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Gerard Baker of the timesonline.uk, channels the finest in satire, reminiscent of the best work of the legendary Monty Python.
[Hat Tip to our ever-watchful Imperial Sniper for this gem]
SPEW ALERT IN AFFECT, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!!
He Ventured Forth To Bring Light To The World
The anointed one’s pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers
And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.
The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.
When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”
In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.
And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.
He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.And the Child spake and the tribes of NATO immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the
Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.
From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.
And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child’s very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.
And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.
From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.
In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.
As word spread throughout the land about the Child’s wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.
And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child’s journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.
The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.
And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.
Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.
And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.
Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.
But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.
And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.
Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.
On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.
And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”
It is so refreshing to see that despites Britain’s terminal condition, SOMEONE can still laugh at us, as they bugger-all should.
Entries (RSS)
BWaaaahahahahaha! That is some funny shit right there! :em01: :em99: :em01: :em99: :em01: :em99:
July 24th, 2008 at 7:27 PMUsing
Misha:
July 24th, 2008 at 7:42 PMOh my GOD, that was hilarious. That was, by far, the best mocking of “The One” that I’ve heard or read all day.
At the end of the story, will the Anointed One be riding his Golden Chariot into the heavens?
Yes. He. Can.
I hope this whole thing backfires on the sanctimonious bastard.
Using
That is classic!
Can we draft this guy, Boss?
July 24th, 2008 at 7:43 PMUsing
Listening to the bilge spewing forth from the Obamessiah’s
pie holelie hole today, and hearing the adoration of his brain-dead Socialist acolytes, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another, profoundly more eloquent orator, who also just happened to run on the exact same Socialist platform…:em38: :em72:
July 24th, 2008 at 8:10 PMUsing
I give that one 5 Fatwa’s out of 5 uuuulllllaaaaalllaaaallaalllaaaaallaaallaaa!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:28 PMUsing
Poetry. Pure poetry.
And verily I am greatly entertained.
And there was much rejoicing.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:34 PMUsing
:em01: :em01: :em99: :em99: LEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEHLEH!!!!!!! :em93: :em01: :em99: :em03: The great Magic Mulatto will surely banish us for this racist spoof, no? :em93: :em99: :em01:
July 24th, 2008 at 8:55 PMOnce again, I find reason to take pride in my British ancestry!
Using
:em01: Ahh, good ole’ british wit. I love it
July 24th, 2008 at 9:00 PMUsing
Except for the fact he doesn’t want this to happen, I thought it was funny.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:21 PMUsing
Will the Obameinführer rise on the third day after Hillary arranges his interment?
Just askin’…
July 24th, 2008 at 9:55 PMUsing
And of course the guy’s a Brit, so he didn’t notice:
“And he spaketh, and the Pharisee Matthews did call attention to his own public arousal, and did gush forth copiously.”
July 24th, 2008 at 10:00 PMUsing
Stop! im gonna piss myself laughing ….. :em01: :em01: :em01: :em01:
July 24th, 2008 at 10:36 PMUsing
July 24th, 2008 at 10:44 PMUsing
July 24th, 2008 at 11:10 PMUsing
Needs some soft church organ music on loop in the background. :em69:
July 24th, 2008 at 11:32 PMUsing
Ok I can’t resist.
Obama.
July 25th, 2008 at 1:35 AMUsing
World Citizen.
:em01: :em01:
July 25th, 2008 at 2:31 AMUsing
I think this image I found on Right Wing News says it all.
Just in case I can’t get it to post, here’s the link to the article.
http://rightwingnews.....etroot.php
Be afraid. Obama is using the exact same tactics Adolf and his fellow fudgepackers used in the 20’s and 30’s to gain power.
July 25th, 2008 at 4:55 AMUsing
Guys, I’ve studied Hitler. Hitler wasn’t a friend of mine, but I can tell you this: Obama is no Hitler.
Himmler, perhaps …
July 25th, 2008 at 7:46 AMUsing
I’m betting that his he’ll soon be claiming to have raised the dead backstage, just like Oral Roberts! Remember Kerry’s claim that Christopher Reeve would have been able to walk again, etc., when he was spewing his crap? Yes, the embryonic stem cell research spew. I’m certain that the Dalai Bama will soon start spewing it even thicker! A world citizen? I’d love to see his passport, and that would disqualify him from running for Pres, because you have to be an AMERICAN citizen to run! Hey, does that qualify as renouncing his US citizenship as well? :em93:
July 25th, 2008 at 8:26 AMUsing
How about having the Obamessiah just stay over in EUnuchistan and run for president of their soon-to-be Pisslamic EUtopia? They’re a bunch of fuchkheaded flaming Socialists and he’d fit right in with them. “Bird(brain)s of a feather” and all…
Just a suggestion.
Oh, and Special Ed, you’re right. Obambi’s no Hitler… Hitler had at least one ball hangin’ between his legs.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:32 AM:em93:
Using
Hi yall, just letting yall know I am doing good. Sorry about the lack of corrospondence over the last month. I have been trying to get adjusted to the hectic schedule. I have been flying from one base to another to another here in Afghanistan. Hopefully when I reach my assigned base camp it will not be so difficult to find time to get online. I’ll also be running my very own aid station, so I will not be able to corrospond with yall as much as I would like to. I’ll be very busy coordinating re-supply, medevac and patient care, but I promise i will keep in touch.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:44 AMUsing
[...] Jackboot discovered that the presstitute love for the Obamiantion isn’t universal, as the Brits deliver some serious satire. [...]
July 25th, 2008 at 10:18 AMUsing
The Morning Scramble, part 1 - 7/25/2008…
This is going to be extra-filling today after yesterday’s light fare, so I’m going with a 2-parter. I hereby dedicate the first-half song to Uncle Jimbo and his search for a new avatar for Blackfive’s newest contributor,……
July 25th, 2008 at 10:20 AMDon’t mushroom clouds give off light?
July 25th, 2008 at 10:36 AMUsing
Good to hear from you SL! You stay chilly over there. And remember there is a time for patching and a time for fighting. Just dont do anything “teh stoopid”, and get home with the same number of holes you had when you left. Situational Awarness, Situational Awarness, Situational Awarness…. complacency WILL get your ass DEAD.
Stay In touch, and if you NEED ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL. YOU HOLLA.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:51 AMUsing
Hey dave,
go fuck yourself you liberal asshat.
We’re mad because your obamassiah is DANGEROUS!
Sorry you’re too fucking stupid to see it.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:21 AMUsing
Yep, DJ (Disc Jockey…..figures), we are SOOOO pissed that we don’t have a candidate with Obama’s qualities. Just WHAT qualities does he possess? Back on your meds again, DJ? You leftards are an amazing bunch. Just like the bobbing head doggie in the back window of a ‘63 Impala, you bob your empty heads in agreement even when the speaker has nothing substantial to say. However, Liberalism HAS been described as a mental disorder, so nothing a liberal says surprises me. I just smile and give them a look of understanding, realizing, in the end, that they are sick and require understanding and help for their affliction. Arsenic works well, I hear.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:21 AMUsing
No DJ… the emotion you are describing would be considered jealousy. I am neither Mad nor Jealous. I am however frustrated with the the inability of the masses to comprehend what a complete and utter BULLSHIT artist this guy is. And thats what he is… a waffeling tell anybody what they want to hear bullshit artist. Then you layer that with the fact that most of what he does espouse is straight from the socialist handbook and then I become apprehensive at a minimum. I would be alot more “forgiving” of this candidate if we were not at WAR, if our economy was stronger, etc. etc. But I dont think that “we” the US as a whole needs idealology right now… we need reality. And I (speaking for myself) want a moderate, thoughtful, approach to the problems we face, NOT… NOT a 180 degree reversal of approach thats going to take 2 yrs to define and another 2 yrs to implement.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:41 AMUsing
Great satire.
Maybe if we all chip in with a little cash, we can pay the Europeans to keep him forever. I’m willing.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:42 AMUsing
“American politics can be so funny. Take my Dhimmicrat. Please!”
July 25th, 2008 at 11:58 AMUsing
your condescension is showing…..
heh, ANYONE could draw the crowds he does if they had the obamaproppers in the MSM telling everyone what a savior he is, and promoting him 24/7. This is all about assuaging the white guilt of liberals and socialists, if you don’t believe me watch cnn any night this week for their take on being…..ahem….”Black in America”……they’re falling all over themselves telling us what a racist oppressive country we are and how there is hopey changey looming on the horizon. This is nothing but a big perverted media circus. If obama were white this wouldn’t be happening, no matter how charismatic he is.
and those same obamaproppers failed to mention that it took two….TWO free rock concerts to draw those adoring throngs before obama beatified them.
I don’t do that, I criticize his policies and the anointing that the obamaproppers in the MSM are doing. It’s starting to backfire Dave, Grampy McCain is even in the polls with him and obama received no bump from this trip…..and there seems to be a rising revulsion at the deification that is being poured on this skinny socialist.
I called him skinny, that humanizes the brush I’m painting him with doesn’t it?
July 25th, 2008 at 12:10 PMUsing
- White Guilt Trigger
- Can read well from a teleprompter (for the love of G-d, keep him on the *%^%& teleprompter!!!)
- Ability to completely reverse every Primary position…with a straight face.
- Lamont Cranston-like in his ability to make the media overlook a legion of basic and important shortcomings – past, present & future.
- Ability to make Chris Matthews jizz himself by sighing.
- Ability to casually cast-aside “deeply-felt” and “closely-held” self proclaimed beliefs, if the money is good elsewhere.
- Able to stave-off the anger of the (m)asses at his open disdain for them – by promising greater government hand-outs and entitlements.
- Able to out-socialist the European-socialists, assuring that they will receive him with fawning adulation.
- Complete lack of understanding of the history & significance of foreign landmarks (but can say ‘merci beaucoup’)
- Able (and willing) to lend credibility to heads of terrorist organizations, to assist them in strengthening their position on the world-stage.
- “I could no more disown him than I could the black communit…(b-Bump!) – Oops! What was I saying?”
- Able to make the (m)asses accept his vague (and daily-changing) emotion-driven platitudes, despite a complete lack of concrete or logical underpinnings.
You’re right, Deej!
There’s no-one like you’re ObaMessiah!
REJOICE!
- MuscleDaddy
July 25th, 2008 at 12:18 PMUsing
Frankly I don’t give a rat’s ass if our President or candidates inspire the whole world. The rest of the world can go do sexually explicit acts with a syphilitic rhinoceros. When it comes to our security and our lives, the rest of the world needs to butt out. They don’t want us meddling in their business….so they can just shut the f*ck up about ours. They don’t want us anywhere near them, but them damn sure demand all that money we send em.
Dalai Bama is one dangerous f*cked up Socialist, and the fact that you are stupid enough to suck his dick means that your Socialist/Communist aspirations are showing Deej.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:29 PMUsing
Deej - just imagine the size of the crowd you could’ve addressed during the 80’s… if your speech happened to take place during a Van Halen concert!
‘Cause that’s just how the ObaMessiah did it in Germany…
…Just like last time…
Obama: “Pay No Attention To The Band Behind The Curtain!!!!”
Network Media: “We. will. Pay. No. Attention. To. The. Band. Behind. The Curtainnnn.”
Obama: “Good. Now, where’s Matthews? I’m feelin’ a little…. Anxious.”
Hmeh.
- MuscleDaddy
July 25th, 2008 at 12:37 PMUsing
Deej, the socialist EEO-quota and his multitude of myrmidon lackeys were also providing FREE beer and bratwurst, and had musicians performing as well, do that for ANY cause in Germany, and you’ll have a huge crowd present in no time!!!! :em98: :em41: Think about it, Herr DUMPKOPF! :em41: Ronald Reagan, the defeater of Communism, had to have riot police surrounding him when he gave his “Tear down this wall” speech, because he had just placed Pershing II missiles on German soil, making the Soviets shit themselves! The gilded Magic Mulatto, the Dalai Bama, promises to dismantle America’s nukes, making us second fiddle to any tinpot with nukes, let alone the Russkies and Chinese! Lay off the kool-aid, it’s given you brain damage!
July 25th, 2008 at 12:39 PMUsing
Thank You DJ For lighting the fire today :em93:
We didnt start the fire
Its been always burnin
Since the worlds been turnin
We didnt start the fire
though we tried to fight it
it still goes on and on and on …………
Or something like that … cant remember the exact lyrics…. but you catch my drift eh?
July 25th, 2008 at 12:53 PMUsing
Mad? No. Amused? Definitely. It shows me just how many fucking idiots there are in the world. And boy, are there ever so many.
Seriously, DJ, you’re basing the man’s ability to draw throngs of (stupid) people as a gauge to become President. Really? Exactly how shallow is that?
I just can’t wait if (G-d forbid) the day comes that His Lightworkerness™ becomes POTUS and quite possibly becomes the worst administration since Carter, I can be there to fucking say I told you so.
(BTW, you’d better buckle down for the next four years because, barring a miracle of impeachment, it’s going to be rough. I’m no fan of McCain but I’m an even lesser fan of Obama. I can’t recall an election I’ve hated as much as this year’s election.)
July 25th, 2008 at 1:27 PMUsing
I’m mad that I don’t have a candidate so obviously confused about who his constituency is that he cannot campaign here with the people who could actually vote for him? That’s a good one, Deej.
Obama is arrogant, vacant, and so very in love with himself that it turns my stomach. Whether it is the need to jet around the world like he is someone who actually matters, in a plane with his own gut-wrenching symbol on the tail in stead of the flag of the nation he believes he should lead, or a need to go to one of the holiest sites in the ME, and have his face and posters plastered everywhere as he does, or asking a FOX reporter on his plane why FOX news plays at the millitary bases he visited, and then imply that it was Bush’s choice, as if the troops were being denied the benefit of the 24/7 public Obama gonad-gobbling the rest of the press willingly engages in on the other channels, or scheduling speeches after free concerts to babble empty platitudes to the drooling masses who want so desperately to be relieved of the torturous burden of actually thinking for themselves, because they might have to then exposes themselves to baseless but nontheless shrill charges from the self-appointed PC elite that they are racist, bitter, unenlightened fools for seeing him as the vain, America-hating empty suit that he is.
Do I have reservations about portraying him as a Nazi? Absolutely. But some of the paralells are striking and are actually in evidence, unlike the Nazi mantras chanted ad nauseum about Bush, Rove, Cheney, and Haliburton by the tiresome voices on the left. In truth, I don’t think Obama is as smart as some of the Nazis were, but I do think many of his freinds and handlers are, and they have no compunction about using his charisma…yes I said it…the one thing he’s said about himself that I do agree with…to a point. He does give a good speech. As long as it is scripted and no one asks him a real question, the guy is good. It is another reason to be be scared of him, because I think he actually believes some of what he is saying, and if there is a generalization to be applied to His Oneness’s (TM) divine and enigmatic utterances, it is that none of the policy positions he has stated, whether he has reversed them or not, is good for this country, and that is the only benchmark that matters, and the only one I care about.
There has been a lot of disappointment declared here about McCain, and there is much as conservatives that we have to dislike about Grampy. But the starkest difference between these two is that I believe that Grampy can learn from his mistakes. He may compromise, and he may pay lip service to the cap-and-trade nonsense being foisted on us by al-ja-Gora’s Cult of Gaia, but I have yet to see an instance where he has been given an opportunity to take advantage of the 20/20 clarity offered by hindsight, and not taken it. Obama has, and has not been taken to task for it. His interview with, of all people, Katie Couric (bangs head against desk) demostrates it. Even though she finally got him to admit, after asking three times, that the surge, the one he did not support, worked, he still maintains that, knowing now what he didn’t know then, he still would not have supported it. This is the height of intellectual vanity and exposes just how dangerous his “thinking” really is.
Mad that I don’t have a candidate like him? No, Deej. Sorry. I’m mad that such a vain and vacuous man, peddling solutions that have already failed time, and time again, who lives at a standard higher than so many and keeps preaching The Politics of Lowered Expectations(TM) for other citizens of this country, and who demonstrates such bad judgment and enormous ego, can even be considered as a serious and viable candidate for President of the United States. Even for the Democratic Party, this man should be beneath the standards they should aspire to as representative scions of our legacy and heritage.
What a disappointment.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:38 PMUsing
Right after he whipped up a conglomeration of masses of asses in BERLIN?
Waiter, please refill my Triple Thick Irony Shake™
July 25th, 2008 at 5:15 PMUsing
BIW
:em69: :em69:
But you know with Dave thats gonna go in one ear and straight out the other.
July 25th, 2008 at 5:20 PMUsing
BiW, Excellent rant! :em69: I may reference it in my travels.
ps Did you see Miller just signed a $26 million deal?
July 25th, 2008 at 5:21 PMUsing
Yup. Nothing worse than a rich relative who doesn’t even know your name. Since I’m a Sens fan, we prolly wouldn’t get along anyway.
Why not? I just posted it at my place, with a link, of course, since I realized it neatly wrapped up everything that I so intensely dislike about the clown.
July 25th, 2008 at 5:32 PMUsing
Self delusion can be such a sad thing. But in this case, :em01: .
July 25th, 2008 at 5:42 PMUsing
Something tells me this would have a Scanners Like Effect™ (exploding head) over at Kayinsane’s. :em02: It would be such a shame to see braindead, bulbous, bike-helmet clad leftist heads pop now wouldn’t it?!
July 25th, 2008 at 5:49 PMUsing
RR sez:
they’d pop just like the big infected zits they are……..but I can’t go there to watch, we don’t have enough Clorox in the house to clean my brain with after I go there….it’ just too toxic a place
July 25th, 2008 at 6:17 PMUsing
Yep… Kay and the two guys trying to get in her pants by validating everything she spews thats it, thats the whole site… occasionaly she attracts some muzzie who spouts pretty funny shite… but other than its 3 moonbats central…..
July 25th, 2008 at 6:49 PMUsing
What the Obamorgasmisizing® Lamestream Midiots™ failed to mention in all of their ejaculatory coverage was that there was not only ONE, but TWO, “free”* concerts held at the same venue that
Hitlerthe Obamessiah spewed forth his HopeyChangitudinal™ inane drivel. With free beer and tunes doled out, even the Gorebecile could draw a crowd like that.:em01: :em99:
*— Paid for by the US taxpayers?
July 25th, 2008 at 6:52 PMUsing
B.C., were you referencing the song? You know, the one whistled in the movie “The Bridge Over The River Kwai”?
July 25th, 2008 at 7:23 PMUsing
jaybear, troy - any doubt Kayinsane’s whole demented readership will encore this en masse once their messiah self destructs? :em98: :em95:
July 25th, 2008 at 7:42 PMUsing
I seriously doubt I could get that lucky RR.. those fuckers dont have the “heart” or the sense of honor to be motivated enough. They would stew and rail against the “unfairness” of it all, then would come the conspiracy therories and they would be off to the races.
But on the bright side…. Dog says they are definetly on the LIST!
July 25th, 2008 at 8:32 PMUsing
Good to see you SL, keep your (foot) powder dry!
July 26th, 2008 at 12:28 AMUsing