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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Memo to the Emperor:  Gotcha!!!  (grin)
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[SCENE:  Rott headquarters.  The place is empty and the lights are out, the Brood™ having gone out en masse  to cele…well, just keep reading, mkay?

An enormous shimmer of light appears in the living room.  As it fades, we see several large masses materialize.  (Well, several average-sized masses and one Jabba-sized lump.  Gimme a break, I’m working on it, okay???  ]

TIBERIUS:  Ow.  I still feel all prickly.

KORRIOTH:  Trust me.  You get used to it.

OZY MCCOOLI  never have.

MERLIN:  That’s because you’re  a certified wuss.

OZY MCCOOL:  Hey…!!!

SPATS:  Hush, all of you! (fumbles around in dark) I knew  I should have brought the night-sights.

[We hear a crash.]

B.C.:  OWWWWW!!!  G-d…!!!!1

CALIGULA (putting hand over B.C.’s mouth):  Shhhhh!!!!  What if he left the Imperial Firearms Advisor to guard the place?

B.C.:  Shit, man, would you for once  in your life keep up?  D’ya know where Kim is  right now?

CALIGULA (hanging head):  Sorry.

CLAUDIUS:  C-c-can you h-h-hurry and f-f-f-find the light sw-sw-switch, Your-r-r-r R-R-R-Rudeness™?  I’m s-s-s-starting to r-r-r-really g-get the c-c-c-creeps.

SPATS:  Korrioth, kindly step away from Claudius, if you don’t mind.

KORRIOTH:  Hmf.  I never get to have any  fun…

MERLIN:  Are you sure you set us down in the right flat, m’Liege?

[About this time, Spats finds the light switch.  He flips it, raises the lights and takes a look around.  A number of toys are strewn about the floor (note to His Imperial Jack Bauer-ness:  It’s artistic license - I know they’re more disciplined than that).  He turns and casts an amused glance at his engineer emeritus.]

SPATS:  You were saying…?

MERLIN:  I hate it when you do that.

THE SPATULAGODDESS:  We need to clean this place up pretty quickly, just in case they get home soon.  [She starts into her Tasmanian Devil whirling-dervish routine (complete with the tornado special-effects and everything).  Spats stops her before she can rip off his hand.]

SPATS:  We’ll all  help, love.  Won’t we, B.C…?

B.C.:  Now just wait a damned minute!  Where’s it say that I take orders…

[Spats gestures to Merlin, who waves his magic wand and causes a beer to appear right before B.C.’s eyes]

B.C.:  …where do I start?

[Scene: 15 minutes later.  The living room is now nearly spotless (the SpatulaGoddess couldn’t quite stop at picking up toys, and pulled a complete dust-and-Pledge© job on the place), and Our Heroes™ are standing around, admiring a job well done.]

TIBERIUS:  Nice job, everyone.  You especially, B.C.

B.C.:  (burp)

TIBERIUS:  Yer welcome…(sniff, sniff)…what in the name of Plato’s left nut is that smell???

PLATO:  Well, it’s not my left nut!  I at least  took a bath before that infenal device of His Rudeness’ plucked me out of thin air!

SPATS:  Bath…bath?  (eyes his Klingon-Vulcan hybrid tactical officer warily) Korrioth, I told  you to take a bath before we beamed down!

[Korrioth simply glares at Lord Spatula]

SPATS (shakes head disgustedly):  Awright, here - use this.  [tosses Korrioth a can of Axe© body spray]

KORRIOTH:  It’s not my usual.

SPATS:  Axe doesn’t have it in “Landfill”.  Just put it on, mkay?

[Just then, we hear the sound of a key in the lock]

SPATS:  Shit!  Everyone, behind the couch!  Quick!!!

[Everyone dives behind the sofa just as the door opens.  In walk Emporer Darth Misha I, his bride the lovely Empress and the Heirs™.

EMPRESS:  Honey, didn’t I tell you to turn off the lights before we left?  And where are all the kids’ toys?  And who dusted the place?

DARTH MISHA I:  I thought I did  turn off…wait.  What’s that smell?

[Behind the couch, Spats turns his head and glares at Korrioth.  Korrioth just shrugs.  In the meantime, Misha has drawn his Kimber and is looking to do somebody some Jack Bauer-esque harm.  At which point, the group is rather brusquely given away.]

B.C.:  (braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!!!!!!!!!!)

DARTH MISHA I (pointing gun at sofa with a menacing look on his face):  Right, then.  Very slowly, hands in the air, and… [Enlightenment dawns] …wait.  I know that belch.  B.C., how the hell did you get here, my friend?

[B.C. slowly peeks over the couch, followed in short order by Spats and the rest of the group.  The Brood™’s eyes all widen significantly]

SPATS {with a very  sheepish grin on his face):  Uh…surprise???

LCs, in case you haven’t figured it out by now…today is Our Intrepid Leader’s Birfday™.  And we should all wish His Imperial Dreadedness the happiest of happies and hopes for many, many more.

And that’s an order, in case you’re wondering.  You, too, B.C.

B.C.:  (belllch!!!)

SPATS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISHA!!!!

49 Responses to “Memo to the Emperor:  Gotcha!!!  (grin)”
  1. BC Imperial Torturer Comment by BC Imperial Torturer

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Sloppy Burrs Day, Mein Imperator!

    :drunk_tb: :clap_tb: :undecided_tb: :thumbup_tb:

  2. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YER IMPERIAL ROTTINESS, SIRE!

    . . . er, BC, Spats, er, who’s bringing the Warnog? . . .

  3. LC Mrs. M Comment by LC Mrs. M

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Happy Birthday Sire! :king_tb: :undecided_tb:
    :drunk_tb: :clap_tb: :cool2_tb:

  4. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Right On! Happy Birthday!

  5. LC RobertHuntingdon Comment by LC RobertHuntingdon

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’ll second the motion… er… fifth the motion… well by the time this gets submitted I’ll probably be 27th-ing the motion but happy birthday anyway!

    RH

  6. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Misha! And many, many more!

  7. Dick Comment by Dick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Have a good birthday Misha.

  8. Kat Comment by Kat

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday to our Beloved and Dread Emperor, Slayer of MoonBats, Tormenter of Lefty Loonies, Protector of Liberty, Champion of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and Servant of the L-rd Most High!

    Misha, my friend, best blessings and many joyous returns of the day. Keep up the great work, and please ask the Empress and the Heirs to hug you for me, m’kay?

    Love and hugs to you all,
    LC & IB Kat, GLOR
    http://www.CatHouseChat.com

  9. LC Beth ISW Comment by LC Beth ISW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday, Sire! :clap_tb:

    now I’m off to find Lord Spats and give him a piece of my mi… hey, BC, put that beer mug in the sink when you’re done with it… Animals! I’m surrounded by animals!!! ok… now… where was I? Oh, yeah… Spats! You’re in trouble!!!!!

  10. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    hope it's treemendous

    Many more Sire, have a long and prosperous reign.

  11. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Awww… Ya big brutes! I love what you did with the place, though.

    Now let’s get DRUNK! :drunk_tb:

    Thanks, guys!!!

  12. Kristopher Comment by Kristopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Born on Milk Jar day, eh?

  13. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday, Boss.

  14. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Born on Milk Jar day, eh?

    Lee-Jackson Day, damnitall!

  15. franksalterego Comment by franksalterego

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Anniversary, Misha

  16. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Misha! May you have many more.

  17. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    WELL !!!!! M’Liege

    Exactly pray tell, how I wasn’t made aware of this festive date of note, earlier?

    Simple oversight or constructive obfuscation?

    :nono_tb:

    Nonetheless, Fair Winds, Following Seas and Many, Many More Boss !!!!

    :drunk_tb: Here’s to you my friend !!!!

    JB and LC Country Red

  18. L.C. Rowane Comment by L.C. Rowane

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday and Many Happy returns Emperor Misha, can I borrow your crew? Since the wife’s been ill this place is falling apart.

  19. Wild-Eyed Charlie Comment by Wild-Eyed Charlie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday, O Wise One1 Why don’t you go fishing? After all, you know what they say:

    “Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and he’ll lie in the boat, tell lies, and drink beer for a day.”

  20. HoundOfDoom Comment by HoundOfDoom

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Hope this works…

  21. HoundOfDoom Comment by HoundOfDoom

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Oops, guess not.

    Here’s the link

    [Fixed…  -The Management™]

  22. Odahi Comment by Odahi

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday and many happy returns. And my best to the Imperial Dynasty as well.

  23. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The best of birthday wishes from the frozen northland and many more to you! Hoist a cold one for me.

  24. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Emperor Misha :king_tb: :thumbup_tb:

    Many happy returns of the day!

  25. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday, Boss!

  26. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday and Many Happy returns Emperor Misha, can I borrow your crew? Since the wife’s been ill this place is falling apart.

    Sure.  How much beer ya got? 

    Simple oversight or constructive obfuscation?

    I usually don’t remember it until two days afterward - by which time, BC or Sir George has usually beat me to it.  I was just fortunate to remember it today.

    Next time, show up at the beam-up point. 

  27. MoMinuteMan Comment by MoMinuteMan

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Misha, and many, many more!! :drunk_tb: :king_tb:

  28. Xystus Comment by Xystus

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Shouldn’t an Imperial Birthday tree (.10)include at least one Object of Scorn™ such as a Islamofascist, moonbat urinalist, or Idiotarian judge hanging from it? :smile_wp:

  29. Unregistered Comment by elchonon

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Yom holedet sameach! Happy birthday misha!

  30. ohio right wing nut Comment by ohio right wing nut

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    And to think as i got off work today i didnt think i had a reason to crack a cold frosty one!
    Good news ; now I do :clap_tb:

    Avery happy b-day good sir and many many more!!!!!!! :drunk_tb: :thumbup_tb:

  31. Unregistered Comment by LindaSoG

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Happy!

    Many Many more!

  32. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    May this and every future birthday be happy and prosperous.

  33. Empress Sofia Comment by Empress Sofia

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday Baby! I love you!!

    Spatz— yes there are toys EVERYWHERE, how nice it would be to come home to a “clean” (toys where they belong) house! LOL never happen!

  34. Redeard Comment by Redeard

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday Misha!

  35. thepresenceusmc Comment by thepresenceusmc

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy Birthday, m’liege. The king is…alive…er, long live the king! And the empire! And stuff. Can we crave a special dispensation of, dare I ask it, a second hour of the dread Cluebat this week to mark the occasion?

  36. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    so I walk down my gravel road to pick up my trash and recycle cans, and they’re still both FULL!!!. Apparently there was no pickup today.

    that’s ‘cuz it’s your birthday…..right Emperor?

  37. NCLivingBrit Comment by NCLivingBrit

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow your leaders may have sold you to the Mooslimbs!

    I suggest pork, booze and a nice flaming koran would be an ideal celebration.

  38. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy happy joy joy. Happiest of birthdays to you Sire! No wonder all the gubmint offices were closed today, either celebrating or quaking in fear at being chosen as the sacrificial offering.

    My dads b-day was yesterday, 26 with 50 years experience. I suspect that you are just a tad bit greener than that, right Sire?

  39. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday, Sire!

    :drunk_tb:

  40. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday, Misha! :clap_tb:

  41. LC Joe D,  A&IG/GWN Comment by LC Joe D, A&IG/GWN

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Alle, alles gute!!!!!!!!…….and many more of ‘em!

  42. Serious Sean Comment by Serious Sean

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday, my Emperor!

  43. Unregistered Comment by suboptimal

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Happy birthday Imperator, and long may you reign!

  44. Alan K. Henderson Comment by Alan K. Henderson

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    On your birthday

    1559 - Elizabeth I crowned Queen of England

    1870 - A political cartoon for the first time symbolizes the United States Democratic Party with a donkey

    1892 - James Naismith publishes the rules for basketball

    1913 - Lloyd Bridges born

    1929 - Martin Luther King, Jr. born

    1943 - The world’s largest office building, The Pentagon, is dedicated

    1945 - Vince Foster born

    1948 - Ronnie VanZant born

    1951 - Ilse Koch, The “Bitch of Buchenwald”, wife of the commandant of the Buchenwald concentration camp, is sentenced to life imprisonment in a court in West Germany

    1970 - Muammar al-Qaddafi is proclaimed premier of Libya

    1974 - Happy Days premieres on ABC

    1983 - Meyer Lansky, legendary gangster, died

    1987 - Ray Bolger, who played the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, died

    1995 - The first episode of Star Trek: Voyager airs

    2001 - Wikipedia, a free Wiki content encyclopedia, goes online

  45. Trooper THX1138 Comment by Trooper THX1138

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Many happy returns!

    Felix dies tibi,
    Felix dies tibi,
    Felix dies natali,
    felix dies tibi!

    (Latin for the Happy Birthday Song.)

  46. LXi Comment by LXi

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    FORTY-SIXTH! :smiley2_tb:

    Happy Birthday, Emperor!

  47. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    1948 - Ronnie VanZant born

    Glad your made it, glad you stayed!
    You’re more one of us than many of the others.

  48. warthog_62 Comment by warthog_62

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Dammit! I’m late again. I shall hoist a Guinness to your continued Rottiness.

  49. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISHA. ONE DAY AFTER LIMBAUGHS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HMMMMMMMMMMM