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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » “Don’t You Know Who I AM?”
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Noted Genius on Everything There is to Know in the Whole Universe™ (according to 9 out of 10 certifiably sub-retarded garden slugs) Sheryl Crow and her girlfriend went to Washington, and all they got was a lousy T-shirt. Oh the HUMANITY!

Last night Thelma and Louise drove the bus off the cliff or at least into the White House Correspondents Dinner. The “highlight” of the evening had to be when we were introduced to Karl Rove. How excited were we to have our first opportunity ever to talk directly to the Bush Administration about global warming.

Why didn’t you bring Hansel & Gretel as well, seeing as how you seem to be enamored of fairy tales?

We asked Mr. Rove if he would consider taking a fresh look at the science of global warming.

You mean you actually found some? Please, let us see it as well, because all we have so far is a bunch of hyperventilating hysterics on the public grant dole, trying to outdo one another in baseless assertions and crazed conjectures.

Much to our dismay, he immediately got combative. And it went downhill from there.

We reminded the senior White House advisor that the US leads the world in global warming pollution and we are doing the least about it.

Which is what one should do about something that isn’t “pollution” and doesn’t contribute in a meaningful fashion to global warming.

Anger flaring, Mr. Rove immediately regurgitated the official Administration position on global warming which is that the US spends more on researching the causes than any other country.

Which is, sadly, true. And a horrible waste of tax funds as well. Surely we can find something other than full employment for nutty “scientists” to spend His Imperial Majesty’s money on?

We felt compelled to remind him that the research is done and the results are in (www.IPCC.ch).

…now that the IPCC, a wholly owned subsidiary of the U.N., the single most inept and corrupt kleptocracy in all of human history, are done editing out the scientific conclusions that contradict the preferred message, that is.


Mr. Rove exploded with even more venom. Like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum, Mr. Rove launched into a series of illogical arguments regarding China not doing enough thus neither should we. (Since when do we follow China’s lead?)

Throwing to the wind cautions about enabling the delusions of the insane by agreeing with them for a moment, if man-made CO2 were in any way likely to change the Earth’s climate, it would stand to reason that one of the worst “offenders” on the planet ought to get with the program in order for the program to have any effect, no?

Much like global use of toilet paper won’t be much affected by Sheryl Crow wiping her bottom with her hands if the other 5,999,999,999 passengers on this rock insist on carrying on regardless, but we’ll get to that again later.

At some point during his ramblings, we became heartbroken to think that the President of the United States and his top advisers have partially built a career on global warming not being real.

Somehow we don’t think that Mr. Rove’s career would be in the least affected by him not caring one whit about the subject of Global Wormening one way or the other, there are other issues for a Presidential Advisor to care about, after all, but we can think of quite a few Global Wormening “scientists” who would be out of a job right quick if their scam was exposed.

Qui bono?

(That’s Latin for “you’re a couple of ignorant sluts, Laurie and Sheryl.” Actually it isn’t, but you wouldn’t know.)

We have been telling college students across the country for the past two weeks that government does not change until people demand it… well, listen up folks, everyone had better get a lot louder because the message clearly is not getting through.

Oh yes. “If at first you don’t get your way, scream louder and bang your sippy cup harder against your high chair!”

It’s a wonderful tactic. If you’re two years old. Or a Hollyweirdo liberal with the cognitive abilities of a stalk of celery.

In his attempt to dismiss us, Mr. Rove turned to head toward his table, but as soon as he did so, Sheryl reached out to touch his arm. Karl swung around and spat, “Don’t touch me.” How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow?

Familiar with basic principles of hygiene, perhaps?

Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

Crow has suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”.

His Majesty wouldn’t want that turd-fiddler touching us either. Play with your feces all that you want, Sheryl, it’s not an uncommon trait in the insane, after all, so it’s not like we could stop you even if we wanted to, but you’re not touching us with the hand that you’ve been using to scrape dingleberries from your rectum.

Unfazed, Sheryl abruptly responded, “You can’t speak to us like that, you work for us.” Karl then quipped, “I don’t work for you, I work for the American people.” To which Sheryl promptly reminded him, “We are the American people.”

What’s with the royal “we”, peasant? We’d have you know that we could have you beheaded for that, but it would be a sad waste of a perfectly good axe. Not to mention that separating your head from your shoulders most likely wouldn’t have any noticeable effect at all. And yes, that does include your “singing”, for lack of a more accurately descriptive word.

Speaking of revolutionary ways of Saving Mother Gaia, Sheryl “Turd Paw” Crow has now come up with a replacement for paper napkins: Just wipe your face on your sleeve!

Playing with your feces and wiping snot off on your sleeves?

With luck, she’ll reach the intellectual age of a three-year-old eventually.

39 Responses to ““Don’t You Know Who I AM?””
  1. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    What an arrogant cupid stunt. And it aint just her finger that smells.

  2. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    FOIST!

  3. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    And people wonder why I even refuse to listen to her whining music. I rank her right up there with the Dicky Twats. Scare Crow can just go play in her crap all she wants.

    Oh…and just take a look at how our Eeeeevil Military is treating those poor Iraqis!

    Someone tell Hanoi Harry to call his office.

  4. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    I’m still laughing my ass off….
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6583067.stm

    Especially this link……….ohhh yeah!
    http://www.tmz.com/2007/04/23/rosie-to-sheryl-crow-have-you-seen-my-ass

  5. GrumpyPenguin Comment by GrumpyPenguin

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    Even the other whack jobs think that she’s nuts
    http://tinyurl.com/3d2hho

  6. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    “Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

    Well that investigation won’t last long.
    I think it’s already concluded that brains aren’t everything. In fact in her case they’re nothing.

  7. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

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    “You’re my favorite mistake”…….

  8. LC SkyeChild Comment by LC SkyeChild

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    First off, ms. crow…if Karl Rove doesn’t want to be touched, you have NO right to do so, even if he does work for the American people. NO MEANS NO, got it?

    Second off, I use recycled toilet paper, so nyah nyah nyah.

    Third off, aren’t you the home-wrecker that Lance left his wife and child for? And you are lecturing US????

  9. LC SkyeChild Comment by LC SkyeChild

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    Okay you guys…not THAT kind of recycled toilet paper. Geeze…

    I get mine from Gaiam, courtesy of my mom…

  10. Mope, Imperial Offsetter Comment by Mope, Imperial Offsetter

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    We asked Mr. Rove if he would consider taking a fresh look at the science of global warming.

    We felt compelled to remind him that the research is done and the results are in (www.IPCC.ch).

    Yup. Take a fresh look because the results are in and there is a concensus of liberals that want to believe this tripe.

    Why can’t these hollywood types and singers entertain and shaddup already?

    I do like her song about wet fingernail polish, tho.

    “… and don’t it make my brown eye blue…”

  11. Unregistered Comment by nerbygirl

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    I’m AMAZED that anyone listens to these asswipes. Oh, I’m sorry, they don’t really wipe their asses, they only use one sheet. I can only imagine what kind of dung is hanging from “Miss Precious” Sheryl Crow’s ass. No wonder she was dumped by a guy who spends most of his time on his ass, winning WORLD races. He must have complained about HER butt stripes on the underwear…..

    Hey, let’s send baby wipes to soldiers oversees!!!! Masses of them. They’re NOT biodegradable items, but who the hell cares? They serve multiple purposes for our men and women overseas, and will be dumped in a landfill called “Iraq”.

    FUCK these earth lovers. They are the biggest hypocrites on the planet.

    How’s your Humvee working for you, Sheryl? What’s YOUR electricity bill? Oops, I’m sorry, you don’t know, because that’s “Handled” by someone in your service.
    And where do you think electricity comes from, pixies and fairies????

    GOD, I am so sick of these useless people….

  12. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    “… and don’t it make my brown eye blue…”

    :lol_wp: Mope.

    or

    “…and don’t it keep my brown eye brown…”

  13. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

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    Third off, aren’t you the home-wrecker that Lance left his wife and child for?

    Don’t feel to bad for her, Lance’s fiance, who saw him through his cancer treatment, got dumped for a nurse. The woman he had kids with. What goes around, comes around.

  14. Unregistered Comment by Perpetual Student

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    How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow?

    Why, she’s rich and she’s a leftist! Rich leftists are the most important people in existence upon Mother Gaia!! Only a total freak would refuse to be touched by a rich leftist!!!

    Asshat.

    Anyway, I’m reminded of a certain scene of an episode from Fawlty Towers: “Don’t touch me! I don’t know where you’ve been!”

  15. Grits Comment by Grits

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    Wipe a greasy mouth or snotty nose on a sleeve? MERDE!!! I have been told that the Queen of Spain in the distant past was revolted by the sleeves of the palace guard which were covered with grease stains, colorful snot, assorted boogers and other choice morsels. She required buttons be sewn on the sleeves of the uniform coats from shoulder to cuff which reportedly solved the problem. Would this wicked wench from Hollywood have the temerity to override the wisdom of the Queen of Spain? And ONE square of paper to wipe? Would somebody please bring this nasty ass her meds. Rosie O’Donnell requires an entire tree!!!

    Grits

  16. memoryleak Comment by memoryleak

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    Say Sheryl, you want to stop global warming?.
    Apart from keeping your big yap shut and letting out all that hot air, howsa ’bout you stop your musical tours?. No private jets, no luxury motor coaches, no army of groupies, techies, hangers on, all consuming mass quantities of energy getting your highness to her next gig. Oh yeah, just how many kilowatts of electricity are necessary for one of your concerts?.
    How ’bout your next gig being all acoustic, no amplification, outdoors in a field where you and your ilk can just wipe your butts on the grass and save even more TP. :lol_wp:

  17. Unregistered Comment by suboptimal

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    “Sheryl”

    Acoustic guitar in the key of Q

    Took the bio-diesel bus
    Down the winding road
    Had to make stop
    Had to drop a load

    No paper, no problem
    Man
    She’ll just use her
    Hand

    Sheryl,
    Why can’t you see?
    Sheryl,
    Oh, what you do to me
    Sheryl,
    I’d like to be your fan
    Sheryl,
    If you’d just wash your hands

    She’s trying to figure out
    How to save the Earth
    Gotta stretch her budget
    Get every penny’s worth

    When those ideas come together
    She can make a roll last
    Forever

    Sheryl,
    Maybe on second thought
    Sheryl,
    You’re not all that hot
    Sheryl,
    I guess I’ll have to pass
    Sheryl,
    Until you wipe your ass

    Thank you and goodnight

  18. Unregistered Comment by elchonon

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    1 square of toilet paper per dump? dude if we did that to our prisinors in gittmo I bet you she’d be screaming bloody murder “torturing, civil rights abuse blah blah blah”

    http://www.nypost.com/postopinion/ramirez/2007/04/04222007.jpg

    thats a beuty!

  19. Michael Comment by Michael

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    For one of these “enlightened” liberals she has never heard of a fricking handkercheif?

  20. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    IPCC, a wholly owned subsidiary of the U.N.

    I think that about sums it up

  21. DдrтH бдкфи Comment by DдrтH бдкфи

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    First of all, what’s with the fuzzy neologism “Look at the science”? Is that their way of using the word “science” as a bludgeon without actually using a phrase like “look at the factual basis”, which would leave them in a much tighter semantic position?

    Secondly, what’s with lefties and the bad manners? Neither Shriveled Crow nor Loopy Laurie are correspondents, so I have no idea why they were there in the first place- but since when is polite to accost strangers at a private function in order to demand that they give audience to your disjointed harangues?
    Perhaps they demand their “right” to touch someone without that person’s objection, but I would react the same way- especially if that person were prattling on like the preprogrammed Chatty Kathys those two dimbots are, and about some jive-ass, anti-scientific, crypto-socialist okey-doke like ‘Global Warming’, while my prime rib frosted over in some cheesy banquet hall While O’Reilly and Rush argued over who got to eat it. Get the fuck out of my way, you dessicated, amenorrheic harpies…I have rare steak to eat.

    Finally, what is the deal with these two? Are they competing for “Ms. Leathery Decolletage 2007″, or something? I have a few words for them:

    Sunblock.

    Bra.

    Manners.

    Silence.

  22. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

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    I hope she knows, by making such an ass out of herself, that she’s the butt of a lot of jokes right now.

    Oh, and don’t squeeze the Charmin!!!!

    :lol_wp: :lol_tb:

  23. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

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    How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow?

    Considering her stance on the whole personal cleansing issue, anyone who’s even heard of bacteria should refuse to be touched by Crow and her partially-wiped ilk.

    I hope she knows, by making such an ass out of herself, that she’s the butt of a lot of jokes right now.

    Now -that- was a stinker…. Or did Ms Crow pass by?

  24. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    Instead of lobbying the gov’t for more tax breaks on low-emission vehicles or seeking more research into hydrogen energy, etc…she decides to go this route? Not only is this a ridiculous idea, but it totally lacks common sense.
    You don’t change things by telling people they can’t do something, you do it by giving them incentive to WANT to change.
    If everyone on earth decided to use only one sheet of toilet paper at a time from now on, for like a millenium - it’s not going to make one bit of difference whatsoever. I seriously have no idea what the fuck these idiotic ‘artists’ are thinking. No wonder Rove didn’t want to listen to her, her idea was odd, unhygienic, unenforceable, communist, inefective, inplausible, petty, insignificant. It was a total waste of Rove’s time, and may I say, a total waste of anyone’s time at the podium in support of the environment.
    She just added more distance from the environmental lobby and common sense.

  25. Spartan24 Comment by Spartan24

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    The whole toilet paper thing is just sickening. I am reasonably sure that the one sheet rules applies to plebians like us, not the high exaulted rich people like Ms Crow. I bet she uses that pre moistened butt friendly stuff.

  26. baslimthecripple Comment by baslimthecripple

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    Much to our dismay, he immediately got combative. And it went downhill from there.

    In a truely civilized country, he would have capped this pair of Ditzie Clitz with a .40 cal S&W. On the toilet paper score, a modest proposal. They can be pals to one aonther, in this case that’s Personalized Ass Licker. Then the will need no paper at all.

  27. Spartan24 Comment by Spartan24

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    Much to our dismay, he immediately got combative. And it went downhill from there.

    How combative were they going in? What a pair of assholes… A small amount of research would tell her that toilet paper and most paper for that matter is made from saplings grown especially for that purpose. They are very fast growing pine varieties that are harvested after 3-5 years and replanted.

  28. Unregistered Comment by CKO1986

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    Suddenly, Lance Armstrong’s decision to break up with her is making more and more sense…

  29. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Oh, and courtesy of LC & IB Patterico, if you don’t have enough reasons to despise that bony, stanky ho already, there’s always this:

    “The REAL secret of Sheryl Crow’s success.”

  30. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

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    Suddenly, Lance Armstrong’s decision to break up with her is making more and more sense…

    Made sense to me from the start…. Who want’s to be around a shrill, talentless and scrawny Leftard every day?

  31. juandos Comment by juandos

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    Personally if Sheryl Crow was really interested in mitigating global warming and was really interested in recycling she would use her hand to wipe herself and then lick her hand clean…

    It worked for the poor Vietnamese prowling the dump site (looking for aluminum) next to Saigon’s Tan Son Nhut airport…

  32. Merc Comment by Merc

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    Cupid Stunts

    We are the American people.

    WTF??? Since fucking when were you two richass, out of touch, hippy, so far left you belong in france, chicks “the American People” Go fucking die, fucktards. :furious_tb:

    Maybe Rove “was mean”(that means he didn’t roll out the red carpet and kiss her hand and call her milady) to them because:

    1. Lobbyists are a pain in the ass
    2. Self-righteous hippys are worse than lobbyists
    3. see #1

    Its the Church of Goreacle at work.

    The Church of Goreacle-
    ‘Fucking up lives and minds since whenever Al gore released “An Inconvenient Piece of Shit.”‘

  33. juandos Comment by juandos

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    Merc says:

    Maybe Rove “was mean”(that means he didn’t roll out the red carpet and kiss her hand and call her milady) to them because:

    1. Lobbyists are a pain in the ass
    2. Self-righteous hippys are worse than lobbyists
    3. see #1

    Hey Merc, couldn’t there be a reason #4? Maybe Rove saw the, ‘brown‘ under Crow’s finger nails…

    Just asking is all…

  34. bhedrick Comment by bhedrick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Lemme see, Karl was eating his meal, they came up and interrupted him with idiocy and he’s the bad guy for telling them to leave him alone?

    I think the only mistake he made was engaging them in conversation.

  35. Unregistered Comment by LCSwan

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    (slips out of lurk mode) Coming from Little Miss ‘The Best Way to Avoid Problems is Not to Have Any Enemies,’ this doesn’t surprise me at all. But every time she opens her mouth, I keep wanting to shove something in it. Something disgusting.

  36. ACLPoo Comment by ACLPoo

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    Couple of points - I do like some of her music, and I do find her kind of hot. I also think Rove should have been dishonest and instead of treating Crow as she deserved to be treated, for the sake of publicity, he should have patronizingly entertained her attitude appreciatively.
    Hollywood types, while some of the most illogical, spoiled, egomaniacal people on earth, can be played and used to your advantage by a little ego stroking and some insincere, well-chosen words. Rove is probably just too professional and out of touch with these dopes. A fine personality trait as a human, perhaps, but politically, he should know of the strength of the Hollywood voice. She should have taken Lance along - anyone who put the frenchies in their place 7 years in a row like he did - can walk on water.

  37. Radical Redneck Comment by Radical Redneck

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    Sheryl, watch this then remember to slice vertically! :roflmao_dj:

  38. SoCalOilMan, LC Comment by SoCalOilMan, LC

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’m sure that everyone knows that there are two sides to a piece of toilet paper, We could cut the deforestation down by 50% if everyone would just get on the bandwagon.

    The original statement was a joke, and was just an absurd proposition, but the “absurd” propositions that they throw at us daily always tends make us a wee bit gun shy as to what’s humor or not.

  39. Unregistered Comment by VonZorch

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    There is actually Global Warming, here on Earth,Mars,the moons of Jupiter and Saturn, in fact every where in the Solar System that anyone has bothered to measure. Tracking very nicely with a 1500 year cycle of solar activity. After all from A.D. 980 to about 1450 Greenland was farming country.