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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Dude, Where’s My Script?
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…and so, after having been threatened with things too horrid to mention if I don’t continue the series, I dive into one of the most impossible tasks I’ve ever faced: Making the silliest script in the world look even more ludicrous. But hey, Misha is my name and silly is my game. Or something.

The task isn’t made easier by the fact that the screenwriters seem to have completely lost their mind in this episode, but it does help me feel a certain empathy for them, having lost my own many years ago. I swear, it’s like the writers of this episode were all playing that game where everybody writes, say, ten paragraphs, then fold up the paper so that only the last paragraph is visible and hand on the paper to the next one in line.

Which, at the very least, makes for unpredictable results, something that has been sorely lacking in the previous episodes this season. Plus, Jack gets some killing done and there’s an axe in there too. All in all, not bad. But let’s get on with the show:

As you know, we left last week with VP Neocon rounding up the A.G. and the cabinet so he could take over the Presidency from President Allstate Lazarus Jr, who had just finished being raised from the dead. This week, we learn that he’s put on a shirt and a tie as well showing that, for a walking dead person, he at least has more fashion sense than your average zombie.

He’s trying to get out of his wheelchair, but Karen Pelosi and Cynthia McAllstate aren’t having any. Apparently they feel that after having been almost killed, then kept in a coma, then revived against medical advice and almost dying from massive brain-swelling, perhaps it’s still too early for a marathon. Not too early for becoming the President of the world’s most powerful nation in the middle of a nuclear crisis and stopping a coup, but definitely too early to get out of the wheelchair.

“Y’all shut up! How the heck am I supposed to piss off my territory and kick the VP in the crown jewels from a damn wheelchair? Man’s gotta have his dignity, yo! Doc, over here. I want some of that magic juice to keep me going that I know you keep in a safe!”

“Adrenaline?”

“How the fuck should I know? Do I LOOK like a pusher? Just gimme the juice, dammit!”

“I’d strongly advice against that, Mr President. After all, it’ll raise your blood pressure which isn’t a good thing in your situation.”

“And being kicked out of a comfy bed and a nice coma while almost dying from my brain swelling up to the size of a… of a… peanut IS a good thing? Just hit me up with some of the good stuff, and you’d better not be cutting it either.”

The Doc relents and pumps Allstate Jr up with adrenaline. That’s epinephrine to you laymen, by the way.

Elsewhere, Jack is calling Bill to tell him that Gredenko wants the “24″ special, that is to say the standard immunity package offered to every mass-murdering terrorist to ever appear on the show, hold the onions.

“No problem”, Bill says, pulling out a stack of pre-printed full immunity deals from a drawer, “I’ll have one sent over in a minute.”

“Wait. There’s something fishy about this”, Jack says.

“What?”

“He rolled over too easily.”

“Do you think he’s up to something?”

“No, that’s not it, but he didn’t even give me a chance to shoot him in the kneecap or pull his duodenum out of his nostril first, and that really pisses me off.”

“Sorry to hear that, Jack. Oh, and while I’m at it, the screenwriters have asked me to tell you that VP Neocon is challenging the Presidency under the 25th Amendment, just in case there are any viewers out there so terminally dense that they haven’t picked up on that yet. The 25th Amendment provides for the…”

“What is this? ConLaw class? Tell the damn writers to put that crap in there later. There’s no TIME!”

“Hey, I don’t write this crap”, Bill answers.

“I know. Oh, and another thing, I don’t really care about the immunity agreement. I’m going to kill this motherfucker anyway. Just thought you’d like to know. Well, the viewers, really, but that’s what the script says.”

At the White House Bunker, President Allstate Jr is waddling into the conference room.

“Man, look at the colors! Hey, Karen, did you know that you have spiders crawling on your eyeballs? Damn, that’s groovy!”, he says, making us suspect that there was something other than epinephrine in the syringe.

Chief of Staff Spineless Toad gives the viewers a brief introduction to the 25th Amendment, unless the cabinet members have ever heard of it before, of course. Which, now that I think about it, might very well be the case. It’s part of the Constitution, after all, and since when did anybody in Washington DC know a word about that?

He calls in the doctor who gives them a brief summary of the President’s medical condition, basically that he ought to be dead or at the very least still in a coma but, hey, since when did brain damage stop anybody from being President? Good point.

The cabinet, sensing an opportunity to let shit roll downhill and absolve them of having to do their jobs, want to know what the doc thinks. Should they vote for or against? But Spineless Boy interrupts, telling them that that’s for them to decide and kicks the doctor out of the room. Then he asks President Allstate Jr to state his case.

“I’m perfectly…”, he starts while wrapping a tourniquet around his arm, “…perfectly…”, he fumbles for the syringe, then jabs the needle in his arm, “…fiiiiiiine… Whoa, that’s some good shit! But what’s with the worms crawling out of the walls?”

The VP, whose turn it now is, holds an impassioned speech about defending the country, the foolishness of refusing to strike back when attacked, and how President Allstate Jr’s every action has been worthy of, say, Neville Chamberlain. Which, by the way, is an insult to Neville Chamberlain. Old Neville never asked Heinrich Himmler to formulate the British foreign policy.

That evil, EVIL Vice President! How DARE he make sense?

They all adjourn for a ten minute recess prior to voting.

Back at CTU, Milo the Easter Island Head is busy trying to get into Token Arab Mole Chick’s panties. But why do we even bother mentioning that? That’s the only thing he’s contributed to the show this season, and so far he has failed to leave an impression there as well. Thankfully, his clumsy attempts are interrupted by Little Lord Fauntleroy, who wants Nadia to come to his office, right now.

“Have a seat”, he says.

Token Arab Chick inspects the armrests of the chair for straps and then, not having seen any, sits down.

“Listen”, he says, “I know that you and I got off to a bit of a bad start today…”

“Well, yes. Things started going downhill a bit from the point where you tried to strangle me”, she answers.

Little Lord Fauntleroy points out, helpfully, that somebody WAS accessing the mainframe from the outside and that that “somebody” WAS doing so through her computer, but Token Arab Chick is too busy playing the race card and pouting to pay attention.

After the obligatory back and forth, Little Lord Fauntleroy explains the situation to her, adding the information that the reason anybody could get in in the first place was that her boyfriend Easter Island Head had forgotten to… Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow or something, and that he needs Token Arab Chick to go get the evidence from Easter Island Head’s computer.

Which makes perfect sense. If you wanted somebody to covertly get some evidence off somebody’s computer, the FIRST person you’d ask would be somebody who hated your guts and happened to be having the hots for the guy owning the computer. Right? I mean, it’s not like such an individual would be in the least likely to warn the boyfriend, ignore the evidence or destroy it, right? Of course not.

Token Arab Chick, being dimmer than most, doesn’t realize that something else is going on here (or maybe she’s just used to the scriptwriters being utter dunces), so she just refuses. Until Little Lord Fauntleroy threatens with having the goons come in to do the investigation instead and dragging Easter Island Head off in leg irons, at which point she caves. She just has to have herself some of that studly, manly geek Easter Island Head, and the CTU holding room isn’t the best place to get some. Unless you don’t mind an audience, of course. It’s not like anybody really gives a shit what goes on in there, we’ve already learned that much.

Back at the White House Bunker, the cabinet reconvenes to vote. The vote comes out seven to seven.

“Heh, that’s er, funny…”, Spineless Toad says, “so what do we do now, Mr Attorney General? Flip a coin?”

The A.G. informs him that it won’t be necessary, since the 25th requires a majority and, since no majority is there, the President is still President.

“Alright then”, Spineless Toad says, “that settles it”, and everybody cheers, including the terrorists. Well, except for President Allstate Jr, who is busy grooving to The Doors on his iPod.

“Nazzo fast, Guido”, VP Evil Neocon says. “One of the votes here doesn’t count!”

“WHAT?”, Spineless Toad asks.

“Karen Pelosi resigned, remember? And, unless you care to refresh my memory, I don’t recall reinstating her. She just sort of snuck in here. HA!”

“But, but, my ID card still works! And I still have access to the coffee machine in the staff lounge!”, Karen Pelosi protests.

“As does the janitor”, VP Neocon replies, “yet I don’t see him acting as Secretary of Defense.”

“We wuz robbed! Recount! Disenfranchisement!”, Karen Pelosi shouts.

“Go ask Alice… When she’s ten feet tall…”, President Allstate Jr croons from the floor, where he’s playing with his toes.

“I believe this meeting is over”, Spineless Toad interrupts, taking enough time to suggest to the A.G. that this is a matter for the Supreme Court, who agrees and tells them that, magically, he believes that the Supremes can be convened and made to render a verdict on a Constitutional issue within the hour. And swarms of pigs fly through the room as well.

At CTU, Token Arab Chick is sidling up to Easter Island Head.

“Milo, dear, I think that something’s up with my workstation, something that will require you to leave your station for just long enough that I can go through your files and dig up some incriminating evidence on you while you, unsuspectingly, are fiddling around doing that geek voodoo that you do so well…”

Easter Island Head, thinking that he’s about to get laid for the first time in his life, immediately runs off to impress the hottie with his voodoo. Oddly enough, that is quite believable.

Token Arab Chick digs out the evidence in about three seconds, then runs off to give it to Little Lord Fauntleroy.

“You were right. It’s all Milo’s fault. Are you happy now?”

“Very much so”, he says, “I’ll just go alter the logs right now to remove the evidence.”

“Why did you do that?”, Token Arab Chick asks when he’s done deleting the evidence.

“Do you want the real reason, which is that I’m simply testing you because you’re obviously as dirty as Yasser Arafat’s socks, or do you want the painfully obvious lie that I’m just trying to save Easter Island Head’s ass so he can continue to help us find the nukes?”

“Well, since he hasn’t been any help at all, unless getting yourself shot while letting every Haji in the world hack into your workstation because of your incompetence counts, I’ll go with the obvious lie. Not to mention that showing any signs of intelligence at all would be a sure way to get Surnow’s writers to write me out of the script.”

“…and you shall slay the unbelievers wherever you find them…”, Little Lord Fauntleroy mumbles.

“Oh, you’ve read the Koran”, Token Arab Chick says.

“What? Oh, that was a quote from a slasher novel some psychotic classmate of mine wrote in fourth grade but yes, it’s in the Koran as well. Which I’ve read. Along with the Bible, the Upanishads and half of the self-improvement aisle at Barnes & Noble.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why all of the insight into your troubled soul and the deep motivations powering your quest for truth and meaning in life, none of which is relevant to a guest star on a show who is most likely going to be killed off before the season is over?”

“Er, I can’t answer that. Let’s just say that a certain somebody with top billing on the show might be looking for something else to do with his career before the season is over.”

Karen Pelosi is calling Bill, whining about how her plan to take back the Presidency from the Evil Neocon might not work. Of course, all she’s really worrying about is how it’ll be “all her fault” when a bunch of completely innocent muslims are incinerated, innocent muslims who, other than having not done a thing to stop a known terrorist from training his henchmen in their country while secretly funding him under the table, don’t in the LEAST deserve being punished for a paltry 15,000 dead Americans.

Meanwhile, Gredenko’s attorney (what law firm takes care of the legal needs of terrorists?) has vetted the immunity agreement and found it good enough, so Gredenko is ready to play ball. He calls Abu al-Brynner and sets up a meeting with him so he can pass on the security codes to the nuclear plant.

At the White House Bunker, everybody is busy submitting their briefs in the generous ten minute time slot they’ve been allotted. Cynthia McAllstate, finishing her brief in crayon on a roll of paper towels, believes they have a strong case since, whereas nobody ever officially reinstated Karen Pelosi, nobody ever protested her acting as such either. She’s got a point. After all, if you set up a desk in a government building, sooner or later they’ll start paying you out of old habit. It’s not like it’s their money after all, just the money of a bunch of gullible dolts otherwise known as “taxpayers.”

Elsewhere, VP Neocon is arguing the exact opposite. His assistant, Blondie, informs him that he hasn’t got a good case but that, if he’ll only let her commit perjury, she can tell everybody that he told HER that Karen Pelosi was on her way out and then all of this terrorist nonsense got in the way of her actually passing on the news. VP Neocon pretends to not want her to commit perjury, then relents. He’s an Evil RethugliKKKan, after all, and we all know that THOSE “people” have no sense of decency. “Do it”, he says, repeating it a couple of times into the hidden microphone that the screenwriters are too daft to realize that we all know is there. “I, Vice President Neocon, on this the [insert date here], do formally order my assistant to commit perjury before the Supreme Court in order to illegally usurp the powers of the Presidency”, he says, just to make sure that it makes for a good soundbite when the taped confession is *SURPRISE* revealed in a few minutes.

*Groan!*

Elsewhere, Yul al-Brynner is getting ready to meet Gredenko. One of his helpers, showing an unusual amount of common sense, suggests that maybe it would be a lot easier to just transport the nukes to some city and setting them off, rather than dicking around with obviously unreliable co-conspirators, but al-Brynner, staying true to the scriptwriters concept that the muslim terrorists aren’t really guilty and that they’d never be able to pull anything off without the help of obviously Caucasian and DEFINITELY non-muslim puppet masters, informs him that he’ll either stick to MoveOn.org and CAIR’s script or get written out of the show.

Right after this, as predictable as sunrise, Spineless Toad enters the room that VP Neocon is in, telling Blondie to leave the room and then reveals to VP Neocon that he has taped the entire conversation by way of a cleverly hidden microphone, something that is obviously standard issue for all chiefs of staff, in case they should suddenly need to wire every single room in the bunker to catch evil RethugliKKKans in flagrante delicto. If only the CTU were half as competent, but we digress…

To make sure that we all know that he’s got VP Neocon dead to rights, he plays back the conversation from a tiny recording device that, in spite of being about the size of a matchbox, has all the clarity and richness of a surround sound system. The chubby guy from the incredibly annoying BOSE commercials briefly pops in to say “Wow!” before he’s kicked off the set.

Faced with this, VP Neocon immediately utters “curses! Foiled again!”, and decides to withdraw his challenge to the Presidency, helpfully forgetting anything he’s ever learned about the admissibility of evidence obtained through listening in to the conversation of third parties without consent or a warrant. Of course, given that he’s an Evil RethugliKKKan, we can rest assured that such a challenge would be ignored, so maybe he’s just acting rationally after all.

At the meeting place, Jack’s team is setting up Gredenko with a wire and a tracker, the latter being a radioactive probe injected into the bone of his left upper arm. Then they send him off to meet with al-Brynner. After wandering around aimlessly for a while, Gredenko hears a phone ringing, which turns out to be a cell phone helpfully left behind by al-Brynner in anticipation of Gredenko being captured and set up to meet him at this exact location. It contains a text message telling him where to go.

Jack, being as bored with him not killing people as we are, goes in to follow Gredenko who, seconds later, is dragged into a room by al-Brynner’s associates. And that’s when the plot makes another interesting and, par for the course, utterly baffling twist when Gredenko decides that total immunity, a shitload of cash and a free island in the Pacific isn’t nearly as tempting as betraying the CTU by disconnecting the wire and letting al-Brynner know what’s going on. Of course, that still leaves the radioactive probe in his arm, but obviously he never needed that arm all that much anyway.

When Jack catches up with Gredenko’s last known location, he finds the wire and a chopped off arm. Heck, that’s what I’d do too. If I’d been caught like that and had been offered full immunity from the actions of a group of idiots I couldn’t stand in the first place, I’d immediately throw it out the window in favor of the ecstatic joy of having my arm hacked off and dying from blood loss. Really. What’s not to like?

Makes perfect sense to me. Well, if I could have some of whatever President Allstate Jr is having first, that is.

Jack finally catches up with Gredenko and al-Brynner’s guys, of course, and a firefight ensues. Yay! Jack promptly dispatches one of the goons with a well-aimed shot, then slides back behind cover, shouting “show me your head” to the other muslim goon, who immediately zips down his pants.

“No, dammit, not THAT head! There ARE limits to how small of a target that I can hit!”

“Oh, you mean THIS head?”, the muslim terrorist shouts, obligingly sticking his noggin out.

“Yeah, that’ll do”, Jack answers, sending a round through his skull.

While Jack is having all kinds of fun shooting bad guys, Gredenko and al-Brynner makes it into a gay bar. It looks like they’re going to get away, in spite of the fact that Gredenko is bleeding all over the floor, when al-Brynner somehow manages to bump into some guy’s strawberry daiquiri. Realizing that the shit is about to hit the fan, Gredenko does the only logical thing: He decides to switch sides again and shouts to everybody that al-Brynner is the terrorist that everybody has been talking about on the TV all day.

I mean, it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

First, you find yourself in deep shit and land a secure immunity deal, then you decide that you’d rather have your arm chopped off and side with the losers about to be wasted in a hail of gunfire from the agents that you KNOW are there and then, bleeding like a stung pig and knowing that you’ll die within minutes unless you get medical attention, you decide to betray your last ally in the world and try to make a run for it. Hey, you just MIGHT run into an orthopedic surgeon with a full kit on the beach in the middle of the night. You never know!

Joel Surnow, call your office. Your village has called and they’re really getting pissed off that they can’t have their idiot back.

After a bout of obligatory beating of al-Brynner, don’t you EVER spill somebody’s strawberry daiquiri, Jack busts in while Gredenko is busy dying under an LA pier.

At the White House Bunker, President Allstate Jr is busy getting his doc to shoot him up with some more of the magic juice, since he’s obviously crashing. Oh great, our President is a junkie now. I’m certainly relieved to learn that the Presidency isn’t in the hands of a sober, rational human being who understands that if you don’t strike back at your enemies when they attack you, you’ll only be inviting more of the same.

And that’s when somebody passed the script on to somebody else again. Obviously, the doc has been giving President Allstate Jr testosterone injections instead of adrenaline, because all of a sudden he’s given the order to launch a nuclear attack on Conspicuously Unnamed Middle Eastern Country anyway.

“What the Hell?”, Spineless Toad yells at President Allstate Jr, “you’re doing exactly what you risked your life to PREVENT!”

“What’s up with you, cracker? Are you dumb or something? I didn’t risk my damned life to save no damned ay-rabs, I did it because whiteboy Neocon was messing with my turf, disrespecting my authority and kicking around my hos. Nobody, NOBODY disses a brother, honky!”

Well, either that or that syringe contained something that can regrow a spine in minutes. All we can say is that we all of a sudden LIKE President Allstate Jr, even if it doesn’t make a lick of sense.

But, then again, sense hasn’t exactly been in abundance this season.

Join us next week, as we find out whether the nuke really makes it all the way to the target.

Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

20 Responses to “Dude, Where’s My Script?”
  1. LC & IB FIAR Comment by LC & IB FIAR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    You just know toad’s going to find out about the adrenaline injections, which will be blamed for the President suddenly deciding to defend the country.

    First

  2. BauerPower Comment by BauerPower

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    And that will lead to some grounds for removal from office. Quite the loophole that the writers pulled out of their asses.

    By the way, great summary Sire.

  3. NevadaDailySteve Comment by NevadaDailySteve

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    One of his helpers, showing an unusual amount of common sense,

    It’s like working for the government, if it makes sense, it’s forbidden.

  4. LC HOGHEAD Comment by LC HOGHEAD

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  5. Kristopher Comment by Kristopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I stopped watching more than a year ago.

    It doesn’t look like I missed much.

  6. Unregistered Comment by TGregg

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Outstanding review! Much better than the show, and more realistic to boot.

    Spineless Toad has done a complete 180, going from wanting to stop Islamofacism to thinking islam is a religon of peace and changed from hating his mortal enemy Karen Pelosi to working with her.

    All in the span of a few hours. Tomorrow afternoon, he’ll invent cold fusion.

    Meanwhile President Allstate Jr. is burning the candle at both ends plus the middle. If he croaks, then the Evil Neocon VP will assume the presidentcy, no matter how many times Karen Pelosi and Cindy Lou McKinney vote against it. One might think that the terrible fear they have would prompt them to keep Pres. Allstate Jr. alive, but that’s way too realistic for this show.

  7. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I am so glad I never got into this show. Sounds like total shite.

    I mean really, a president, defending the nation.

    Pshaw.

  8. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Actually, the Gredenko character only makes sense if you think back to Season One and realize that the scriptwriters are, once again, recycling past plotlines. Gredenko is just Dennis Hopper’s “Victor Drazen” reincarnated, down to the bad hair and the worse Slavic accent (”Yew must soffer as I haf soffered, Jek!”). And, just like Drazen, Gredenko wound up bobbing face down in the surf, bleeding out.

    I have to agree, though, that the childish pettiness of Wayne Allstate going ahead with VP Darth Boothe’s nuclear strike after defeating Boothe’s attempt to have him removed from office only makes sense if you postulate that Wayne’s on drugs.

    Hey, if heroin’s good enough for Jack…

    “Er, I can’t answer that. Let’s just say that a certain somebody with top billing on the show might be looking for something else to do with his career before the season is over.”

    Hmmm. Little Ricky must have gotten a sneak peek at the previews for next week, wherein Jack apparently encounters the first terrorist in “24″ history who knows what gunsights are for.

    Right after this, as predictable as sunrise, Spineless Toad enters the room that VP Neocon is in, telling Blondie to leave the room and then reveals to VP Neocon that he has taped the entire conversation by way of a cleverly hidden microphone, something that is obviously standard issue for all chiefs of staff, in case they should suddenly need to wire every single room in the bunker to catch evil RethugliKKKans in flagrante delicto.

    Or it may just be simple self-preservation in the current political climate in Washington. If I were serving in the White House, I’d probably want to tape every conversation I could, too, if only to protect myself from malicious Congressional investigations.

    …And since Palmer is such an obvious moonbat Democrat, just how DID he get a total neocon for a Veep?

  9. Trooper THX1138 Comment by Trooper THX1138

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    since Palmer is such an obvious moonbat Democrat, just how DID he get a total neocon for a Veep?

    Ticket Balance, maybe? Or maybe the neo-con was supposed to deliver the electoral votes for the South…

    Sorry to say, I no longer have 24 on my TiVo list. The Emperor’s recountings are sufficient to keep up on the happenings, and far more entertaining to boot. I recommend a new title for His Majesty, for suffering through what the rest of us have given up out of sheer disgust.

    Out of curiosity, just how much alcohol sedation was required to suffer through it?

  10. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    So in the last 6 hours, the president has been blowed up…induced into a coma…brought OUT of the coma…had his heart stopped…and juiced up like all get out. and all he comes away with is a limp and a stiff back? Jeeez, If I come out of the gym feeling like that…I consider it a great day.

    The Emperor sez, regarding the adrenaline shots:

    The Doc relents and pumps Allstate Jr up with adrenaline. That’s epinephrine to you laymen, by the way.

    You can get that at Starbucks ya’ know…..”Yes, I’ll have a double tall iced vanilla epinephrine, skinny, no foam, and double the fun pleeeeeez”

  11. Unregistered Comment by thirteen28

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    You just know toad’s going to find out about the adrenaline injections, which will be blamed for the President suddenly deciding to defend the country

    Given that he’s willing to actually defend the country (or so I am told; I didn’t actually bother to watch) I’m wondering if they didn’t actually inject him with testosterone. He (and this season) both need it bad.

  12. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Out of curiosity, just how much alcohol sedation was required to suffer through it?

    Hey, if President Lazarus Allstate Jr can go through being blown to shreds, have his brain swollen and go in and out of a coma while going into cardiac arrest and barely break a sweat, surely I can suffer through an hour of the most recycled, bumbling, maddeningly incoherent script in the history of television.

    That and a few shots of whatever it was that Lazarus was having.

    and all he comes away with is a limp and a stiff back? Jeeez, If I come out of the gym feeling like that…I consider it a great day.

    Preach it, bro! That Allstate McJr is one tough mofo.

    The way I see it is that, if all else fails, they can just fly him out to LA and let him throw himself on the remaining nukes. He’ll probably not even get a blister.

  13. Unregistered Comment by Farmor

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    som jeg længe har tænkt - du skulle måske ha’ været forfatter????? WHO KNOWS????
    Jeg tager på familiebesøg - og jeg har lige chattet med med både Nelly og Greta (som endelig tog sig sammen til at finde ud at logge sig på MSN) Det var bare så hyggeligt - så nu er vi de 3 musketøser - - - det var Bertil’s udtryk - Bertil er Nelly’s mand til orientring.
    Love and big hugs
    MOM

  14. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

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    Is it just me, or is there something inherently disturbing about Little Ricky Schroder acting like a tough guy? I swear, it positively creeps me out.

  15. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    BlackisWhite sez:

    Is it just me, or is there something inherently disturbing about Little Ricky Schroder acting like a tough guy? I swear, it positively creeps me out.

    I offset that by reminding myself that Jack Bauer used to be a leather clad teenage vampire (Lost Boys)….

  16. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    I offset that by reminding myself that Jack Bauer used to be a leather clad teenage vampire (Lost Boys)….

    I remind myself that he ALSO used to sleep with that two legged hyena julia roberts.

    Hey!! it’s just proof that we ALL grow up to be better adults than we were adolescents…..schroeder grows up to be a hardass and Jack grows up to have better (but not by much) taste in women.

  17. Unregistered Comment by Nealest

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    “(what law firm takes care of the legal needs of terrorists?)”

    Duh, What law firm wouldn’t — assuming the terrorists had the money to pay their bills? (I am a lawyer turned over-the-rode truck driver.)

    BTW, I’m guessing that President Allstate’s launch of the nuke is some kind of feint, and that it will be (magically, if necessary) diverted to an unpopulated area (yes, we know there are lots of them — plus, even if there are a few camel jockeys around, they don’t really count, plus CNN will have a hard time finding any remains).

    Unlike Misha and some of the commentors, I still like 24. It’s often very unrealistic, but hey, it’s a TV program! It’s consistently entertaining and, unlike anything else on TV (especially the news) does focus on what Islamic terrorists would like to do to us, and will do if we just lie down and beg for forgiveness (i.e., negotiate) as Spineless Harry Reid and his Dems would have us do.

  18. MuscleDaddy Comment by MuscleDaddy

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    I accidentally saw a minute of the show.

    I could have gone the rest of my life without finding out that McAllstate Jr. was actually…
    THE REPLACEMENT SCHOOL PRINCIPLE FROM BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!?!?!!

    But wait… Keifer used to be a vampire…and Fauntleroy is acting like…

    OHNOES!!!!!

    - MuscleDaddy

  19. Unregistered Comment by thirteen28

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    Unlike Misha and some of the commentors, I still like 24. It’s often very unrealistic, but hey, it’s a TV program! It’s consistently entertaining and, unlike anything else on TV (especially the news) does focus on what Islamic terrorists would like to do to us, and will do if we just lie down and beg for forgiveness (i.e., negotiate) as Spineless Harry Reid and his Dems would have us do.

    I can tolerate the lack of realism just fine - 24 has been that way from day 1. It just seems to me that this season has descended into political correctness to a degree that is more than I can bear to watch. I get enough of it watching the shennanigans that go on with congress every day so I choose to avoid it when looking for entertainment.

  20. Unregistered Comment by physicsgeek

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    When Gredenko said I tink I know how we can get through this, I told my wife, “He’s going to chop off his arm.” Not because it made sense of course. Precisely the opposite in fact. It’s like a corollary to the George Costanza theory: whatever you can surmise would happen, no matter how batshit crazy, that’s likely the direction the writers will choose.

    I will admit that I was wrong on my other guess last night. I said that Chloe would peel back her human mask to expose a carnivorous alien who would then promptly eat the heads off all the CTU employees. It was a reach, even for 24. In my defense, the season isn’t over yet.