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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Tsunami Warning Issued For Buzzard’s Bay
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Dateline: Falmouth Heights, Massachusetts 8:50 pm EDT

Residents are currently being evacuated from the Buzzard’s Bay area from Hyannis to Falmouth on Cape Cod. Aerial observation from Cape Cod Coast Guard Air Station reported that the tsunami was accidentally generated by the Commodore “Oldsmobile” Kennedy demonstrating his famous cannon-full-of-gin-ball dive into the lagoon of the Kennedy Compound in Hyannisport. (Not that lagoon, Gilligan, look it up). Eyewitness observers surviving the event, described an odor of alcohol just prior to the Senator’s impact with the water’s surface. Seismographic readings taken at the Wood’s Hole Oceanographic Institute displayed the ’splashdown’ at 7.9 on the Richter scale, necessitating the tsunami warning. Large fish kills and marine mammal beachings are also expected by this unprecedented event. Mariners reported last seeing the Senator from Massivetwoshits swimming westward, mumbling about finding his car keys. Currently, a man’s hand with a ring similar to that worn by late Teamster President James Hoffa was also found by a bather, washed ashore, just prior to the tsunami warning. Scientists explained tsunami generation in close proximity to land, tends to push objects from the ocean bed shoreward.

Computer modeling predicts possible wave heights of up to 25 feet as the tsunami makes landfall. All residents are to directed to seek high-ground until further instructions are received.

In other local news, package stores throughout the area, reported the mysterious disappearance of all hard liquor from their shelves, sometimes during the Friday overnight period.

The A-I-R network has three reporters in the area and will bring our readers more information from this developing tragedy.

27 Responses to “Tsunami Warning Issued For Buzzard’s Bay”
  1. Trooper THX1138 Comment by Trooper THX1138

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Thought I felt a tremor in the Force. Damn that Kennedy! Makes it a lot tougher to know when something of, you know, real importance is happening. :em98:

  2. Radical Redneck Comment by Radical Redneck

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Was Kennedy doing cannonballs near the Poseidon? :shock:

  3. Unregistered Comment by leoni2, LC

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    What, he’s at it again? :em95:

  4. LC Mrs. M-ITT™ Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I don’t suppose we have a Whaler somewhere close we can send? Can you imagine the amount of blubber we could harvest off that sucker? :em99:

    Hope you guys keep your feet dry JB. Will expect you back on post by Sunday night…sniffles or hangovers will NOT be an acceptable excuse for sick leave. :em94:

  5. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Delightful, JB, absolutely delightful. I must send this on……

  6. Unregistered Comment by jkaiseresquire

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Oh my goodness, you got me. I fell for it the first few sentences.

    J. Kaiser
    http://totaltransformation.com

  7. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I don’t suppose we have a Whaler somewhere close we can send? Can you imagine the amount of blubber we could harvest off that sucker?

    We did, but the crew got too intoxicated on the downwind approach to harpoon his ass (how could you miss?). At least we didn’t have to issue the grog ration for the day. Arrrghhhh Mateys, there he blows from the southern hole, stay upwind me heartys.

  8. The Major Comment by The Major

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Equation:
    Steady State Ted Kennedy (meaning “inebriated”) + Ignition Source = FLAMING ASSHOLE!

  9. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Did that dopey bastard forget the Environmental Impact Statement again???

    Sooner or later, the EPA is gonna catch up with his fat ass.

  10. LC Old Dog Comment by LC Old Dog

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The Horror at the very thought of that Fat Ass fallng into perfecty good water.

    BTW JB, How drunk were you when you wrote this? :em95:

  11. The Major Comment by The Major

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Here is a nice equation:

    Steady-State (meaning “sauced”) Ted Kennedy + Ignition Source = Flaming Asshole

  12. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The size of the blowhole on that beast would give Capt. Ahab another woody to dance on…

  13. LC&IB Vulcanrider Comment by LC&IB Vulcanrider

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Mrs. M, ITT:

    I don’t suppose we have a Whaler somewhere close we can send? Can you imagine the amount of blubber we could harvest off that sucker?

    Well, we DID, but it seems that government regulation has ended whaling on the east coast. Wonder why that is?

    Old Dog observes

    The Horror at the very thought of that Fat Ass falling into perfectly good water.

    Remember, dilution is the solution to pollution! I’m not sure there’s enough water in the Atlantic for his fat ass, though.

  14. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Dang!
    THAT’s why all them bull-gators are out hikin’ around, it sure aint mating season for them, didn’t make sense.

    Somethin’ in the water is what’s scarin’ them..

  15. Unregistered Pingback by Inoperable Terran » Storm brewing

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    […] if you’re near the Kennedy Compound™. Posted by Ian S. […]

  16. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    BTW JB, How drunk were you when you wrote this?

    Not enough to require a heavy dose of brain-bleach after posting it.

  17. Sir Christopher Comment by Sir Christopher

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    i resemble that remark

  18. Deathknyte Comment by Deathknyte

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Large fish kills and marine mammal beachings are also expected by this unprecedented event.

    Poor fishies.

    i resemble that remark

    Huh?

  19. Unregistered Comment by allen29palms

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    This couldn’t possibly be true, as Ded Kennedy only wears a Buick swimming suit, and with a soon to be corpse-bride! I wonder if his lawyers get scared shitless anytime he’s near any body of water?

  20. jaybear Comment by jaybear

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Well, something’s going on up here in the Pac NW…..
    all of our Orca whales are dying of AIDS

    Oh wait, I think they caught it from the ferries…..

    my bad :em58:

  21. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Deathknyte

    BTW JB, How drunk were you when you wrote this?

    +

    Not enough to require a heavy dose of brain-bleach after posting it.

    =

    i resemble that remark

  22. LC CountryRED GLOR Comment by LC CountryRED GLOR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Well, something’s going on up here in the Pac NW…..
    all of our Orca whales are dying of AIDS

    Oh wait, I think they caught it from the ferries…..

    Now That was Funny!!

  23. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Update: The tsunami was somewhat smaller than expected, reaching only 20 feet in the Buzzard’s Bay-Martha’s Vineyard area. Samples of the seawater only indicated approximately 40 proof, mitigating previous pollution estimates by the event. Photos were obtained of the moments prior to splashdown, however were not deemed suitable for publication. The Senator’s micro-thong was rather more revealing for even this website.

    Initial reports from the affected areas indicated women and children hit hardest, by this event.

  24. baslimthecripple Comment by baslimthecripple

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    The Horror at the very thought of that Fat Ass fallng into perfecty good water

    Consider the bathtub ring he’d leave. Grease, hair,soap scum, and lost cocktail olives and onions.

  25. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    baslimthecripple

    Consider the bathtub ring he’d leave. Grease, hair,soap scum, and lost cocktail olives and onions.

    Not to mention the vomit and other less mentionable vomit inducing bodily fluids…

  26. LC CountryRED GLOR Comment by LC CountryRED GLOR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    EW GROSS

    Visualize!! :em93:

  27. chuck Comment by chuck

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Photos were obtained of the moments prior to splashdown, however were not deemed suitable for publication.

    JB,
    Don’t let BC get his hands on those photos. He is sick enough to post them and wipe out the whole Empire.