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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » On This Day In History
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You are viewing the Archives for 2007.......If you want the current page, CLICK HERE.......

632 — Mohammed finally dies of the clap in his favorite wife Aysha’s (who has just reached puberty) arms, reminiscing about the good old days when he raped her at age 9. Unfortunately, the evil death cult that he founded fails to die with him.

1917 — PM David Lloyd George calls an emergency cabinet meeting to discuss what on Earth to do about the war, as he has just come to realize that he’s allied with the french, a fact that has eluded him up until that moment. Wondering just why Britain should be bothered with lifting the burden of the mutineering and revolting (in more ways than one) french, a thoroughly understandable position, he is nevertheless convinced to carry on fighting by Sir Douglas Haig, who assures him that “just one more push” will send the damned Boche running all the way to Berlin. About half a million British dead later, Haig has managed to send the Germans strolling all the way back to their second trench line, although some historians point out that he did capture three pounds of bratwurst and a bowl of sauerkraut as well. 9 months after Haig’s “last big push”, the Germans, still stubbornly refusing to relocate to Berlin, launch their “Kaiser’s Battle” Spring offensive, nearly making it all the way to Paris.

1935 — Joan Rivers is born. But don’t remind her about it unless you want your eyes scratched out.

1941 — In a bid to prevent the pro-Axis ruler of Iraq, Rashid Ali, from gaining access to the Mediterranean and a supply line to the Axis, the British pre-emptively invade Syria and Lebanon. Finding both countries defended by frenchmen, the British end up with the entire afternoon off for tea and cricket. Losses on the Allied side include one punctured tire, half a kidney pie accidentally dropped from an APC and Moshe Dayan’s left eye. (The latter by far the most serious loss but, on the other hand, it did make him look wickedly cool during his later Arab-stomping sprees).

1949 — The FBI publishes a report containing a list of Hollywood communists. Today, it would be considerably easier to publish a list of Hollywood conservatives, even if you included all three of them.

1968 — Robert Kennedy is buried three days after having been shot by an undocumented immigrant who came to the country to shoot the Kennedys that no Americans will shoot.

1986 — Kurt Waldheim, a former Nazi interpreter and intelligence officer for a unit stationed in the Balkans, is elected President of Austria. Having failed to pull off a reverse Anschluss by annexing Germany, he chooses not to run for re-election in 1992.

1999 — Thomas Harris’ Hannibal appears in bookstores all over the nation. Sales of Chianti and Fava Beans plummet inexplicably shortly thereafter. Again.

6 Responses to “On This Day In History”
  1. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Bravo, the second even better than the first.

  2. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    In 1967, three days after the young state of Israel was attacked by three mohammedean Countries, it became apparent that Israel was seriously kicking ass and taking names. The Soviet Union (*see following*), on this day made the first comparison of Israel to Mazi Germany.

    * The Soviet Union, in it’s unending quest to stick a thumb in the eye of anything remotely western, instigated the Six Day war by stating in April 1967, in the U.N. and on the front pages of newspapers worldwide, that Israel was mobilizing it’s Armed Forces to make an attack on Egypt. In the face of TONS of evidence that this was false (not least of which, pictures of the lack of activity at Airfields and Army Bases), the Soviets continued their big lie.

    This was eventually used by Egypt, Syria and Jordan as a reason to mobilize their own forces, which were of course, decimated in the most one sided ass-whuppin in the history of history.

  3. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    But I digress - Magnificent, Majesty!

  4. Alan K. Henderson Comment by Alan K. Henderson

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    1949 George Orwell’s 1984 is published.

    1967 The USS LIberty Incident.

  5. chuck Comment by chuck

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    after reading your comment on 1968, I couldn’t help but think we need more illegals like that.

  6. Rurik Comment by Rurik

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Your Majesty,

    632 — Mohammed finally dies of the clap in his favorite wife Aysha’s (who has just reached puberty) arms, reminiscing about the good old days when he raped her at age 9. Unfortunately, the evil death cult that he founded fails to die with him.

    Was is purely by chance that you used the word clap in this particular context?