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Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » A Cautionary Tale

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…of what might happen if you spend so much time gazing at your own navel and marveling at the wonder that is you that you actually begin to believe it:

Just call her Nancy the Navigator.

“I have always loved longitude,” Nancy Pelosi says before breaking into laughter. “I love latitude; it’s in the stars. But longitude, it’s about time. … Time and clocks and all the rest of that have always been a fascination for me.”

She’s fascinated by… time. Wow. How unutterably, fantastically, indescribably… insignificant. But we suppose that His Majesty, once he reaches the advanced age of a hundred and something, will find time somewhat fascinating too.

“The Geographer,” Jan Vermeer’s portrait of a Dutch mapmaker staring out a window with a sea chart before him, is a favorite of the House speaker. But mostly, Pelosi is drawn to the explorers of the Age of Discovery — Balboa, Magellan, Vasco da Gama

And how the rest of us wish that she were just like they. All long dead and gone.

— all struggling at sea without an accurate way to measure East-West progress.

…while Stretch Lugosi is struggling at DC without an accurate way to navigate her Most Ethical Congress EVUH™ away from the threatening reefs of single digit approval ratings, nor does she seem too overly interested in finding one.

And she is fascinated by the historic melding of science and politics in the race to find a solution, the modern chronometer — much as today’s world seeks answers such as an electric car battery in the energy debate that now consumes both Pelosi and Congress.

“Whoever makes that discovery, rules,” she says.

“Rules?”

Does anybody above the age of 14 actually use that word today? But never mind about that. We’re glad to see that she does, indeed, acknowledge that the Super Battery That Will End All Of Our Energy Woes™ doesn’t actually exist. We’d be even more relieved if her diktat for what we should do until it magically appears would be something other than “drive smaller cars and wait for the wind.”

From Medicare to housing to the new GI Bill, her Democrats have driven the legislative train more than the White House has in recent months. And even when the Democratic Party gave ground to the White House on terrorism surveillance, Pelosi’s credentials were such that Obama felt safer embracing the deal — after she did so first publicly.

Pelosi’s what? And yes, do mention the Dalai Bama’s famous “this is not the telecom immunity that I thought I knew” moment again. We can’t get enough of it. It fills our Imperial mind with sweet memories of nutroots’ heads exploding all over the place.

Yet with this success…

They have a mightily interesting definition of “success” at Politico.com. If low teens approval ratings equal “success”, then we’d hate to see what “failure” is according to them. Scratch that, we’d love to see the Democrats Communists get a dose of that and, with their current course, they will.

comes new danger — like explorers lost at sea without longitude. Until now, Pelosi has been perceived as a counterweight to President Bush. But after the Democratic convention in Denver, and going into November, voters will take a closer measure of her performance

They already have. Somebody needs to inform the Illiterati of Politico.com about those approval ratings we’ve been mentioning.

— and fairness — since Democrats could very well be the new ruling party, controlling Congress and the White House in January.

They have been the ruling party since 2006, and look at all the good that has done them. Not to mention our poor Republic.

At the same time, the wave of change her party has ridden could come crashing down. The pressures facing the nation — troubled financial markets, falling housing prices and rising energy and food costs — are genuinely historic.

It’s funny isn’t it? For six years, during a long boom, the Democrats Communists kept describing the economy as “the worst since Hoover”, yet we kept obstinately getting richer and richer. Then the Democrats Communists swung into power and, voila, with a little bit more effort from them we’ll actually have that situation.

The next president will inherit a projected deficit of close to $500 billion, and Democrats admit privately that they were caught off guard by the spike in gasoline prices and the hardship it has imposed on middle-income and working-class voters.

Odd, since it had been creeping upward for years before they took over. Of course, when they did take over it accelerated and went through the roof in record time, so maybe the real problem is that they were caught off guard by the sheer magnitude of their own incompetence?

With fewer than 20 legislative days before the new fiscal year begins Oct. 1, the entire appropriations process has largely ground to a halt because of the ham-handed fighting that followed Republican attempts to lift the moratorium on offshore oil and gas exploration.

Those damn Rethugnicans. We’re in a financial crisis almost entirely due to ridiculously high gas prices, a situation fueled, if you’ll pardon us saying so, by increasing demand and not enough supply to meet it, and those dastardly Conservatives start suggesting that we up the supply by actually using some of the vast domestic resources that Democrats Communists have been banning the use of for decades. NO FAIR!! WAAAAAAAAHHHH!

And after promising fairness and open debate, Pelosi has resorted to hard-nosed parliamentary devices that effectively bar any chance for Republicans to offer policy alternatives.

“I’m trying to save the planet; I’m trying to save the planet,” she says impatiently when questioned.

Megalomania much? Delusions of adequacy? The question IS: Who’s going to save the planet from you?

“I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy.”

Somebody kindly diagram, analyze and interpret that sentence for us and let us know if there is any conceivable way that it can be made to exhibit even the slightest whiff of sense.

“I respect the office that I hold,” she says.

Though not nearly as much as you worship yourself. And thanks to you, you’re just about the only surviving sentient being in this country who does still respect the office that you hold.

“And when you win the election, you win the majority, and what is the power of the speaker? To set the agenda, the power of recognition, and I am not giving the gavel away to anyone.”

“WAAAAAAHHH! MINE!!!”

It’s odd, though. We seem to recall a lot of wailing about lack of “bipartisanship” when it was those godawful Rethugnicans holding the gavel. Meaning, of course, a lack of letting the Democrats Communists have their way anyway.

Let’s face it, Washington: This speaker is different. She’s the first woman ever to hold the post and a very tough one at that, with a penchant for the mystical.

And not even the most threadbare grasp of that thing called “reality”, the place that the rest of the world inhabits.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) promoted futurists such as Alvin Toffler; Pelosi sails the mythical voyages of Italian novelist Umberto Eco. The Colombian writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez is such a favorite that Pelosi’s staffers joke about what she would do if the Nobel laureate were to call about the Colombian Trade Agreement bottled up in the House.

It would be more interesting if she’d tell the nation just how much her friends in FARC and her best buddy Chavez paid her to keep it bottled up there. Colombia is our best and most faithful ally in South America, after all.

Pelosi strapped her ally, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, over the barrel and then made nice with an old enemy, T. Boone Pickens, the Texas oilman and onetime ally of former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) who famously funded the Swift Boat attacks on Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry in 2004.

“We find our common ground on reducing our dependence on foreign oil, and he is a visionary for the future in terms of wind power,” Pelosi says of Pickens.

Heck, as long as somebody says what House Mystic Pelousy wants him to say, why wouldn’t she immediately let bygones be bygones and kiss him on both cheeks? That would be the same has having “principles.”

Speaking of Pickens, we wonder what Pelousy has to say about him now that he’s endorsing drilling all that we can, everywhere we can? Probably busy un-kissing those cheeks. Hey, borrow a line from the Dalai Bama, Penosy: “This is not the T. Boone Pickens I thought I knew.”

“Listen,” she laughs, “I go on the floor of the House every day and deal with people who don’t want to give health care to poor little children in America.

Poor little children in America don’t have access to health care? Who the ever loving fuck are the little runts clogging up the waiting room every time we have to take the Heirs to be seen to, then?

We’re trying to get a job done. This is a giant kaleidoscope. One day you and I are on the same side. The next day it’s the two of us against you.”

No matter how much we parse that paragraph, that last sentence seems to us to be a clear admission that she’s schizophrenic. “The two of us?” You and the other voice in your head?

Understanding this speaker requires some understanding of the obvious: She is a woman who has risen to the top as an outsider in a male-dominated leadership power structure. Matched against Bush in her first year, she was often treated as a ditz by newspaper editors;

Proving, once again, the timeless truth about blind pigs and acorns. Even newspaper editors manage to get it right once in a while.

The New York Times’ Maureen Dowd famously wrote that Pelosi threw “like a girl” when she backed her friend Rep. John P. Murtha (D-Pa.) in his failed leadership bid after the 2006 elections.

Ah, Murthafucker. By their friends shall you know them. Any news of that apology to the Haditha Marines yet, Murthafucker?

“He did not win, but my members saw a leader who was loyal,” Pelosi says. “Jack Murtha was two things: He was my associate in the Congress, and he was the leading voice against the war in Iraq. He lost that race. I didn’t lose in supporting him. … If they want to think, ‘Oh, she didn’t win that,’ that’s their problem. It’s not mine.”

He also has an uncanny ability to get in contact with people with a lot of money, money that they’re quite willing to part with for, er, a bit of extra “consideration.” Not to mention his love of pork, but you really only have to look at a picture of him to understand THAT.

“The goal,” she says, “is to give an answer to people who all over the country say to me, ‘How did you go from the kitchen to the Congress, being a housewife to the House speaker?’ And it was just a short little story of that.”

Somehow we have a hard time imagining that Stretch Pelousy’s experience in a kitchen goes beyond threatening Consuela with La Migra if she doesn’t have dinner on the table in five minutes.

Pelousy, famous for being female and House Speaker and the Dalai Bama, famous for being half black and a candidate for President.

Birds of a feather…

23 Responses to “A Cautionary Tale”
  1. Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P. Comment by Sir Guido Cabrone, LC, M.o.P.
    “I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy.”

    Somebody kindly diagram, analyze and interpret that sentence for us and let us know if there is any conceivable way that it can be made to exhibit even the slightest whiff of sense.

    I tried, Boss, I really tried! But after the fifth hit on the Big Red Switch to do a reboot, I just couldn’t inflict that on my poor brain any more…

  2. Deathknyte Comment by Deathknyte UNITED STATES

    “I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy.”

    Rough translation: It’s the Republicans fault!

    “Listen,” she laughs, “I go on the floor of the House every day and deal with people who don’t want to give health care to poor little children in America.

    Tell me, what is the point of having national health care if you can’t afford to go to the clinic because you ran out of gas?

    How did you go from the kitchen to the Congress, being a housewife to the House speaker?

    Husband’s influence I bet, after all, he gets rid of her for most of the week as long as congress is in session.

  3. Unregistered Comment by mindy1 UNITED STATES

    :em98: :em98: nothing else to say

  4. LC Mrs. M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper Comment by LC Mrs. M-ITT™-Imperial Sniper

    But longitude, it’s about time

    It’s about time that this plastic, pretentious, moronic, retarded cuntmuffin took a long hike off a high cliff.

  5. Unregistered Comment by curmudgeon1 UNITED STATES

    Next time she goes to the powder room someone remind her to write her weight on the wall.

  6. Unregistered Pingback by Spatula City BBS! » Blog Archive » Misha 1, Piglosi 0 UNITED STATES

    [...] Then I saw that Misha beat me to it. [...]

  7. The Lone Haranguer Comment by The Lone Haranguer UNITED STATES

    Somehow we have a hard time imagining that Stretch Pelousy’s experience in a kitchen goes beyond threatening Consuela with La Migra if she doesn’t have dinner on the table in five minutes.

    :em99:

  8. LC Chuck Comment by LC Chuck UNITED STATES

    Pelosi strapped her ally, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, over the barrel and then made nice with an old enemy, T. Boone Pickens, the Texas oilman and onetime ally of former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) who famously funded the Swift Boat attacks on Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry in 2004.

    “We find our common ground on reducing our dependence on foreign oil, and he is a visionary for the future in terms of wind power,” Pelosi says of Pickens.

    Anyone think to ask this visionary where we are going to grow our food after the midwest is turned into a gigantic wind farm?

  9. LC Darth Scoundrel, Dark Lord of the Refuge Comment by LC Darth Scoundrel, Dark Lord of the Refuge UNITED STATES

    Just call her Nancy the Navigator.

    Nine Percent Nancy couldn’t navigate her way out of a sack. The course she’s set us on has sure been a winner, hasn’t it?

  10. kwongdzu Comment by kwongdzu UNITED STATES

    And thanks to you, you’re just about the only surviving sentient being in this country who does still respect the office that you hold.

    Since when is Nancy Pelosi sentient?

  11. Unregistered Comment by DebSim UNITED STATES

    “And how the rest of us wish that she were just like they. All long dead and gone.”

    She drives me crazy, too, but I would never wish that she was “all long dead and gone.” That’s the kind of curse the left likes to invoke.

  12. Unregistered Pingback by Pelosi really likes herself

    [...] I mean, really. [...]

  13. Special Ed Comment by Special Ed UNITED STATES

    Vote Republican, if only to take the gavel away from this wacky bitch.

    This is the Donks’ way of securing the election for the House and Senate, you know. They seem to think that enough people are going to blame Republicans for the Democrat obstruction and obfuscation on energy that they’ll pick up seats in both chambers.

    Who are you going to believe, the Most Ethical Congress Evuh, or your own lying eyes?

  14. LC Fmwoods01 Comment by LC Fmwoods01 UNITED STATES

    Cuntmuffin elevates Pelousy to a substandard status she is not deserving. The lowest of the low, the skankiest of the skanks, the stoopidest of the stoopid, …..you get the idea. Is an apology to all cuntmuffins in order here?

    The quuueen of the “Less Than Sentient” should be give a platform daily to prove and reaffirm stoopid is as stoopid does. Oh that’s right, she already has one. Explains Nine percent Nan.

    When she is finally done with that gavel, a hasmat team will have to dream up new and creative ways to dispose of it. Can only imagine where she keeps it when she isn’t wielding it as the Librul Club of Doom.

    The bitch makes me wanna barf. How in the hell has it gotten this pathetically sad. The fucking joke is on all of us but I find absolutely no humor in any of this transparent socialist One-world Wonder.

    D’

  15. LC Fmwoods01 Comment by LC Fmwoods01 UNITED STATES

    In a blind and seething rage, I lost track of my original thought.

    These asshats cannot finish a sentence without throwing in the “failed policy” line that has been repeated ad-nauseum. She wasn’t even clever about it this time, just knew it had to be worked in to maintain her librul street-cred.

    D’

  16. LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion Comment by LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion UNITED STATES

    Who does this person actually represent? Does she represent the liberal moderates? or does she represent the extremists? The reason why this crazy bitch is in a position to impose her particular brand of insanity on all of us, is a design flaw in our system. A large segment of her own party wanted to vote on the drilling issue and SHE refused them! How in the fuck is that serving the “people”? And why in the fuck dont those who she denied in her own party do something about her. (rhetorical, I know they’re cowards).

    Look, she comes from a extremist voter base, who will always support her in re-election, therefore she’s not threatened by losing her position, and she moves through the “seniority” ranks, finally assuming a position to impose HER extremist agenda on ALL. Its BULLSHIT and not what the founders envisioned. As far as I can tell Term limits are the only correction to this problem or else we end up with a congress seniority dominated by the whack jobs of both parties.

    All I hear about is “the party, the party, the party”….. well Im sure that we recognize that the “party” is secondary and the PEOPLE are the priority. I fear that this misrepresentation is what will be the ultimate catalyst for ugliness in the future.

    Rant Off

  17. Unregistered Comment by anonymous hourly worker UNITED STATES

    Mystical, eh? Does that justify me calling her a fucking witch?

  18. LC HJ Caveman82952 Comment by LC HJ Caveman82952

    She is trying to save the planet? Uh, it seems to me a bit of psychotherapy is in order here. Say electroshock along with a heavy dose of thorazine. No, Nancy, what you are seeking to do is hold us financial hostage to your delusions of grandeur and social engineering. Having lived in Ess Eff, and having not set foot there for over twenty years since, I find it interesting, her delusions of relevance. For she has none, a textbook rich, spoiled liberal, never having to struggle in her life, now somehow deeming themselves qualified to dictate how we live our lives. So go ahead Nancy, you and your useless minions can hide at college campuses, city hall meetings the like. But when you need something to eat you will have to come to us….and it won’t be on your terms. Ever pull weeds, Bitch? One day you may………

  19. LC FORGER - Imperial Blacksmith Comment by LC FORGER - Imperial Blacksmith

    Mystical, eh? Does that justify me calling her a fucking witch?

    If she weighs the same as a duck, can we burn her??

  20. LC NevadaDailySteve Imperial Scrivener Comment by LC NevadaDailySteve Imperial Scrivener UNITED STATES

    If she weighs the same as a duck, can we burn her??

    Absolutely not. Don’t you know the E.P.A. would be all over you for the air pollution you’d cause? Besides, would you want to breathe air tainted with particles of Pelousy?

    Particles of Pelousy, that would be a good name for a rock band.

  21. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Time and clocks and all the rest of that have always been a fascination for me.”

    This we know.
    Her vast array of creative methods of waisting it, killing it, investing it stupidly,, just couldn’t be accomplished by any ol’ piker.

  22. LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion Comment by LC TerribleTroy, Imperial Centurion UNITED STATES

    touche’ CHEAP! excellente’ :em01: :em01: :em01: :em01:

  23. LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech Comment by LC Cheapshot911, Dept. of Redneck Tech

    Mrs. C chimes: “‘Wouldn’t be so bad if it were just her time.”