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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Damn. It Looks Like We’ll Have to Revise Our Opinion of at Least ONE Hilton
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Thanks to our awesome blogsis, the Duchess Rachel Lucas.

Of course, they could be full of bovine excrement, it is the MSMidiots after all, but assuming that what they say is true, then we really need to tip our Imperial Crown to Barron Hilton, the “Old Man” of the Hilton dynasty:

PARTY princess Paris Hilton is $60 million out of pocket after her billionaire grandfather - appalled by her jail term for drink-driving offences - axed her inheritance.

Family patriarch Barron Hilton was already embarrassed by his granddaughter’s wild behaviour - notably when her home sex video was leaked on the internet.

But the 79-year-old considered her 23-day sentence last month the last straw.

$60 million! That’s six zeroes after the “60″, LCs and GLORs. That sure beats being grounded for a week and losing your allowance for a month, doesn’t it?

“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography of the clan called House Of Hilton.

“He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.”

Looks like at least one member of the Hilton family knows something about old fashioned values such as “thou shalt not fuck everything with a pulse like a randy rabbit on an overload of ecstasy and thou shalt not think that a bloated bank account means that you’re above the law.”

So how’s that wild and care-free lifestyle working out for you, Paris? We think that you’ll find that your newsworthiness and desirability among the “in crowd” will experience a rather precipitous drop now that you don’t come with an inheritance the size of the GDP of Luxembourg. But not to worry, dear. “Money doesn’t buy happiness”, right? After all, you’re an extremely talented actress in your own right, at least according to the PR people hoping to keep their trunks firmly embedded in your family fortune. Oops…

Maybe you can find some solace in a pity fuck with your best buddy Lindsay. Once she gets out of the slammer, that is.

Oh well. Grandpa will most likely have a change of heart and re-include you in the will, grandparents are known for their big, soft hearts, but talk about a wake-up call. Not to mention that he’s doing you a huge favor, seeing as how we doubt that anything other than a threat to the future of your unearned income and the sheer horror that having to work for your money must hold for you will manage to make it through your fantastically dense skull.

48 Responses to “Damn. It Looks Like We’ll Have to Revise Our Opinion of at Least ONE Hilton”
  1. Unregistered Comment by LC TGregg

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    This is the very first Paris Hilton story worth notice of The Empire. Good job! And firstest?

  2. Unregistered Comment by physicsgeek

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    This story makes me so happy that I can scarcely believe it.

    I told my wife that if her last name weren’t Hilton, Paris would be town slut, capable of blowing the entire football team before fading into semen laden oblivion. Now we’re going to find out if that’s the case.

  3. Unregistered Comment by ballistic

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    Too little, too late.

    She’s already got enough income through endorsements and advertising to allow her to continue to be the biggest strumpet in town.

  4. kfosterm Comment by kfosterm

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    The old man ought to follow in Joe Kennedy’s steps and have her lobotomized.

  5. Tsubaki Shijuro Comment by Tsubaki Shijuro

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    $60,000,000…

    My inheritance was a pretty good 3-hole punch. And I only got that because I decided on my own to take it.

    I’ll have to use that threat, though, to make my kids worried about the $60 inheritance they each might get.

  6. Unregistered Comment by LC Wes, Imperial Mohel

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    It’s good to know that at least one member of the Hilton clan has a sense of responsibility…and shame.

    Now if only Barron Hilton can administer a similar kick in the ass to Paris’ equally spoiled and irresponsible sister and parents, he might actually be able to salvage his legacy.

  7. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

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    Pardon me for being cynical, but how long after the death of granddaddy do you think it will take Paris to go to court?

    Besides, that is only her grandfather. Surely she has other relatives who will have her at their tit for the rest of her life.

    What about her parents? Don’t they have a sizable inheritance she can cozy up to?

  8. BauerPower Comment by BauerPower

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    Jeez, after reading all this, I am glad Conrad Hilton is long dead, not to able to see these bozos in his family smear a good name and waste millions for their tramp grand daughters.

    Paris’ Mom and dad were the morons who wanted to end the Hilton Endowment, so they could keep the money. Greedy f-cks.

  9. baslimthecripple Comment by baslimthecripple

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    Good man. As others have said, probably too little too late. But he may have saved her life with a little reality therapy here - clue by four upside her empty head.

  10. Unregistered Comment by mindy1

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    All I can say is good going-I wish the rest of her family would follow suit :em93:

  11. Spartan24 Comment by Spartan24

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    I hope Paris learned her lesson after her recent incarceration. I hate to see young women blowing it in public such as Britney Spears recent meltdown or Lindsey Lohan’s screw up. I hate to say it but this is an Anna Nicole Smith waiting to happen and Britney Spears has 2 small children. I hope the young women get the help that they need and use their wealth for good.

  12. Unregistered Comment by CrazyFool

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    “He now doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.”

    Looks like mommy and daddy may be getting cut of the inheritance tit as well. Does anyone know if they have any other income?

    Also does anyone have the old man’s email address?

  13. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

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    I couldn’t imagine having that much money at my disposal. We all dream of what it would be like to be that damn rich, but I really, really would not want it. You lose too much of yourself that way. People that are that filthy rich are shells. No soul on the inside.

    All I want is money each month to pay the bills on time, with enough left over to eat out once every two weeks, save up for a nice trip about once a year, add to my Classic Movies DVD collection about once a month or so, buy something to decorate my house or some craft supplies, keep gas in the car, contribute something to my Charity of choice, and have some money in the bank when things get tight. Plus….have a goodly supply of Ammo on hand for shooting practice and for when the fecal matter forcibly strikes the air propulsion device.
    Oh…and I guess M should have some pocket money occasionally. :em99:

  14. LC_Salgak Comment by LC_Salgak

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    An image to warm the cockles of your hearts, out there in Rottieland. . .

    The year is 2027. . . .

    The place is a trailer park somewhere in Kentucky. . . .

    And the bloated face we see wearing the dishrag shift is. . . . Paris Hilton, 40-something poor white trash, finally sunk to her real level in life. . .

    And don’t ask about the drumsticks, they’re probably Chihuahua. . .

  15. LCBrendan Comment by LCBrendan

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    She has income in fashion and other areas, as well as endorsements, to give her an income of at least 8 mil a year…this is more of a slap in the face.

    Financially…it wont bother her.

  16. Unregistered Comment by leoni2

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    Salgak,

    And don’t ask about the drumsticks, they’re probably Chihuahua. . .

    What are you trying to do, ruin my dinner?

    As for Paris grandpa, good for him. Now if only Paris dimwit, and the rest of her relations would smarteen up. Sadly, I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

  17. LC NCLivingBrit Comment by LC NCLivingBrit

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    A little too late for any real effect, but a very telling gesture indeed.

    Now, how can I get myself registered as a charity?

    “Only you can help feed these poor disenfranchised battle rifles. For one $20 a day, this FN FAL can know the simple pleasures of burning through a battlepack of S. African surplus……. Please, give generously.”

  18. JeepThang Comment by JeepThang

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    Wow! At first I thought I was mis-reading it.. mm-mm-mm.
    Poor thing.

    Granted, though.. he will probably change his mind.

    Unbelievable that some people have it so fuckin easy. Makes me sick.

  19. psychochick Comment by psychochick

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    I read something kind of odd–I don’t know how reliable the source was–that he was cutting off all of his 11 grandchildren.

  20. Puddle Pirate Comment by Puddle Pirate

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    Although this is absolutely outstanding news, the fact that the girl who looks like Paris (her name escapes me) and gets paid to pose as Paris at parties and events is making $10G or so PER EVENT when she’s NOT EVEN THE REAL PARIS HILTON kinda takes the wind out of the sails. The spoiled bitch has plenty of money and endless opportunity to get more, inheritance or no. Thank you to our celebrity obsessed sub-retarded culture for permitting this circus to continue.

  21. psychochick Comment by psychochick

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    I posted this on the previous Paris thread, but clubs and restaurants at least before would pay her $100,000 grand for her to spend an hour there and draw customers!

    Also, she said she read during her jail time, but it turns out it was fan mail! I guess every person has some intrinsic worth, but why on earth would she get fan mail? That’s quite scary that she is a role model.

  22. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    She has income in fashion and other areas, as well as endorsements, to give her an income of at least 8 mil a year…this is more of a slap in the face.

    Financially…it wont bother her.

    Ah, but you don’t know how the uber-rich think. To them, every slap on the pocketbook is like a trip to the poorhouse. Besides, you don’t really expect the trashy bint to know arithmetic, do you?

    I guess every person has some intrinsic worth, but why on earth would she get fan mail? That’s quite scary that she is a role model.

    Even subretarded, syphilitic two-bit hookers need something to look up to.

  23. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    She had best thank God I wasn’t her grandfather….You will complete one four year enlistment in the Marine Corps and receive an honorable discharge.”

  24. Serious Sean Comment by Serious Sean

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    Does this mean we won’t be hearing about the airhead much longer? Probably not, but a guy can dream.

  25. Serious Sean Comment by Serious Sean

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    PS. Pretty funny bit about who looks up to Paris as a role model, Misha :D

  26. LC & IB GuyS Comment by LC & IB GuyS

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    Caveman,
    She would probably misunderstand your order and “do four years with the Marine Corps INSIDE of her” … need I say it? … “receiving honorable discharges”.

    Thank you, I’ll be here all night…

  27. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    :em99: :em99: :em95:

  28. LC_Salgak Comment by LC_Salgak

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    LC & IB Guys said. . .

    Thank you, I’ll be here all night…

    . . .try the veal. . . . ;)

  29. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    You will complete one four year enlistment in the Marine Corps and receive an honorable discharge.”

    Reminds me of a bar maid in Jacksonville N.C. Talked just like a grunt. One night we asked her “Darlin, were you ever in the Corps?” Her reply? “No, but I’ve sure had the Corps in me”.

    Maybe you can find some solace in a pity fuck with your best buddy Lindsay.

    Now I’d buy that for a dollar! At least Lindsay. Paris, not so much. I do feel bad about Lindsay though. She seemed atone point like she could have been the next America’s sweetheart. Hollywood and lack of parents ruins yet another person.

  30. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Thank you, I’ll be here all night…

    . . .try the veal. . . . ;)

    And don’t forget to tip your waitress’.

  31. LC & IB GuyS Comment by LC & IB GuyS

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    did I mention the two drink min?

  32. Puddle Pirate Comment by Puddle Pirate

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    Thank you, good night, and G-d bless America. Drive safely.

  33. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    and now for our musical act of the night…direct from a two nght sold out set in the Motor City…Ladies and Gentlemen let’s hear it for…

    Martha Puke and the Vomettes!!!

  34. Unregistered Comment by leoni2

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    LC & IB GuyS,

    She would probably misunderstand your order and “do four years with the Marine Corps INSIDE of her” … need I say it? … “receiving honorable discharges”.

    Thank you, I’ll be here all night…

    :em99: :em99: :em99:

    They just better be sure that their weapons are covered when they enter that tunnel. You never know what booby trap might be inside waiting to cause a future explosion.

  35. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    errr, does this mean the silly little skinny poor excuse for a pr0n star will have to get a . . dare I say it . .

    A JOB?

  36. psychochick Comment by psychochick

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    Wil
    You’re just so old-fashioned! Hanging around clubs having an attitude is a full-time job for some people. She gets paid major money to show up and hang out at a club or restaurant to draw customers. Kind of bizarre.

  37. Kristopher, LC Comment by Kristopher, LC

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    His decision won’t last for even two seconds in Probate Court.

    The usual answer for judges confronted with a “I hate my descendants” will is to chuck it out and divide everything per stirpes.

    The old man has gone senile if he thinks for one second his wishes will be respected once he is no longer around.

  38. Kristopher, LC Comment by Kristopher, LC

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    The person in question is dead.

    Once you are dead, you cannot own property, or make decisions about it.

    A real crime requires a victim. A corpse is not a person. Abuse of a corpse or an estate is an act against the family … not the deceased person, as the deceased ain’t here anymore.

    What this is a statutory decision about how to handle property that has been abandoned through the owner dying.

    Traditionally, a will is followed out of respect for the dead … but a will is never considered absolute.

  39. Kristopher, LC Comment by Kristopher, LC

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    If he wants top give the money to charity, he should do so while he is alive … right now.

    Then Paris can go pound sand.

  40. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    Kristopher and Fanusi:

    His decision won’t last for even two seconds in Probate Court.

    The usual answer for judges confronted with a “I hate my descendants” will is to chuck it out and divide everything per stirpes.

    There is an answer to this. Find a Charity you can live with. Preferably, a large one with a big legal staff and deep pockets (and that your “loving decendents” hate). Give them the money through a living trust, pre-probated if possible in your jurisdiction, and set up so that they OWN the money, but you CONTROL the money until you are called home.

    Then, laugh at the lot of them.

    Got a librul kid? Give the money to the NRA Legal defense fund.

  41. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Got a librul kid? Give the money to the NRA Legal defense fund.

    With the stipulation that the fund be named after the kid. Let them be reminded of all the money they didn’t have being used for something they hate for the rest of their miserable, worthless lives.

  42. psychochick Comment by psychochick

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    Misha
    Don’t you think a political kid would be likely to be doing something useful? The liberal would be running around trying to save the earth or set up farming systems in Africa. The conservative would be voluntary staff for some political campaign or interning at the Hoover Institute.

    I don’t think insanely rich kids are necessarily useless. Although was it Bill Gates that said he didn’t want to leave all of his money to his kids and corrupt them?

  43. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Misha
    Don’t you think a political kid would be likely to be doing something useful?

    Based on the political trust fund kiddies I’ve encountered?

    No.

  44. MegaTroopX Comment by MegaTroopX

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    It’s funny. I thought there was no substance that could possibly be denser than the theoretical/fictional material neutronium, formed by the fantastic gravitational pressures of collapsing stars.

    Turns out celebskulltronium is even denser. And quite provably extant.

  45. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

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    Boss

    Based on the political trust fund kiddies I’ve encountered?

    No.

    Word.

    Actually, I can think of one trust fund baby I have personally known in my lifetime that was worth the backhoe fuel and quicklime. Political or not.

    And I’ve known a shit-pot full of ‘em.

  46. Tsubaki Shijuro Comment by Tsubaki Shijuro

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    >The liberal would be running around trying to save the earth or set up farming systems in Africa.

    The liberal would be running around trying to replace individual will and initiative with government intervention and control.

    >The conservative would be voluntary staff for some political campaign or interning at the Hoover Institute.

    The conservative would be volunteering to help people learn how to take care of themselves.