LC Craig writes us, telling us that he can’t wait to see us administer a bit of our particular brand of loving to this flaming fuckhead, one “retired diplomat” (think “Foggy Bottom” and you’ll know all you need to know about what sort of worthless scum he is) in favor of throwing the Constitution out the window and establish a totalitarian hellhole in the U.S. of A. in the best of proud, Stalinist traditions.
His Majesty had already seen that avalanche of Nazi drivel masquerading as a column and, quite frankly, we were convinced that Dumbass Dan was having us on. That column just stinks to high heavens of “modest proposals” because, surely, nobody can be that disgustingly dimwitted? But, then again, LC & IB Ace assures us that the stormtrooper wannabe is, indeed, serious. So why the Hell not? Let’s have some fun:
LAST week’s tragedy at Virginia Tech in which a mentally disturbed person gunned down 32 of America’s finest - intelligent young people with futures ahead of them -
No. America’s finest are currently deployed in the world’s largest and most useless litterbox, risking their lives to protect the right of simpering sucknozzles like you to advocate the destruction of our nation and the shredding of our Constitution.
once again puts the phenomenon of an armed society into focus for Americans.
Actually, what it put into focus was the consequences of an unarmed society, the consequences this time being 32 dead youngsters, forcibly disarmed and led to the slaughter by administration animals caring more about their own precious feewings than the lives of their students. They’ve got blood on their hands and will spend eternity in Hell alongside their protégé, Psy-Cho, suffering all the torment that Satan can dispense on their very deserving, flabby arses. And yours truly will be laughing his own arse off for just as long, enjoying every second of their pain and suffering.
The likely underestimate of how many guns are wandering around America runs at 240 million in a population of about 300 million. What was clear last week is that at least two of those guns were in the wrong hands.
And, more importantly, none were in the right hands, thanks entirely to Idiotarian GFWs like you. Hope you’re proud of yourself. 32 counts of accessory to murder without lifting a finger. That’s impressive, Danny.
When people talk about doing something about guns in America, it often comes down to this: “How could America disarm even if it wanted to? There are so many guns out there.”
Because I have little or no power to influence the “if” part of the issue, I will stick with the “how.” And before anyone starts to hyperventilate and think I’m a crazed liberal zealot wanting to take his gun from his cold, dead hands, let me share my experience of guns.
We can’t hardly wait. The entertainment value should prove quite amazing.
As a child I played cowboys and Indians with cap guns. I had a Daisy Red Ryder B-B gun.
Move over, COL Cooper. This guy had a cap gun AND a BB gun! Holy guacamole, Batman, that’s Delta Force material right there! Did you shoot your eye out as well? If so, we can only regret that you didn’t have a .50 cal handy at the time.
My father had in his bedside table drawer an old pistol which I examined surreptitiously from time to time.
And he touched a pistol! That’s it. We’re resigning. In the presence of such expertise, we can do nothing but bow down and confess to our own ignorance. We truly are not worthy. Just one question, though: What the fuck business did your old man have owning a firearm if he couldn’t even keep his offspring away from fiddling around with it in his absence? Sorry, we forget. You already had vast experience with your cap gun and your Red Ryder, so obviously you were exempt from the safety rules that the rest of us mere mortals follow religiously.
When assigned to the American embassy in Beirut during the war in Lebanon, I sometimes carried a .357 Magnum, which I could fire accurately. I also learned to handle and fire a variety of weapons while I was there, including Uzis and rocket-propelled grenade launchers.
We’re sure you did. One of the first things we teach desk jockeys in striped pants is to hold off a battalion strength assault on the compound single-handedly. Right after we’ve gone over the paper stapler drill a few hundred times to keep them from stapling their lips to the desk, that is.
I don’t have any problem with hunting, although blowing away animals with high-powered weapons seems a pointless, no-contest affair to me. I suppose I would enjoy the fellowship of the experience with other friends who are hunters.
He doesn’t have a problem with hunting! Well, as long as it doesn’t involve any actual shooting, that is. Because, you know, to a highly trained Foggy Bottom SEAL like Danny “Killer” Simpson who once held off an entire army armed only with his trusty BB gun and a .357, that sort of thing is just yucky.
Now, how would one disarm the American population? First of all, federal or state laws would need to make it a crime punishable by a $1,000 fine and one year in prison per weapon to possess a firearm. The population would then be given three months to turn in their guns, without penalty.
We’d strongly suggest the federal government spend those three months of utter inactivity making up their wills, stocking up on body bags and clearing land for new cemeteries.
Hunters would be able to deposit their hunting weapons in a centrally located arsenal, heavily guarded, from which they would be able to withdraw them each hunting season upon presentation of a valid hunting license. The weapons would be required to be redeposited at the end of the season on pain of arrest. When hunters submit a request for their weapons, federal, state, and local checks would be made to establish that they had not been convicted of a violent crime since the last time they withdrew their weapons. In the process, arsenal staff would take at least a quick look at each hunter to try to affirm that he was not obviously unhinged.
How generous of you. You’d actually let them have the use of their own private property a few months a year, provided that the local Gestapo didn’t decide, arbitrarily, that they were “obviously unhinged?”
It would have to be the case that the term “hunting weapon” did not include anti-tank ordnance, assault weapons, rocket-propelled grenade launchers, or other weapons of war.
You’re right. We definitely need laws to make sure that nobody goes hunting with LAWs, RCLs and RPGs. After all, that’s one of the biggest problems we face today: all of those horrid anti-tank weapons in the hands of private citizens being used to blow away Bambi every bloody year.
All antique or interesting non-hunting weapons would be required to be delivered to a local or regional museum, also to be under strict 24-hour-a-day guard. There they would be on display, if the owner desired, as part of an interesting exhibit of antique American weapons, as family heirlooms from proud wars past or as part of collections.
Nope, not taking your guns away. We’ll just remove them from your property and lock them up in a museum where you can come visit them. For a fee.
Gun dealers could continue their work, selling hunting and antique firearms. They would be required to maintain very tight inventories. Any gun sold would be delivered immediately by the dealer to the nearest arsenal or the museum, not to the buyer.
We’re sure that there’d be a line stretching eight blocks down the road of people wanting to buy a gun for the local museum. “Look, son. That rifle hanging right there ‘belongs’ to Daddy!”
The disarmament process would begin after the initial three-month amnesty. Special squads of police would be formed and trained to carry out the work. Then, on a random basis to permit no advance warning, city blocks and stretches of suburban and rural areas would be cordoned off and searches carried out in every business, dwelling, and empty building. All firearms would be seized. The owners of weapons found in the searches would be prosecuted: $1,000 and one year in prison for each firearm.
Why not? If we’re going to throw away the 2nd Amendment, we might as well throw out the 4th as well. Good luck finding volunteers for the job, by the way. Somehow, we don’t think their life expectancy will be very high, and we can guarantee you that a member of the New Gestapo won’t be able to find a life insurance company willing to sign him up.
Word of advice for all of you find young men and women in uniform out there: If something like Herr Simpson’s insane proposal should ever become law, we strongly urge you to spend the three months of “amnesty” turning in your badges. Because we promise you that if you show up at our door to confiscate our Constitutionally guaranteed means of self-defense, we will shoot first and ask questions later. Fair warning. We don’t want to, but we will do it, so if you’re among the unlucky ones to have your guts, brains and other body parts spread out on our property before you kill us, you have only yourselves to thank for it. No, we’re not kidding. You’ll undoubtedly win in the end, but the question you have to ask yourselves is whether it’s worth it to risk being one of the lifeless, bloodied corpses dragged away in a black plastic ziploc bag afterwards. Some of you will be our honor guard in Hell, so — do you feel lucky?
Clearly, since such sweeps could not take place all across the country at the same time. But fairly quickly there would begin to be gun-swept, gun-free areas where there should be no firearms. If there were, those carrying them would be subject to quick confiscation and prosecution. On the streets it would be a question of stop-and-search of anyone, even grandma with her walker, with the same penalties for “carrying.”
This from the same kind of liberal parasite who has the vapors if a middle-aged, Middle Eastern male with every known terrorist in the world on speed dial as much as has his phone bill looked at. Of course, grandmas aren’t as likely as the Dem Cong’s terrorist friends to shoot back or blow themselves up so, keeping in mind the fine tradition of cowardice among liberals, it makes perfect sense that they should be targeted as a result of the GFWs wet, totalitarian dreams.
The “gun lobby” would no doubt try to head off in the courts the new laws and the actions to implement them. They might succeed in doing so, although the new approach would undoubtedly prompt new, vigorous debate on the subject. In any case, some jurisdictions would undoubtedly take the opportunity of the chronic slowness of the courts to begin implementing the new approach.
We wouldn’t be surprised. There’ll always be local governments quite willing to start enacting blatantly, obviously un-Constitutional laws regardless of the consequences and knowing full well that the streets will be awash with blood before the laws are overturned.
Which is why some of us, seeing as how we’re going to die at the hands of government goons anyway, would put quite an effort into going after the legislators first, before our showdown with the “law.” Why not? We’re not going to give up our rights, we’re quite willing to die rather than live as slaves, so if we’ve already decided that we’re as good as dead, why not go after the ones truly responsible for the situation? That, by the way, would include worms such as yourself, Danny Boy, but we’re sure that you’ll be able to stop us with your trusty BB gun.
What? “Not fair?” Well, how fair is it for you to come up with sick ideas like this one and then insisting that somebody else has to go risk his or her life enforcing it? The way we see it is that it’s your idea, so you should be among the first to pay for the consequences. Sounds more than reasonable to us.
Oh, you can go change your pants now. We’ll take a short break while you do so.
America’s long land and sea borders present another kind of problem. It is easy to imagine mega-gun dealerships installing themselves in Mexico, and perhaps in more remote parts of the Canadian border area, to funnel guns into the United States. That would constitute a problem for American immigration authorities and the U.S. Coast Guard, but not an insurmountable one over time.
That’s funny. Because, you see, we have the feeling that you’d be one of the first to scream “IMPOSSIBLE!” whenever somebody suggests that we ought to fix our porous borders with regards to illegal immigration. So it’s impossible to keep men, women and children from crossing the border and installing themselves in our country for life, but it’s quite possible to make sure that not as much as a .22 crosses that same border?
There could conceivably also be a rash of score-settling during hunting season as people drew out their weapons, ostensibly to shoot squirrels and deer, and began eliminating various of their perceived two-footed enemies. Given the general nature of hunting weapons and the fact that such killings are frequently time-sensitive, that seems a lesser sort of issue.
OK, it’s now official. This rambling rotbrain is certifiably insane.
We CAN’T stop those naturally psychopathic hunters from gunning each other down at random on the one time of year when they’re graciously allowed to borrow their own guns from the Almighty Stalinist State, but we CAN keep certifiable psychopaths like Psy-Cho from going on a rampage with a stolen, smuggled or home-made gun?
That is my idea of how it could be done. The desire to do so on the part of the American people is another question altogether, but one clearly raised again by the Blacksburg tragedy.
Don’t rub it off on the “desire to do so on the part of the American people”, you cowardly, puling pissant. Put your money where your mouth is and hop to it. Get the law passed and then, if you manage to do so, volunteer to be point when the Gestapo squads move out to enforce it.
You’re not a chickenhawk, are you?