LCs SDN and Salgak send us this, a Lefty Moonbat’s wet dream about a world in which the Loonies rule and the Reichwingers are all washed away by The Upcoming Glowbull Catastrophic Wormening™ and, in so doing, puts on display the compassion and unselfishness for which the Loony Left has become so well-deservedly famous:
Global Warming Will Save America from the Right…Eventually
by Dave Lindorff
Sat., 12/22/2007 - 19:21—Say what you will about the looming catastrophe facing the world as the pace of global heating and polar melting accelerates. There is a silver lining.
Look at a map of the US.
The area that will by completely inundated by the rising ocean—and not in a century but in the lifetime of my two cats—are the American southeast, including the most populated area of Texas, almost all of Florida, most of Louisiana, and half of Alabama and Mississippi, as well as goodly portions of eastern Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. While the northeast will also see some coastal flooding, its geography is such that that aside from a few projecting sandbars like Long Island and Cape Cod, the land rises fairly quickly to well above sea level.
Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes. The West Coast too tends to rise rapidly to well above sea level in most places. Only down in Southern California towards the San Diego area is the ground closer to sea level.
So what we see is that huge swaths of conservative America are set to face a biblical deluge in a few more presidential cycles.
Ahhh… The memories. Memories of Michael Moore-on the Mysteriously Mobile Manatee of Michigan lamenting in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, not that 3,000 innocent Americans had been murdered, but that the terrorists had murdered so many blue staters. We were beginning to wonder how long it would take before the Loony Left once again lost themselves in masturbatory fantasies about “ethnically cleansing” America of their political opponents.
It’s not like it’s a new thing with socialists to wish for the wholesale slaughter of people disagreeing with them. As a matter of fact, one might say that it’s their whole modus operandi, their S.O.P. and indeed whole raison d’etre: Getting rid of those pesky non-socialists and all of the problems they create by insisting on using logic. Wiping them off the face of the Earth for The Greater Good™. All socialists have embraced it from Lenin over Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Castro, Pol Pot, you name them.
I guess that when you don’t have a rational argument, a bullet in the face will have to do.
Then there’s the matter of the Midwest, which climate experts say is likely to face a permanent condition of unprecedented drought, making the place largely unlivable, and certainly unfarmable. The agribusinesses and conservative farmers that have been growing corn and wheat may be able to stretch out this doomsday scenario by deep well drilling, but west of the Mississippi, the vast Ogallala Aquifer that has allowed for such irrigation is already being tapped out. It will not be replaced.
So again, we will see the decline and depopulation of the nation’s vast midsection—noted for its consistent conservatism.
Not to mention the frightened, non-comprehending looks on the faces of the Loony Leftists as they discover that food isn’t grown on the shelves of the local Whole Foods store.
Only in the northernmost area, around the Great Lakes (which will be not so great anymore), and along the Canadian border, will there still be enough rain for farming and continued large population concentrations, but those regions, like Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois, are also more liberal in their politics.
And will become decidedly less liberal when what remains of their food production is taken over by the unproductive, chattering socialist enclaves of the Northeast.
Finally, in the Southwest, already parched and stiflingly hot, the rise in energy costs and the soaring temperatures will put an end to right-wing retirement communities like Phoenix, Tucson and Palm Springs. Already the Salton Sea is fading away and putting Palm Springs on notice that the good times are coming to an end. Another right-wing haven soon to be gone.
We guess we’ll just have to start drilling some of that oil that you don’t have up North. And with rising temperatures, we’ll probably be needing it all ourselves to cool down our mansions. Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?
So the future political map of America is likely to look as different as the much shrunken geographical map, with much of the so-called “red” state region either gone or depopulated.
It’s really not all that hard imagining Loony Lindorff jacking his shriveled man-meat off to pictures of Auschwitz and Birkenau, is it?
There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact.
An impact we’re still waiting on, by the way. An impact that, much to the Gorebeciles’ surprise, seems to have stopped several years ago. Something anybody with a thermometer and the intellect to read it could have told you. Have been trying to tell you, actually, but we realize it’s kinda hard to hear when you’re busy sticking your fingers in your ears singing “la-la-la I can’t heeeeear youuuu!” while waiting on the Goracle to fly in on his private Gulfstream to deliver another bottle of snake oil.
The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city. They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes.
Ah, so the survivors of this slaughter that you so eagerly await will be “generously” accepted within your city walls, but only as serfs without rights?
We can’t for the life of us imagine why some people still insist on seeing socialism as something less than perfectly compassionate.
There will be much work to be done to help the earth and its residents—human and non-human—survive this man-made catastrophe, and we can’t have these future refugee troglodytes, should their personal disasters still fail to make them recognize reality, mucking things up again.
It should be considered acceptable, in this stifling new world, to say, “Shut up. We told you this would happen.”
There’s one part of the equation that you leave out of your self-fellating fantasy here. Should this apocalypse ever happen (which it won’t) and should we ever decide to pull up our tent poles and move into your territory, we would be bringing our toys with us. All of our toys. Of which we have a lot. A rather enormous lot. They make loud noises and come with strange numbers associated with them such as .50, .45, 7.62 and 5.56.
You might not want to be saying “shut up” to our faces in that situation. After all, we might get angry.