it sets new standards for “stupid.”

“We have many environmental traditions in Judaism like Tu Bishvat and Succot, but there are also traditions like Lag Ba’omer and Hanukka that made sense when they were instituted but are more problematic now in the days of global warming,” Wegner said.

We’re sure that H’shem will understand. After all, what does He know about anything? It’s not like He created the world and anything, nor does He have the faintest clue as to where it’s headed, so obviously He couldn’t possibly predict something like Glowbull Wormening when He set down His Laws.

“There are many people who just light candles for the tradition and for their children,” he said. “To tell a child on the eighth day that we are not lighting the last candle as a sacrifice for the environment is an act that is not only educational but also will prevent the release of a huge amount of carbon dioxide that would hurt the environment.”

We happen to have a pretty good idea what He would have to say about “sacrifices to the environment”, actually. See “Second Commandment, The (Jooish numbering)” in case you’re a bit rusty on stuff like that. You might want to supplement your reading with a passage or two about what happens when you violate that one. Try Exodus 32, verses 7-9 and 25-28 in particular.

And don’t come crying to us if you manage to convince Him than an encore is called for.

To the rest of y’all, again:

HAPPY HANUKKAH!

53 Responses to “HAPPY HANUKKAH! (And Something About Idiots Too)”
  1. SoCalOilMan, LC Comment by SoCalOilMan, LC

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    I am more than willing to sell anyone that feels guilty carbon offsets against the candles I had no intention of burning. :em93:

  2. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    we’d ask H’shem to have mercy and give you a brain instead of the one you obviously misplaced at some point in your life.

    This would imply that they had an actual, working brain at some point, oh Emperor, which I strongly suspect is not the case. More like a brocoli stem that somehow found its way inside their heads…

    Sweet Swinging Mama, the idiocy of such statements will never cease to amaze me. Also shows how much “dogma” this global warming myth has already become.

    To tell a child on the eighth day that we are not lighting the last candle as a sacrifice for the environment is an act that is not only educational but also will prevent the release of a huge amount of carbon dioxide that would hurt the environment.”

    Says who, assholes!? Gore?!?! Yep, the “god of know-it-all global scaremonging” has spoken its ultimate truth, you all bow now… I’m half-tempted to shove that last candle up their shit-hole, it would be a good use for it I think…

    Asswipes.

  3. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    Hardclimber

    I’m half-tempted to shove that last candle up their shit-hole

    1. if you dont use a very big candle they might not notice. B. elbow length gloves are a must in these situations. III. be careful, or they will follow you home. :em93:

  4. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

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    Happy Hannukah !!!

    And we do love that old tyme Levitical Justice, we do.

    :em95:

  5. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    be careful, or they will follow you home.

    Not the way I’d shove it in, they wouldn’t… But thank you for the advice my friend.

  6. LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R. Comment by LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R.

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    Maybe they should ask the Mooselimbs in France to burn one less car each night.. or ask smokers to smoke one less cig every day..

    Yeah, when pigs fly…

  7. Unregistered Comment by mindy1

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    I am jewish, and I do not think our little candles cause global warming. :em98:

  8. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    mindy1

    Happy Hannukkah to you and all our Jewish friends.

    Light up your candles my friends, ALL of them! (just make sure you check the ends carefully, just in case it happens to be one I used to “explain” the nonsense of GW myth to one of the assholes mentionned above…)

    Best wishes from Canada.

  9. LC Moriarty Comment by LC Moriarty

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    Maybe they should ask the Mooselimbs in France to burn one less car each night.

    :em99:

    … and likewise, Happy Hanukka!

  10. Unregistered Comment by LC Roguetek

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    instead of candles, can we use road flares?

  11. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    Roguetek

    can we use road flares?

    if your performing the ” Hardclimber Maneuver ” (patent pending) be sure to light it first.

  12. Unregistered Comment by LC Roguetek

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    Nah, I’m gonna use the impact striker kind.

    partial insertion by hand, and then tap it home with a sledgehammer. which will also ignite the flare.

  13. LC Moriarty Comment by LC Moriarty

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    if your performing the ” Hardclimber Maneuver ” (patent pending) be sure to light it first.

    Hey… leave that stuff to the professionals.

  14. LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R. Comment by LC SkyeChild G.L.O.R.

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    Way OT, but to quote Professor Henry Higgins:Damn, damn, damn!

    From the state of the concealed carry, but weapons prohibited in schools:

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,315342,00.html

    9 Dead, at Least 5 Reported Wounded in Omaha, Neb., Mall Shooting

    None of this has been verified yet. It happened just a couple of hours ago, so no one really knows what happened.

    I haven’t been to Westroads Mall in quite some time, but I’d bet good money there’s a little sticker on the door prohibiting weapons. Idiots.

  15. James, Imperial Mercenary Comment by James, Imperial Mercenary

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    I just want to say…I did the calculations…

    If you spend 10 minutes reading that article at a typical computer, you’re creating about 30 grams of carbon dioxide from the electricity usage.

  16. ohio right wing nut Comment by ohio right wing nut

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    Once again it’s all the fault of the evil joooo.

    Fucking assclowns.

  17. Unregistered Comment by LC Elchonon, Imperial Chief of Civil Disobedience

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    Retards, maybe I will keep 9 days of chanuka?

    Hey ass wipes, keep your heaters off this winter!

  18. Unregistered Comment by annoyinglittletwerp

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    This is my first Chanukkah as a Jew in a while-I was an evangelical Christian from 1996 until this year-and in celebration I intend to light all 41 candles…twice.
    Hey-it’s the least a concerned citizen like me can do. :em99: :em93:

  19. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    I never wanted to buy an SUV until I saw Al driving his.

  20. Unregistered Comment by fanbladesaresharp

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    For every candle they don’t light, the mrs fanblades will probably light 27. In fact, I think she’s got about 10 going this very minute. And a fire in the fireplace.

  21. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    concerning Skyechilde’s post remember your bible Luke, 22, 36. if you do not have a sword, buy one. Jesus wanted his followers to have the means of self-defense with them. if anyone argues tell them its a religious requirement. :em96:

  22. The Major Comment by The Major

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    I’ll wager Liad Ortar produces far more carbon dioxide from farts in a day than one burning candle does. So here’s the deal, Liad… I’ll refrain from lighting any kind of candle, and you shove a large cork up your ass.

    Dimwits… :em41:

  23. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    What about the CO2 released from volcanoes? Does this mean mother nature is a self-loather, or could there possibly be some kind of symbiosis here?

  24. Unregistered Comment by LC Elchonon, Imperial Chief of Civil Disobedience

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    Wait, I dont use candles.. I use oil… every oil cup lasts about 3-4 hours BUAHAHAHAHA :em95: :em01:

  25. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

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    Hmmph. I’m not actually Jewish…but after reading that I might just be lighting a few Hanukkah candles myself this year.

    Just because.

    Anybody know where I can find a menorah on short notice…?

  26. DдrтH бдкфи Comment by DдrтH бдкфи

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    H’shem Yishmor that any moderately observant Jew should alter their observance to suit these yutzes.

    Annoyinglittletwerp- welcome to the tribe.

    Wes- take one can Play-Doh™, roll into a snake six or seven inches long. Poke nine little divots with a fingertip.

    You know have an IEJ- and Improvised Example of Jooodaica. Your supermarket should have Hannukah candles.

  27. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    I wonder if all the menorahs in the world produce as much cee oh two as Gores private jet? I hope the Jews tell him to stick it. I only say to our Jewish brethren…Happy Hannukah and may a belated peace and prosperity be yours. I stand with you. Simply one Roman Catholic damned sick and tired of the Jews being picked on.

  28. Unregistered Comment by annoyinglittletwerp

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    Darth B:
    Thanks. It’s good to be back. :em93:

  29. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    Wes for an inexpensive menorah look here.

  30. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    sorry here

  31. Xystus Comment by Xystus

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    Well, the timing may be coincidental, but my old girlfriend , daughter of Finnish immigrants, insisted I light a candle in a window every December 6, as folks reportedly do in the old country to commemorate wresting freedom from newly-Leninized Russia in 1917. So I will be sending up a flame Thursday evening.

    Hyvestti!

  32. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    and heres the flip side of going green. the moonbats are never satisfied. :em98: you may want to ducttape your head.

  33. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    and heres the flip side of going green. the moonbats are never satisfied

    And NEVER will be. How else can they “stay relevant” in their own minds if they suddendly get their wishes!? They have to have something to bitch and complain about on a regular basis otherwise they become just another bunch of ex-hippies without lives…

  34. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    here is THE solution to all our (or at least my) emmissions problem. say cheese :em93:

  35. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    here is THE solution to all our (or at least my) emmissions problem. say cheese

    Sweet Swinging Mama! :em01: I mean really (laughing so hard, my sides are starting to hurt) :em99:

    Some people have WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too much time on their hands! Scientists heh!? How much grant money did they get to come out with this shit (pun intended)!?!?

    My farts are rich in methane, maybe I should turn myself into an alternate source of energy and exploit my arse for profit. I can just see it now, mixing a small shot of propane with my “naturally produced methane” and sell it as “alternative fuel” for furnaces and the like. :em99: Heck, we all seen those small propane bottles for small BBQs, I could fill these and resell them at a profit. I could then go and get a “research grant” to increase production… Damn, I am dazzled by my own brilliance… :em01: :em01:

  36. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

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    AUSTRALIAN scientists are trying to give kangaroo-style stomachs to cattle and sheep in a bid to cut the emission of greenhouse gases blamed for global warming, researchers say

    Let’s get this news disseminated at once! Methane-less farts! Maybe Gore, Kennedy, Pelosi, and the rest of the libtards will line up for transplants. That’s the least they can do for Mother Gaia. :em01: :em99:

    Now I’m going out to get a pack of them candles. A very happy Chanukkah to one and all and not a “Green” one! :em03:

  37. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    Hardclimber

    My farts are rich in methane,

    just run a hose back to your afterburner. boost your acceleration and leave your opponent gagging in the smokescreen. :em93:

  38. aaron Comment by aaron

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    Moxie and I contributed to global warming last night.

    Get your minds out of the gutter.

    I’m happily married. For 21 years.

    I had to bring something to her place and we were chatting on her patio, she enjoyed a few cigs while I had a cigar. Had the weather been nicer, we would have had more of a thrill pissing off Gaia worshippers in the deepest of deep blue California under view of the shadow of the HOLLYWOOD sign.

    I’ve got 6 kids. We light a menorah for everyone in my family. So by the eighth night, we’ll have 72 candles roaring.

    What most people don’t know is that the story of Chanukah was less a victory over the Selucid Greeks than a subsequent civil war over secularist Hellenism. A lot of parallels with today.

  39. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    just run a hose back to your afterburner. boost your acceleration and leave your opponent gagging in the smokescreen.

    Yeaaaah! Boosts thrust to 34000 vice 32000, the extra 2000 lbs would definitevely give me an advantage, especially in climb rate!!! Would save some fuel too, with more thrust produced than weight carried.

    The “biological” weapon effect of the added thrust isn’t something to sneeze at either! :em99:

    Heck, I could choke out his engine and force a flame-out, than his ass is mine! Wow, I make money on one hand, and improve our fighters’ capabilities on the other.

    I am nominating you for an “Excellence in Aeronautic Design” award Sir!

    Now, where is that chili recipe calling for a lot of beans..?

  40. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    hardclimber heres your chili recipe.

    I am nominating you for an “Excellence in Aeronautic Design” award Sir!

    more likely court jester. :em93:

  41. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    by the by, can you picture the researchers chasing the ‘roos with lit matches to test for methane?

  42. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    can you picture the researchers chasing the ‘roos with lit matches to test for methane?

    They wouldn’t want to test ‘roos that ate MY chili with any kind of open flame, the flash would be seen all the way to India!!! :em99:

  43. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

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    Hardclimber and a mushroom cloud no doubt. i yield to the master, hold on while i find my hat so i can take it off to you. :em93:

  44. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    hilljohnny

    and a mushroom cloud no doubt

    The yield would be directly proportionnal to the amount of Tabasco sauce and hot chili peppers added…

    I once had one of my oldest son’s friend boasting he could eat even the hottest chili, no problem. I served him a bowl of my “special occasion” chili… He ate it, commented how “perfectly balanced” it was, and declared he had tasted hotter chili than that. Fair enough…

    His arsehole burst into flames that very same evening when he paid a visit to the loo :em99: :em01:
    Doctor told him he would end up with scar tissue in his anus from the burn :em99: and that he should stop pouring gasoline in his ass and light it :em01: :em99:

  45. Skul Comment by Skul

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Sounds like some mighty fine chili Hardclimber.

    I do have a solution for our Jewish friends delema.
    Just light two candles half way.

  46. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    His arsehole burst into flames

    come on ice cream :em93:

  47. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    hilljohnn

    come on ice cream

    Actually, it would be closer to “he screams” :em01: :em99:

  48. mongrul Comment by mongrul

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I rented the biggest vehicle I’ve ever seen on the National lot two weeks ago, a brand spankin new Toyota Tundra with the big 5.7 L. I put over 600 miles on that bad boy over the last two weeks…and low and behold, we got hit with a huge winter storm. News said this morning that winter arrived two weeks early in Ohio! It was 9 friggin degrees when I pulled that beautiful beast into the parking lot this morning! If that doesn’t prove the Goracle wrong, nothing will. I’ll be happy to jump on that big ass jet to go home tomorrow, only to get on another big ass jet to come back on Monday!! I love my job, and I’m saving the environment from liberal retards by putting what LIFE loves back into the air, good ol CO2! To do your part, eat more beans and pickled eggs, drink lots of beer, and clean up the mess a :em72: load of toilet paper!! Have fun, and save our planet. :em03:

  49. mongrul Comment by mongrul

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Hey boss, I tried to add the word “with” to the above comment, and couldn’t do it. Tried to delete it, operation failed. Just a heads up. And don’t forget to wipe your ass WITH a :em72: load of TP!! :em99:

    Note: Since I can’t type tonight, I had to edit this comment about not being able to edit my last comment, and was able to edit…it….
    so I guess it’s working. Nice feature.

  50. Unregistered Comment by Rahel

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I haven’t read all the comments, but after reading this article, I want to puke. I think I’ll have to light extra candles just to balance the idiot scale. Sheesh. This is probably the most politically incorrect holiday in the Jewish calendar. How is it that people find it so easy to twist? Oh well, I suppose even idiots need jobs.

  51. Mike M Comment by Mike M

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    New York store red faced over ‘Hanukkah hams’

    And to date, there’s yet to be any rioting in the streets or even one beheading, stoning or flaming Peugeot reported. Where’s the outrage? Oh, wait… wrong religion.

  52. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    okay i’m not jewish and dont know all the details but on npr they were talking about the candle thing again and i got to thinking. the treehumpers are big on recycling so why not get one of the oil burning menorahs and recycle the contents of your ‘fry daddy’tm. should make everybody happy and that sludge has needed to go for sometime now. :em93:

  53. itbachalyahud Comment by itbachalyahud

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    It may be a bit too generous to conclude that the motives of Liad et al. are not antireligious.

    Don’t underestimate the ability of secular nitwits (Israeli or American) to devise a harebrained scheme under the guise of “progressive” thought to undermine religious observance.

    If the Green Hanukia morons had any intellectual honesty, they would have been advocating for Israelis to cut down on CO2 emissions by observing the Jewish Sabbath and not driving on Saturday. Just think, 52 days out of the year with zero auto emissions. The reduction in CO2 would be many magnitudes greater than from abstaining from lighting one lousy candle.

    I’m an advocate of environmental conservation, but I’m also religiously observant and not a moron and therefore I can see through the bogus logic of these secularists.

    Not driving on Shabbos gives Jews the opportunity to observe a religious mandate of inestimable importance while at the same time reducing pollution. Simple.