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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Shit Happens in Threes [Updated Twice]
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First the Emperor’s Imperial Television decides to take a dump and quit. As I’ve been informed it’s at least fixable. Up next, we learn that the most gracious and lovely Empress’ Imperial Limousine also decides to initiate a job action and quits also (starter no-workee). The Imperial Clocktower™ is quite a few drachmas poorer as a result, but the transportation issue is resolved. The telly should be functional in short order, providing the necessary, however not immediately available parts arrive along with the repair technician.

So at that point the score is awww shit, times two.

But we’re not done yet. Not by a bit. Back to work for my third day to a critical assignment, away I depart in the Ambassador’s trusty (sometimes) sooper sekret spy-vehicle, northwards to the turd-world city otherwise known as Providence, RI. En route the pesky AC converter powering various, asundry devices necessary for my particular line of work, decides to begin incessant screaming, an indication of under-voltage. The laptop computer/GPS doesn’t like it either and goes into standby mode, depriving me of directions within the labyrinthine environs. I twiddle and diddle with the various plugs and wires to no avail. About this time I notice the “Battery Low Voltage” light on the instrument panel is locked in solid.

Not a “Good Thing”. Fortunately the alternator was producing sufficient voltage to allow the ignition system to continue it’s function, lest motivation via shanks-ponies would soon follow. Providence indeed allowed me to abort mission and RTB for repairs. I managed to get it to my local ace mechanic’s garage and lo and behold he has a light schedule today and repairs are in progress as I pen this tale of multiple misfortune and woe. Hopefully in the next few hours and $300 lighter in the bank account, the spy-car will be ready to swing into action once again. Oh did I forget to mention, this followed a battery replacement to the tune of another $75 on Saturday and overdue service at a unnamed lubricating services establishment with a $120 tab.

One day lost wages= Expensive
Automotive Repairs= Very Expensive
Blood Pressure= Astronomical
Shit/Funny Factor= Priceless

The good news should be, the Empire’s bad karma should be dissipated for this week anyway. Maybe.

Good Luck out there, and don’t forget that proper imprecations go a long way to alleviate the stress. When eating the shit-sandwiches of life, it’s best to take large bites, don’t chew and swallow quickly.

F.E.T.E.

[Update #1: Obviously nothing is EVER easy. Seems not only did the alternator quit alternating, but in the process of doing so, burned the wiring harness from the battery. High amperage heat melts copper as well as steel (note to Rosie O’ Donuts). Of course it’s not a simple little piece of nice insulated wire but an entire harness. But wait there’s more, it’s a dealer item and not in stock locally. Wednesday for a delivery date, meaning, your’s truly will be running the tab more stratospheric, renting a vehicle while the other one sits, laughing at it’s owner. As Le Ann Rimes puts it, something’s gotta give. Shoot me. Just SHOOT ME. -JB]

[Update #2: G_d in his infinite wisdom, chose to have mercy on this poor recidivist sinner. My masterful mechanic managed to repair the damaged wiring at no extra charge, saving me an extra $100 on the replacement part. The Aston-Martin DB-Kia is ready to go back to work. But the score is still shit happens in Fours, see Spats comment #11 below. By the way, find a good local garage and mechanic whenever possible, you wouldn’t believe the dealership quote for that repair.-JB]

32 Responses to “Shit Happens in Threes [Updated Twice]”
  1. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Tod ya to feed the squirils, damnitall!

  2. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Tod ya to feed the squirils, damnitall!

    The bloody wankers are on strike, but the hamsters are scabbing them until recipes negotiations are completed.

    Bastiches all.

  3. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    “The beatings will continue until morale improves!”

  4. SSG Fuzzy Comment by SSG Fuzzy

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    My boob-tube just took a crap on Saturday night too! Seeing as its close to 15 years old and HD being needed soon not sure what I’m going to do. Hate to send that much on a television as I hardly ever watch TV and only have broadcast channels through an antenna. Mainly use to watch movies!

  5. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    It’s times like this you need an Imperial chase car.

    I do a lot of traveling commuting to work.(almost 200 miles each way), and I won’t drive a car without an extended warranty on it.

    I have PowerShield on all of my cars, and they cover everything bumper-to-bumper, without question or hassle. I have no deductable, I can take it to any shop or dealer, and they don’t quibble over line items. They pay the bill with a corporate credit card right then and there over the phone. They will put you up in a motel or give you a loaner if needed.

    AND it doesn’t matter how many miles are on the car.

    All YOU have to do is the scheduled maintenance when needed.

    Let me tell you from experience: if you travel, it is money WELL spent.

  6. ChefJeff Comment by ChefJeff

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    $868 for brake light switch and AC compressor on the Suburban…..

    $565 for the replacement of that leaky water heater…..

    $75 to repair (even though through magic it decides to work when the repairman arrived) the house air conditioning…..

    All within 10 days for each other….

    :em98:

  7. L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter Comment by L.C. Mope, Imperial Offsetter

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Burnt out license plate lightbulb … $1.00

    Ticket for same… $75.00

    Appealing the conviction to the Appellate Court…

    Priceless.

    Traffic stops since… 0

    That light bulb was worth every penny of $75.00.

    :em99:

  8. Unregistered Comment by salfter

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Unless it’s in an inconvenient location (like on the bottom between the engine and the firewall), an alternator is something you can usually swap out yourself with a couple of wrenches, a big screwdriver (to put tension on the belt), and a few minutes’ time. Last time I had to buy one, they only ran about $50-$60 for a rebuild…hell of a lot better than $300. (Even allowing for one hour of labor, which is excessive for a professional mechanic for this job, it sounds like you got rooked on parts.)

  9. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    salfter @ 8:

    A lot of these German and Japanese cars have the alternator in such a place that while you can see it, you have to remove a lot of other stuff to get at it. That is the time consuming part — even for a professional.

    Most ASE certified mechanics aren’t going to charge you for more than the “book” time it will take to do the job.

    I am getting ready to do a timing belt and water pump job on my new toy. On some cars, you wouldn’t expect to pay more than a few hundred bucks to do that because it is easy to do. MY car, it is going to run around $1200-1400, because you just can’t get there from here without a lot of disassembly.

    I don’t know what kind of an imperial limo Misha is driving, but I suspect that it isn’t one that has an easy access to the alternator.

  10. xenophobic Comment by xenophobic

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    Car repair seems very expensive, perhaps we should lobby for Universal Car Care?

  11. Unregistered Comment by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Shit Happens in Threes

    Fours.  La Reina Espátula’s truck gave out last night.  Possible fuel pump issues.

    Sigh.

  12. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    DJ-

    Thanks for the tip on the PowerShield protection services. My little buggy is way beyond their max mileage coverage range, however my next purchase (quite soon I might add) will positively include that. A bargain at any price from what I plugged in for likely vehicles, mileage etc.

    Salfter-

    Unless it’s in an inconvenient location (like on the bottom between the engine and the firewall)

    It is that and worse, and needs to go on the lift, a suspension cross-member to be removed and an articulated extension drive and socket to loosen the hinge and belt-adjustment bolts. Call it 30 minutes for a good mechanic.

    Total: $385 for the privilege of driving it until the next breakdown.

  13. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    JB, you know better than to venture into the land of Cianci without getting clearance from “The Don”. You’re lucky that your kneecaps still face forward!

    Remind me to tell you ’bout that time at the “Clubhouse” in Providence…

  14. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    JB, you know better than to venture into the land of Cianci without getting clearance from “The Don”

    Tenster- With that latest wonderful update, it would seem an even higher authority is determined to keep me from the Ocean State and impoverished simultaneously.

    :em98:

  15. Radical Redneck Comment by Radical Redneck

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Oh man JB, that blows the scabbed syphilitic one! A couple summers ago my old heap cost me over 2k in the course of a summer.

    This should cheer you up though. :twisted: :em99:

  16. DJ Allyn,  ITW Comment by DJ Allyn, ITW

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    My little buggy is way beyond their max mileage coverage range, however my next purchase (quite soon I might add) will positively include that.

    Just don’t get it through a dealer. Go directly to WarrantyDirect for the best price and coverage.

  17. LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR Comment by LC JackBoot IC/A-OBR

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    DJ-

    Go directly to WarrantyDirect for the best price and coverage.

    Gotcha, Roger-Wilco. I average 600+ miles weekly and that coverage is a bargain anyway you look at it.

  18. maxxdog Comment by maxxdog

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    In the last month I have replaced the water heater(did it myself for 350)
    Brakes on the Supercrew O’ Doom
    Brakes on the SU’s Lesbaru
    and of course school is starting and the girls have outgrown everything.

  19. sig94 Comment by sig94

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    I thought you were going back to work on Tuesday. It’s that evil so and so you work for… :em08:

  20. Ten-Ten Comment by Ten-Ten

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    I average 600+ miles weekly

    Wuss… :em93:

  21. LC MoMinuteMan Comment by LC MoMinuteMan

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    A tip for all you power hungry Rotties out there.

    Speaking as a Professional Driver with YEARS behind the wheel of power intensive vehicles (read: ambulances and 18-wheelers, both with lots of electrical gadgetry on board), the best thing you can do to protect your rig from a meltdown is to put the most powerful battery in it that will fit the space provided. Most ambulances have at least two 1000 amp batteries, and Big Rigs have four.

    Measure the space under the hood where the battery sits, then get the battery with the highest amperage that will fit that space, without the connections making contact with the rest of the vehicle. That is bad juju.

    Most rigs come with just enough battery and alternator to supply the electrical needs of the stock specs. You start adding something like an AC converter (which is one of the biggest power pigs you can put in a rig) to the equation, and your starting the countdown to premature system failure.

    The average car comes with between 450-650 CCA (cold cranking amps) batteries. If possible put at least an 800 amp battery in there. I have run with a 1000 CCA battery in every rig I have owned since my Medic days, and the only replacements I have done was when the battery died due to old age.

    Another advantage to this is better starting in temperature extremes. Really hot and really cold weather saps the power out of a battery. When I had my ‘74 VW Bug, I had a 1000 amp battery in it. I lived on a street where the average car value was $50K. Cue the single-digit temps. I head out to go to work and see tow trucks working both sides of the street, doing jump-starts. I jump in my Bug, turn on the key and wait for the fuel pump to prime the system, pump the pedal twice and hit the starter. Fired right up.

    To add insult to injury, I racked off the Baja pipes a few times to rub their noses in it for all the dirty looks I got every time I’d drive down the street. If looks could kill, I would have been vaporized that morning.

    The next best thing, but more expensive, is to put a higher capacity alternator on the rig. This is most easily done on trucks, which either have aftermarket bolt in Hi-Cap alternators, or mounting kits. I haven’t heard of any such kits for an Aston-Martin DB-Kia though. But if you go this route, be advised that you need a bigger battery to go along with it.

    Or, if your alternator takes a dump on you, you might be able to get your local shop to rebuild it to put out more power for a slightly higher cost than a stock rebuild. And you’ll want to check to see if you’ll need any heavier gauge wiring to handle the extra power to the battery.

  22. LC MoMinuteMan Comment by LC MoMinuteMan

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    I average 600+ miles weekly

    Wuss… :em93:

    :em99: :em99:

    When I was OTR, 600 miles was a DAY’S work. :em93:

  23. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Yssir, MoMinuteMan, well met fellow bugfreak.

    check to see if you’ll need any heavier gauge wiring to handle the extra power to the battery.

    The battery only get’s what the regulator sends, the old bosch’s are, well, adjustable. Just gotta do a tad of tender bendin’.
    I’d get the razzo-grande from the local four wheelers, until they get bug-buzzed in the deep sand.
    ‘Drove more than a few grateful sweat-necks out ‘n back for parts n stuff. All day on five bucks of gas.

    Autobahns, Volkswagens, Rocket Scientits..danke adoph. ‘Glad they’re still here n’ yore gone.

    BTW
    Fat wires are always a good bet anyhoo.

  24. LC MoMinuteMan Comment by LC MoMinuteMan

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    I’d get the razzo-grande from the local four wheelers, until they get bug-buzzed in the deep sand.
    ‘Drove more than a few grateful sweat-necks out ‘n back for parts n stuff. All day on five bucks of gas.

    Been there, done that, got the muddy tee-shirt.

    Mine was red, re-done in Wally World Spray Can Blue, white ‘glass Baja fenders on all 4 corners, Scat DragFast shifter, 88MM slip-in pistons and jugs, 2 barrel Weber carb, injected heads, Bosch racing coil and centrifugal distributor and Baja pipes. Could pull the front wheels off the ground in 1st and 2nd.

    Drove that fast, ugly, all terrain bitch for almost 6 years, had reverse for 2 days (learned REAL quick how to pick a pull thru or roll back parking spot), and heat for about 20 minutes. Hooked the ‘boxes up and face the decision of freeze to death or death from CO poisoning.

    I carried a windshield scraper for a defroster.

  25. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

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    Bugs will survive emf attacks… :em93:

  26. LC Wil Comment by LC Wil

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    BTW, Dave:

    I like the avatar best, so far. Not that my poor opinion should matter, but tres cool!

  27. MasterGuns, Imperial Marine Comment by MasterGuns, Imperial Marine

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Now all you can understand why I drive old cars I can maintain myself. I’m not ASE certified but there isn’t a thing I can’t do on my rides except rebuild an auto-tranny(the “bubbletop” will have a ‘glide when I finish getting it back together in a month or so). I have’t purchased a brand new vehicle since 1978 and newest I own right now is a 1984 Jeep and it’s a retrograde in terms of technology(no computer, a carb instead of injected, etc).

    Just a hobby I have.

    Semper Fi

  28. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Blessed here in Spartanburg, SC to find White’s Exxon and Campbell’s Auto Body Shop for our auto needs.

    Honest, dependable, and good people at both of these places if anyone lives in this area or around it.

    :em34:

  29. Lady Heather Comment by Lady Heather

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    Lesbaru

    Huh? :em99:

  30. Unregistered Comment by Azygos

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    JB

    I have GPS in my car also. I unfold it whenever I need to find my way. ;-)

  31. Unregistered Comment by LC Croaker

    Strict Standards: call_user_func_array() expects parameter 1 to be a valid callback, non-static method emotions::filter_text() should not be called statically in /home/misha/public_html/2007/wp-includes/plugin.php on line 59

    Ya know, I have a question for Rosie o’Donuts and her “fire has never melted steel” thing.

    Has she never heard of blacksmiths? People have used charcoal fires - charcoal! not even gasoline! - to soften steel enough that they can bend it with a hammer. For centuries.

    Oh, and I hope everyone enjoys the History Channel debunking of the Troofers.

  32. Bill H, Resident Car Guy Comment by Bill H, Resident Car Guy

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    Stuff like this is why whenever I electrified some prima-donnas’ hotrod, 120A for an alternator was pretty much standard (you wouldn’t believe the equipment some of these cars got) and battery lines were usually a 2ga. See, the primary secret is you need as much return path (ground) as you do output (positive). This is critical for injected cars- EFI is a power hog. MoMinuteMan’s advice on battery size is also quite good, especially if you run a high-output system. The battery has two main functions, plus one lesser one- start the car, store power, and act as a filter/buffer for the alternator. The bigger the battery is, the better it can do these three things. Oh- one last thing, boys and girls. DO NOT pull the battery cable off of a running car to see if the alternator is charging. Very bad, nasty, ugly, expensive problems can develop in one hell of a hurry. All those computers and modules in a modern car do not like that feedback.