Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class wpdb in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/wp-db.php on line 57

Strict Standards: Redefining already defined constructor for class WP_Object_Cache in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/cache.php on line 384

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Page::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 541

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_PageDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 560

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::start_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_lvl() should be compatible with Walker::end_lvl($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_Category::end_el() should be compatible with Walker::end_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 659

Strict Standards: Declaration of Walker_CategoryDropdown::start_el() should be compatible with Walker::start_el($output) in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/classes.php on line 684

Strict Standards: Non-static method sem_admin_menu::init() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 358

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Warning: ob_start(): non-static method sem_admin_menu::ob_add_menu_callback() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-content/plugins/sem-admin-menu/sem-admin-menu.php on line 86

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method sem_admin_menu::kill_gzip() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Behead Those Who Insult the Name of Ahmed
Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_css() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164

Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::add_js() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 164
You are viewing the Archives for 2007.......If you want the current page, CLICK HERE.......

Oh yes, Jack’s back and it’s time for our seemingly endless recaps…

As the show opens, we’re informed that a wave of terrorist attacks has been sweeping over the nation. Obviously the Democrats have been in charge for a while in our alternate TV universe, but we’re sure that our troops will soon arrive from Okinawa. Once Jack Murtha has approved funding for them, of course.

To further remind us that it’s a TV show and that it has absolutely nothing to do with reality, the announcer on the show informs us that “all evidence points toward Islamist militants.” Of course, in the REAL world, he would be saying that the government saw no indications of terrorism and that they were currently looking for an angry, white, militant Quaker with a limp.

Outside the latest terror scene, a lone Muslim man with a backpack (from which a bundle of wires dangle suspiciously while the backpack itself goes “tick tock”) lingers, probably wrestling with his cultural urge to see if there are body parts to be salvaged, when he realizes that his bus is about to leave. He runs to the bus, pleading and begging with the bus driver to open the door and let him in, but to no avail.

“I have as much right to be on that bus as you!”, he yells.

“Oh, you do? Listen, pal, I don’t know how it works where you come from, but I’m paid to be on this bus, seeing as how I’m the driver, so why don’t you whistle up a camel and get on your way”, the driver replies as he pulls away.

The camera switches to inside the bus where George Takei, wearing a kimono, a Hello Kitty shirt and a sign around his neck saying “I AM NOT A MUSLIM, BUT I’M ABOUT TO BLOW UP THIS BUS!” promptly blows up the bus while the thoroughly innocent, viciously profiled Muslim watches on in abject terror.

The world is, once again, safe for Political Correctness.

Why oh WHY have we been ignoring the obvious threat of Shintoist terrorism for so long?, the MoveOn.org writers ask while the rest of us go hurl up our lunches.

Back at the White House, we find out that Allstate Jr has been elected President (of course) and that Ilse of Homeland Security is now National Security Advisor. At least we’re guaranteed a high body count this season with the Two Stooges running the show. Of course, we have to have a token proto-fascist NeoCon BushHitler member of the Administration as well, and that role is filled admirably by Thomas Lennox, whom we shall refer to as Karl Rove.

Karl is busy setting up the concentration camps that the Koskids have been fantasizing about for years (see? They really DO exist! It’s on TV!) into which he plans to throw every single Muslim male and female in the United States and, possibly, the remaining members of the Partridge family. Of course, Karen Hayes Ilse is not thrilled, pointing out that the American Muslim community is our “greatest asset”, that they’ve provided law enforcement with “hundreds of tips” and that “not a single one of them have been implicated in any sort of terrorism.”

We don’t know which reality she or the show’s writers live in, but it sure sounds like a nice place.

Allstate Jr hesitates, mumbling something about the Constitution that he has read off of Juan Cole’s website, something having to do with any attempts to defend the nation being un-Constitutional, particularly if it makes Muslims angry (the forty-seventh Amendment or something like that), and is, of course, completely unmoved by the Attorney General having vetted the legislation thoroughly, not to mention the numerous historical precedents.

“No, dammit! Juan Cole says it’s a crime against humanity, so it MUST be true! Are you saying that his extensive knowledge of — well, of not much of anything at all counts for NOTHING? Don’t bother me with FACTS, man!”

“But… Mr President…”

“Don’t ‘but’ me. Ilse has this brilliant plan to execute the terrorist mastermind Assad and, once he’s dead, all terrorism in the world will cease, a cure for cancer will be discovered and unicorns will dance in the meadows forevermore, so don’t bother me with ‘contingencies’.”

Back at CTU, Chloe’s ex-husband is busy tearing a new arsehole in Milo, a frat boy greenhorn who has been promoted to middle management. Since it is the CTU we’re talking about, we can safely assume that his promotion is due to total absence of qualifications. After a controlled barrage of precision guided sarcasm, frat boy retreats to his play pen, whimpering like a whupped puppy to Chloe, who asks ex-hubby to please quit making Milo wet his diapers all the time.

She then goes on to try figuring out what’s going on about a priority message and, after having frowned furiously at the problem for a while with no visible results, realizes that this is a particularly difficult problem and goes to her new boss, Nadia, whose ta-tas ensured her instant promotion in CTU. Oh, and she’s also the token Arab that every show has to have to keep from being sued by CAIR. For some reason she doesn’t wear a beekeeper suit, however, which, again, points out that this is a TV show and that any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental. Everything is as it should be at CTU. The smart people are stuck punching buttons, and the frat boys and cheerleaders are promoted to management. Nadia tells Chloe that they’re about to hit Assad, the terrorist whose death will immediately bring an end to all terrorism, and that Jack’s coming back to help.

Back at Mr Magoo Air Base, Bill Buchanan and Curtis Manning are waiting for Jack to arrive in a conspicuously un-Chinese looking C-130, probably sold to them by Bill Clinton for campaign funds. “The President paid a very high price for Jack’s release”, Bill says. Then repeats it a few times to make sure that even the few fans of American Idol watching 24 get the drift.

As the plane opens, out steps Robinson Crusoe and 4 Chinese agents. It turns out that the bearded Robinson Crusoe is really Jack Bauer, who hasn’t shaved for two years. Nor has he talked. There was, presumably, no time. Or maybe his scripts kept getting lost in the mail.

“Sign these papers, prease”, the head commie says.

“Take his cuffs off”, Buchanan replies.

“What? You clazy? YOU take broody cuffs off, while we wait in next county in bomb ploof cerrar!”

“Listen, midget, get his damn cuffs off and, while you’re at it, I’d like a #24 with a side of cheese won tons.”

“Plomise he won’t kirr anybody?”

“He won’t, but I might unless you get going.”

The ChiComs take Jack’s cuffs off and he shuffles off with Curtis.

“Thanks”, Buchanan says and turns to leave.

“Your President paid a very high price for this”, the chief ChiCom says.

“Yes, he did. Which is surprising to me, considering that I can’t think of anything that he could have given you that Clinton didn’t already sell to you guys”, Bill answers.

“So what’s with the very high price that the President paid?”, Curtis asks as they leave.

“What? Where did you hear THAT?”, Bill snaps back.

“It’s right here”, Curtis answers as he pulls out his copy of the script. “And here. Not to mention here, here and here.”

Back in a conveniently located hangar, Buchanan proceeds to bring Jack up to speed on what’s been going on.

It turns out that, in order to get the location of the Terrorist Whose Death Will Bring an End to Terrorism in the Entire Universe™, Assad, President Allstate Jr decided to cut a deal with another terrorist, Abu Fayed, who promised to tell him where Assad was in exchange for — TWENTY FIVE MEEEELLION DOLLARS! Oh, and Jack Bauer’s head on a platter.

This is when Allstate Jr suddenly remembered that Jack Bauer had been rotting in a Chinese prison for about two years and that maybe it was time to do something about that. So he set heaven and earth in motion and negotiated a long overdue release so that he could give Jack to a terrorist who would kill him. Business as usual at 1600 Penn Ave.

Jack, inexplicably, doesn’t jump up and rip Buchanan’s head off.

Instead, he goes to get a shave while Bill engages in a spot of hot breathing over the phone with his new wife, Ilse, at the White House.

At CTU, Chloe has just about had it with the silent treatment about Jack, and goes to intimidate Nadia, the Head Cheerleader Bimbo of CTU, who continues trying to stonewall her.

“I can’t tell you what’s going on with Jack, Chloe.”

“Oh yes you can. And you will. Or I’ll tell the higher ups about how, exactly, you got your promotion.”

“They already know. They were the beneficiaries of my, er, services. Well, except for the janitor. He was out sick that day.”

“And I’ll tell everybody in the staff room that I saw you shopping at CostCo.”

“Alright, alright… I’ll tell you what I know…”

She then gives Chloe a full recap of everything that we know, which doesn’t please her one bit, proving, once again, that Chloe is just about the only person at CTU with a functional brain. For some reason, she alone seems to be aware that there’s something immoral about waiting two years to get a citizen out of a ChiCom concentration camp, only to hand him over to a terrorist to be killed, trusting the terrorist’s word that he’ll give them the location of another terrorist in return. Not to mention that no deal with terrorists has ever worked in the five previous seasons.

On the way to his execution, Jack is called by the President who wants to ease his own conscience by blathering a bunch of platitudes at him.

“Jack, I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know that…”

“Cut the crap, you cowardly weasel. I know that you’re just trying to make yourself feel better. Oh, and thanks for waiting two years to get me out, asshole.”

“You have my word that your sacrifice will not be in v…”

“Easy for you to fucking say, moron. You’re not the one doing the sacrificing, are you? Now, if you’ll pardon me, I’ve got business to attend to. It seems that my President decided to have me killed by ragheads instead of commies, which is fine. I always wanted my very own televised beheading.”

At the White House, it turns out that Karl Rove has decided to set up his concentration camps no matter what Juan Cole and MoveOn.org might say, and Ilse is angry about it.

“The President said that you weren’t supposed to set up those camps!”

“The President says a lot of things. Besides, I’m not really setting them up, I’m just getting the resources in place for when the President changes his mind.”

“But… The ACLU has filed complaints! The other day, a terrorist wasn’t read his Miranda Rights after he blew up a daycare facility and, what’s worse, he wasn’t given a clean prayer rug!”

“The ACLU complained?”

“Yes! They’re furious!”

“Good. For a moment, I was wondering if maybe I was making the wrong decision.”

Bill and Curtis, meanwhile, are busy handing Jack over to the terrorists, cuffing him to a grate so he can be picked up later. Bill tries to make excuses too, of course, but Jack wants none of it. He’s obviously getting a bit sick and tired of all of the hypocritical, maudlin bullshit and just wants it over with. Not that I can say that I blame him. For two years, nobody gave a good shit about him while he was being tortured by the Butchers of Beijing and now, all of a sudden, everybody is his bestest friend in the whole wide world?

Heck, if I were Jack, I’d probably behead myself just to save me from having to listen to another tirade from the jerks.

Meanwhile…

Time for the obligatory “Backlash Against Innocent Muslims” angle on the show. It turns out that 7 mosques have been fire-bombed and an unknown number of innocent members of the Religion of Peace have been burned alive, according to a source named Jamil Hussein. We learn this from watching the TV set in a home in the suburbs, where the husband is busy trying to convince his wife that their son should stay home from school. After all, 23 people just got killed in a terrorist attack, so it’s time to retreat to our bunkers and not come out ever again, except to burn down mosques.

Just as we did in real life, right after 9/11 when 3,000 people were murdered.

Oh, wait, that didn’t happen… The MoveOn.org writers must have gotten a hold of the script again.

Outside, the obligatory Innocent Muslim Neighbor Who Runs the Local Daycare Center™ is being brutally and unlawfully arrested by the ever-present goons of Karl Rove, leaving his son Ahmed behind. Who, of course, is then immediately accosted by two ignorant rednecks who want to kill him. Just as we’ve seen time and time again here in the real world. Well, except that we haven’t. Heroic Liberal Father runs to the rescue and saves Ahmed from the ignorant mob. Mob of two people, that is.

He then convinces Ahmed to come live with them for the time being. Just until this whole war on terror thing is over and done with. What, with raging mobs of vigilantes running wild in the streets and all…

Back at CTU, Chloe’s husband Morris is busy circumventing security in order to get a satellite feed on Jack’s position. What he intends to do with it isn’t clear, but it makes for a cool display of geekiness and, besides, he’s about the coolest ladies’ shoes salesman ever, at least since Al Bundy, so anything he wants to do is cool with us.

It’s not cool with the terrorists, however, who apparently are able to survey every single satellite in the known universe from their Panasonic ToughBook in the back room of Abdul’s Falafel Shop. They call Fayed and tell him that somebody’s looking at them, and Fayed calls CTU and throws a hissy fit. Of course, nobody at CTU knows what he’s talking about. Until somebody notices Chloe and Morris looking very very suspicious.

“How DARE you interfere with us handing over a US citizen to terrorists!? Shut that DOWN!”, Nadia screams, and they do. Now Fayed is ticked off, however, and threatens to not give the information about Assad anyway.

Ilse at the White House is furious.

“If we don’t get Jack murdered by terrorists immediately, the terrorists will have already won! Oh, and the Constitution will be torn to shreds by wild monkeys. And ‘American Idol‘ will be CANCELLED!”

Sadly, nobody is there to put her into her strait jacket, so poor Bill has to endure her entire spittle-flecked screed while secretly wondering if eating a bullet would be preferable over an overdose of sleeping pills. And they’ve only been married for a week.

Back at the terrorist base, Fayed is giving Jack a demonstration of traditional Muslim courage by having two men hold Jack while he beats him up. Then he has him cuffed to a chair while he gets out his torture kit and rusty scimitar. Once he’s absolutely sure that Jack can’t move and that there are two goons ready to help him if Jack frowns at him, he starts stabbing Jack in the shoulder, demonstrating his extensive knowledge of neurology.

He also, as all villains are wont, proceeds to tell Jack that Assad isn’t really the Terrorist Whose Death Will End Terrorism in the Entire Universe™, he has actually come to the U.S. to negotiate a truce. In other words, Assad is the Fabled Moderate Muslim™ that we’ve heard about for years now and that nobody has spotted anywhere. Much like a unicorn, really.

Fayed is the REAL terrorist, muahahahahahaHAAAA!

Now that he has had a bit of torture fun and did his Movie Villain Speech, Fayed calls the CTU and gives them the co-ordinates for Assad, then he goes back to cut Jack’s fingernails. With a bolt cutter.

Oh, and just before the first hour ends, we’re told that Obligatory Innocent Muslim Kid Next Door, Ahmed, isn’t really innocent at all. He’s very much in cahoots with Fayed. Next, we’ll learn that Karen Hayes aka Ilse has a brain. No, that would be too much of a stretch.

While Fayed is on the phone with Ahmed, telling him to deliver his ‘package’ to him (and trust us, you DON’T want to know exactly what that means, but if you’ve studied the quaint and curious customs of the Middle East, you’ll have a pretty good idea) Jack decides that this is getting silly and plays dead. The terrorist guard, who doesn’t know Jack, goes to investigate, and is much surprised when Jack grabs him and tears out his jugular. With his teeth.

I mean, come on… What would YOU do after two years of Chinese takeaway? Every man has a limit, you know.

Tune in later for part two, in which we learns whether Jack remembered to floss or not…

28 Responses to “Behead Those Who Insult the Name of Ahmed”
  1. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    ..beep .. BEEP .. beep .. BEEP

  2. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    ..beep .. BEEP .. first .. BEEP

  3. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    This President is a bigger wienie tot than no nads from last year!

  4. Dick Comment by Dick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Intentional or not, Fox has set up the president in 24 to mimic Obama. Beautiful move if ya ask me.
    Another pussy who worries about what everbody else thinks and is willing to negociate with terrorists.

  5. Dick Comment by Dick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Nice nuke.

  6. LC RobertHuntingdon Comment by LC RobertHuntingdon

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I don’t watch 24 but I suspect that your recap is better than the original… :)

    RH

  7. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The nuke went off. Now we wait for “Night of the Living Jack.”

  8. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Nice nuke.

    The nuke went off. Now we wait for “Night of the Living Jack.”

    Dammit you guys, it’s not on for another hour up here in the Northwest.

    Looks I’m going to have to avoid the Rott on Mondays until 24 is over up here…..

  9. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    My emperor, you really, really, REALLY must get a job as a screenwriter, your better than the original !!!!!!!!

  10. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Oooops! Sorry Jaybear. Dick and I “panhandled” you.

    Majesty, do we wait until the Bauer polls close before making our predictions?

  11. Unregistered Pingback by Inoperable Terran » Blogs for Bauer

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    […] Misha recaps last night’s episode here. Posted by Ian S. in […]

  12. LC Mrs. M Comment by LC Mrs. M

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I have yet to see a single episode of this…hell why should I? Misha’s recap is a damn sight better than the show could possibly be.

  13. juandos Comment by juandos

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    This President is a bigger wienie tot than no nads from last year!

    Hmmm, is he a Democrat?… :wink_wp:

  14. Dick Comment by Dick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    My bad Jay Bear. I apologise. Wasn’t thinking in the time zone mode.

  15. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Isn’t Valencia where the screenwriter’s ex lives?

  16. Unregistered Comment by Crapburner

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Mushrooms are away…I am hooked…..Fayad got four more up sleeve but his bomb tinkerer just went up with the Valencia fission event….. 1 to 5 kilotons groundburst…..good enough to take out 20-30 blocks of industrial parks this looks like it was in.

    Jacko’s got his hand full….

  17. BauerPower Comment by BauerPower

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Fayed got away, he nuked a city, and tortured Jack Bauer. That fothermucker is gonna die, PAINFULLY. We hope.

    I was worried about Jack going schizo, but after the nuclear weapon went off, he just got back to being PISSED OFF.

    America! Fuck Yeah!

  18. Unregistered Comment by Cheryl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    was worried about Jack going schizo, but after the nuclear weapon went off, he just got back to being PISSED OFF.

    At least he stopped saying, “I can’t do this anymore!”

    How did Fayed managed to escape the nuclear blast anyway? Maybe I blinked when he managed drive the two km/sec. necessary to get away from the force of the implosion. Looked like a pretty impressive mushroom cloud too.

    Great synopsis as always, Emperor.

  19. Kristopher Comment by Kristopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Well … the show has gone to bad fiction.

    In real life, a nuke going off in a US city, and a president just dithering about it, would result in a coup or an impeachment, followed by Option Zero.

  20. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    On the bright side: it only took a measly little one-to-five KT tactical nuke to snap Jack out of his ongoing emotional crisis. I was beginning to think that Jack had become hopelessly Audreyfied, notwithstanding the “Lost Boys” maneuver he pulled in the first episode.

    So look on the bright side, people of Valencia: your sacrifice was not in vain…

  21. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    sig94 sez:

    Oooops! Sorry Jaybear. Dick and I “panhandled” you.

    Dick sez:

    My bad Jay Bear. I apologise. Wasn’t thinking in the time zone mode.

    ahhhh… no hard feelings here, like you said, it was a pretty good nuke. Only problem is that it went off on the wrong city, I think Mecca or Sadr City would have made for better TV.

  22. Unregistered Comment by nerbygirl

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I love this show, but Valencia? Valencia’s something like 40 miles Northwest of downtown Los Angeles, and there’s nothing there but industrial parks! I used to live in the San Fernando valley, and Valencia is in the middle of nowhere. What’s the bomb going to kill?
    Sure, there’s fallout, but it’s like blowing up a bomb in Omaha, Nebraska. No, make that Columbus, Nebraska.

    I like Misha’s version of the show much better.
    Come on, “24″ writers!

  23. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Careful my emperor or they (CAIR) will declare a FARTWAH on you

  24. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Well, hellfire and damnation!

    Whazup with Valencia? I mean, COME ON!

    .

    Why can’t anyone blow up SanFrancisco? Stop fuckin’ with LA.

    Shit, piss and industrial waste. damn. just damn.

  25. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Careful my emperor or they (CAIR) will declare a FARTWAH on you

    Who CAIR’s?

  26. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Can’t Anyone Islamic Reason?

  27. Unregistered Comment by mighty aphrodite

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    My most sincere and humble thanks, Emperor!! I made it through 24 only to the point where Jack is being thanked “pre-beheading” for his “sacrifice”. I couldn’t limp along with the plot further. Who do they have playing Speakette Polypsi?

  28. Unregistered Comment by peterobinson

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    nerbygirl -

    Re #22
    Valencia is now part of Santa Clarita which supposedly has @ 167,000 residents.
    The one-time “planned community” was a theoretical wonder…. bike paths, foot paths, an “appropriate” amount of business/industrial space, etc