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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » “Look, Ma! No Brains!”
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You are viewing the Archives for 2007.......If you want the current page, CLICK HERE.......

(Link thanks to LC & IB Mrs M-ITT™)

UPDATE: Ha! I should’ve known that our very own LC Jackboot would beat us to it (see the most excellent post below)! Well, look at it this way: You get TWO ClueBattings of the same idiot for the price of one. Excellent job, Jackboot, and, dare I presume to say?: GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE.

Why? Because I like publicly mocking and humiliating imbeciles. I’m evil that way:

LOS ANGELES (CNN) — Most days, it is not at all hard to feel proud to be an American. But on days such as this, it is very difficult.

You’re not fooling anybody, you tumbling twit, cretins like you have absolutely no trouble finding something that makes you “ashamed to be an American”, leading me to ask the inevitable, logical question: What the FUCK are you still DOING here? Unlike your working class heroes of the Warsaw Pact, we’re not putting up walls and armed guards to keep our citizens from leaving.

The pain that the parents of the slain students feel hits deep into everyone’s hearts.

And it’s just too much of a golden opportunity for ghouls such as yourself to resist. So, with the bodies still steaming, you climb the hill of mangled victims to stake your claim to idiocy.

At the University of California, Los Angeles, students are talking about little else. It is not that they feel especially vulnerable because they are students at a major university, as is Virginia Tech, but because they are (to be blunt) citizens of High Noon America.

Is UCLA a “Gun Free Free Fire Zone” as well? In that case, they ought to be worried.

“High Noon” is a famous film. The 1952 Western told the story of a town marshal (played by the superstar actor Gary Cooper) who is forced to eliminate a gang of killers by himself. They are eventually gunned down.

With the reluctant help, I might add, of Sheriff Kane’s wife who, faced with one of the goblins about to shoot her husband, decides that pious claptrap about “not taking a life, ever, under ANY circumstances” isn’t near as important to her as the life of hubby, picks up a gun and shoots the motherfucker in the back, thus saving her husband’s life.

Hmmm… I could’ve sworn there is a lesson in there.

Of course, in a world run by the likes of you, Sheriff Kane would be dead, the goblins would be free to terrorize the countryside and everybody would be wasting endless column inches reaching out to his widow, babbling about “healing processes” and “closure” and “forgiving the murderers.”

You might want to choose a better example the next time. Not only do you come off as the pompous pityfuck that you are, you also demonstrate that you’ve managed to watch one of the most famous movies of all time and still not pick up the first fucking clue from the experience.

The use of guns is often the American technique of choice for all kinds of conflict resolution.

Oh yes. Unplug the sink — use a gun. Do the dishes — use a gun. Set the timer on the VCR — use a gun.

Were you born this stupid, or does it take a Master’s Degree in ClueLessness?

Our famous Constitution, about which many of us are generally so proud, enshrines — along with the right to freedom of speech, press, religion and assembly — the right to own guns. That’s an apples and oranges list if there ever was one.

Because, you know, freedom of speech, press, religion and assembly are just there, don’t you know? Nobody would ever take them away from you by force if you were helpless to resist. Just ask 6 million Jews, millions of Iraqis, about a hundred million plus victims of socialism… Except you can’t. They’re dead because somebody, after having made sure that they didn’t have any “oranges”, decided to make them dead.

Not all of us are so proud and triumphant about the gun-guarantee clause. The right to free speech, press, religion and assembly and so on seem to be working well, but the gun part, not so much.

Not to repeat myself, but the only reason that your rights to free speech, press, religion and assembly have “worked so well” is that nobody has dared take them away, and the reason that they haven’t dared do so, because trust me, there are any number of people who would dearly love to, is that those Evil Guns™ are a powerful deterrent indeed.

Let me explain. Some misguided people will focus on the fact that the 23-year-old student who killed his classmates and others at Virginia Tech was ethnically Korean.

“Look, mommy! I made a strawman! All by myself too! Now watch as I set it on fire as well!”

You’re pathetic, you silly little clown caricature of a man.

This is one of those observations that’s 99.99 percent irrelevant. What are we to make of the fact that he is Korean? Ban Ki-moon is also Korean! Our brilliant new United Nations secretary general has not only never fired a gun, it looks like he may have just put together a peace formula for civil war-wracked Sudan — a formula that escaped his predecessor.

Are you as unfamiliar with the saying “don’t count your chickens until the eggs are hatched” as you are with major movies?

Because, not to be rude or anything, but we’d very much like to see the Useless Nitwits actually solve anything before we start throwing accolades around. Mainly because they, after about 60 years of wasting money and oxygen, have yet to solve anything at all. So we’re not exactly holding our breath here.

So let’s just disregard all the hoopla about the race of the student responsible for the slayings. These students were not killed by a Korean, they were killed by a 9 mm handgun and a .22-caliber handgun.

He didn’t do it! The guns did it!”

The sound you’re hearing, you drooling dickholster, is that of all of humanity laughing themselves silly, wondering how on Earth a lifeform as stupid as you managed to survive to the age of majority. Surely life is fraught with lethal dangers to Idiotarians such as you. Brushing your teeth, for instance. How did you manage to do so without choking?

Now, if you’ll pardon me for a minute. I just realized that I have a 9 mm laying around somewhere — damnably hard to keep up with the darn things laying around everywhere — and I have to go padlock it to a drain pipe or something to keep it from sneaking up on me while I’m asleep and perform its fiendish Jedi Mind Tricks on me.

It’s a pity too. You were off to a good start with your strawman argument about people “focusing on the shitstain being Korean” (if you find somebody saying that, please do let me know so I can humiliate them too), calling it utterly irrelevant because it is. And then you went and spoiled it all by saying something foolish like “the guns are relevant.”

No, you inexcusably daft heap of moronic platitudes, what IS relevant is the execrable waste of protoplasm holding the guns. HE killed those innocent students and teachers. The guns just happened to be the tools he used at the time. Which, of course, is painfully obvious to anybody with an IQ above the mean spring temperature of Alaska, i.e. not you.

In the nineties, the Los Angeles Times courageously endorsed an all-but-complete ban on privately owned guns, in an effort to greatly reduce their availability.

Nothing more brave in the face of danger than to disarm yourself, placing you and your loved ones at the mercy of merciless psychopaths.

By the time the series of editorials had concluded, the newspaper had received more angry letters and fiery faxes from the well-armed U.S. gun lobby than on any other issue during my privileged six-year tenure as the newspaper’s editorial page editor.

Hey, you were only trying to disarm them, condemning them and their loved ones to death at the hands of the first armed criminal to call on their residence. What’s up with all the anger?

But the paper, by the way, also received more supportive letters than on any other issue about which it editorialized during that era.

Proving the old adage that “there’s one born every minute.” Of course, in the Peepul’s Socialist Republik of Kalifornikate, it seems to be more like “every 10 seconds”, but we digress.

The common sense of ordinary citizens told them that whatever Americans were and are good for, carrying around guns like costume jewelry was not on our Mature List of Notable Cultural Accomplishments.

“Common sense?”

It’s “common sense” to abrogate your responsibility to defend the helpless from deeds of violence? Damn, that whole Code of Chivalry was just plain nonsense, I suppose. If the knights of old had only had the “common sense of ordinary citizens”, they would have beat their swords into ploughshares and let every ruffian, brigand and ne’erdowell passing by do as he pleased. The Saracen hordes would have loved that.

“Guns don’t kill people,” goes the gun lobby’s absurd mantra.

I herewith officially make an offer of $1,000 to the first person who can prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, ONE incident of a gun acquiring free will and killing somebody. Heck, make that $10,000. OK, since I know that nobody is ever going to collect, make it $1,000,000. Hey, I’m staking all of my life’s savings as well as a sizable chunk of what I’m ever likely to earn on an “absurd mantra” here.

Far fewer guns in America would logically result in far fewer deaths from people pulling the trigger.

Assuming, of course, that a gun in the hands of a law-abiding citizen is no less likely to be used in a murder than a gun in the hands of a psychopathic murderer.

Or, more precisely: Assuming that every shred of evidence, every single lesson from the entirety of human history is wrong.

But yes, with that minor assumption, you just might have a point.

The probability of the Virginia Tech gun massacre happening would have been greatly reduced if guns weren’t so easily available to ordinary citizens.

That’s funny. Because, you see, thanks to the actions of gun grabbers such as yourself, the availability of guns to ordinary citizens, i.e. NOT the psychopathic, mass-murdering demographic to which Psy-Cho belonged, WAS severely limited. As in “they weren’t allowed. Under any circumstances. Period.” Hey, you just had your theory tested in vivo. You should be thrilled.

So how did that work out for 33 students and teachers at VA Tech again?

Foreigners sometimes believe that celebrities in America are more often the targets of gun violence than the rest of us. Not true. Celebrity shootings just make better news stories, so perhaps they seem common. They’re not. All of us are targets because with so many guns swishing around our culture, no one is immune — not even us non-celebrities.

Which is why we should all disarm ourselves and let the goblins have their way with us, of course.

Dammit, you bumbling buffoon, would you quit Fisking yourself? You’re ruining all my fun here.

When the great pop composer and legendary member of the Beatles John Lennon was shot in 1980 in New York, many in the foreign press tabbed it a war on celebrities. Now, some in the media will declare a war on students or some-such. This is all misplaced. The correct target of our concern needs to be guns.

“Just tell the psychopaths to quit using guns and it will all go away. After all, psychopaths are bound to listen!”

America has more than it can possibly handle.

I’m handling mine just fine, thank you very much.

How many can our society handle? My opinion is: as close to zero as possible.

Well then. Wave your magic wand and make all the guns go away. While you’re at it, you need to make the knowledge of how to manufacture them go away too. Also, you have to magically make the knowledge of gunpowder disappear. Oh, and would you be a dear and cure cancer, famine and inclement weather while you’re at it?

Last month, I was robbed at 10 in the evening in the alley behind my home. As I was carrying groceries inside, a man with a gun approached me where my car was parked. The gun he carried featured one of those red-dot laser beams, which he pointed right at my head.

Because I’m anything but a James Bond type, I quickly complied with all of his requests. Perhaps because of my rapid response (it is called surrender), he chose not to shoot me; but he just as easily could have. What was to stop him?

Nothing. You’d have been absolutely helpless to stop him. At that point, he could have done anything he bloody well liked to you and left you a cooling, mangled corpse, leaving me with nothing to ridicule today.

And your point? That you would have been better off dead than alive? We might have been, our national IQ average would certainly have gone up significantly, but as much as I despise you, that’s not near as important to me as your right to be alive. Which is why I, had I been a witness to the incident, would have drawn my Evil Gun™ and given him exactly one chance to leave you alone, after which, had he not complied, I would quite matter-of-factly have shot him in the face.

Just as I wouldn’t have hesitated to shoot PsyCho had I been at VA Tech this Monday. I may be going out on a limb here, but I do believe that the world would have been a better place because of it, and I’m sure that the ones now dead because of you and your ilk’s gun grabbing ways would have appreciated the presence of myself and my Evil Gun™.

This occurred in Beverly Hills, a low-crime area dotted with upscale boutiques, restaurants and businesses — a city best known perhaps for its glamour and celebrity sightings.

Are you trying to prove my point here, or are you just every bit as stupid as your picture suggests?

Oh, and police tell me the armed robber definitely was not Korean.

It’s one thing building a strawman and setting it on fire, but playing with the ashes is just downright unsettling.

Not that I would have known one way or the other: Basically the only thing I saw or can remember was the gun, with the red dot, pointed right at my head.

A near-death experience does focus the mind. We need to get rid of our guns.

They are always going to have guns and any other weapon they might lay their goblin paws on, they don’t give two shits about what the law says (that’s why we refer to them as “criminals”, in case you forgot), so the “solution” is to get rid of our guns?

I feel stupider for just having read that. Not quite as stupid as you are, that would require a full brainectomy, but still…

I extend the same invitation to you that I once extended to a gun-grabbing twit in my native country who also believed that outlawing guns would make it next to impossible for criminals to lay their hands of them (and trust me, they have some pretty all-inclusive and harsh anti-gun laws over there): I’ll bet you a case of beer that I can find you somebody who will sell you a gun within an hour over there, complete with delivery, magazines and ammunition.

It might take me longer than 35 minutes this time, but I’ll win the bet. Again.

OK, now that we’re done with this moron’s drivel, go read Ted Nugent’s (G-d Bless Him) rebuttal.

Ted’s not quite as good at it as I am, but it’s still well worth a read. After all, there can be only one Emperor.

22 Responses to ““Look, Ma! No Brains!””
  1. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

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    FOIST!!!

    BTW, Boss, Check yer e-mail…

  2. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Set the timer on the VCR — use a gun.

    Not that I don’t know that impulse personally. Of course, it was more an impulse to hunt down the author of the instructions and give them back to him. As a suppository.

  3. hitnrun Comment by hitnrun

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    Liberals have some great ideas about guns and violence. Now if only we killed all the humans on the planet, we could enact them.

    That bit of categorically stating that the murderer was not responsible while the guns were is particularly disturbing. As the Emp has pointed out way back when, Britain has followed that logic to essentially banning sharp objects with handles.

  4. TDCG23 Comment by TDCG23

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    I’d like to know when these useless idiots are going to realize that YOU CANNOT LEGISLATE THE CRIMINAL OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!!!!!

    If ALL other weapons were to be eliminated, you STILL have the freakin’ goblins. They WILL find a weapon to use against the helpless!! After all, they still have hands, feet and teeth don’t they?

  5. sixfootbrit Comment by sixfootbrit

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Just in case yer blood isn’t boiling enough yet, read this….

    http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/12628813/detail.html

  6. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    All of us are targets because with so many guns swishing around our culture, no one is immune …

    Now this drooling idiot states we’re all to be done in by an Attack of the Faggot 9mm’s, the Copper Jacketed Queens.

    If they don’t kill us outright they’ll force us to accessorize with feather boa bore brushes and pack our asses with SLiP2000.

    I always suspected that 9mm’s were a little light in the holster.

  7. Redeard Comment by Redeard

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    What the libs fail to realize is, guns are the great equalizer. Without guns, we would be at the mercy of cavemen and packs of goblins. Solely dependant on the police to protect us. But since the courts have already decided that the police do not have a legal obligation to protect us, where does that leave us?

  8. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Just in case yer blood isn’t boiling enough yet, read this….

    http://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/12628813/detail.html

    Terminally moronic would be my diagnosis.

  9. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I always suspected that 9mm’s were a little light in the holster.

    Are you sure that isn’t “loose” in the holster there, sig?

  10. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

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    I laughed so loud my pistol threatened to bust a cap in my ass if I didn’t shut up. Evil bastard has no sense of humor!
    Excellent fisking!

  11. Unregistered Comment by curious

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    citizens of High Noon America

    If this situation had been anything like High Noon, it would have been a very boring story. Let’s get crazy and say that the President of Virginia Tech had not violated the constitutional rights of the entire student body and forcibly collected a few hundred guns from students as he bragged so self-righteously not so long ago, “now all the students can FEEL safe” (irony intended). Let’s say that the student advisor who witnessed the first murder had went to his dorm room and retrieved his trusty 12 guage shotgun instead of confronting the murderer empty handed.

    Now the story wouldn’t have received all this media attention, because the headline would have read: “Crazed stalker shoots object of his insanity, victim’s student advisor shoots stalker, stalker is so disfigured by 12 guage shotgun blast at close range, he has not so far been identified”.

    If only we did live in High Noon America.

  12. Unregistered Comment by Bwee

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    speaking of gun violence, I’m surprised no one is talking about the gun violence/gang violence happening in Japan.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/20/AR2007042000097.html

    guns only belong in the hands of the Yakuza.

  13. Unregistered Comment by Bwee

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    holy crap, I just found a pro gun article! too bad it has nothing to do with VT.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070418/ap_on_re_as/japan_mayor_shooting_27

  14. Unregistered Comment by Rainy

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Here’s a great one from our local newspaper blog:

    “This is America, not Japan, not China, not Europe.

    In theUSA where we have the right to own guns, lots of them.

    And here the only solution is to arm everyone. Its a return to the wild wild west. We will soon have vending machines for ammo and guns. bullets sold in cereal boxes as prizes.

    We really are turning into Iraq. Its only a matter of time before someone buys an IED or RPG for “home protection”

    Posted by Its really time for GUN CONTROL on April 19, 2007 07:27 AM ”

    Well, my link isn’t showing up. It’s from the Rocky Talk blog at the Rocky Mountain News.

    The funniest nutcase I’ve read yet!

  15. Unregistered Comment by Lord Daealdric

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    After all, they still have hands, feet and teeth don’t they?

    hmm… A little surgery could take care of that problem.

  16. TDCG23 Comment by TDCG23

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    hmm… A little surgery could take care of that problem.

    Yep. And with all the PC ‘hate speech’ bullshit, they’re already sizing everyone for muzzles.

  17. LC Guido Cabrone Comment by LC Guido Cabrone

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    We will soon have vending machines for ammo and guns. bullets sold in cereal boxes as prizes.

    Damn. This idiot thinks that’s a Bad Thing?

  18. Brian the sailor Comment by Brian the sailor

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    “…my pistol threatened to bust a cap in my ass if I didn’t shut up.”
    Thanks maxxdog. I was looking for something like that.

    As always, Misha, you’re right on point.

  19. Unregistered Comment by Lord Daealdric

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    We will soon have vending machines for ammo and guns. bullets sold in cereal boxes as prizes.

    Really? Sweet!

  20. L.C. Rowane Comment by L.C. Rowane

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    In the immortal words of Carlos Mencia, this guy is a DeeDeeDee!

  21. JeepThang Comment by JeepThang

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    How do you spell aneurism? Because I think Im having one.

    Jesus.. How can people be that stupid??

    Im gonna link this.

  22. WayneB Comment by WayneB

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I went and read The Nuge’s excellent post in response to the brain-bleeding idiot, and I do have one quibble with one of his assertions:

    No one was foolish enough to debate Ryder truck regulations or ammonia nitrate restrictions or a “cult of agriculture fertilizer” following the unabashed evil of Timothy McVeigh’s heinous crime against America on that fateful day in Oklahoma City.

    Yes, actually, there were calls for requiring Ammonium Nitrate to have chemicals added which would reduce its explosiveness when being used in this fashion. Of course, the arguments went the same way they always do: It would only cost xx% more that way, and it would have yy% less explosive force.

    And some of the comments cnn posted from emails were almost as daft as the Tom Plate article.