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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » “With Your Shield, Or On It”
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…or, if you’re a Royal Marine, in a cheap Iranian suit with an official Mahmoud Swag Bag™.

Lieutenant Felix Carman confirmed the sailors were in Iraqi waters when they were detained by Iran. “We were 1.7 nautical miles from Iranian waters,” he said.

The sailors and marines said they were bound, blindfolded and lined up against a wall while weapons were cocked, making them “fear the worst”.

Good L-rd! Blindfolds and cocked guns? Goodness gracious me, it’s almost like they were caught in a war zone or something. I’m sure that wasn’t covered in their contract with the Royal Navy.

Apparently responding to criticisms that the sailors and marines surrendered too easily to the Iranians and were too eager to cooperate with their captors, they said that “fighting back was simply not an option”.

Which, coincidentally, sounds so much better in the original fwench.

“We were aware that many people have questioned why we allowed ourselves to be taken in the first place. From the outset it was very apparent that fighting back was not an option. Had we done that many of us would not be standing here today.

…with your swag bags, cheap suits, smiling faces and non-existent sacred honors.

“He who cowers and runs away, lives to cower another day.”

“There would have been a major fight, which we could not have won, and the consequences would have had a major strategic impact. We made a conscious decision not to engage the Iranians.”

Somehow, but we may just be too cynical for our own good here, we don’t think that there would have been a “major strategic impact” from 15 sailors fighting and, possibly, dying whilst defending themselves from aggression. We know, on the other hand, that there already is a major strategic impact from you sodding wankers playing suckup to Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket without as much as pretending to resist. Terrorists everywhere are laughing their arses off, knowing that all they have to do to defeat the Royal Marines is to say “boo”, and the Argies are already making aggressive noises about the Falklands again. And, given your recent demonstration of the impotence of the Royal Navy, who can blame them?

Somehow we get the, completely unwarranted and unfair we’re sure, feeling that you weren’t as concerned about hypothetical “major strategic impacts” as you were about the impact of bullets anywhere near your precious personal selves. Which is exactly the kind of primary concern you need in a soldier, of course. If you’re fwench.

The 15 personnel captured by Iran were blindfolded, bound and subjected to “constant psychological pressure”, they said today at a press conference.

And after a grueling, unimaginable day or two of such inhumane pressure, they folded like a cheap fwench deckchair.

They were told if they did not admit they had strayed into Iranian waters they faced seven years in prison. They said they were bound, blindfolded and lined up against a wall while weapons were cocked making them “fear the worst”.

Which obviously, to a British Royal Marine, is dying in the line of duty. Anything else is better, up to and including shaming the entire Navy, providing the enemy with an immense propaganda victory and seriously undermining the entire war effort by, through their cowardice, painting a big bullseye on the back of every single one of their brothers in arms.

The sailors criticised the propoganda used by Iran. Joe Tindell said: “Obviously we’re not pleased about it. As far as I’m concerned the whole thing was a complete media stunt.”

It might not have worked so well if you hadn’t been standing around with Ahmadinnerjacket’s cock in your left hands, beaming and waving like a bunch of bloody tourists on their way to Ibiza. Did he at least give you a reach-around? If so, the groveling and gratitude you exhibited toward him might at least be understandable. We hear you blokes like that sort of thing.

Lieutenant Carman added that they were kept in solitary confinement for a period before being allowed out in the evenings for a couple of hours to play chess and socialise. “But that was in the full glare of the Iranian media. It was very much a setup, very much a stunt for Iranian propaganda.”

No wonder they cracked! Who could possibly withstand the soul-crushing torment of solitary confinement for an endless, grueling 13 days?

The 15 began their statement by sending their condolences to the families of the four British service personnel and civilian interpreter killed in Iraq yesterday.

I’m sure they’re absolutely thrilled to hear that from a bunch of cockless wonders who just got done fellating the terrorist fuckwit of a leader who was, most likely, responsible for providing the terrorists with the weapons that killed their loved ones.

But, who knows, maybe if you share the goodie bags that your new best friend, Mahmoud, gave you?

Marine Joe Tindall revealed how the treatment of the sailors deteriorated within hours of their capture.

He said: “I can’t say i was treated well - for the first 24 hours, yes, but between then and the president’s speech, I wouldn’t say we were treated well.”

When asked whether the captives were able to communicate with Iranian guards, he said: “We never saw them for the first six days because whenever they opened the doors we were handed blindfolds.”

I don’t think I can continue reading this. The mention of the blindfolds alone almost had me curled up in the fetal position, whimpering like a whipped poodle.

He revealed that often the hostages would hear the cocking of guns at their heads. “That was the one time in my life I’ve been scared s*******, basically.”

Note to self: Cock a gun at a Royal Marine and he’ll surrender, shit his pants and promise to be your best friend forever. No actual discharge of expensive ammunition needed.

What the fuck happened to the Royal Marines? Back during the Cold War, I had the honor of running into a few of them, and they were the meanest, baddest mofos on the block. One thing was sure, if you fucked with them, only one of you would be going home under his own power.

Those wankers, on the other hand, sound like they just walked off the set of Oprah, sobbing like little girls (with my apologies to sobbing little girls everywhere).

They’re not alone with the blame for their capture, the responsibility for that is equally shared with the nadless wanker on the bridge of the HMS Cornwall who was too busy phoning home to ask for permission to defend his crew from an act of war. That fuckwit deserves a court martial more than anybody, if you ask me, and it’s not so much that they broke in captivity either. Everyone has a breaking point, but it sure looks to me like the breaking point of those Royal Marines was close to that of a chocolate eclair.

“Slept in isolated stone cells”, “had to wear blindfolds”, “feared the worst” and some blather about unspecified “constant psychological pressure.” What? Did they yell at you? Call you mean names? Fuck you, tossers, I was subjected to worse than that in fucking basic! On one memorable occasion, we rescued one of our buddies who’d been captured by the other team while on maneuvers. The bastards had tied him to a tree without his clothes on (it was October, if I remember correctly) and beaten up until he threw up in the hood that they had, helpfully, pulled over his head and tied around his neck. He didn’t break, by the way. Of course he didn’t get a cheap suit and a goodie bag either.

I’m also reminded of the U.S. pilots captured during Gulf War I. Yes, they broke, but they sure as fuck didn’t appear on TV, eating, smoking and sharing jokes or rattle off Saddam’s dictates cheerfully without as much as a wink to indicate that they weren’t quite speaking the truth. If I remember correctly, the best looking of the lot looked like he’d gone through 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, and he was shooting off covert codes and signals to the cameras like they were going out of style.

Or Fabrizio Quattrochi, an Italian civilian who, when captured by the real head-chopper brigades (and don’t give me any fucking nonsense about how you thought that the Iranians would ever dare execute Coalition sailors either, because I’m not buying), tore off the hood they’d put on him and shouted “now I’ll show you how an Italian dies!”, after which he was shot in the back of the head.

You puling pissants, on the other hand, dishonored the uniform (and yourselves, but I honestly don’t give a shit about you anymore) and folded quicker than the forelegs of a praying mantis from the outset while all but deep-throating Ahmadinnerjacket on live TV, yucking it up and thanking Unca Mahmoud most profusely for not being mad at you and “oh, what a rather nice suit you gave us! And a bag of chocolate too!”

You’re a fucking disgrace, and I’d rather have a batallion of you in front of me than a single one in a foxhole next to me.

41 Responses to ““With Your Shield, Or On It””
  1. Mike M Comment by Mike M

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    “fighting back was simply not an option”.

    Nuts!

  2. Merc Comment by Merc

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    What is this world coming to? Armies made up of wussies!

  3. Unregistered Comment by ancesthntr

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    “Slept in isolated stone cells”, “had to wear blindfolds”, “feared the worst” and some blather about unspecified “constant psychological pressure.” What? Did they yell at you? Call you mean names? Fuck you, tossers, I was subjected to worse than that in fucking basic!

    Basic…shit, Misha, I’m married - there’s nothing that any of those guys experienced that would scare me. Being yelled at and called names is part of the territory, as is occasionally being told to sleep elsewhere (and actually being glad, ‘cuz at least it is quiet).

    As

  4. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    Not tough to see the differences between battle-hardened US Marines and these tossers, is it!

  5. MasterGuns Comment by MasterGuns

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    Anyone who has been to SERE School went through sh*t too. You are never sure how far the instructors can go(and they actually can go pretty damned far…..at least they could 20 years ago).

    These guys are not the Royal Marines I knew in SBS. They wouldn’t even make it at Paris Island now.

    I am saddened.

    Semper Fi.

  6. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

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    “We never saw them for the first six days because whenever they opened the doors we were handed blindfolds.”

    you’ve got to be fucking kidding me….”Here put this on….” They self administered their OWN BLINDFOLDS????????!!!!!!!

  7. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Wow. Things really are going to hell back home.

    The last time I saw a Royal Marine he was wading into a pissed off crowd of soccer louts at Kings Cross to tear the head off the one who spat on the young lady he was making time with.

    As the odds were about 20 to 1, I would certainly have stayed the hell out, but the unknown soldier seemed more concerned with pulling someones nads off…..

    How things have changed.

  8. HoundOfDoom Comment by HoundOfDoom

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    “Slept in isolated stone cells”, “had to wear blindfolds”, “feared the worst” and some blather about unspecified “constant psychological pressure.” What? Did they yell at you? Call you mean names? Fuck you, tossers, I was subjected to worse than that in fucking basic!

    Sounds more like boy scout camp to me.

    They’re not alone with the blame for their capture, the responsibility for that is equally shared with the nadless wanker on the bridge of the HMS Cornwall who was too busy phoning home to ask for permission to defend his crew from an act of war. That fuckwit deserves a court martial more than anybody, if you ask me…

    Man, you hit that one on the head. Wonder how many sailors on that ship are requesting transfers right now.

    And how did the Iranians get close enough to pull this snatch off anyway? Was everyone’s head up and locked? as I recall, these things with a pointy front and propellers on the rear move around on, um, the ocean. It’s not like they had concealment out there. Did the Iranians lay down smoke to fool the English into thinking that they were in a fogbank?

    Shit, with a captain like that, did they even have to bother?

    Was there even a warning shot? Was the order even given to man the guns? Man, the first thing off that ship when it hit port would be my sea bag! Britain used to rule the oceans!

    Are there not standing orders about unknown vessels approaching a warship in a war zone?

    Jeez! I better get to England and see it before it’s gone altogether!

  9. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    About 8 years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting some members of the Household Division/Buckingham Palace Guards…correct me if I’m wrong about their unit designation NCLivingBrit.

    I had taken my boys up for a day of snowboarding and saw these lunatic skiiers and boarders all dressed in camo uniforms. They were yelling and singing and generally raising hell. It wasn’t until I rode the lift with one of them that I found out who they were. It seems that the Guards spend time at Ft. Lewis for training and these guys were enjoying a well deserved day off. They were a fun bunch and sure as hell didn’t LOOK like the guys standing immobile in their red coats and bearskins…they were total hell raisers and looked as tough as nails. They were great guys all around and I enjoyed my day with them…snowboarding, yelling, and making sure to buy them a round of drinks when we were ready to leave. They treated my boys well too.

    I just can’t imagine any of those guys going all buttery in this situation. Maybe the modern ones, but not those guys I met 8 years ago. Have things changed THAT radically for the worse? it just doesn’t seem possible

  10. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

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    “fighting back was simply not an option”.

    WTF? Is he kidding? What happened to “Into the Valley of Death Rode the 600″?

  11. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

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    maybe some perverted director in the future will make a movie called “13″

  12. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

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    As I said earlier, the CO should be keelhauled!
    I’m not surprised the enlisted acted as they did considering how their CO performed his duties, one of which is to defend the people he has under his command. Britain can write the Falklands off cuz the Argentinians are gonna kick their ass with some girl scouts and a few loud noises.

  13. Unregistered Comment by Special Ed

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    I’m wondering why the Captain of a warship in a theater of war has to ask permission to do anything except leave his AOR. Is he not in command? Do they not trust him? If the answer to either of these questions is “yes”, why did he need to ask permission to respond to a hostile action directed toward his command? If the answer to either of those questions is “no”, why is the ship even there at all?

    There must be some good use for politicians. They don’t make good fill for landscaping … poor anchors … hmm. Polar bear food as the population overhunts their natural supply of seals?

  14. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    WTF? Is he kidding? What happened to “Into the Valley of Death Rode the 600″?

    I don’t know, BisW, but I do know that, were Lord Tennyson alive today, he’d throw his pen away in disgust and leave the country.

    Fortunately for the Royal Navy, a fitting poem has already been written for them:

    “Brave Sir Robin ran away.
    Bravely ran away away.
    When danger reared it’s ugly head,
    He bravely turned his tail and fled.
    Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
    And gallantly he chickened out.

    Bravely taking to his feet,
    He beat a very brave retreat.
    Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!”

  15. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    Britain can write the Falklands off cuz the Argentinians are gonna kick their ass with some girl scouts and a few loud noises.

    And I sincerely hope that Lady Thatcher kicks some ass when that happens, after all she did to help Britain hang on to that piece of land. If she doesn’t keel over from the shock first.

    If Tony had been at the helm back then it would have been handed over without a fight, gift wrapped with a bow no less, which I am sure they will do now.

    He’s probably already checking to see how much they have in the budget for the ribbon to see if they can afford a nice velvet one.

  16. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    This is what happens when I don’t have any freelance graphics work coming….gives me too much time to do stuff like this:

    Who would you prefer to defend your homeland?

    …..I gotta get a real job….

  17. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Oh, and an additional comment that I somehow didn’t manage to fit into the post:

    As if the capture and their disgraceful conduct in captivity wasn’t enough, the very WORST bit was watching them on TV at the presser, all back in their old uniforms, full of swagger and confidence that they did the right thing.

    If they’d had even a shred of honor left, they’d be hiding behind the door of a West Country Shithouse, refusing to come out until the End Times.

  18. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    “Not with a bang, but with a whimper…”

    Allow me, please to share something from a few wars back:

    The Widow’s Party

    “Where have you been this while away,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    ‘Long with the rest on a picnic lay,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    They called us out of the barrack-yard
    To Gawd knows where from Gosport Hard,
    And you can’t refuse when you get the card,
    And the Widow gives the party.
    (Bugle: Ta–rara–ra-ra-rara!)

    “What did you get to eat and drink,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    Standing water as thick as ink,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    A bit o’ beef that were three year stored,
    A bit o’ mutton as tough as a board,
    And a fowl we killed with a sergeant’s sword,
    When the Widow give the party.

    “What did you do for knives and forks,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    We carries ‘em with us wherever we walks,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    And some was sliced and some was halved,
    And some was crimped and some was carved,
    And some was gutted and some was starved,
    When the Widow give the party.

    “What ha’ you done with half your mess,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    They couldn’t do more and they wouldn’t do less,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    They ate their whack and they drank their fill,
    And I think the rations has made them ill,
    For half my comp’ny’s lying still
    Where the Widow give the party.

    “How did you get away — away,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    On the broad o’ my back at the end o’ the day,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    I comed away like a bleedin’ toff,
    For I got four niggers to carry me off,
    As I lay in the bight of a canvas trough,
    When the Widow give the party.

    “What was the end of all the show,
    Johnnie, Johnnie?”
    Ask my Colonel, for I don’t know,
    Johnnie, my Johnnie, aha!
    We broke a King and we built a road –
    A court-house stands where the reg’ment goed.
    And the river’s clean where the raw blood flowed
    When the Widow give the party.
    (Bugle: Ta–rara–ra-ra-rara!)

    Kipling, of course. From when England was England.

  19. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    LC Wil,

    I love Kipling’s poetry. Some of the best and most inspirational martial writing ever….thanks man

  20. cmblake6 Comment by cmblake6

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    You’re a fucking disgrace, and I’d rather have a batallion of you in front of me than a single one in a foxhole next to me.

    Once upon a time, I too knew some seriously f&#*ing badASS Royal Marines. I’m well disgusted, and I may but PRAY that SOMEone over there reads this to them. Once upon a time, the Royal Marines were some of the baddest warriors on the earths face. Nada Mas.

  21. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    For Jaybear!

    The Household Guard (information for the curious). I admit, I had to look some of this up myself :)

    http://www.changing-the-guard.com/history.htm

    Some of those Regimental names might ring bells, as they have numbered among the more ferocious defenders of the British Isles.

    Kipling, of course. From when England was England.

    Yeah, they call him Whirling Rudyard these days…..

  22. L.C. Rowane Comment by L.C. Rowane

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    There must be some good use for politicians.

    Just as .22 targets, Special Ed, at long range so it takes a looong time.

    Misha and everybody here, the next time the wife asks why I spend so much time on the Rott I’ll point her at this post. Most folks here have their heads on tightly, unlike in the government, the media, and everywhere else you look.

    I thought the last thing I’d ever hear about would be England’s Royal Marines surrendering without so much as a token resistance. As I’ve said so many times before Churchill and all of England’s other heroes are reaching readline from spinning in their graves.

  23. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Jaybear

    I got sent home from school early one day with a nasty gram from my teacher for reciting “Danny Deever” (from memory) in front of the class.

    In Second Grade.

    Here, Jaybear. Read ‘em on line.

  24. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

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    I say put the blame where it belongs. At the feet of the leadership of those sailors and RMs. I’m not excusing there behavior but where did they learn it and who taught ‘em? If the men at Bastogne had this kind of leadership the Battle of the Bulge would’ve had a different outcome. Men follow leaders and these *spit* officers *spit* led them staright to the shithole!

  25. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    I cannot help but notice a contrast…….My Dad was blown out of a B-17. bailed out and was met by three armed German soldiers. Marched to the local Hilter Hilton, later sent on a train ride. Living on rat soup and Red cross rations for six months, he escaped, digging a hole under the fence with a small, folding can opener I have here at home in the triangular case on the fireplace mantle..with a flag in it. He was caught, they busted up his feet with rifle butts and boards, yet he escaped again with a friend, knowing failure was a guaranteed death sentence. Now why do I consider myself only a shadow of a man standing next to his memory?

  26. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    As if the capture and their disgraceful conduct in captivity wasn’t enough, the very WORST bit was watching them on TV at the presser, all back in their old uniforms, full of swagger and confidence that they did the right thing.

    Even worse than that, some of em were CRYING! WTF?! And not even the only anatomically correct girl among them. I met one Royal Marine during my time, A 2nd Leftenant on an officer exchange program at LeJeune. HE wouldn’t have surrendered his men, that’s for damn sure.

    Do the Brits have a Code of Conduct? It sure as hell doesn’t seem like it. I remember the first article was “I will never surrender while I have the means to resist. If in command I will never surrender my men while we have the means to resist”.

    You’re supposed to continue to resist the enemy during captivity. Oh wait, I forgot, I was told by one of these sodding wankers during his cry time on TV that the Iranians weren’t the enemy. Hah, attack a legal boarding party in the sovereign waters of an allied nation in a war zone fucking makes you the enemy.

    While they were in captivity I gave them the benefit of the doubt as far as how they were taken in the first place. And I gave them the benefit of the doubt as far as the “confessions”, assuming they had been severely coerced (except for the twat, what the hell was a female doing on a BOARDING party in the first place). Until I saw the video of their release.

    Cowards. A disgrace to the Royal Marine Corps!

  27. LCBrendan Comment by LCBrendan

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    I have never been in the army.

    I have never served.

    I would be terrified of dying.

    BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL I WOULD EVER GIVE THOSE BASTARDS AN INCH.

    “Do this or we kill you”

    “Then kill me, and fuck you to death”

    What the FUCK happened to “death before dishonour?” :down_tb:
    :furious_tb:

  28. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

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    the sixties, Brendan

  29. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Took the words right out of my mouth Sir Christopher.

  30. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    “There would have been a major fight, which we could not have won, and the consequences would have had a major strategic impact.

    Kinda like Rourke’s Drift?
    http://www.rorkesdriftvc.com/

  31. L.C. Rowane Comment by L.C. Rowane

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    Shameful bunch of shit, ain’t it folks?

  32. SoCalOilMan, LC Comment by SoCalOilMan, LC

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    the responsibility for that is equally shared with the nadless wanker on the bridge of the HMS Cornwall who was too busy phoning home to ask for permission to defend his crew from an act of war.

    Perhaps we will look at this as a lesson of what happens when a war is run from thousands of miles away by politicians and lawyers….Nah. :wallbash_tb:

  33. Unregistered Comment by DOGMA

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    I have to say that in their defence, the Royal Marines knew they were on their own. They did not expect their country to have their backs and if they fought back could well have been tried by some pissant.

  34. Unregistered Pingback by Those sailors again « The Better Part of Valour

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    […] The rigght-wing side of the blogos is broiling over the issue, with the most trenchant abuse coming from Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. […]

  35. rightismight Comment by rightismight

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    how long until they go on tour with cindy sheehan and the mentally ill folks at code pink? I’m sure some british wanker is putting the details together as we speak…

  36. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

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    The box next to England in the list of kidnap-able saps has a big check in it.

    ‘Wonder who else has one.

    Removing that check is gonna have to be a pretty hot n’ loud affair after all this wimperin’ and complyin’.

    The Vet’s that I’ve heard talk are sayin’ that even if ‘pub guards won the initial gunfight, they’d have to sail through a cloud of US aircraft to get home.

    I hope that’s the really the case.

  37. MCPO Airdale Comment by MCPO Airdale

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    I watched the press conference.
    My take: effete officers leading whinging twits. Not one iota of courage among the group.

    My repsonse: *Spit*

  38. Wild-Eyed Charlie Comment by Wild-Eyed Charlie

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    I thought Jimmy Carter had to be dead before he could be re-incarnated in England.

  39. warthog_62 Comment by warthog_62

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    Posted

    http://warthogswrants.blogspot.com/2007/04/molon-labe.html

  40. Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur Comment by Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur

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    I have to say that in their defence, the Royal Marines knew they were on their own. They did not expect their country to have their backs and if they fought back could well have been tried by some pissant.

    Which is why you don’t give them that option. That is what death before dishonor means.