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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Ask the Emperor
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As you all know, His Imperial Omnisciency is the one to go to if you ever find yourself facing one of Life’s Mysteries™, big or small, and His Highness is always eager to share all that he’s learned with you, his trusted LCs of the Empire. Not that we get much mail in that category, so when LC Roger Glass made use of this totally free service, we were so surprised that it took us a goodly while to even think about answering (about a month, to be exact). But good things are worth waiting for, so here goes:

When Hillary Rodham joked about having experience in dealing with evil men, was she referring to: (1) Dick Morris; (2) Ken Starr; or (3) Janet Reno?

No. She was referring to His Rottieness who is, as you well know, the embodiment of all that is evil in this world. She was also lying, because we have never dealt with her in the slightest, as her continued occupancy of a Senate seat proves. Not that we haven’t thought of doing so but, frankly, the continued humiliation of New Yorkers inherent in her incumbency is just too priceless to let go.

Does Hillary’s Secret Sevice contingent keep watch for tin men and farm girls with water buckets?

Indeed she does, particularly now that she’s not in (Ar)kansas anymore. As a matter of fact, she has her SS detail spray her with a water-repellant every morning before venturing out in public. As this treatment, in order to be effective, requires a full body coating, turnover in her security detail has been truly out of this world. Also on her watch list are the Spanish Inquisition, but since NOBODY expects them, we doubt that it will help her much.

Will she take her oath of office on “The Necronomicon?”

She has been considering that strongly, yes, particularly since she owns a copy of it personally signed by the Mad Arab, Abdul Alhazred (who lost his mind shortly afterwards, having been exposed to the uncovered sight of her cankles. Some believe that this is where the Shariah law requiring stonings for uncovered women originated.)

Other choices currently being considered are the original manuscript for “Das Kapital” as well as “The Vagina Monologues.”

I really need this information for my upcoming book, “A Trail of Tears: From Fort Marcy Park to the White House Travel Office.”

Thanks as always.

Hail Caesar!

You’re very welcome, khaver, and best of luck on your literary career. We’ll be sure to purchase a copy when it comes out.

Yours Omnipotently,

Emperor Misha I, Hammer of the Trolls, Wielder of the Imperial Cluebat of Doom™, Fount of All Knowledge and Defender of the One True Faith: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Property (and cute, tasty, furry animals).

5 Responses to “Ask the Emperor”
  1. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Why does the ACLU exist?

  2. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’d bet on the Necronomicon.

    Some believe that this is where the Shariah law requiring stonings for uncovered women originated.

    Interesting speculation, Emperor. You may be right about that. But as a New Yorker, I must express my dismay at your obvious delight at our humiliation of Mrs. Clinton’s continued occupation of the Senate. Of course, most New Yorkers are not capable of being aware of how humiliated they are. However, on behalf of the 4 or 5 of us who are, I beg your indulgence and ask that you try to contain the schadenfreude you so obviously feel.

  3. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Why does the ACLU exist?

    Could this be it?

  4. juandos Comment by juandos

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    When Hillary Rodham joked about having experience in dealing with evil men, was she referring to: (1) Dick Morris; (2) Ken Starr; or (3) Janet Reno?

    Could she have been talking about Dr. Paul Irwing?

    Dr Paul Irwing: ‘There are twice as many men as women with an IQ of 120-plus’

    All the research I’ve done points to a gender difference in general cognitive ability. There is a mean difference of about five IQ points. The further you go up the distribution the more and more skewed it becomes. There are twice as many men with an IQ of 120-plus as there are women, there are 30 times the number of men with an IQ of 170-plus as there are women.

  5. MegaTroopX Comment by MegaTroopX

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Why does the ACLU exist?

    As ab argument against God’s existence. Calvin can explain it.