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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Look Out! It’s a Demon 9mm!
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As you may have noticed, other than the MSM scare campaign about high-cap magazines that has now been thoroughly debunked — as well it should be since it, in the finest tradition of “professional journalism”, was founded on nothing even resembling facts — they’ve also been working themselves up quite a bit over the truly frightening characteristics of the humble 9mm Parabellum round, or “Euro Pellet” as we like to call it around here.

“Loseweek”, forever covetous of going where no hysteric has ever dared to thread, manage to conjure up visions of that most lethal of all rounds lurking inside demonically possessed pistols, haunting our lands independent of human assistance in search of victims.

It would make for a great, if somewhat silly, horror flick, but “Loseweek” is, of course, presenting it as journalism.

We’d work it over viciously if it wasn’t because the Imperial Chief of Naval Ops had already done such a fine job, so go ahead and enjoy. We’ll be here when you return.

Besides, having read “Loseweek’s” infantile efforts at fiction, we need a break to go secure our own 9mm. If we’d only known about the snake we’ve been nursing at our bosom… We shudder to think what it might have done in the middle of the night, loaded up and ready to go with no-one in sight to stop its murderous intentions.

There. We gave it a very stern talking to, letting it know in no uncertain terms that, should it ever decide to jump up and go on a murderous rampage, we should be very cross indeed. It, of course, being the obstinate, recalcitrant, murderous little bastard that it is, refused to acknowledge our admonishments with as much as a “yes sir”, but we think that we got our point across when we cut its weekly ammunition allowance.

That and insinuatingly waving around a can of pink paint in front of it.

Of course, now that we know how truly frighteningly lethal the 9mm is, a murder machine among firearms, we’re almost embarrassed to still have those harmless .45s around. Well, as long as we don’t tell anybody…

34 Responses to “Look Out! It’s a Demon 9mm!”
  1. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Uh oh. I just bought three MecGar 18 rd magazines for my duty 92F. Is it, wait, let me think, oh no! It IS a 9mm! What ever shall I do! There are 55 of those vile murderers waiting to be spit out of my nefarious Beretta!

    Where did it go? Out on the streets up to no good I tells ya!

    Alright, these idiots are too damned much. Excellent fisking though.

    I’m switching to straight.45 now, Extreme Shock at that, since 9mm’s obviously can’t be trusted.

    Is Pietro staring at me? He’s up to something, I just know it.

  2. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    FOIST!

    OK, all seriousness here, the NYPD SOP9 analysis hows that it’s not bullet size or type, it’s shot placement that counts.

    Newsweek, ya all are a buncha FAGGOTS!

  3. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    OK, all seriousness here, the NYPD SOP9 analysis hows that it’s not bullet size or type, it’s shot placement that counts.

    From your lips to the ears of G-d, brother.

    Which, going off on a tangent here, is why I always advise people to go with a caliber they’re comfortable with over a caliber that all of “the guys” say that they should get. Bigger is better, but bigger isn’t worth a damn if it doesn’t make contact with the target.

    “Better a .22 in the eye socket than ten .45s in the wall.”

    Still, I’m keeping an eye on that lethal 9. I just don’t feel safe around it anymore. I just know it’s plotting to sneak up on me while I’m asleep…

  4. CiSSnarl5.7 Comment by CiSSnarl5.7

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Well since my beloved S&W 9mm is sitting at home with The Snarless, I had to send it an E-mail to which she has been instructed to read to it, until such time I can make it home and properly instruct it.

    (best Tom Hanks paradoy voice from the movie Turner and Hooch)

    There will be NO sudden discharges !!

    You will NOT suddenly jump up and wantonly murder anyone !!

    There is to be NO hiding of rounds in your “high capacity” magazines !!

    /saracasm off

    Ummm yer Higness, it’s not saying anything back…should I be doing something else!?
    Oh wait…I shall consult with the Imperial Fire Arms advisor…yeah, yeah that’s it, that’s the ticket!

    (Bows and hurries off to the armory…)

  5. Orion Comment by Orion

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    Oh. My. GOD.

    I … I… I didn’t know! I’ve got not only a 9mm here, but a WWII German Luger in 9mm …and…it’s looking at me.

    I can see it there…Just….sitting…and waiting.

    Someone send help! It’s in the house!!!

    Orion

  6. Princess Natasha Comment by Princess Natasha

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Ijits… more ijits… Just when on Earth are they going to try and implement their dreams, so I can, for once, stop being so bored?!!

  7. CiSSnarl5.7 Comment by CiSSnarl5.7

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    Just when on Earth are they going to try and implement their dreams, so I can, for once, stop being so bored?!!

    So many tagerts…so little time Eh Princess? :guns_tb:

  8. CiSSnarl5.7 Comment by CiSSnarl5.7

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    ERRR..*T-A-R-G-E-T-S* :wallbash_tb:

  9. MasterGuns Comment by MasterGuns

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    That damn Browning P35 and that damn Helwan are talking again. I have the 357s watching them close just in case they want to rampage.

    Morons

    Semper Fi

  10. MasterGuns Comment by MasterGuns

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    Holy crap……both the 380s and the PPK/S have joined the 9s. Wheel guns and 45s and the oddballs are still loyal. I’m barricading the bedroom……Help me…..the 9s are rampant!

  11. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    No thanks to that Newsweak article, my entire supply of .45 ACP is now suffering from an inferiority complex.
    I’m trying to convince them they in no way take a back seat to the .9mm by reminding them of their illustrious history
    what with the famous Colt 1911, the Thompson submachine gun and even the the M3 Grease Gun
    but they still refuse to come out of their boxes for even a moment.

    Well, it is Russian made ammo so it is usually melancholy by nature.

  12. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper

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    Uh oh. Now the infighting has started. My Wolf ammo has just called my box of Golden Sabers a “bunch of Black Talon wannabes”.
    I think I’m going to let the British .303s take over therapy from here since they’re usually the ones in charge of the gun cabinet.

  13. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

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    That damn Browning P35

    How can ya not hate the arrogance that so brazenly brags “High Power” shamelessly on the slide!!

    A local news babe started her story about the proliferations of the 9mm (prefferred round of drug dealers) and the destructive capacity of such a powerfull bullet.
    ‘So very unfortunate that she began the interview at my buddy’s gunshop counter, where his sweety produced and displayed a Bronwning, held the slide to the camera, and commenced to introduce some reality.
    Summed up, “here’s where you got the High Power, acually, it’s about the smallest round fielded as patrol sidearms”. There was more..
    Smaksmaksmak…. crowd giggles

  14. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I was wondering why the S&W .40 was being so quiet this morning. It’s usually poking fun at my XD-9 and calling her a “Glock Knockoff” and leering at her magazines. I notice it’s got it’s back to the wall also…hmmmmm. The Bersa .380 in my purse has been softly sobbing….not good for that leather…*hands it a tissue*

    *kicks file drawer where XD-9 resides* Stop giggling…it’s unlady like.

    *Giggling continues*

    *Opens drawer* And how the HELL did you get hold of my Berry Noir Lipstick!! You little Tramp!!
    Isn’t is enough that you are now considered more dangerous than all the Navy SEALS put together that you have to try to look like Britney Spears on top of that??? Sheeeesh!

  15. Tom The Impaler Comment by Tom The Impaler

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I’ve given my CZ 75 a stern taliking to and I’m pretty certain (since it was bought within 2 weeks of Sept 11) that it will only rampage against islamist extremists, or was it Mormon Missionaries, or was it Mormons inthe missionary position.
    Oh hell I’m lost but I thinkI’m safe. :eek_wp:

  16. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

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    I’m just glad I don’t have one of those evil 9s in the house. I feel much safer with the better behaved .357 Sig.

  17. juandos Comment by juandos

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    Now I know why my 10 mm was casting aspersions at the Glock 9 mm this morning!

    It logged onto the net all by itself and read the Newsqueak drivel…

  18. Unregistered Comment by Beartrapper

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Damn! The next addition to the arsenal…err collection was to be a Glock 17, now I’m a little scared. Who knew that a cartridge over a hundred years old was so scary?
    I just realized the little Ruger that I gave my son (and yes he is a college student) for his 22nd b-day, may be alot more lethal than I first thought. May have to confiscate that weapon boy! And yup, the AR you have been wanting me to build for you…that’s completely out of the question now.
    All sarcasm aside, I guess by now I shouldn’t be surprised by the state of journalism today. The only way this could get by an editor is if they were completely clueless. So sad but true.
    The only way to counter such bullshit is education people! Start with your family, then your neighbors and friends, and your community.
    Journalism? Not hardly…rope,tree,journalist….

  19. Cheapshot911 Comment by Cheapshot911

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    (Cheapshot911 fogs cabinet glass, peering in at .44 percusion, recieves clear telepathic thought from snoozing pistol)
    “Don’t even start with me! You’re the one all ga-ga over them perverts that shove the cap in the round’s ass!
    Don’cha know?, CAPS ARE FEMALE! Or my nipples would never slide in!”

    (wipes nose-print, wanders of to checks coffeemaker)

  20. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    well, I tied the M1 up with it’s sling…the S&W 357 started to pipe up but it’s now suspended over my salt water aquarium…can’t trust the Kimber or the Winchester so I got the ol’ trusty Louisville Slugger watching over things there.

    now I just gotta figure out why I woke up with all these little cuts on me……and where the hell did my K-Bar go?

  21. Kristopher Comment by Kristopher

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    I caught my evilish 7.62mm sneaking out of my gun closet today. Ghod only knows what it would have done if it was able to crawl on it’s own to a college.

  22. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    That and insinuatingly waving around a can of pink paint in front of it.

    You know Sire…you can always threaten it with this new face job.

    Of course I can’t let my XD-9 see that. She’s too much of a tart as it is. :tongue_wink_ee:

  23. LC&IB Vulcanrider Comment by LC&IB Vulcanrider

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    :guns_tb: Thanks for the warning Sire, I’ve since put my Taurus PT99 in the same case as the Colt Trooper III for safe keeping. I know the old Colt can take care of itself. And I put the SKS outside the door to watch both of those “handguns” as I’m starting to think none of them can be trusted alone.

    And to think it’s been sitting right next to the bed loaded with 19 rounds (18 in the hi-cap mag and 1 in the pipe) all this time. I never realized what danger I was actually in from the little Brazilian!

  24. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

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    Wonderful. After reading the above post, both my prized handguns now sport bruised feelings. My Beretta is almost inconsolably upset that the dorkwads at Newsweek called him evil just for being a 9mm, and my new Ruger 50th Anniversary Blackhawk is pissed off because he thinks, by implication, Newsweek called him a pussy because he isn’t a hi-cap 9mm. In fact, the Blackhawk is still ranting:

    “…Hey, I’m a .357. What do you call me, chopped liver? Don’t they know that the 125 grain .357 is the king of the manstoppers? What’s wrong with those pukes at Newsweek…”

    Damn. I’ve only had the Ruger three days, and I may have to send it back for anger management counseling.

    Of course, I should have known something was up when I walked into the gunshop and saw the Blackhawk in the case, standing alone in one corner, with a bunch of scared-looking Glocks and XDs keeping a respectful distance from it. And here I thought I was rescuing it… :mrgreen_wp:

    Seriously, there’s some editors and writers at Newsweek who need to get a life.

  25. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    Allright! I’ve got the .41 Blackhawk keeping an eye on the Beretta (put on airs, and get uppity with ME will ‘ya!), and locked up all 31 of the 15 round magazines.

    Damn Newsweak! I just got the S&W 1917 out of feeling sorry for himself and now this. . .

  26. Skul Comment by Skul

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    Heh, I only have one mouse gun. My Dad brought it home from Germany decades ago. I also use a 41 Blackhawk as a watch dog to keep in line(HT to Wil).
    I’ve never cared for any 9 I’ve ever fired with the exception of the P08. Even it creeps me out a bit. Something about having a handgun disassemble and reassemble to that extent is un-nerving.

  27. Unregistered Comment by predator

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    Good Lord Almighty.

    I found 2 of those evil “9’s” in my closet with 7 clips. Good thing I saw the story otherwise who knows what could have happened.

    Kind of like Global Warming. (I always want to type Goober Warning.)

  28. Orion Comment by Orion

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    I’m still kinda surprised that the 9’s are this dangerous. We had a local cop have to shoot an attacking dog (Labrador sized) three times with his 9mm sidearm.

    The three rounds didn’t stop the dog. He did finally club it off of him by pistol whipping it. The dog DID eventually lose a leg though…

    But I’m going to listen to this timely warning and keep an eye on that durn’d Luger before it goes all medieval on me.

    Orion

  29. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Now where has my forty-five wandered off to?….the wifes’ forty-five is still here, but I’d swear it moved. Maybe hers and his will run off together, exchange clips and live happily ever after………sulking no doubt, or pouting in the safe…..

  30. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    I’m still kinda surprised that the 9’s are this dangerous. We had a local cop have to shoot an attacking dog (Labrador sized) three times with his 9mm sidearm.

    The three rounds didn’t stop the dog. He did finally club it off of him by pistol whipping it. The dog DID eventually lose a leg though…

    Obviously the cop’s fault. If he’d just stayed out of it and not screwed up the 9 mm’s perfect aim with his silly human hands, it would have been over in a second.

    Of course, the 9 would then have turned around and shot him as well, then gone on a murderous rampage wiping out half the town’s population, pausing only to pick up a few Scary Hi-Cap Magazines O’Doom at the local Evil Gun Dealer, so it was probably a good idea for him to do what he did.

    Never, EVER leave a 9 mm alone without supervision. They’ll jump up and brutally murderize everything within a 20-mile radius given half a chance.

  31. juandos Comment by juandos

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    oh my doG Mrs. M-ITT™, that pink facing on the pistol and mags was really hard on the eyes… :wink_wp:

  32. Unregistered Comment by CKO1986

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    Demon 9mm…is that anything like Demon Rum? :mrgreen_wp:

  33. Wild-Eyed Charlie Comment by Wild-Eyed Charlie

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    To paraphrase Col. Jeff Cooper, the only thing ANY handgun is good for is to fight your way back to your rifle, which you shouldn’t have dropped in the first place.

  34. Wild-Eyed Charlie Comment by Wild-Eyed Charlie

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    Oh…LAST!