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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » DJ’s Bi-Partisan Humor
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People from both sides of the aisle can appreciate this:

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter

is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

“Yesterday we were campaigning…… Today you voted.”

19 Responses to “DJ’s Bi-Partisan Humor”
  1. LC Draco Comment by LC Draco

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    First……AND :em01: :em01:

    THAT IS TOO FUNNY!!!!

  2. LC Hardclimber54 Comment by LC Hardclimber54

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    Well, I’ll be..!!! Good One! I mean WOW! :em99:

    DJ, you’ll never stop to amaze me!

  3. LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H. Comment by LC 0311 crunchie I.M.H.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Nice one Deej.

  4. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    DJ :em99: you da man! reminds of one from back home. man dies and goes to heaven. as St. Peter is showing him around he sees a bunch of people chained to trees. shocked he turns to St. Peter and says ‘that doesn’t look very heavenly to me. whats going on here?’ St. Peter sighs, shakes his head and says ‘those are kentucky hillbillys. they keep trying to go home on the weekends.’ :em93:

  5. LC  MuscleDaddy Comment by LC MuscleDaddy

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Heh.

    That’s good. :em69:

    - MuscleDaddy

  6. Mad Insomniac Comment by Mad Insomniac

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Nice one! :em93:

    Also enjoy the Fueled by Caffeine music links.

  7. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Also enjoy the Fueled by Caffeine music links.

    Yeah? Well I am sure you will like the one I just posted. It brings tears to my eyes every time I even read the lyrics. But I thought it would be appropriate for today, December 7th.

  8. Unregistered Comment by mindy1

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    :em01: :em01: That is too funny. And probably true.

  9. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    DJ thanks for the music and for putting up the lyrics. its right on target.

  10. cmblake6 Comment by cmblake6

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Outstanding DJ, simply brilliant!

  11. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    btw DJ is the site going republican? the comments keep takeing a “wide stance”….?

  12. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Touche’, and so very true.

  13. Mad Insomniac Comment by Mad Insomniac

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    Yeah? Well I am sure you will like the one I just posted.

    Sure did DJ. I could listen to Mark Knopfler play guitar all day. Love over Gold kept me sane during my next-to-last year of college.

  14. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Huh? Republican?

    My Site?

    :em01:

    Hardly.

    I could post some Babs music for you if you want. I mean, Memories is a VERY good song, you know.

    Music transcends just about everything. I have a very wide taste in music. Being a non-practicing Jew, I can listen to Gospel music one minute, then rap, blues, classical, bluegrass, old folk, modern folk, rock (in all of its incarnations), soul, R&B, and if I want to torture someone — bubblegum Top-40.

    I posted Brothers in Arms because it has a special meaning for me, and I cloud up and rain all over myself every year on this date when I play it.

    And no, I am NOT going to share why.

  15. Xystus Comment by Xystus

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    Seen that one before. :em93:

  16. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    DJ

    My Site?

    no, i mean this site. when i open the comments everything is shifted to the right and i haveto refresh two or three times to get it back on the page. thats what i meant by ‘wide stance’.

  17. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    :em01:

    Yes, I’d heard that one before, but it was a long time ago and I’d forgotten all about it.

    Besides, that one is so funny (and sadly all too TRUE) that it can’t ever be told too much and it made me laugh as hard today as it did when I first heard it.

    And you’re right: Nothing partisan about it. We have arseholes like that on both sides of the aisle. Way, way too many of them.

  18. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

    You already KNEW it was a joke because it said that the senator was tragically killed.

  19. hilljohnny Comment by hilljohnny

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    the senator was tragically killed.

    and here i thought the tragedy was the truck being damaged. :em02: