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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » If You Want To Let Him Play With YOUR Balls, Perhaps
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LC & IB Allahpundit waxes poetic about Newt Gingrich’s descent into early dementia as the latter grabs a page from the Church of the Goreacle hymn book and squeals horribly off-key about “green conservatives.”

I’m as environmentally conscious as anybody else who’d like to, I don’t know, have water to drink and air to breathe, but that doesn’t mean that I’m buying into the junk “science” of Glowball Wormening no matter how Newt and others dress the pig up and pretend that it’s a unicorn.

The problem with me and “environmentalism” as it is known today has nothing to do with Hollyweirdo airheads with less collective intelligence than my nail clippings, it’s that every single “cause” that the enviroloons trot out is clinically insane and, what is worse, is inevitably a poorly designed cover for something else. Something that begins with “social” and ends in “ism.”

Green power? Fine. Shoot the motherfucking hysterics on the left in the face if that’s what it takes to make them and their caveman superstitious fears shut up, then build nuclear power plants.

Alternative fuels? Great. Develop them FIRST, you cluefucked retards, AND make sure that they’re no more expensive than what we have.

Sure, I’m an old coot, but I still believe that gramps was on to something when he said that “people who throw something that works out and replace it with something more expensive that doesn’t ought to have their licenses to breathe revoked, because they’re too fucking terminally stupid to be wasting my oxygen.”

Long story short: You can dress up your new “green conservatism” in a suit and a tie if you like, Newt, but as long as you give as much as a second’s worth of consideration to loony ideas like Glowball Wormening, you’re going to have to find somebody else to play ball with.

Because I gave up on snake oil salesmen around the age of 7, around the same time that I quit cutting out and saving the ads for “Sea Monkeys.”

40 Responses to “If You Want To Let Him Play With YOUR Balls, Perhaps”
  1. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper

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    “green conservatism”

    Dennis Miller pegged it years ago…
    “There was a time when politicians spoke in sound bites, now they think in them.”

  2. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Newt, give it up. The base ain’t gonna buy it and the leftists hate you. All you’re doing is making a fool of yourself.

  3. DдrтH бдкфи Comment by DдrтH бдкфи

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    Remember, kids-

    You can’t spell ‘environmentalist‘ without ‘mental‘.

  4. mongrul Comment by mongrul

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    Sounds to me like he agrees with us on this, and is mapping out a way to help steer the aircraft carrier away from the reef! It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when the leftards have hijacked this issue. Other than implying that we contribute to GW in any real sense, because we don’t, I think he’s saying we need to take back the argument and apply sound science to correcting it. Of course we all like clean air and water. We don’t pump raw sewage into the rivers anymore and everyone agrees that that is a good thing. Sewage plants are a good and practical way to keep rivers clean from sewage. To take that a little further, I think Newt’s saying that a conservatives solution to raw shit in the rivers is to build good sewage plants….a libtard’s answer to the problem is to make everyone eat their own shit, and wipe with one sheet…then eat that!! :em72: Newt’s saying let’s take back the argument and propose common sense solutions to REAL problems, and stop the leftist loons from winning the argument and making us eat our own shit!!

  5. MasterGuns, Imperial Marine Comment by MasterGuns, Imperial Marine

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    ““Sea Monkeys.””

    Damn it Boss…….My fief out here in the hinterlands is INFESTED with the silly things. Little turds come up and even beg for chow!!! Oh wait……those are possums and raccoons. Never mind.

    Semper Fi.

  6. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

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    This page,, a week or two back, junkscience.com ripped into the political gutz as well as the actual globalacious record.

  7. MasterGuns, Imperial Marine Comment by MasterGuns, Imperial Marine

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    The little buggers are better than leftist loons though.

  8. Unregistered Comment by Tallulah

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    Speaking of science, here’s an excellent article on the Facts of global warming; how it works, and what proportion is attributable to carbon dioxide.

    http://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/journals/ci/31/special/may01_viewpoint.html

    Now, the gist of it is that the most powerful greenhouse gas by far is WATER VAPOR, which accounts for over 95% of the greenhouse effect. All the other stuff, including carbon dioxide, accounts only for the remaining five percent or so.

    So the percent contributed by HUMAN production of carbon dioxide is a tiny percent of a small percent. IOW, negligible.

    But the Kyoto treaty would have been real effective at wrecking the economies of the West. It is a classic example of malicious envy at work.

    That is all.

  9. Unregistered Comment by WolvenBear

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    Wait. Why are we making fun of Newt?

    The short version of his argument is: “Everyone cares about the environment. Somehow conservatives let the argument fall to ‘If you don’t support big gov’t, you hate the environment.’ And they still don’t combat that. When your green friend tells you that we need Kyoto, tell them that if we had more nuclear plants, there’d be less polution.”

    What are we disagreeing with here? He even says environmentalists are insane and the people who listen to them are stupid.

    Seems boss here turned off his ears as soon as he heard “environmental conservative.”

  10. SoCalOilMan, LC Comment by SoCalOilMan, LC

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    mongrul, I think you got it tight and Emperor, I think you jumped on Newt to quick.

    I don’t think Newt said anything we haven’t been proposing, he’s just a little more diplomatic about it. He seems knows the game and can play it well.

    I want clean air, water and land that doesn’t need Superfund Cleanup attention for my, someday, grandkids, but I think Gingrich’s position is that we all want these things, let’s just talk about them in the context of what we can do today.

    His position was if we give incentives to energy providers, like coal, where if we’d started years ago we would have surpassed the even the Kyoto accord. The companies would show a profit again in a reasonable time after spending billions to upgrade, and we would be better off as a country. Plus we’d have a bit of time to really hash out this crap…or perhaps new technology would crop up and solve it.

  11. Haverwilde Comment by Haverwilde

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    Newt can’t become president. But, he is well worth listening to. He frames issues in a clear concise way that makes sense to a conservative base. Nixon was our first modern environmental president. His environmental initiatives made sense. So Newt is correct in how the left has hijacked the issue and made ‘green’ a swear word for many of us.

  12. Emperor Misha I Comment by Emperor Misha I

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    Seems boss here turned off his ears as soon as he heard “environmental conservative.”

    Not at all, but I’m not going to blame you for thinking so. I most likely wasn’t as clear as I ought to have been. It has been known to happen from time to time ;)

    I don’t have a problem with his argument that environmentalism isn’t a “liberal issue”, I’ve known that for decades. Look at conservative America vs. socialist Europe, and pay particular attention to the quality of the environment, the pollution standards, the whole nine yards. Case closed. Capitalism delivers. Socialism kills.

    What I do have a problem with is that he even bothers giving Gorebal Wormening and “carbon pollution” (tell that to the plants. They need the stuff) the time of day.

    I’m sorry, but if he can’t spot an obvious scam, a transparent hoax like that, then I have to question his overall intelligence.

  13. Unregistered Comment by twolaneflash

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    Reminds me of the poker scene in “The Odd Couple”, when Walter Matthau responds to be being asked what kinds of sandwiches he had fixed. Matthau, playing a curmudgeonly and lovable old sports writer, replies: “Brown sandwiches and Green sandwiches. It’s either very old meat or very new cheese.”. All this enviro-pap is just as hard to stomach, and tastes an awful lot like a brown sandwich of another kind. Hold the cheese, please!

  14. Unregistered Comment by nerbygirl

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    Excuse me, Misha. Sea Monkeys ARE real.
    It’s global warming that is the farce.

  15. SoCalOilMan, LC Comment by SoCalOilMan, LC

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    “carbon pollution” (tell that to the plants. They need the stuff)

    So, they need carbon dioxide to live and produce oxygen as waste product, and we need oxygen and produce carbon dioxide as a waste product. Sounds like a the old “Mexican Stand-off”…you stop producing waste and I stop producing waste and we all die.

    I’m willing to negotiate if they are.

  16. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    I fail to see any serious difference between the “greens” and the “reds” we fought for so long.

    Hellfire and damnation, even *spit* fwance *spit* is getting most of it’s energy from nukulear power (IIRC, on the order of 90% of it’s electrical needs). The same people crying about “global warming” are the same ones preventing the use here. And then these flying monkeys call us “myrimidons.”

    There is a simple way to make Alternative Energy work. So simple even a caveman can do it, to steal a page from GEICO.

    Wanna know the secret? Get the hell out of the way, and allow some poor schmuck to make a dollar from it! Cut the red tape and regulations and move the hell over. Capitalism; raw, unadulterated capitalist greed is the most powerful force for good in the world. (As opposed to just being the post powerful force in the world, which is human strpidity, as we see from the words of the enviroweenies.)

    Some redneck in his Tennessee basement will go from “Hey, y’all, watch this!” to being America’s newest Billionaire within a couple of years.

  17. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    Boss:

    Look at conservative America vs. socialist Europe, and pay particular attention to the quality of the environment, the pollution standards, the whole nine yards. Case closed. Capitalism delivers. Socialism kills

    I was reading something a few weeks ago (sorry, can’t place it now) that said the Germans have spent 10 TRILLION Marks since reunification cleaning up the mess left by the commies in East Germany. They think they are about half finished . . .

  18. Vergeltung Comment by Vergeltung

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    Newt’s saying let’s take back the argument and propose common sense solutions to REAL problems, and stop the leftist loons from winning the argument and making us eat our own shit!!

    yeah, that would be my take as well. Newt’s one of the smartest guys in politics right now; he’s no dummy. the “American Solutions” thing he is organizing for later in the year should be interesting.

    I would love to see a success like the 1994 congressional win and revolt again sometime soon. :em69:

  19. BigDogg Comment by BigDogg

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    A little bit off-topic:

    What kind of masochistic adult male would allow himself to be called “Newt“???

  20. Kristopher, LC Comment by Kristopher, LC

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    Haters.

    Seamonkeys deserve your compassion.

  21. Viscount Ian S. Comment by Viscount Ian S.

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    While I think most of what Newt said was sensible (minus the Global Wormening stuff), the Emperor’s very wise to immediately be wary of anything Allah really loves. That guy’s conservative like Kos is moderate.

  22. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    LC Wil sez:

    I was reading something a few weeks ago (sorry, can’t place it now) that said the Germans have spent 10 TRILLION Marks since reunification cleaning up the mess left by the commies in East Germany. They think they are about half finished . . .

    I’ve seen it firsthand Wil, I took a couple of business trips to Grafenwohr/Hohenfels in the early 90’s. The last trip I took there was during the Reunification, on our off days we would tour around and one day crossed the border into Czechoslovakia on our way to Plsen. As we drove there, I noticed that there were miles of dead forests on either side of us…in places, one tree had blown down and caused a domino effect so you had miles of fallen dead trees. We stopped at a couple of little taverns in the area and if you touched an outer wall of these places your hand would come back covered in this chimney like soot…everything was covered in it.

    I asked one of our liaison officers about all of that when we returned. He said that all of the forests in that area had been killed by acid rain from the industry the soviets had moved to the area, it also accounted for the soot covering on all the buildings. Dead forests, sky high cancer rates, toxic farm fields….and what did the greenies say about this?:

    ………cue the crickets somebody………..

    Oh yeah, Misha….do you remember the Trabant? it was the soviets attempt to build a car for the people, sort of like the prius ya’ know?

  23. Unregistered Comment by Mark6591

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    I really wish Newt would STFU and get out of public life. In his prime he was great, when he took back Congress from the Commiecrats. Recently he is just sounding irrelevant or silly.

  24. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

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    What I do have a problem with is that he even bothers giving Gorebal Wormening and “carbon pollution” (tell that to the plants. They need the stuff) the time of day.

    And that is where he jumped the tracks, playing right into the enviro-loons hands. He gave their pet cause credibility. This far into the game, you can NOT play the ‘green’ card without buying fully into the “Red” game. Renewable, Biofuel, Solar and Wind Power. Granted a few of the smarter ones recognize the only present technology that can be developed that is 100% gaseous emission free (all of them make more good old water than they use) is NUCLEAR.

    Unfortunately the greenies don’t allow anyone in their camp to pick and chose what to support. It’s either full-tilt socialist energy policy or you ain’t one of them.

    I think I understand what he was getting at, but I could’ve done a helluva lot better writing the speech for him.

    There is NO financially or socially feasible thing such as renewable energy on a scale to even begin making a dent in the US base-load generation capacity. When market forces shift in favor of other technologies, they’ll fall over themselves to develop and bring them online.

    Meanwhile, the imbeciles in DC are busily drafting legislation to force the use of un-invented or massively expensive technology onto the consumers. The energy bill passed on congress on Monday contains a poison-pill requiring non-public utilities to use at least 15% renewable sources in their generation mix.

    House Passes Energy Bill, Battles Loom in Senate, White House

    Grab your wallet, that will convert to a 30% increase in your electricity cost. That cart is over the horizon in front of the horse.

    Gramps was entirely correct and the fucknozzles already did it.

  25. cmblake6 Comment by cmblake6

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    Damn it Boss…….My fief out here in the hinterlands is INFESTED with the silly things. Little turds come up and even beg for chow!!! Oh wait……those are possums and raccoons. Never mind.

    Do you have any idea how many Sea Monkeys it would take to make a meal? ‘Possums and ‘Coons on the other hand….

  26. Vergeltung Comment by Vergeltung

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    I really wish Newt would STFU and get out of public life. In his prime he was great, when he took back Congress from the Commiecrats. Recently he is just sounding irrelevant or silly.

    I don’t know man, I don’t think he has changed much. he has, as always, some excellent ideas.

  27. LC Gunsniper Comment by LC Gunsniper

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    do you remember the Trabant?

    I remember the Trabant. I got to see one up close in downtown Nürnberg. The speedometer topped out at about 120km and it was small enough to fit in the bed of a Dodge pick-up.

  28. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

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    Jaybear,
    Even today, if you look at any German road atlas, there’s an invisible line that runs north ‘n south, where on the left side, there’s lot’s of fat red double lined highways, and on the right, the lines are less fat, less red, and more space between them.
    I still have a map from ‘94 where it’s a very glaring diff’.
    That’s hard not to notice.
    They’re catching up nowadays, but you can still tell where the division was even with one of today’s latest road atlas’s.
    I’ll be headin’ that way later this year, see how they’re doin these days.

  29. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

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    I don’t know man, I don’t think he has changed much. he has, as always, some excellent ideas.

    If we judge him by the level of insanity he finess’s from the lib’s,, give him a bat and let him play!

  30. LC&IB Vulcanrider Comment by LC&IB Vulcanrider

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    I saw a Trabant in Kaiserslautern that had a “Turbo” sticker on it…that’s right, a Turbo Trabbie! Even the Germans thought they were a joke…

  31. jaybear Comment by jaybear

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    Vulcanrider sez:

    I saw a Trabant in Kaiserslautern that had a “Turbo” sticker on it…that’s right, a Turbo Trabbie! Even the Germans thought they were a joke…

    A turbo Trabant? Does that mean that it put out twice the amount of smoke? I never saw a car that smoked so much in all my life. They were all over Czechoslovakia in 1990

    I saw the cultures of East and West literally meet while I was there. I was standing on a corner in Pilsen gawking at this big cathedral and heard this boombox music playing in the parking lot of the church, it was a couple of Americans (soldiers I assumed) who were standing next to this decked out Trans Am. The doors were open and they were cranking the music. All of the young Czechs were crowding around getting their pictures taken with the car and taking turns sitting in the drivers seat, and they were having the greatest time. They’d never seen a muscle car in person. So here I am…the stereotypical American…taking pictures of a European cathedral, and there they are…the newly freed Czechs…taking pictures of an American Trans Am….it was a lot of fun to watch them.

    Cheapshot sez:

    I’ll be headin’ that way later this year, see how they’re doin these days.

    You lucky bastage, Make sure to get down to Bavaria, it’s the best part of Germany in my book….it’ll be interesting to know how things have changed in 16 years.

  32. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

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    As yes, the Russians built weapons better than cars. One incident from long ago stirs a memory…something about a Russian make running a race against a Ford V8. And got it’s ass kicked, bad. The Ford still had third gear left. Pravda wrote it up as the Russian car coming in second place and the American car next to last.

  33. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    Pravda wrote it up as the Russian car coming in second place and the American car next to last.

    Now thats some fine spin there Caveman. At least the Soviets were good at something.

  34. psychochick Comment by psychochick

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    I was in East Germany right after the fall of the Wall. There were vendors, and they were selling toy Trabants! My rude spouse had taken off with all the money, so I’ve always been sorry I couldn’t buy one.

  35. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    they were selling toy Trabants!

    Isn’t that a redundancy PC?

  36. psychochick Comment by psychochick

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    crunchie
    Yeah, they were teenie little things (the real ones)

  37. LC 0311 crunchie Comment by LC 0311 crunchie

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    I heard of a Trabant doing over 70 MPH once. Of course it was stuck in the grille of a Pinto at the time, but still.

  38. Serious Sean Comment by Serious Sean

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    How many workers does it take to make a Trabi? Two, one to fold and one to paste.

    How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up the tank!

    What do you call a Trabant with dual exhaust pipes? A wheelbarrow!

    How do you turn a Trabant into a sports car? Put sneakers in the trunk!

    Why is the Trabant called the Trabbi? If it went faster than 90 km/h, it would have to be called Galoppi. (Trab means Trot in Germany. Galoppi is derived from Galopp, German for “gallop”.)

    During a visit to the Leipzig Trade Fair a filthy rich oil sheikh heard that there is a car with a delivery time of over ten years. Since Rolls Royce usually delivers more quickly than that, it must be quite an exceptional car, which he would certainly have to have in his collection.
    Sight unseen, he made a request to order this Trabant. In Zwickau they’re aware of this great honor, so they immediately change the running Five-Year Plan and bring forward a specimen. In the container, the car reaches the emirate in a handful of weeks. The happy oil sheikh immediately called his friends together, opened the container, and surprisedly exclaimed: “Gosh, they have incredibly long delivery times, but at least they send you a cardboard model in advance - and the best, you can even drive it!”

    Sachsenring AG brought out a new Eco-Trabi: Immediately available for delivery, extremely cheap, extremely quiet, extremely environmentally friendly - with electric power train. Problem: The extension cord is only 20 meters long and not in stock!

  39. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I always wanted to import a Trabant.

    Face it, I woulda been the only one on the block that had one!

    (Yes, I am a very disturbed individual, carwise. You expected anything different?)

  40. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    I dunno, Guido. Other than being made of cardboard and drastically underpowered, they aren’t bad cars. Average lifespan, IIRC was about 20 years.

    Course, it wouldn’t pass an old lady in a wheelchair . .