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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Only Ewe…
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Or maybe not, as might be the case according to this article sent to us by LC JackBoot:

It’s a deeply serious world, and there is a lot to be concerned about at the moment, but having said that, apparently 10 percent of sheep are gay.

That’s “g*y”, you HATER! I, for one, am now going to write the Hartford Advocate, demanding that you never be invited to write for them again!

In a story that recently appeared in the Washington Post and the Guardian entitled, wonderfully, “Brokeback Mutton,”

OK, I have to give the Grauniad that one. That made me chuckle, and for once it wasn’t with derision.

…writer William Saletan has taken note of an experiment at a federal research farm led by two Oregon academics, Charles Roselli and Fred Stormshak.

Our tax dollars at work. Thank G-d they’re not throwing our funds away on frivolous nonsense such as cancer research or fusion energy.

In the experiment, a young ram is placed in a small pen and is offered four choices: two ewes in heat, and two rams. For half an hour, the ram is allowed to follow his inclinations and the experimenters take note of his preferences.

How about a wild, steamy, diverse, gender-neutral five-some?

About 15 percent of the rams seem to have no preference at all and would rather just hang out (like some of us).

That’s pretty much what I’d go for if I were presented with the choice of four ovines. Call me speciesist if you like, but that’s just how I roll. Of course, I’m not from Washington state either.

One in five seems to be interested in both sexes.

How wonderfully non-judgmental and open-minded of them.

And about 10 percent of rams prefer other rams.

NTTAWWT.

What the research has shown is that part of the brains of the “gay” rams, “the sexually dimorphic nucleus” looks “more like a ewe’s than that of a straight ram,” the story says. “Gay men’s brains similarly resemble those of women,” the story continues.

I thought we’d all agreed to not be insulting gay people here? Hey! Put that down, ladies, please! I was JOKING!

The lead scientist of the experiment says that this research “strongly suggests that sexual preference is biologically determined in animals, and possibly in humans.”

In case you thought that the researchers were idly wasting the federal government’s money…

Now that you mention it…

just to prove to conservatives that their moral disapproval of homosexuality is ridiculous,

What they, once again, have proven to conservatives is that there is nothing so ridiculous that the government won’t waste our money funding it.

…you’ll be happy to know that the justification for the experiment is more or less the opposite: if sheep are gay because their brains are gay, then presumably, if you change the brains of gay sheep you can make them straight.

“…and the crooked rams shall be made straight.”

Gay rams are a “costly problem for sheep producers” according to one of the research scientists.

No kidding! Just think of all of the accessorizing, interior decoration costs in their stables…

“Outwardly, there is no way to tell whether a ram is male-oriented, so the producer runs the costly risk of buying an animal that will never produce any offspring.”

I don’t suppose they could fool the dumb animals by finding a particularly butch looking ewe and strapping a set of horns on her?

And so the researchers have tried to find ways to “enhance the sexual behavior or performance” of the gay rams…

Enzyte™!!!

…through the use of hormones and other genetic means. So in the coming years, through genetic engineering, it may be possible to ensure that there are no more gay rams, a consequence that may be “economically important to the sheep industry.”

The researchers didn’t intend for their research to become politically charged, but you can see the implications for yourself. (PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has tried to stop it).

I wasn’t too sure about the whole idea, but now that you tell me that PETA is against it, is has to be a good thing.

If they can find a “treatment” for homosexuality in sheep through a hormonal therapy or genetic selection, weeding out the gay genes, then isn’t it possible and won’t it be tempting for scientists to try to develop a similar “treatment” for human sexual orientation?

Genetically modify male humans to be attracted to ewes? Thanks, but no thanks.

The writer, Saletan, puts it this way: “bad ideas, such as communism and eugenics, are usually well-intended ideas that turn bad along the way. What we do with the biological truth about homosexuality isn’t written in our genes. It’s up to us.”

We do seem to be entering an epoch for which there is no precedent. We are going to be able to impose our moral and aesthetic ideas about how we ought to be onto our genetic makeup.

With disastrous consequences for the manufacturers of facial makeup, no doubt.

We may be able to literally make ourselves in our own image for the first time, and the problem is that our own image is narcissistic and small-minded. Hitler and the Nazis tried to do this with their eugenics experiments, to see if they could create a blue-eyed blonde-haired master race.

Which, if it hadn’t been for the real world consequences of their insanity, would have been pretty hilarious considering that the Nazis’ Messiah was a dark-haired midget with syphilis.

And so, if you hold the position that homosexuality is “wrong” and if there is an injection or a pill to prevent it, then why not make the treatment available at CVS?

In fact, all kinds of sexual deviance could be prevented, if you think about it. Look at those naughty Bonobos. They use sexual intercourse — male to male, female to male, female to female — as a casual greeting, as a way of saying “hi,” as payment for food, and just to pass the time. Obviously these are deeply immoral monkeys as well as being one of the most “peaceful, unaggressive species of animals living on the earth today,” according to researcher Richard Wrangham.

No wonder, considering that the majority of their waking hours seem to be occupied with making whoopee and the puffing of post-coital cigarettes. Doesn’t leave much time for fighting, now does it? Hey, come to think of it…

Still, they don’t set a very good example for the rest of the animal kingdom, do they? We could do something about that.

Put up a few nude spreads of Hillary! and Helen Thomas around their natural habitats, and they’ll be gone in a generation.

I’m not volunteering to clean up the unholy mess made by a million monkeys projectile vomiting, though.

Baaaa…

30 Responses to “Only Ewe…”
  1. Unregistered Trackback by Presto Agitato

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    Brokeback Mutton…

    It’s not nice to bugger the livestock (Jihadis, please note!), but consider what they do to each other:It’s a deeply serious world, and there is a lot to be concerned about at the moment, but having said that, apparently 10…

  2. Unregistered Comment by tweell

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    This research has been going on for some time now. I corresponded with one of the assistants about it over a year ago. He thought that this was either disease-caused (pre-natal or during infancy) or the genetic ‘load’ from protecting against a disease (like sickle cell anemia results from a genetic adaption protecting against malaria). Either way, it’s going to take a lot more research to fix in sheep, let alone in humans.

  3. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    “Gay men’s brains similarly resemble those of women,” the story continues.

    Citation please? I went back and read the article. Is it just me, ot does this closely resemble a wild-assed guess: *in my best unassailable scientific authority voice* “based on our research of the sexual habits of the sheep, we can extrapolate that gay men’s brains similarly resemble those of women.”

    If carried through to its logical conclusion, this could strangle the infant homosheeprotic porn industry in its crib. Save the Gay Sheep Pornographers!

  4. sig94 Comment by sig94

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    And so the researchers have tried to find ways to “enhance the sexual behavior or performance” of the gay rams…

    Use turkey basters covered in wool socks while playing Barry Manilow records.

    Last night, I said goodbye
    Our love seemed sincere.
    You’re back in the pasture
    And your ass is now sheared.
    But thoughts of me –holding you
    Bringing us near.

    And, tell me
    When will our thighs meet?
    When can I touch ewes?
    When will this strong yearning end?
    And when will I hold ewes again?

    Time in New Zealand
    Took me away.
    Tight, fluffy ovines…
    What can I say?
    We started a story
    Whose end must now wait

    And, tell me
    When will our thighs meet?
    When can I touch ewes?
    When will this strong yearning end?
    And when will I hold ewes again?

    I feel the fleece coming!
    –I feel the mutton flow!
    I brought hot mint jelly!
    To lube up your hole!
    With ewes
    I can bring out
    All the love, that I have
    –with ewes there’s a heaven
    So earth aint so baaaaaaaaaad!

    And, tell me
    When will our thighs meet?
    When can I touch ewes?
    When will this strong yearning end?
    And when will I hold ewes again?

  5. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    One in five seems to be interested in both sexes.

    The correct definition for this would be BaaaaaaaSexual…

    *ducks*

  6. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

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    g*y?????

    I prefer the colloquial, FAGGOTT

  7. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

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    FOR SALE: Brass sign:

    My Ass is ONE WAY…….EXIT ONLY !

  8. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

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    GAY= got aids yet???

  9. LC SkyeChild Comment by LC SkyeChild

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    That was a baaaaaaaad one, Mrs. M.! Rofl

  10. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

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    It’s not nice to bugger the livestock

    Tell that to them in Montana, where the men are men and the sheep are scared.

    Of course, I’m not from Washington state either.

    We don’t have sheep, we have geoducks:

    And they are bisexual. :lol_wp:

  11. BC, Imperial Torturer Comment by BC, Imperial Torturer

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    Do they use peopleskin condoms?

    This is shear nonsense.

    They’re just trying to ram their agenda down the public’s throat.

    The ewes didn’t have nice enough racks on ‘em.

    So THAT’S where the idea of using mint Jello® came from!

    It’s Grouchy’s Librul Ewetopia™!

    (More to come…) :devil_tb:

  12. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

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    Cue the Angus Young voice:

    …Dirty deeds and they’re done with sheep. Ewwwww!
    Dirty deeds and they’re done with sheep…

  13. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

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    YESSS WESS!

    I know that one!

  14. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

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    “bad ideas, such as communism and eugenics

    I hate to break it to the libtards, but those were the founding principles of the ACLU and Planned Parenthood respectively

  15. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    About 15 percent of the rams seem to have no preference at all and would rather just hang out . . .

    . . . One in five seems to be interested in both sexes.

    . . . And about 10 percent of rams prefer other rams.

    The other 55% hangin’ out in single bars testing baaaaaad pick up lines and “horning” in on their buds would be what we call a clue.

    Metrosexual Sheep. What will the Libruls invent next?

  16. Lc Scott Comment by Lc Scott

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    Biz,
    The gay sheep research to cure gays is a peta scare tactic that they started about three or four months ago.

    Ps. clean up on sixteen [What Aisle 16? Ewe need glasses there Scott ?- buaaaahhh -JB-]

  17. Lc Scott Comment by Lc Scott

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    I knew I keep this link around for some reason.

    He was just going for a joy ride. :blink_tb:

  18. juandos Comment by juandos

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    writer William Saletan has taken note of an experiment at a federal research farm led by two Oregon academics, Charles Roselli and Fred Stormshak. In the experiment, a young ram is placed in a small pen and is offered four choices: two ewes in heat, and two rams. For half an hour, the ram is allowed to follow his inclinations and the experimenters take note of his preferences

    So now that we know that a percentage of the sheep are pervs too, the important question is, “who paid for this silly experiment?

    In case you thought that the researchers were idly wasting the federal government’s money just to prove to conservatives that their moral disapproval of homosexuality is ridiculous, you’ll be happy to know that the justification for the experiment is more or less the opposite: if sheep are gay because their brains are gay, then presumably, if you change the brains of gay sheep you can make them straight. Gay rams are a “costly problem for sheep producers” according to one of the research scientists

    What a load of sheep dung! Gay rams become mutton meals for towel heads…

    Just look at the Detroit metro area… The hajis have halal stands all over the place…

    Are the alledged results suppose to make the denizens of Frisco feel better about themselves somehow?

  19. Unregistered Comment by DukeFenton

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    Genetically modify male humans to be attracted to ewes? Thanks, but no thanks.

    Already done; they’re called ‘Scotsmen.’
    (If you’re Scots, replace the above with ‘New Zealanders.’ Same joke, different place.)

    Look at those naughty Bonobos. They use sexual intercourse — male to male, female to male, female to female — as a casual greeting, as a way of saying “hi,” as payment for food, and just to pass the time. Obviously these are deeply immoral monkeys as well as being one of the most “peaceful, unaggressive species of animals living on the earth today,” according to researcher Richard Wrangham.

    Meanwhile we ’stupid’ humans will stop boinking once in a while to do little things like invent civilization, write the Constitution, and go to the moon and back. There’s some value in moderation, you horny apes…

  20. Unregistered Comment by DukeFenton

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    Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

    “Gay men’s brains similarly resemble those of women,” the story continues.

    Citation please? I went back and read the article. Is it just me, or does this closely resemble a wild-assed guess:

    Nope, it’s an observation based on the examination of actual brains. Some of the summary can be found at
    http://allpsych.com/journal/homosexuality.html
    about 1/3 of the way down.

  21. Unregistered Comment by DukeFenton

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    Ruh-roh. I *thought* I had the proper blockquotes on #21 before I hit ’send.’ Sorry for the confusion, folks. :embarrassed_ee:

  22. Stable Person Comment by Stable Person

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    WTF Pups? I just cleaned youewer stables and here you went and rammed all over it again. I took me ten minutes of scatalogical editorial work cleaning the aisles here.

    How about next time give the staff some notice of these woolly turkey-baster parties, why dontcha?

    Thanks Boss, nice job, I knew ewe wouldn’t let us down.

    Anybody see the keys to my Dodge RamCharger?

  23. LCJackboot Comment by LCJackboot

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    #5 LC Mrs. M-ITT™ -

    the correct definition for this would be BaaaaaaaSexual…

    *flings bucket of cumicusdungicus at Sis and misses. Sorry Brudda..handing M a paper towel*

  24. Unregistered Comment by MurdockTheCrazy

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    Quote, Emperor Misha:

    Genetically modify male humans to be attracted to ewes? Thanks, but no thanks.

    Aren’t those called Muslims?

  25. Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M Comment by Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M

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    You guys are just baaaaa-d

  26. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    *flings bucket of cumicusdungicus at Sis and misses. Sorry Brudda..handing M a paper towel*

    Oh thanks for mutton Bro.
    That was a really sheep trick. Here I am suffering from shear exhaustion from cleaning house and you’re three sheeps to the wind, acting like Lambo and looking for sheep thrills. I oughta smack your chops! You’re going to have to go on the lamb now. Your wild and woolly days are numbered! :tongue_wink_ee:

  27. Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M Comment by Imperial Tobacconist LC&IB M

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    She(ep) means it, too! She’s already broken out the mint jelly…

  28. Lc Scott Comment by Lc Scott

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    Thanks Jackboot,
    I kn-eww someone would d-eww it.

  29. Xystus Comment by Xystus

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    10.

    Tell that to them in Montana, where the men are men and the sheep are scared.

    I must protest this OUTRAGE™ directed at Montanan-Americans! (Evidently this is one of those fill-in-the-blank jokes like the Scots/New Zealand one in 19.; the version I heard nearly 20 years ago was about Wyoming, & the sheep were “nervous.” Since they’re not human, though, I suspect not much really bothers them except insects & shearing.)

  30. Alan K. Henderson Comment by Alan K. Henderson

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    Anyone for lesbian koalas?

    Those who are all too eager to draw conclusions about human sexuality based on animal behavior will probably not show consistency by applying their logic to this observation:

    The furry, eucalyptus-eating creatures appear to develop this tendency for same-sex liaisons when they are in captivity. In the wild, they remain heterosexual.

    In other words, their sexual behavior changes when they’re taken out of their natural environment.
    Could humans be like that, too?

    Animal homosexuality is a myth, anyway.